A Fine Line

As he turned the corner into his cul de sac he spotted her SUV in the driveway so he had high hopes that he would get to see not only his wife today, but his little girl too. He knew it was probably easier for her if she didn't have to look at him but he couldn't help but feel relief when he saw she was home…he wanted to see them.

He couldn't blame her for staying away from him. He was just as sick at the sight of those pictures as she was, although she would never believe that. He knew how hard it was for her to see him. He knew because it was extremely hard for him too. Just hearing the sadness in her voice was bad enough, but seeing it in her eyes was even worse.

Nick was surprised she wasn't gone though. He had told her he might stop by at some point today to get his LVPD vest he had forgotten when he left it drying on the back of the dining room chair a few days ago. Maybe that was a good sign, he thought. Maybe she wasn't as eager to get the hell away from him as she was.

Nick rang the bell and waited several minutes before he finally used his key to open the front door. He called out to them but only silence answered him. He closed the front door and walked in farther looking around for signs of Jules and Emma. He peeked into the dining room and saw his vest still hanging on the dining room chair, just where she left it to dry. He walked over to it, took it off the chair, held it in his hand and silently looked around the room. Everything looked the same, and yet everything was so different. He shook his head sadly.

Nick decided he needed to get that manila envelope and the pictures it contained too. He didn't want to see the images ever again, but he wanted Sanders to take a look at them. He needed things to be checked out because he was still having a hard time with it. The way he left off with Brooke left him uneasy and he needed answers.

He had called Brooke again the day after he first made contact with her to see if he could get any more information out of her. She hung up on him when she heard his voice. He called her back the next day but he didn't leave a message when her machine came on, instead he waited a few hours and tried her again. He was determined to get answers. So when he called her again and her machine came on he made sure he left her a message…

"Brooke, it's Nick. I still want to talk to you … I have some questions and I want to ask you what you remember about those pictures. I want you to walk me through that night because I am sorry if it hurts you but…I don't remember anything. Call me back."

It was a waste of time. She didn't call back; so after a couple days passed he called her one last time. This time she picked up. Unfortunately, Nick wouldn't get any information or any help from her. She was still mad that he reminded her that he had no love for her now nor did he ever. He considered her a close friend from college and that was it. It infuriated her that he didn't even consider their frequent "hook ups" a relationship. She was ready to bury him, not help him. She was too vindictive to get anywhere with.

All he cared about now was finding a way to get his wife back. He couldn't imagine life without her in it. Being away from his wife and daughter one day was horrendous, one week was unlivable.

Nick wondered where Jules and Emma were so he went into the kitchen and looked around. He looked out the kitchen window to see if they were playing on the backyard swing set but the yard only contained Emma's sandbox, play house, and an array of other toys his daughter had scattered around the yard. Nick chewed his bottom lip and wondered who they went out with. He concluded that Trista picked them up and the three of them went out.

He wondered what Trista was saying about him. She was their dear friend and it bothered him that her opinion of him would be shattered. He wondered if she saw the pictures of him with Brooke too. He shook his head in disgust.

Nick looked around for that manila envelope that contained the pictures. He looked around on the counter and then he went over to the desk. He didn't see the envelope, only a stack of mail that he leafed through in case there was anything he needed to tend to. He saw that Jules had already begun paying all the bills as if everything was normal; sadly, nothing could be further from the truth.

Nick turned and headed into the den and bent down and picked up the worn, tattered blanket he recognized instantly as his daughter's "woobie". He held it up to his nose, pressing it to his face, trying to inhale the scent of his daughter. My God he missed her. He missed holding her on the couch in the evening before he went in to work. He always knew when she was about to fall asleep in his arms when she held her "woobie" up to her nose while sucking her thumb. He wanted desperately to hold her in his arms like that now. He missed her…he missed his happy life. He hated waking up every day now. He hated going to a job he once loved. He hated to sleep because he dreamed of being happy with them again only to wake up and realize it wasn't true; it was only his dreams.

Nick looked at his watch and scratched the back of his head.

"Where did you put those pictures, Darlin'?" he wondered.

He knew she wouldn't throw them out or shred them. He knew her all too well. She would keep them so that if she ever had a moment of weakness, if she ever missed him too much, she would look at those pictures and it would help her to continue to harden herself. With each glance at any of those six pictures, she would build a wall around herself brick by brick. He was absolutely positive that she still had those pictures. He was hoping she kept the manila envelope they came in too; he wanted DNA taken off the seal…he wanted to see if Brooke Latham had more to do with those pictures then she was letting on. Someone was out to fuck Nick over and he wanted to know who.

Walking back into the kitchen, Nick put his vest and Emma's blanket on the counter and headed down the hall and up the flight of stairs. As he went up he stopped at every picture that hung on the wall. If he had happiness inside him, he might have smiled because he knew Jules did that very same thing when she would go to his mom and dad's. But he had nothing but grief inside him, so he didn't smile. He just stared at each picture silently. He looked at the picture of his daughter when she was only a few months old. He stared at another, a black and white photo of Emma catching bubbles in a hat. He reached out of touched the glass that covered the photo. He wished he could touch her face. He stared longer at the picture of himself and Jules holding Emma as an infant. They were so happy.

Nick stopped midway up the staircase and touched a blank area on the wall. He tilted his head and frowned with confusion before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He knew. It was where their wedding picture once hung. She had taken it down. Why? Why would she yank it off the wall so quickly? Nick shook his head. He was hurt by how fast she could shut him down. Clenching his fists he almost punched a hole in the wall but he stopped and went up the stairs as he intended.

He went into the Master Bedroom and went to the nightstand to look inside the drawers for those pictures. As he knelt down and opened the drawer he looked over and saw something pushed under the throw pillow on the bed. He pulled it out and held it up. It was the framed wedding picture that once hung on the hallway wall. He closed his eyes knowing why it was there…she looked at it at night. He knew her, and he knew she cried herself to sleep with it. He felt immense guilt and shame.

Suddenly he stopped dead and stood up. He heard something. He heard sounds coming from his office; it sounded like his printer. He called out to Jules but still no answer. He thought about getting his gun from the safe in the side drawer but he really didn't think the noises sounded threatening. He went down the hall to check it out.

Peering inside the office he saw Jules in front of the computer. Her back was to the door and she had her I-Pod earphones on while printing something out. For a brief second he feared they were airline tickets but he pushed that thought away. When he walked farther into the room, she spotted his movements and screamed, jumping out of her chair. Whipping off her earphones and tossing her I-pod onto the desk, she lashed out and punched him directly in his chest.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" she screamed.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he said holding up his hands, "I called out to you but you didn't hear me!" he defended.

Jules grabbed her chest and breathed hard.

"You scared the shit out of me!" she frowned, "What the fuck are you even doing here?" she said nastier than she had been before.

"I, um, I came for my forensics vest and to grab some things," he explained. "Where is Emma?" he asked.

"With Trista. I needed time alone to sort things out so she took her out for me. I didn't want her to hear me on the phone with my lawyer," she said matter of factly and with hatred in her voice.

"WHAT?" he yelled at her. "Why? Why are you rushing this? Why can't we talk? You went out and got a lawyer? Jesus Christ!" Nick said angrily.

"Go fuck yourself, Nick," she spat, "YOU WANT ME? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? OR MAYBE YOU JUST WANT YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO! YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR! " she screamed before reaching over and grabbing the first thing she could get her hands on, whipping it directly at Nick's head. Nick ducked and a coffee mug sailed over his head shattering against the wall causing a tea bag to fly toward the door.

"What the hell?" he said shocked beyond belief.

Jules went toward him and pushed him with all her might in his chest.

"I fucking hate you, Nick! I fucking hate you!" she screamed as she pushed him.

Nick's mouth hung open. He didn't know she had gotten to this point. A lawyer? She hates me? What happened?

"What are you doing?" he yelled, backing away from her pushes.

"What am I doing?" she screamed, "What are YOU doing?" she turned and walked to the printer. She ripped a printed paper from the tray and slammed it face down hard into his chest. He took it, looked and saw it was a printout of his cell phone usage. She had accessed it online.

"GO MAKE SOME MORE CALLS TO BROOKE LATHAM, ASSHOLE!" she screamed.

With hatred in her eyes she continued, "Yeah, and I listened to you pretend to beg? Ohhh, I'm sorrrry…Ohhh I miss you bayyybeee…I swear Honnney, I don't remember annny of it!" she exaggerated his southern accent as she imitated him.

"And I doubted myself!? You had me wondering if I was wrong! I had pictures in my hand and STILL I thought maybe…just maybe… those images weren't true…." she yelled loudly and her hands were shaking.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU LYING BASTARD!" she went to storm by him.

Nick reached out and grabbed her arm roughly, holding it tightly to keep her from walking away.

Without hesitation she spun back and punched him square in the mouth.

Nick was shocked. He never saw this tough street girl side of her. He knew she had it in her but he never, ever saw it directed at him.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" she shook her hand back and forth at her side to dull the sting of her punch.

Nick rubbed his jaw a second before telling her why he called Brooke.

"Listen to me, I called her because…"

"Ohhhh please, ya know what, Nick? I don't want to hear your bullshit," she clenched her jaw with sheer fury.

"GODDAMN IT, LISTEN TO ME!" he screamed at her frowning.

She stared at him. She never heard him yell at her like that.

"I called her because I wanted to ask her what the fuck happened…how it happened…IF it really DID happen and who the fuck wanted to take pictures of it happening!" he spoke loudly.

"What's the matter? You mad there is proof?" she rolled her eyes.

"NO! It doesn't make sense! I am in love with you…no drunken moment could make me forget that…NOTHING could change the way I feel about you!" his voice cracked and lowered.

He walked toward to touch her but she backed into the wall to move away from him.

"Soooo, you called her to ask her?" she laughed sarcastically. "FIVE DIFFERENT TIMES!?" she yelled directly at him.

She shook her head, " You really, really think I am an idiot don't you…Wow, I thought you knew I wasn't one of your usual stupid bimbos…"

She paused, "FIVE TIMES, NICK! Not one, not two…FIVE!" she screamed and stormed out down the hall and into their bedroom.

Nick followed her.

He watched her go to the closet and grab a duffel bag and tear it off the shelf. He watched as she threw it forcefully on the bed. Spotting their wedding picture on the bed she grabbed it, spun around, and whipped into the wall. It shattered loudly and glass flew in all directions; even the frame had splintered from the force.

Nick looked at it broken on the floor and saw their smiling images looking back at him through broken glass and wood.

He looked up and watched her walk to his dresser, pull open his drawers, and start throwing his clothes out of the them maniacally. She was out of control.

Finally, Nick went to her and grabbed her by her upper arms and held her tightly in front of him.

"STOP! Just stop!" he said loudly, looking her directly in the eyes. He knew her all too well. He knew she was breaking and her survival mode was to fight back.

Jules wouldn't look at him, instead she started to kick him in his legs. He winced but kept his hard grip on her. He wouldn't stop holding her and continued looking directly into her face until she had no choice but to look back…and she did.

Her fury was wild. She knew she was out of control but she didn't care. Feeling rage was so much better than feeling the hideous pain. She would rather fight then feel. But he held her back. He held her tightly and wouldn't let her go. She was trapped in his grip. She fought him hard but when their eyes met she knew she had no chance. She knew he knew her too well and it brought her to her knees.

Nick felt her droop from under his hold. He continued to stare at her and tell her softly to "Just stop… Stop" until her face crumbled and she began to shake with sobs. He went to the floor with her and let her punch him with both fists on his chest in slow motion and not much strength behind them anymore as she cried and cried. She was broken in his arms. He held her head to his shoulder and let her weep. His own lip quivered and he saw his own tears fall into her hair.

"I am so sorry, Babe…" he whispered. "I never, ever wanted to hurt you."

He repeated himself over and over until his own words failed.

His chest and shoulders shook from his own tears and it made her take her face out from the crook of his arm and look up at him. She winced at the sight of his genuine tear streaked face. They stared at each other watching each others tears stream until Jules reached out, and wiped the side of his face. She couldn't help it.

He did the same and she let him. He put his forehead to hers…and she let him. He brushed his nose against hers before their lips touched. They both held each others face with both hands, leaned in slowly, and kissed each other while crying at the same time.

Through their tears they kissed each other tenderly with a raw emotion that showed the fine line between love and hate.