A/N: Hello ladies! Hope everyone had a happy St. Patricks Day! If not, maybe this will make it a little bit better. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review last chapter. You guys crack me up! As aways, a huge thank you to Edwardrocksmysocks for her awesome Beta skills!
Stephenie still owns Twilight. Sister Hazel owns the song 'Your Winter', I just sing it every time I watch '10 Things I Hate About You'.
Chapter 8
Your Winter
A warm arm was draped heavily across my side.
"Look Es, how sweet is that?"
A light breath fanned across my forehead.
"I'll get the camera."
Smooth skin rose and fell beneath my palm.
A flash of light permeated my eyelids.
"You have got to be kidding me!"
My eyes tried to open against the harsh light. My eyelids fluttered before giving up and welcoming back the peace of my dreams. Just as was about to drift into the deep realms of sleep. I felt my pillow pull me tighter into it.
"What the hell?" I muttered as I tried to sit up despite the force holding me down.
My eyes opened wide and I saw Edward lying shirtless next to me.
"Damn it, Edward!" I yelled as I shoved him away with as much force as I could muster.
He fell off the bed with a loud thud and a curse.
"What?" Edward demanded loudly.
I picked up my pillow quickly.
"I told you not to touch me." Each word was punctuated by a swing of the pillow at his head.
"God, will you ease up! I didn't know I touched you. I was asleep!" he grumbled.
I was about to try and apologize for flipping out on him but I was interrupted by two grown women who can't leave well enough alone laughing behind me.
Renee and Esme were huddled together with a camera…fantastic.
"Oh come on Bella, you seemed quite content being snuggled up close to Edward," Renee said with a smile.
She was dead to me.
To Edward's credit he truly was trying not to smile. I'm glad he's so happy that I still crave close proximity where he is concerned. I'm sure he's having loads of fun at my expense.
I didn't notice Rose standing behind the couch until she cleared her throat.
"What?" I snapped.
She cocked an eyebrow at me and put her hands on her hips.
"I don't know who you think you're talking to but you had better check your tone."
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"Whatever, now get dressed. We've got a lot of things to do today," she said as she walked into the kitchen.
I scrambled to untie myself from the twisted blankets before following her.
She was sitting at the table eating a bowl of fruit when I finally made it to her. I made a beeline for the coffee pot.
"What are we doing today?" I asked timidly, as I poured extra sugar in my cup.
"Oh, we are going to have some fun today," she grinned.
That was one thing I had always loved about Rosalie. She could be furious with me one minute but once she said her peace, or yelled it, she was fine. There were only a few people who she had ever held a grudge toward for longer than a day. One of those people sauntered into the room while I sat down next to Rose.
"You need to get ready too Edward. We all have plans today," she said without even looking at him.
She pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and began reading off all the things that had to be done.
"First we have to get manicures, pedicures, and eyebrow waxes. I need to make sure we have plenty of time before the wedding. I don't want to have to walk down the aisle with half an eyebrow or jacked up nails and have no time to fix it."
I sighed but let her continue.
"The guys have to get haircuts and try on their tuxes one last time…well for the first time for some I guess," she said narrowing her eyes at Edward.
"Then we pick those up. Go for lunch. Then I have to do a little shopping for the honeymoon. You need a dress for the rehearsal dinner. The guys need shoes. I have to check with the limo company to make sure everything is still a go for that. Then we come home."
"Oh gee, is that all?" I popped off.
"Careful with that mouth this morning Swan; Alice is already annoyed with me for not insisting that you get highlights done today."
I rolled my eyes.
"Where is the little demon anyway?" I asked.
Edward sat down next to me but didn't make eye contact.
"She's in the shower…with Jasper."
Edward pushed his plate away from himself quickly.
"Thanks Rose," he grumbled.
"Anytime," she said sweetly, smirking at her triumph.
"Where's Emmett?" I asked changing the subject.
"He went to pick up the van from the rent-a-car company," she replied.
I didn't like where this was going.
"Why do we need a van when there are more than enough vehicles to carry everyone?"
"Because I want everyone to ride together; we have a lot to get done and I need to make sure everyone is on task," she spoke with finality.
There was no point in arguing with her but I was not happy with the riding situation. I was already having difficulty trying to forget the way it had felt to have Edward's skin pressed against mine and now she was going to trap me in a vehicle with him. For someone who didn't want us together she sure was making this difficult.
Before long everyone was gathered in the front yard and piling into the van. We said goodbye to the parents—who all had their own list of things to get done—and took off.
Of course Emmett had to drive so Rose took shotgun. Alice, in her post coital bliss, insisted on sitting next to Jasper which left me sitting next to Edward in the third row seat of the ugly mom mobile.
The radio was cranked up loud playing an old mix CD that we all had a copy of at one point. Jasper had made it for us when we got back from a vacation with all of our families. I didn't even have a CD player at the time.
The fact that he had put this song on there always made me wonder if he knew about what happened between Edward and I on that beach.
As everyone sang along to Oasis I wondered if Edward was reliving the same memory. His lips barely moved as he whispered the words and stared out the window.
It had been our second night at his family's beach house in North Carolina.
Flashback
We had been sitting in the sand watching everyone else splash around in the blue water while 'Wonderwall' played in the background from an old weathered boom box.
It was getting late but we were deep in conversation. I told Edward how afraid I was when Mike Newton had asked to kiss me. I had faked strep throat and ran home to my mother.
When Edward asked why I was scared I told him that I was afraid I would be bad at it. I'll never forget the way he took my hand in his. He had leaned close telling me not to be scared before he lightly placed his lips against mine.
Looking back, the innocent kissed probably lasted all of three seconds, but in my thirteen year old mind time had stopped.
Afterwards he told me that I had nothing to be scared of because I was good at kissing. Then he pulled me up by my hand and we ran into the ocean to play with our friends.
End Flashback
"Can we take a walk when we get to the mall?" Edward asked me quietly pulling me out of my daydream.
I paused for a second, not really knowing what to say.
"I really think I've said all I have to say to you," I whispered.
"I haven't. All I'm asking is for you to listen to me. You don't have to say anything or do anything, just listen," he pleaded in my ear.
"Why can't you just leave it alone? This isn't about us. We're both here for Rosalie and Emmett. If you had anything to say you could have called me anytime in the past three years," I said harshly.
"We're here!" Alice chirped with glee.
"This isn't over," Edward said with determination before turning to move out of the van.
"Yes, it is," I said sadly.
I didn't think he had heard me but when he turned and looked back at me with a pained expression I knew my voice had carried.
The guys left to walk down to the barbershop while we headed into the salon. Rose was springing for all of us to get deluxe pedicures and solar nails. Alice was giddy but I couldn't get over the feelings of guilt as Edward's expression haunted my mind.
"Where was your mom this morning Rose?" Alice asked.
"She left early saying she had to go get my wedding present," Rose answered, flipping through an old issue of Cosmo.
They rambled on as I made sure to nod and answer any mundane question they threw at me. The tiny woman in front of me began rubbing some strange sea salt scrub on my calves but I couldn't focus on that or anything else.
My mind was on Edward. I'm not sure why I felt so guilty over what had happened. He didn't deserve my guilt. He left me. Not only had he left me, he had left without any real explanation or attempt to work out any problem we had. He didn't deserve my guilt. He's the one who should feel guilty.
"Holy mother of hell!" I screamed as my legs burned me back into the present. I jerked away from the lady who was rubbing some green mint lotion on my legs.
"What?" Alice and Rosalie both asked frantically.
"What are you doing?" I demanded.
Apparently my pedicurist didn't speak a lot of English because she simply pulled my leg back and continued to rub the fire into my skin.
"You didn't shave this morning did you?" Rosalie asked as I debated the outcome of kicking this woman in the chest and running out of the salon.
"Yes," I squeaked.
"Oh honey. You never shave your legs the night before a deluxe pedicure, otherwise it burns," Alice said with a pat on my arm.
"Gee, you think!" I said angrily.
"Oh suck it up. It'll feel better once it stops hurting," Rosalie laughed.
"I hate you both," I growled through clenched teeth.
"I guess this is my punishment for blowing Edward off."
"What?" both girls spoke in unison again.
Crap, I hadn't realized I said that so loud.
"You blew my brother?" Alice asked with confusion.
Rosalie chuckled a bit as I sighed loudly.
I didn't want to talk to them about this but for some reason once I opened my mouth a flood began.
"No, I blew him off. He wanted to talk to me about…you know, everything that happened. I basically told him I didn't want to hear it and it no longer mattered. I mean what can I gain from listening to him now. It won't change anything and I don't want to revisit those feelings. At this point he can fry ice in hell for all I care."
I took a deep breath to keep the unexpected anger in check.
"Good for you," Rosalie said smugly.
I chanced a look at Alice and she was picking at her nails.
"What?" I asked.
I knew Alice wanted to say something.
"Nothing," She mumbled looking sad.
"No, you have something to say let's hear it."
I wasn't sure why I felt so much frustration brewing but I didn't want to take it out on Alice. I was just stressed.
She looked at me for a long moment before speaking.
"Don't you want to know?" She asked quietly.
I was relieved she didn't begin by trying to defend her brother, although I'm not sure I would blame her. He is her family.
"I know that if Jasper were to pull that kind of thing I would have to know why. Aren't you curious?" She hedged.
"Why does it matter?" Rosalie spoke for me.
"It matters because they were together for years and she deserves to know why," Alice said.
"It's been three years. Clearly if it was important she would have found out before now. He ran. There is no explanation that could justify that," Rose replied loudly.
"There has to be more than what she knows. I'm positive there is more to the story, something that could explain his stupid decision," Alice said in a pleading tone.
"Yeah Alice, I'm sure there is more than what we know. My point is, what the hell does it matter? What's done is done. He could have been temporarily inhabited by aliens for all we know but he's had three years to bring himself back down to planet Earth and explain himself to Bella. Whatever his excuse is, if he has one, is no longer valid. That shit has an expiration date," Rose ranted angrily.
I had watched them back and forth like a tennis match. I heard both sides of my mind speaking what I was feeling out loud.
I threw my arms up in between them.
"Enough!"
They looked at me surprised, though more at themselves than my outburst.
"You're both right. That's why this is so difficult. I'm just ready to do what I have to do for this wedding and get back home away from all of this crap," I sighed.
It took about two seconds before I realized how bad what I said sounded. No one could have missed the matching looks of sadness on my best friend's faces.
"I didn't mean it like that. I love being here and seeing you both. It has been way to long. Maybe we can actually put that skiing trip we've always talked about into effect this winter, just us girls."
This seemed to appease then both and we continued with our pampering in relative peace…and a little pain.
It wasn't long before the guys came walking into the salon freshly trimmed. Rose rolled her eyes when she saw them.
"Haircuts, guys cuts. Jasper, Edward, what part of this is difficult to understand?"
They both shrugged their shoulders at Rose. It was clear they had barely allowed their hair to be trimmed, much less cut.
Alice gave me a wink. Obviously she wasn't upset about Jasper's hair staying long.
The guys sat and waited for us to finish up in the salon and then we piled back into 'Big Ugly,' as I had dubbed our mode of transportation.
Edward and I were once again seated next to one another as we ran all the necessary errands. I played with my phone while Edward tried on his tuxedo. If there was one image I didn't need fogging my already hazy mind it was Edward in a tux.
oOo
EPOV
"Dude, what's up with you?" Emmett whispered as we tried on our tuxedos in side by side dressing rooms.
"Nothing," I said coolly.
"Yeah, you're full of it. You've been moping since we left the house."
"It's nothing," I repeated.
"Fine," he huffed.
I knew he didn't believe me.
I took a good look at myself in the mirror. The tux fit perfectly. The ice queen did know a few things. I looked pretty good. I had a stroke of brilliance as I adjusted my tie.
Bella had once confessed that she loved the way I looked in a tuxedo. I decided I'd walk out and ask the girls if it looked okay, even though I knew it did.
My plan was shot down in flames as Bella kept her eyes glued to her phone the entire time Alice tugged and pulled on my jacket. She was intentionally not looking at me. I wasn't sure whether or not to be smug or depressed.
We had decided to get all of the running around done before lunch since we were ahead of schedule. Lunch was awkward to say the least. We all crammed into a too small booth and I was, of course, once again next to Bella.
The girls excused themselves to go the restroom. Jasper kept giving me strange looks and Emmett wasn't much better.
"Hello, what can I get you gentlemen to drink?" The waitress inquired with a smirk.
"I'll have a coke and my wife would like a glass of water," Emmett answered like the good husband he was.
A week ago I would have given him shit but right now I was just jealous.
"Can I get a sweet tea and a diet coke?" Jasper asked gesturing to Alice's spot.
"Sure, and what about you sweetheart?" She smiled.
"Oh we have to wait for Bella," Emmett realized.
"No, Bella will have water and a big bowl of lemons. Don't just bring one or two slices because she will ask for more and a straw is a necessity. I'll have a coke."
She nodded and excused herself to get our drinks. I turned to see Jasper and Emmett staring at me with slightly slacked jaws.
"What?"
"Nothing," they answered together like a couple of girls.
"Okay, Clapton, Buddy Guy, or Stevie Ray, you can only listen to one for the rest of your life, who'd it be?"
"Clapton," Emmett blurted out without a second thought.
Jasper and I both laughed.
"You're only saying that because that's the only one you really know," Jasper chuckled.
"No, I know all of them but there is a reason why he's the most popular," Emmett defended before breaking into the chorus of 'Rock and Roll Heart.'
"Enough," I laughed.
"Jasper, your turn."
"Buddy guy," he responded confidently.
"And you claim to be born in Texas? Nope, the correct answer boys is Stevie Ray Vaughn," I schooled them both.
"Edward get serious. He recorded for the shortest amount of time. You'd have a very limited selection of what to listen to for the rest of your life.
"Sorry Jazz, quality over quantity."
Just then I noticed Bella come walking slowly toward the table from across the restaurant.
"Ha, what would you know about quality, Edward?" Emmett laughed.
"Plenty," I sighed keeping my eyes locked on Bella.
I was going to talk to her tonight and fix what I could. I was done with quantity, I wanted her.
The girls joined us and the conversation turned to wedding details. I found myself imagining Bella in a white dress. The one she should have worn three years ago. I was an idiot. I would be lucky if we could be friends, much less anything else.
Our waitress returned with our drinks and Bella turned and gave me a small smile when a bread plate overflowing with lemons was placed in front of her. She began squeezing lemon after lemon into her drink while I watched her with amusement.
Only I would know why she did this. She hated water; hated it. She knew it was good for her so—whenever she went to a restaurant—she would order it but only with lots of lemons. I once asked her why she didn't just order lemonade. She looked at me like a crazy and said she didn't add sugar to her water therefore it was completely different.
I was the only man to ever know all the tiny details like this. The thought made me smileas soon as the thought occurred I was struck by an uglier one. Was I really the only one to know these things? I didn't think Bella had a boyfriend but was there someone in Florida that she had grown close to. Was there another man across the country biding his time waiting for her to return to him?
I was no longer hungry by the time the waitress returned with our food.
If Bella was involved in one way or another with someone else would that change how I felt or what I planned to do? I had to assume that if there was someone they couldn't be that close or else he would be here for her best friend's wedding. If she had found love with someone else would I be happy for her or try to show her there were other options.
I was getting entirely ahead of myself. We were barely friends right now. I wasn't in a position where I could worry about someone else taking the spot I once held.
The rest of lunch consisted of wedding talk and reminiscing about our younger days. I struggled to keep my eyes off Bella but she was making it difficult. Tiny moans escaped her lips as she ate her meal. I'd never been so jealous of a burger in my entire life.
We rode back to the house singing along to music filled with memories. Luckily, none of the songs were as painful as the ones we listened to on the way into town.
We continued our sing-a-long, laughing and having a good time. Before Emmett had time to register what was about to happen, an eighteen wheeler swerved in front of our car. Emmett slammed on the breaks and swerved the van.
In that split second Bella's face flashed in my mind. I turned my body and instinctively threw my arm across her, protecting her from harm.
The van careened off the road,into the rough ditch bouncing roughly as Emmett tried to avoid trees and keep us on four wheels. My arms stayed locked around Bella.
We finally came to a stop as Emmett cussed loudly and everyone let out a collective sigh of relief.
Bella's eyes met mine and they were filled with more emotion then I could process. I brushed a strand of hair away from her face and fought against the urge to pull her into my arms. I knew it was too soon to even attempt physical contact.
"Is everyone alright?" Emmett asked after regaining his composure.
We all choked out our versions of fine.
My eyes never left Bella's.
We all finally piled out of the van to check and see if there was any damage. We had a blown tire thanks to our off-roading but, other than that, the van was fine. The entire ride back was silent.
Emmett clutched tightly to Rose's hand, occasionally bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss it. It was odd to see Emmett display sweet acts of affection. He and Rosalie simply weren't that type of couple.
Jasper held on to my sister tightly keeping her head tucked into his chest. Bella and I sat awkwardly in the back seat. I wanted nothing more than to hold on to her and confess all of my mistakes and beg for forgiveness.
Life was short. Had Emmett not reacted as quickly or hadn't driven off the road with such precision that could have been the end of one or all of us.
Never once did I think of my life in New York and what I would be missing there. The only thing that filled my mind during those scary few seconds was of Bella. She was all that mattered. I just had to convince her to give me a chance.
As soon as we made it home—and piled out of the car—Alice bounded inside. All of the parents were gathered in living room. Alice ran to our Mom and threw her arms around her tightly. I think she was crying. Drama queen.
We all rolled our eyes as Emmett explained what had happened with extreme exaggeration of his driving skills.
"I'm going to go lay down," Bella mumbled as she turned to head upstairs.
"Is she okay?" Alaina asked with accusing eyes.
"She's fine," I sighed.
I flopped down on the floor and kicked off my shoes.
"Rough day?" Mom asked as everyone else broke into their own discussions.
"They're all rough," I said under my breath.
"What's that about? I thought you loved your life," she inquired.
"I thought I did too. I'm starting to wonder if I've really just been lying to myself."
Mom slid off the couch so she was sitting right next to me.
"I was wondering when you'd realize that?"
"Wait, how did you know I was unhappy if I didn't even know I was?"
She simply smiled at me.
"A Mom knows."
I laughed without humor.
"So what am I supposed to do about this?"
"Well the only thing you can do is try to talk to her. I'm not sure how it will go but you have to try," she said with an encouraging pat on my shoulder.
"She won't give me the opportunity. I've tried. She won't listen," I mumbled.
"Can you blame her?" She asked with raised eyebrows.
"No," I sighed.
She patted my leg and rejoined Renee's tales of Florida.
"Where's Bella?" Alice asked as she came back inside from the back yard.
"She's upstairs resting," I replied.
"No she's not. I looked upstairs, she's not outside either. All of the cars are still here so she must be around somewhere," she said trying to sound calm.
Renee looked frantic and Charlie was giving me a menacing glare.
"Calm down, she couldn't have gone far," Emmett spoke up.
"Where could she be?" Esme asked looking at me as though I had the answer.
I stared at her for a second before it hit me. I did have the answer.
"I know where she is. I'll go get her," I said.
Everyone gave me puzzled looks but I just shook them off.
"Why don't you just tell me where she is and I'll go get her. I'm sure she probably left to get away from you," Rosalie growled.
"Rose," Emmett said sternly.
"Don't Rose me, you know it's true," she said keeping her eyes on me.
"Rose, just give me a few minutes," I begged.
She nodded after a moment and I received warning looks from half the people in the room.
I walked out the back door and headed toward the edge of the forest. There was the faintest light shining from the tree house. Alice wouldn't have noticed it unless she had been looking for it.
I climbed up the ladder that was propped against the tree. Bella was sitting cross legged next to a candle looking through a photo album.
"I should have known you'd find me," she said as she flipped another page of the book.
"You shouldn't have come to our hiding spot," I smiled.
"Well now you've found me. You can go back inside. I'm just going to hang out here for a bit."
She gave me a forced smile.
"At the risk of sounding like a broken record, can we talk now?" I begged.
"No," she said sounding annoyed as she made her way toward the exit of the tree house.
"Wait," I pleaded as I grabbed her hand.
"Why won't you listen?"
"Because I don't want to," she growled.
In an act of panic I stuck my leg out of the tree house and kicked the ladder down to the ground.
"Clever," she spat angrily.
"I thought so."
"It's not that high. I could jump," she said raising her chin up.
"You could but you won't."
I smiled.
She frowned.
"I just want you to listen to me. The day before I left you-"
"Do you remember the last time we were in this tree house?" She interrupted.
I nodded as I settled back against the wall to get comfortable.
"You had just turned twenty and we were house-sitting for my parents. We came out here to get high," I answered.
"I was freaking out because I had never smoked before. I was afraid I was going to have some type of weird hallucinations or bad reaction and I was going to get hurt or sick."
She laughed lightly at her naiveté.
I chuckled with her until she shot me an angry look.
"Do you remember what you told me?" She said through closed teeth.
I nodded minutely.
"You told me that I should trust you more than that. I should have enough trust in you to know that you would never let anything hurt me."
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"You're sorry? You're sorry? What the hell does that change? Is your conscious clear now?" She asked through tears.
"When you left I lost more than a boyfriend. I lost my best friend, the kids we were supposed to have, the house we were supposed to build, a part of myself that only you knew. I lost everything. Why?"
She wiped angrily at the tears rolling down her cheeks. I fought against every fiber of my being and remained seated.
"Bella, the day before I left you I…I had planned a special day for us and was running around doing errands. I ran into my…Elizabeth."
"Oh my God why didn't you tell me?" She asked sounding genuinely concerned.
Then as quickly as it had appeared the concern was replaced by anger.
"She didn't even recognize me. She looked me in the eye and had no clue who I was. It rattled me worse than it should have. I needed to see you. I found you having lunch with Jacob after you had told me you'd be with Rose."
She opened her mouth to protest but I raised a finger begging her to let me finish.
"I know nothing happened, deep down I probably knew it the second I saw you. Despite that I felt like everything I had thought I knew was falling down around me. Then I went and saw Emmett. Rose had just up and left him after everything they had been through. I was scared. I loved you so much. I couldn't face the idea that you could leave me. It would have destroyed me so I ran before I could get hurt. I can't take back what I did. I wish I could but I can't," I choked out trying to keep my own tears at bay.
"It would have destroyed you? You always said you would protect me but you chose your own self-preservation over my pain. I would have never put my own well being over yours. I loved you," she cried.
"I know that now. I'm so sorry. I was weak and stupid," I said taking her hand in mine.
She flinched a little but didn't completely withdraw from my touch.
"Yeah you were."
"I'm not asking you to forget what I did. I'm only asking for a chance. I just need a second chance. I still love you," I admitted to her and myself.
It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders as the words left my mouth.
"Don't," she begged as her tears increased.
"Please, just give me a chance. We can start out as friends if you want. We can start slowly and see where things go. Please give me a shot," I begged.
We sat in the tree house in silence. The only sound was Bella sniffling and trying to stop crying.
"Please," I begged again.
She looked me in the eye and a small sob broke from her lips.
She shook her head slowly.
"No"
"No, I'm sorry I can't," she cried.
My whole world crumbled knowing that I had lost the best thing to ever happen to me and I would never get it back.
Before I could say a word Bella jumped out of the tree house and landed on her hands and feet. She picked herself up and ran into the house.
I had to follow her.
I flung myself from the tree and felt the impact of the short fall reverberate through my knees. I didn't notice anyone outside until a dark, angry, voice yelled from behind me.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" The voice growled.
A/N:Uh-oh...Edward's in trouble! What do you think? Is Bella being bratty or should she have shoved him out of the tree and on to his...well you get the point.
Reviewers get teasers!