A/N: Hey ladies, sorry it's been a little while. RL is no fun right now. As always I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing.

Also a huge thanks to Edwardrocksmysocks for taking this chapter and making it readable, also for her reassurance with this chapter. I'm a little nervous about this chapter. You all seem so divided on how you feel about these two and I'm sure this chapter is going to seperate you even more. I can't wait!

Song for this chapter is "The Reason" by Hoobastank

You all know these are Mrs. Meyer's characters. I just have a little fun with them.

Chapter 9

The Reason

I rushed inside passing all the questioning glances. I didn't want everyone to see me cry so I moved as quickly as I could upstairs to the guest room. My head pounded with frustration and information. There was so much that had to be processed.

I ripped off my shoes and threw them across the room. I pulled the ponytail holder out of my hair before crawling under the welcoming blankets of my bed.

Shit, this wasn't even my bed anymore. I was supposed to sleep downstairs. How was I supposed to face Edward tonight?

Seeing things through Edward's eyes made me understand his fear of abandonment. I understood his worry about what would happen if I did what his mother did or what Rosalie had done. I could understand how he felt seeing me with Jacob. What I couldn't understand was why he couldn't talk to me, lean on me, or come to me with his concerns like a damn adult instead of deciding he was the only one who was capable of feeling fear.

Like there hadn't been times I was afraid? Did he really think I didn't fill with worry when I would see another girl trying to flirt with him at a party or a restaurant or even a park? I knew how it felt to have concerns about your relationship but I never just ran like a coward because I couldn't take it.

I had always imagined him to be so strong and so bold. What a load of crap.

Now he expected me to start over again. What was I even supposed to do with that information? I knew that there was a time when things had been great between us. True, we had the occasional fight over stupid things like every couple did, but we never had any serious problems.

I couldn't go back to that though, not knowing what I know now.

The tears built as I thought about a time not long ago when I would dream about Edward coming to me like he did tonight and apologizing, begging me to take him back. Now that it had actually happened it wasn't what I had imagined.

A knock on the door pulled me out of crying bout and the jumble of thoughts that raced about wildly in my brain.

"I'm fine. Go away," I lied, trying to hide the strain of tears in my voice. I buried my face deeper into the pillow trying to force the darkness to cover up the pain.

The door cracked open loudly but I didn't look to see who it was. I kept my eyes closed as I willed my pillow to make me invisible. I was expecting way too much from simple bedding.

The bed dipped down under the weight of someone and a warm body scooted closer wrapping an arm around me.

I knew it was Alice from her petite frame. She pulled me close to her so that my head was resting in the crook of her shoulder. For someone so small she had an overwhelming presence.

"Why do I still care? It's been three years Ali, I shouldn't still care, right?" I mumbled into her shirt.

"Bella, do you really want me to answer that question?" she asked quietly.

"No," I sniffed.

"Okay," she said, stroking my hair.

"God he's such an asshole!" I yelled loudly.

I felt Alice's body shake lightly beneath me. I was tempted to yell at her for laughing at me but I didn't have the energy to be upset with anyone else.

"Well he is!" I defended.

"Cha…who are you telling? That jerk used to poke holes in my water baby every time I'd get a new one!" She whined sarcastically.

"You know he screwed me the night before he left knowing he was going to leave me," I said through my remaining tears.

"You think that's bad? When I was six he told me that—not only was I adopted—my real dad was the devil," she said looking shocked and appalled.

As I took in the expression on her face, I couldn't help the loud laugh that broke through my sobs.

"He really is a terrible person isn't he?" I chuckled quietly.

She was silent for a moment before speaking.

"No that's the sad part; he really isn't." Her tone made me realize she too was hurting over what had happened between us.

"I know," I sighed.

"So what happened? What did he say?" She asked with the smallest hint of hesitation.

I told her about everything that was said in the tree house, not really caring if I was breaking Edward's trust. He had broken mine a long time ago. She listened intently and didn't interrupt which was definitely a huge feat for Alice.

After I was done she wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"That sucks Bella," she said quietly.

"I know. The way I see it I just have a few more days then I will be home free. I will be a thousand miles away from all this drama."

She didn't respond with words; she just stayed with me. I had almost dozed off when the door to the guest room was slammed open.

"Dinner's ready!" Alaina's loud voice called.

Alice and I both sat up quickly having been startled by the unexpected intrusion. Alaina took one look at my red, puffy eyes and opened her arms for me. I stood up and accepted her kind gesture. She squeezed me tightly and said she was sorry. I went to pull away from her but she held on to my hands.

"I want you to listen to me Bella. I'm going to give you some advice my mother once gave me," she said sounding so confident I couldn't look away. Her eyes shone with a type of nurturing spirit that I had rarely seen from her. She took a deep breath before placing her hand on my cheek and giving me a small smile.

"Honey, shit happens. Put on you big girl panties and deal with it like a woman." She patted my cheek twice before smiling and walking out the door.

I stood in shock. The only sound in the room was the hysterical laughter coming from Alice's shaking body.

It took me a minute to sort through muddled thoughts before I joined Alice in her chuckles. Alaina was right. I was too old to be hiding in a bedroom avoiding life by wallowing in three year's worth of self pity. I had already given myself this pep talk but I knew now that I meant it. I was positive, because now I was willing to talk to Edward and get the closure I needed.

"Come on, Ali. Let's head down for dinner."

EPOV

I flung myself from the tree and felt the impact of the short fall reverberate through my knees. I didn't notice anyone outside until a dark, angry, voice yelled from behind me.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" The voice growled.

I ignored the voice and ran toward the house. I had to catch her. I had to talk to her. I was almost on the deck when I was jolted back by a strong force from the collar of my shirt.

"What the hell?" I yelled loudly as I turned and met the eyes of my new ex-friend.

"Sit down," Jasper said in a calmer voice than he had used earlier.

"I have to get to her, Jasper," I growled as I jerked free from his grasp.

"No, what you have to do is sit your ass down on this bench before you fuck everything up worse than you already have," he spoke slowly.

I looked at the glass door and back at him twice before I decided that, if my past was any indication, I was better off not acting on my impulses. I took a seat on the bench and dropped my elbows to my knees. My hands ran through my hair as I tugged roughly at the roots.

"What am I supposed to do man? You're supposed to go after them aren't you? I need to talk to her. I have to make her see," I whined.

Jasper laughed darkly.

"I…I…I…will you listen to yourself, Edward? God what the hell happened to you?" He demanded angrily.

I stared at him dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you. When did you become such a selfish bastard? You were never the one to put what you want above everyone else needed, especially Bella. Do you know how hard it was for me and Emmett to compete with you?"

"What do you mean compete?" I asked confused. It was easier to address this right now than his complete and honest attack on my character.

He rolled his eyes at me and scoffed loudly.

"Edward sent Bella flowers at work today, just because. They complete each other so perfectly. Do you look at me the way he looks at her?" Jasper mocked in an annoying feminine voice.

"You were perfect for her. You worshipped her, right up until…you didn't. So again I'll ask, when the hell did you become such a self-centered, selfish, bastard?"

"I don't know," I mumbled pathetically. "The thought of losing her was more than I could take."

Jasper ran his hands across his face roughly. "You really are stupid aren't you? You did lose her you jackass. You chose to lose her."

"You don't think I know that?" I yelled. "I am well aware of how stupid I am…was. I'm trying to fix it and sitting here getting chewed out by you is not helping me fix it."

"Well you running up there and pressuring her more isn't going to fix it either," he said casually as he leaned against the back bench and threw his elbows over it.

"Look, the way I see it is the best you can hope for right now is her friendship. To tell you the truth, you'll be damn lucky if you get that much but if you don't let her come to you when she is ready to talk then you have already lost, brother."

"I'm screwed aren't I?" I mumbled.

"Oh, most definitely," he laughed.

"I can't live without her Jasper," I said honestly. The truth of the words surprised even me as they left my mouth.

"Why not?" he asked nonchalantly.

I stared at him trying to figure out what he was asking. His eyes didn't leave mine.

"What?" I asked with less patience, after a moment of silence.

"Why not?" He said, annunciating both syllables clearly.

"How am I supposed to answer you Jasper?" I asked confused.

"It's not about answering me. Pull your head out of your own ass for a second and look at things from her point of view. You leave without a word effectively destroying any trust she had in you. You don't so much as call her for three years, instead choosing to whore yourself around New York, then you show up here and try to start something up with her. So I ask, why can't you live without her? You better figure out the answer to that question now, because I guarantee she's going to question your motives."

I sat slack jawed while I processed everything he had said. I sounded like an even bigger douche than I had originally thought.

"Dude…I don't know. I don't know how to explain it," I finally said.

"Well you better try because-"

"She's everything man. Just seeing her even if she's not speaking to me, makes me feel more alive than I have in years. But when she does speak it's like nothing else matters. I would do anything to see her smile like she used to. I know I could make her smile like that if I had the chance. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked out on her but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her," I said quickly, honestly.

"Well then I think-" Jasper began.

"Man and when she laughs, I swear to God it's like some cheesy movie shit. The sun shines brighter, birds sing. I don't even like birds, but it's so perfect. Dude she's it for me. She's what I want to wake up to every day, morning breath and all. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's perfect for me. I know I sound like a pathetic sap right now but that's the beauty of it. I simply don't give a damn anymore. I mean I'm scared shitless, but I'm sure that she is it for me. What do I do man? I need her."

Jasper sat quietly for a moment.

"Are you sure you're done now Nancy?" He laughed.

I couldn't even get mad at him because truly I had gushed like a little girl.

"Yeah man, go ahead," I said in a voice that may have been an octave or two deeper than my normal voice.

"It's going to take time man. You have to be patient and pray she'll forgive your sorry ass," he said with a pat on the back.

"I just need to make her see. Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

He took a deep breath through his nose and looked at me for a moment.

"In courtesy I'd have her chiefly learned; Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned," he said in his professor voice.

"Pompous ass," I said with a smile.

"Actually it's Yeats," Charlie said from behind us causing me to jump. How long has he been here?

"I didn't know you knew poetry, Chief?" Jasper chuckled.

Yeah, I'm probably about to get shot and he's laughing.

"I don't. I just know that one. Do you mind if I have a talk with Edward for a moment Jasper?" Charlie told more than asked.

Jasper stood up instantly and gave me a slightly sympathetic look. "No problem sir. Don't be too hard on him Chief. He knows he's the dumbest man to ever walk God's green earth."

I heard Charlie grunt in response before he sat down next to me. The only sound around us was the closing of the glass door that signaled Jasper's departure.

"How long have you been out here, sir?" I asked confused on how I could have missed his entrance.

"Long enough," he answered vaguely before we fell back into the awkward silence.

"She'll forgive you son," he said quietly. My head snapped up at whiplash speed. He was looking anywhere but at me.

"Wh..wha…what?" I stammered like a pre-pubescent boy asking to cop a feel.

"She'll forgive you. If she loves you like I think she does, she doesn't have a choice," he said still not looking at me.

"Charlie, Chief…Sir. With all due respect I don't know how you can know that for sure," I said trying not to believe him and get my hopes up.

"I know my daughter. Bella is a lot like me. I know she still loves you but she's stubborn and you hurt her. I can't pretend to know how far that forgiveness will take you two but I know she misses her best friend," he said gruffly.

I had so many things I was dying to ask him and talk to him about but I could tell he was already uncomfortable with this discussion so I decided to help him out like he had done for me."

"Thank you, sir. Could you tell my mom I went for a ride? I need to sort some things out."

Charlie stood up and tugged on the waistband of his jeans.

"Sure kid," he said before turning to go inside.

With his hand on the door handle he turned back to face me.

"Oh and Edward?"

"Sir?"

"This isn't baseball. You don't get three strikes. Next time, they won't find the body."

"Yes sir," I mumbled as he closed the door behind him.

I sat alone on the bench for a while longer, thankful to have peace and quiet. Finally, I got up, walked around the house and swung my leg over my bike. I threw on the helmet I hated and brought my motorcycle to life. I knocked the kickstand up with my foot and took off into the sinking sun. I drove for hours down roads I hadn't traveled in longer than I could remember. It amazed me how I still remembered each curve of the road. Every untended rough spot in the road was still stored somewhere in the back of my mind.

The familiar smell of the trees filled my senses while I pulled back harder on the gas. The damp air which had been my life source for years felt welcomed and missed. It was all so beautifully familiar and she was there in it all.

I remember being a teenager and how the tall trees felt as though they were caging me in. The grass was my bare cement floor and high school seemed like a large cell. I wasn't truly unhappy here but at that age the small town felt to me—and most others my age—as a type of prison. We would all discuss our released date and what we were going to do when we got out. I had longed for freedom from this place, desired to see the world.

Bella wanted to go the University of Washington so we did. I never resented her for that. She would have supported whatever I wanted to do but I was truly content to just be with her. At the time even Seattle seemed like a release from the confining pine walls of Forks.

Driving through this place now, everything felt different. The tall trees felt like protection and safety. The grass was beautiful upon living for years seeing nothing but actual cement. The high school was a symbol of a time of happiness. This place wasn't the prison I had believed it to be in my youth. It was home.

I drove around my old town for a while, probably waking up the cranky old neighbors. In New York this would be considered early but Forks shut down at eight every night, six on Sundays. I was getting low in gas so I decided to head back the house, knowing every gas station was already closed.

When I pulled up the driveway the only light that was shining was coming from the living room. I expected to see everyone gathered around a board game or watching a movie but when I opened the door the only one there was Bella. She was sitting cross-legged in the center of the pullout couch. The blankets still made perfectly as though she hadn't tried to lie down yet. Her eyes looked tired.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," I replied like a moron.

"Everyone turn in early tonight?" I asked as I undid my helmet and placed it on the chair beside me.

"Yeah, busy day tomorrow, wedding rehearsal and bachelor parties," she said nervously, shrugging.

"Why aren't we doing one of those the night after next? It seems like a lot to cram into one evening," I asked. I really didn't care when Rose wanted the parties I was just talking in hopes of combating the stagnant tension.

"Um, Rose said she doesn't want anyone hung over at her wedding, and she wants to just be able to relax the day before. I don't know," she said before biting her lip.

"Oh," I said dumbly.

"Yeah," she replied. God we were brilliant.

"I'm going to go change," I said as I grabbed my bag that was on the stairs and went to the bathroom. When I came out in my pajama pants Bella had tossed a couple pillows and a blanket on to the couch I would be sleeping on.

"Thanks," I said gesturing to the fresh bedding.

She gave me a small smile in return.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked meekly. I stared at her for a moment trying to figure out if she was serious.

She exhaled loudly before squaring her shoulders and sitting up taller.

"No, scratch that. I'm going to talk," she said in a bold tone.

I nodded my head for her to continue.

"This wasn't supposed to be us…but it is," she began with determination.

"We were supposed to move forward with all the things we planned but then it was like you just—for lack of a better word—chickened out. You left me. Worse than the fact that you broke up with me was how you did it. You just up and left, like I had never meant a damn thing to you." The resolve in her voice was fading as she spoke.

"Bella, I-"

"Let me finish. I don't hear from you for years, Edward, years. Then you all of a sudden show up here and I'm supposed to just forgive you? As if that's not already too much to expect from me you also expect me to consider a relationship with you. Are you out of your mind?" She asked with sad eyes.

I could see her fighting with her voice to keep it from cracking. I had to fight with my legs to keep myself on my own sofa.

"God I loved you so damn much," she choked out as the tears began pouring down her lovely face. The internal battle I had been having with myself to stay put ended in that moment as moved swiftly to her.

She was still sitting in the middle of the couch so I slid in behind her bringing her back flush to my chest, my legs on either side of hers. I ran my hands up and down her exposed arms and felt relief when she didn't turn and shove me away.

"I'm so sorry Bella, so, so sorry," I whispered near her ear.

"I can't do it again, Edward. I wish I could. You have no idea how badly I wish we could have a second chance but we can't," she cried.

"I'm so sorry for what I did Bella," I whispered again. I wasn't giving her excuses or trying to make her change her mind now. I just needed her to know.

"I know you are. I know you well enough to know that much, but it doesn't change anything," she said sniffling.

"It hurt so bad you jerk," she said a little too loudly for this late at night. I was too distracted by her volume to notice her elbow jerk back until it nailed me in the ribs.

"How could you, you asshole?" She said flailing her other elbow back into my unbroken ribs.

I wrapped my arms around her tighter.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,." I said into her ear as she cried and thrashed her body in my arms.

"Let me go! You should be good at that!" She sobbed more than said, then her body stilled. Hearing her words and the pain in her voice made my own tears begin to fall.

"God, Bella I love you. Please can we just be friends. I know it's selfish but I need you in my life in whatever way I can have you. I can never apologize enough," I spoke against her ear lobe.

Her body moved lightly from her crying but she didn't acknowledge me; didn't respond to my request.

"I'm sorry," I whispered once more. I'm not sure what happened next, or why I did it, but the next thing I realized my lips were pressed softly to Bella's neck.

I sucked in sharply and heard her do the same. I braced for another shot to my side but she didn't move. My head was still next to hers and once again I found myself placing a gentle kiss below her ear.

"I'm so sorry," I said through tears.

I kissed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry"

The smell of her hair assaulted my nostrils in the best possible way.

I don't know what I was thinking. She had finally stopped with the sobs that were ripping my heart out and was now just sniffling.

Her skin tasted so good, sweet, warm and familiar.

I kissed her throat again and she leaned her head back against my chest.

"I'm sorry." I murmured against her skin. I meant it. She shuddered a bit and then turned to face me. She sat on her knees, between my thighs.

"Please stop," she demanded quietly as she rested her forehead against mine.

"We can't. I can't."

"I know," I sighed. "I just want to be your friend again. I'll take you however I can get you."

She nodded her head in consent.

"I'm so tired of being angry. I can forgive what you did, but I don't think I can forget it."

"I understand," I said with some strange mix of hope and defeat.

"I know this is way over the line but do you think you can just stay here like this for a little while, just until I fall asleep? Friends can hold each other when they're upset right?" She spoke as if she was asking herself more than me.

I just nodded and she turned back around. I leaned back against the couch and she leaned against me. I stayed awake listening as her breathing grew steady.

This was as close to heaven as I had been in years.

A/N: Okay...um...well I know at least a couple of you had to have liked what happened between B&E right? To those of you who are not as...supportive of Edward, I promise he is not out of the woods yet, by any means. Let me know how you feel, please. Reviewers get teasers.

Oh a bit of Twilight news that I'm sure you've all heard. SM is posting a free "book" online. It is, apparently the story of Bree. I'm a little bummed it's not MS but I'll probably read it. What do you think, will you be reading it?