A/N: Hello again, my lovely readers. Who's so cool they've got nothing better to do on a Friday night then post an update for you? That would be me.

Thanks to all of you for giving this story a chance. To those of you who review, thank you so much. You ladies make my day, every time I read your words (even if you are the most divided followers in the history of fanfic ; D ).

Just so you all know Edwardrocksmysocks deserves all the credit for making my words readable. She is truly an awesome Beta and sweet person! She loved this chapter so I'm hoping you will too!

Meet me at the bottom for a little surprise!

Meyer+Twilight=big money

Me+ Heaven or Hell= Lots of fun and empty pockets.

Chapter 13

I Lost It

EPOV

"What the hell?" I said out loud.

Bella seemed shocked at my outburst. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly.

Perhaps, I had spoken a little harsher than I intended to, but come on. I thought we were finally getting back to what we were and she says something like that to me. I'm not sure how I could have misunderstood what was going on.

"What do you mean?" She asked while staring at the ground. She moved to the couch and began flipping the cushions, not that they really needed it.

"I mean…" I ran a hand roughly through my hair trying to figure out what exactly I did mean.

"What was that, what we just did, what was that to you?" I said as I took the throw pillow that she was fluffing out of her hand and tossed it on the couch.

Her eyes locked on mine and they stayed there for an immeasurable amount of time. Debate raged within them as if she was trying to make a life altering decision. More emotions than I thought one could possess were flashing across her face in varying speed. Finally her jaw set and her shoulders squared.

"Sex, Edward. It was sex," she sighed and picked the pillow back up.

Just like that my world crumbled around me. I felt angry, depressed, and used beyond comprehension. Everything that I had tried to pretend I wasn't thinking about this week was gone. In the back of my mind I had envisioned getting Bella back, eventually having a white picket fence and two point five kids. It was all gone.

I couldn't formulate words. She was all I needed and she had said shot me down without an explanation. It was just sex. She had said she wanted me and then took it back just as swiftly.

"Fine, whatever, if that's what you want, fine," I said as I stormed out the back door. It was raining but I could care less.

I paced angrily across the yard not knowing where I was going or what the hell I was doing besides getting soaked.

"Fucking stupid!" I yelled out to nobody. I wasn't sure what specifically was stupid but something was.

"I resent that," I heard Bella call out as she shut the door behind her and stomped her bare feet into the grass. She was moving quickly and looked pissed.

"I wasn't calling you stupid," I ground out. I continued my pacing as she stood staring at me with her hands on her hips.

The rain was coming down hard and in the time it took me to respond to her she was soaked.

"I don't know why you're reacting this way. Isn't sex without strings kind of your thing now?" She yelled over the thunder.

I stopped instantly. Was she out of her damn mind?

"What?" I asked.

There was determination in her eyes and I knew this was it. We were about to have it out.

"Yeah, people talk Edward. I know all about the revolving door on your bedroom. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I'm any different, but it's fine. I wanted it. If nothing else it was some damn good closure," she finished with a shaky laugh.

She was lying. She didn't believe a word that was coming out of her own mouth.

"Bullshit," I said loudly. I closed the gap between us and took her hands in mine. "Do not compare yourself to those women. You are so much more to me than that. You know damn good and well that what we did in there was not just sex. I know you felt it to, don't lie to me. More importantly don't lie to yourself," I growled.

Her eyes began to well up with unshed tears and I felt bad about the tone I was using with her.

"Please," I coaxed gently. "Tell the truth."

She shook her head back and forth as her tears broke free and rolled silently down her cheeks.

"So what," she said after a moment, her eyes cold and hard when they landed on me.

"So what? What do you mean 'so what?." I spat. Her hands jerked out of mine as she pushed me out of her personal space.

"I mean, so what," she spoke with venom I wasn't used to hearing in her voice.

"Even if I did feel something, it doesn't change anything. We're the same people we were when we walked into this house almost a week ago and those are not the same two people we were five years ago." She took a deep breath before continuing on the path of my destruction.

"Therefore, so what if your touch still has an effect on me or if I can't even be in the same room with, much less in bed with another man, without comparing him to you. You made your choice, Edward. You don't love me so I have no choice but to reduce what we just did to its most basic form. It was sex, nothing more, nothing less."

By the end of her tirade her voice was strained and my mind was a jumbled mess of angst as I tried to process everything she had said. I couldn't focus on the other men part because I was already having trouble keeping my anger in check. Her views on my feelings toward her were far more devastating.

"You're wrong," I whispered.

I touched her face where the falling rain had blended with the tears on her cheek.

"Don't do this. Please don't do this," she breathed.

"You're wrong. I do love you, just as much as I did then," I said as I moved to bring my lips to hers.

Before I had the chance to kiss her like I intended to she shoved me again, hard. I stumbled a bit as I slid on the wet ground.

"What?" I stammered as I regained my footing.

"Really? You tell me you love me then you follow it up with 'as much as I did then'?" She said in a poor interpretation of my voice.

I was beyond confused. I did love her as much as I had when we had been together. Why was that a bad thing?

"Yes and I meant it. It may have taken me some time to realize it but I know that I love you just as much now as I did the day-"

"As the day you walked out on me?" She interrupted.

Shit.

"That wasn't what…that's not what I was going to say," I pleaded.

"Maybe not, but I'm not wrong am I? The day before you left me in the dust to move on with my life you told me you loved me, just like you did every single day we were together. Those words don't mean a thing coming from you Edward. Maybe you thought you loved me but you don't do to someone you love what you did to me. I can't believe in your idea of love, not again."

She didn't yell or scream. She spoke with a saddened and resigned voice. She broke my heart as I had broken hers.

"You don't mean that. Please tell me you don't mean that," I begged. I dropped to my knees, not caring about the mud beneath me or how pathetic I must look.

"I love you Bella. What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not the same person? I need you."

I ignored the tears that trying to fall from my eyes and focused on her.

"You're it for me, Bella. I promise you that if you just give me another chance I swear I'll never put you through anything like that again. Please."

"I…I…We can't…" she began before we heard the back door open loudly.

I stood up and tried to dust off my pants. Bella wiped frantically at her eyes before turning around. Emmett and Jasper were standing at the doorway still laughing at some conversation they had been having.

"Hey man it's time to go. Rose is kicking all of the men out of the house since it's the night before the wedding. We're staying over at Jasper's parent's house. Get your shit and let's go." Emmett laughed before heading back inside. Clearly he had been drinking on the morning fishing trip.

I turned my attention back to Bella.

"I have never stopped loving you. I have loved you almost my entire life. What do I have to do to convince you of that? Tell me and I'll do it. I swear on everything I possess I never stopped loving you," I sighed.

This was it. There was nothing else I could say to make her forgive me. I had laid every bit of myself on the line and it was now in her hands.

She broke down into quiet sobs and I took her in my arms. I held on tightly praying that this wouldn't be the last time I would feel her close to me.

She pushed away from me and I saw the last tear she had fall down her cheek. My world, my life, my everything hung on what that tear meant.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't believe that." She turned and headed slowly back into the house.

For the second time to day I found myself fighting back tears. I watched her walk out of my life just as I had walked out of hers. There was nothing else that I could say to change her mind. I couldn't hold her choice against her. It was foolish to believe that she could have trusted my love for her after what I did to her.

I'm not sure how long I stood frozen in the cold rain before I heard Emmett yelling at me through the now opened door.

"Dude, c'mon we're getting ready to leave. We're waiting on you." He grinned.

I resisted the urge to throw a rock at his face and slowly trudged my ass inside.

Emmett was walking around moving duffle bags from the house to his jeep while whistling like an idiot.

"Do you know where Bella went?" I asked Jasper just wanting to make sure she was safely in the house and not driving around somewhere in an emotional state.

"She said she had a headache and went upstairs." Jasper was clearly sober enough to notice something was off with Bella and his expression told me how bothered he was by this.

"I'm going to head up to my room for a minute. Can you give me a bit?" I asked. Even I could hear the defeat in my voice.

"Man…just let her be," he sighed.

"I'm not going to bother her. I just need to take care of a couple thing real quick. Please give me five minutes? " I begged.

"We'll be in the Jeep," he said after a moment's pause.

"Thank you."

I moved quickly upstairs to my room only giving the closed door to the guest room a brief glance.

I pulled out a pad of paper and a pen from my desk and began writing. I took my past out of my wallet and stuck it in the envelope with the letter. This was it, my final goodbye. Not every story has a happy ending.

oOo

BPOV

I wanted to believe him. More than I have ever wanted anything, I wanted to believe that he never stopped loving me. But I couldn't.

If he loved me he wouldn't have left and stayed gone.

Footsteps sounded loudly outside the closed door and I prayed that whoever it was would take mercy on me and keep walking. Thankfully they did.

I was once again in the Cullen's guest bedroom, lying down and crying over the same person. This was getting ridiculous, not to mention repetitive. I wanted to pretend so badly that he meant everything he said but that would only offer me a few weeks, maybe months, of happiness before he realized once again that he wanted more.

I needed to escape but I knew that Rosalie would not hesitate to cause me physical harm if I bailed on her the day before her wedding. Instead of running away I chose a different means of escape and quickly fell asleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept before I felt someone's fingers brushing hair away from my face that had gotten matted by my tears.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Rosalie lying on the bed facing me.

"Hey sunshine," she said softly.

"Hey," I mumbled. I looked at the end of the bed and saw Alice sitting on her calves giving me a sad smile.

"Are you okay?" She whispered.

I shook my head no and the tears started to fall again.

"Oh honey," Rose sighed as she sat up and pulled my body so my head was in her lap.

"What happened?" She asked gently. I was a little shocked at her concern but it did comfort me in some small way.

"I…I slept with him," I sobbed into the leg of her jeans.

"What?" She yelled loudly causing me to jump.

"I mean, what?" Rose said in a softer voice.

"It just happened. I wanted him and so one thing led to another. It felt so right but then I panicked. He wanted it to mean more than what it was but I couldn't set myself up for that again, you know? Then we got into a fight and I basically told him we would never be together." By the time I was able to get all of that out I was crying even harder.

"He somehow managed to break my heart again, only this time I didn't even know I had given it to him," I cried.

Rose ran her fingers through my hair and made shushing noises.

"The heart may break, but it goes on beating just the same." Rose spoke to me like I was a child in the middle of a tantrum.

"You…stole that… from…Fried Green Tomatoes," I said through hiccups and ragged breaths.

Alice giggled lightly from the corner of the bed but still looked sad.

"Shut up," Rose said before hitting me on the head with a pillow.

" Fine, so I'm not so good with the emotional advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic or snarky comment?" She asked in her normal voice.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. Alice scooted over and pushed Rose aside as I sat up and leaned against the head board.

"I found this. I think he slipped it under your door before the guys left."

She pulled a folded envelope out of her back pocket and handed it to me. My name was written in Edward's elegant script across the front of it.

I looked at both the girls trying to understand what it was I had and hoping they could give me some advice.

"Well open it, shit," Rose said with exasperation.

"Duh," Alice yawned.

"Did you just say 'duh'?" Rose asked her.

"Shut it," Alice said with an elbow to Rosalie's side.

"Both of you shut it," I said softly as I pulled a piece of paper out of the envelope.

"Read it out loud," Alice said jumping up and down just a bit.

Rosalie smacked her in the arm and Alice looked at me apologetically.

"Do you want us to leave?" She asked.

"No it's fine," I lied. I should probably read this alone but they would only ask me about it later.

I unfolded the paper and began to read silently to myself.

Bella,

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life; some you know about, some you don't. However, the only thing in this life that I truly regret was leaving that day. I will never forgive myself, not only for walking away from the greatest gift I have ever received, but for letting you believe that I didn't love you.

Despite how hard I try I will never be able to fully understand how you must have felt, standing there thinking that I didn't want you, that you weren't good enough. That was never the case. You were—are—more amazing than anything I ever deserved.

I'm not upset with you for not giving me a second chance. I know I don't deserve one. Once this wedding is over and we both move on with our lives, I won't call you or bother you. I'll try my best to move on from this but I will always be waiting for you if you ever change your mind. If not, then I will still consider myself the luckiest man alive because—f only for a short time—I was loved by you. Those years were the greatest of my life. It took me a while to realize how lucky I was but I know now. Living without you has taught me that.

I've enclosed for you my final physical tie to you that I have. I hope you find every happiness you desire. You deserve it.

I will and have always loved you,

Edward

My eyes were blurred by the time I finished reading his words. I reached frantically for the discarded envelope.

I stuck my hand inside and pulled out an old creased Polaroid. It was my picture. The one he had taken when I first gave him his camera.

I sniffed as I looked at the younger version of myself, surprised he was able to find it after all this time.

"What is it?" Rosalie whispered.

I turned the picture around to show her.

"Aww," she sighed before realizing what she had said and clamping her hand over her mouth.

Alice simply nodded at the picture and looked at me expectantly.

"I guess he found it somewhere in his room. I can't believe it was still there," I sniffed.

"Bella," Alice said slowly.

I tore my eyes away from the picture I had yet to let go of and looked at her.

"Hmm?"

"He didn't find that here," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked for me.

Alice's as never left mine.

"He's always carried that in his wallet. I knew he did when you guys were together but I went to get his driver's license out of his wallet the other day so I could write down his address and I saw that he still had it in there. He's never taken it out," she said as she rubbed my back.

"Hhuh?" I said because I couldn't form any other thoughts or words.

"He's always carried you with him. He never stopped loving you," She said gently.

We fell into a peaceful silence before Rosalie barged in into it like a bull.

"Well, hell," she lamented loudly.

"What?" I asked, confused by her outburst.

"He's making it really hard for me to hate his bronze haired ass," she said sounding genuinely annoyed by this fact.

"Well," she said with expectation.

I looked at her silently asking for an explanation.

"What are you still doing here? Get your ass in gear and go find him," she commanded while tossing me her keys.

I stared at them blankly for a moment before my brain began functioning and I jumped off the bed to scramble around for my shoes.

I didn't say goodbye as I run down the stairs and jumped into Rose's BMW. I must have slept for a while because it's fairly dark outside. The rain was beating loudly against the windshield and the sound was increasing my anxiousness.

The car purred loudly when I turned the key. I threw it in reverse and dropped the clutch with my foot on the gas. Rose was going to be pissed if she saw that but I was gone before I had a chance to see her come outside.

I couldn't control my thoughts as I flew down the road much faster than I would normally drive.

He meant what he said.

He had always loved me.

What did that even mean?

If he loved me before and left why should I put myself in the same position? I was beyond confused about what was going to happen from here on out but I knew the answer to that question.

Because I love him and he's worth the risk. However, for some unexplainable reason I believed that he wouldn't hurt me again.

I knew the guys would be at Jasper's parent's house and luckily I still remembered the way.

The rain didn't let up on the short drive over to the Hale's. I had barely gotten the car turned off before I took off running through the perfectly manicured lawn, only stumbling once.

When I reached the front door and raised my hand to knock I realized I had no clue what the hell I was going to say. My lack of preparation caused me to freeze.

What was I supposed to say to him now after I completely shut him out this afternoon?

"Bella, what are you doing here?" A warm voice called out from behind me.

After I finished jumping about two feet in the air from fear, I turned quickly and saw Edward walking up from the yard into the soft glow of the porch light.

"Edward," I said with a ragged breath.

"What's going on?" He asked again sounding concerned.

"Um…I…we," I stammered like an idiot. He stepped closer to me and gently wiped away the wet trails on my cheek.

"What is it, love?" He questioned, his bold green eyes boring into mine.

"Oh, to hell with it," I sighed before throwing my arms around him and pressing his lips to mine.

A/N: So um well I have some good news and some bad news...The bad news is this story only has a couple more chapters remaining and there will not be an epi. The good news is I'm about to start working on a sequel...If y'all want one of course.?

Okay now to let my inner tween out for a few moments. Who saw Rob on Oprah? He was so adorable. I did get a bit irritated at the screaming girls who got a knock on there door from him. He could have came to my house and I could have hung out with him calmly offered him an adult beverage without harassing him (well maybe that's not entirely true). ; D

Anyways, now that I got that out, Review and let me know what you think! Yes, I'll tease you, you know I've got you spoiled at this point.