The Blues

The new paper sailed through the air and flopped down on the walkway below the front step of the Stokes' house. Nick waved as he pulled into the driveway to the boy on the bike who threw it. As he got out of his truck he heard the kid yell,

"Hey, Mr. Stokes!" as the boy rode on.

"Good morning, Kyle," he yelled back in his friendly southern way.

As Nick was just about at the front steps of his home, the front door swung open fast and wide.

"Hi, Daddy!" his daughter grinned.

Nick smiled as he looked at his daughter standing in her pink Barbie nightgown with socks on her feet. She wore socks on her feet just like her mother always did. He laughed at the way her hair was strewn all around.

"Morning, Princess," he said smiling while reaching down, grabbing the newspaper, and heading up the stairs.

"Hi, Daddy," she said again.

"Honey, how many times did I tell you not to open the door without Mommy?" he said as he lifted her up and placed his forehead on hers.

"I knew it was you because I hearded you!" she explained.

"Ohhh, okay. But still, no opening doors without mommy, okay?" he told her, "and where is mommy?"

Jules came down the stairs in his one of his t-shirts and a towel wrapped around her hair.

"Jesus!" she gasped, "I didn't hear the door! I thought I heard her talking to someone!"

Nick quickly scanned her firm legs and took note of how his shirt hung just below her panties. His eyes followed upward until they met with hers and she raised an eyebrow because she knew he was scanning her. She quickly tugged her shirt down a bit. Damn he loved her in his clothes, he thought silently.

"Emma opened it…I was just telling her not to open doors without you there, right?" he said looking back at his bed headed daughter.

"EMMA! Didn't Mommy tell you to stay right on the couch and watch Blue's Clues while I blew my hair dry?!" Jules frowned at her daughter.

"I forgotted," she said sadly.

"I'm sorry, Nick, I didn't realize it was time," she said looking at him.

"No, no, I'm a little early. I came right from work instead of going to Greg's first," he nodded.

"I can get her dressed fast. C'mon Em," she said to her daughter.

"Daddy you can do it?" she asked her father.

Nick looked at Jules and she closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. It hurt her how much Emma missed her father. Nick had been gone for 3 weeks and their little girl was beginning to ask more and more questions.

Jules stepped to the side, closer to the railing, making room for him to pass indicating he could go up with Emma.

"Sure, Princess," Nick said looking sad that he has missed weeks of not helping his daughter get dressed. They haven't eaten breakfast together; he hasn't heard her feet scamper down the hall and feel her jump in between him and Jules…he has been missing so much and it hurt him deeply.

Jules followed them upstairs and silently watched as Nick sat on Emma's floor and let her line up all her shirts on the floor proudly. He pretended to be stumped at which was the prettiest shirt. It warmed Jules heart and broke it at the same time.

Emma suddenly jumped up and down and tore out of her bedroom screaming "MAIL Timmmme!" and Nick and Jules laughed and shook their heads. They knew the Blue's Clues song all too well and it was Emma's favorite part of the show. Nick rubbed his forehead as he chuckled.

Nick stood up and grabbed a little pink shirt with two big lollipop patches sewn on the front. He reached into the drawer and pulled out a pair of jean shorts. Jules took a step in to see if she could help. Jules reached over to the other drawer to grab a pink hair bow and brush and he could smell the scent of her wet hair.

They looked at each other.

"I miss you, Honey," he whispered.

Jules looked down.

Nick reached out and instinctively put his hand on her hip right above where his t-shirt nearly ended. Jules could feel her heart pounding.

He moved closer to her and she felt her other hip lean into the dresser. She continued to look down. My God she missed him too, she thought as she could feel herself choking up.

Nick didn't even mean to put in this position. It just seemed to be magnetic. He was drawn to her. He placed his knuckles under her chin and lifted her face to make her eyes meet his.

"I miss everything about you; I wake up missing you; I go to sleep missing you," he stared at her and she could feel herself getting lost in his eyes.

"God Nicky, I miss you too…don't you know that? Don't you know how hard this is for me too? I see you in my dreams…I see you in the face of our daughter…I see you and I …" she tries to look down but he continues to hold her chin so she can't look away.

She looks up at him and tears well in her eyes.

"Please, Darlin', let me come back….," he whispers with his voice tight.

"You don't think I want to? You don't think that something is missing inside me? That I can't remember what it feels like to not have this knot in my stomach? To not feel like I want to throw up allll the time?" she stares back at him with her eyes pleading. "I haven't washed your pillowcase in three weeks because I need to smell you as I fall asleep?" her lip trembles.

Nick's own eyes fill with tears.

"Baby, I…" he tries to speak but his words won't follow.

Jules reaches her hand out and holds the side of his face. They say nothing. They just stare directly into each others eyes.

Nick leans in and wraps his arms completely around her and hugs her tightly to him. He buries his face in her damp hair.

Jules hugs him tightly. Every part of her aches and misses him. She buries her face in his shirt; she smells him and it makes her emotions even more jumbled.

They just hug each other. They cling to one another. Their grip unbreakable.

They suddenly let go and look at each other laughing. They can hear their daughter singing on the top of her lungs, "Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail...MAIL!"

Their smiles are wide and bright and they laugh quietly as they looked at each other. Their smiles slowly drifts off their face. They're faces turn serious. Their eyes begging for each other.

Nick holds Jules face with both palms. He rests his forehead to hers. She tilts her head and presses her lips to his. They kiss softly. Nick lets his hands roam her back before letting them fall to her ass. He knew she would be wearing a thong and he loved that. Jules held the back of his head to keep his mouth on hers. She needed him to breathe easily again. He grabbed her ass gently before picking her up and placing her on the dresser. He stood in between her legs kissing her soft lips.

He mumbles something she couldn't understand. She thought it was an "I love you" until she felt him pull away.

"I can't do this to you," he said holding the back of his hand to his mouth.

Jules swallowed hard. She didn't want him to stop kissing her. She was afraid she would never breath again. She grabbed the front of his shirt and balled the material in her fists. She rested her forehead against his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head.

Suddenly Nick spoke.

"Jules, why can't you believe me?" he said without calling her by a nickname. "Is this it for us? Is it really over? Because I can't take this. I, I …feel empty inside. It was never suppose to be like this for us."

Jules pulled back to look at him. A tear fell and rolled down her cheek.

"Ya see," he said, "it makes it worse…I make it worse…I make you cry all the time," he said with his own face looking heartbroken.

Jules wanted to say something. She wanted to say, "No, no, Nicky, you make everything better," but nothing would come out.

"I can't…I just wish you could believe me. I just…I understand why you can't…. the evidence…the evidence is damning…I get it. I get it. But…but if you…" he stopped.

He was not going to blame her for this.

"I'm sorry, Jules. It's not your fault. It's just that I can't stand this pain and I have to stop bringing you down with me," he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes tight.

Nick took a step back. He regrouped his thoughts, his emotions, his control.

Jules sat on the dresser with her legs dangling down and her panties showing as the tee shirt rode up as she sat.

Jules put her head down and gripped the dresser with each hand by her sides. She wasn't sure she could forgive him for being with another woman. She wanted to. But she wasn't sure she could, because sometimes her dreams were filled with visions of him kissing Brooke, feeling her, wanting her…it sometimes would wake Jules from a deep sleep and in a cold sweat.

She knew what Nick was saying.

The two of them alone together was dangerous now. It used to be hot. Now, it was dangerous. Because while the heat between them was still there, they wound up walking away burned and it was painful.

Nick stepped away and headed for the door.

"I'm gonna go. I'm gonna get Em and I will drop her back here around four if that's okay? Or do you want her to come home and nap and then maybe I can have her for dinner?"

Jules couldn't answer him. The ache was so intense that her chest literally hurt. She put her palm up as if to say "stop"... to let him know she couldn't talk about it right now.

Nick nodded. He understood. She was hurting too much to talk. They could figure it out later.

"I, um, I will call you in a little while. I will uh, I'll let you know if she is too cranky and needs a nap or if she falls asleep," he stammered, "I'll just call you in a few hours."

Nick reached down and picked up his daughters outfit. Jules handed him the brush and hair bow. He took them, turned and walked out of their daughters room.

Jules buried her face in her hands in order to stifle her cry. She tried hard to hold it in. And she did.

She listened as Nick and Emma talked downstairs, but she couldn't get up from the dresser.

She sat there until she heard Emma yell, "Bye Bye Mommy" and she managed to yell back, "Bye Baby, I love you!"

She meant it. Not only for Emma…but for Nick too.