Chapter 8 New discoveries.

"Jimmy wait!"

Jimmy heard Thomas call to him even before he'd fully turned but he didn't stop. He ran up the stairs tripping and banging his knee off the hard step as he did so. He gasped at the pain but kept running. He ran out of the cellar through the kitchen where he almost knocked over a very angry Mrs Patmore.

"Careful Jimmy!"

But Jimmy ignored her. He sprinted out of the backdoor and didn't stop until he reached the garage. He knew the chauffeur was out with the family for the day so he wouldn't be disturbed. Once he was inside Jimmy slumped to the floor his chest heaving. He rubbed ferociously at his eyes. He was not going to cry. But he couldn't rub the image of Thomas and Freddie together away. As he remembered the way Thomas had kissed Freddie's neck it all became too much for him. He only just managed to stagger to the door before he was sick into one of the flower beds.

"Are you alright?"

The last person Jimmy wanted to see when he was vomiting into a flowerbed with his eyes streaming was Freddie Reid.

"Stay away from me" he warned. "I swear if you take one more step I'll make sure you regret it".

"Ok" said Freddie holding up his hands in surrender. "I just wanted to check on you".

"Why? You don't have to worry I already told Thomas I'd keep your dirty little secret".

Freddie looked at Jimmy, really looked at him and for the first time he didn't see the arrogant exterior but someone who was confused and upset and hurting. As much as he hated to admit it, Freddie couldn't help feel guilty looking at Jimmy.

"I guess he's lucky to have such a good friend."

Jimmy scoffed. Scoffing was good. It was hard to cry when you scoffed.

"Yeah that's me" muttered Jimmy "one hell of a friend".

"I think there's more to it than that" murmured Freddie risking taking a step closer. When Jimmy didn't protest he went to kneel down beside him. "I think you really care about him".

Jimmy said nothing. He turned his head trying to wipe his eyes without Freddie noticing.

"Look Jimmy I'm sorry if I upset you, really I am."

Jimmy couldn't ignore the sincerity in his voice and so he nodded hoping Freddie would leave it at that and walk away. But instead he settled down next to Jimmy and rubbing his hands nervously on the grass as if trying to decide whether or not to continue.

"The thing is Jimmy; I've been where you are. I know how confusing it is. So, if you want to talk I'll listen."

Jimmy flushed at what Freddie was insinuating. "It's not like that… I don't… I mean I'm not…" Jimmy stuttered highly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking. But Jimmy couldn't pass up the chance to speak to someone, anyone. Even Mr Reid. Jimmy cleared his throat and asked the question he had been dreading the answer to,

"Do you love him?"

Freddie looked shocked at the question and seemed to take time to consider his answer.

"No. That's not to say I couldn't love Thomas. But we hardly know each other."

Jimmy felt relieved but blushed thinking they seemed to know each other pretty well in the wine cellar.

Freddie seeming to read Jimmy's mind blushed himself letting out a nervous laugh.

"WhatI'm trying to say is it's different. It's not like I can court him, take him out, or marry him. Sometimes you just have to enjoy what you can and I've enjoyed Thomas's company, very much so." Freddie smiled sadly at this. "Even if there's no future in it".

"Then why do it?" asked Jimmy. "Why risk it?"

"Just because there's no future doesn't mean we can't enjoy the short time we have together. Doesn't mean I don't still need it. The companionship and the affection, there's a lot worth risking for."

Jimmy had never thought of it like that. When Thomas had kissed him that night, all Jimmy had seen was the physical side of it. He'd never really thought Thomas had any other intention. The few times Jimmy had considered the future, as something distant and far off, he'd always considered he'd marry some girl and have children. He could see the same for Daisy or Ivy or even Alfred. But Thomas could never have that.

"It must be lonely" said Jimmy mostly to himself.

"Are you lonely Jimmy?"

Jimmy jerked his head up in surprise. Was he? He'd never really considered himself as such. He was always surrounded by people. He had charm and looks which always helps. But he supposed since Freddie had taken Thomas's attention away from him in the last few days he had felt lonely.

Freddie silently watched the wheels in Jimmy's head turning. He knew all too well the realisation Jimmy was facing and what it would lead to. While accepting who he was was never something Freddie regretted, it came at a cost. Jimmy at least would be luckier because he would have Thomas to help him through it.

"Maybe you should go find Thomas" said Freddie getting to his feet. "I'm sure you have a lot to say to him and he's probably worried sick about you".

Jimmy accepted Freddie's outstretched hand and allowed himself to be dragged to his feet.

A faint gong could be heard in the distance.

"Uh oh" said Freddie. "That's the dressing gong we better run or Carson will have our heads."

…..

Thomas sat at the table smoking furiously. Where the hell were they? He kept checking the door every few seconds hoping they would turn up. Carson was fuming and Jimmy was already in enough trouble as it was and Mr Cartwright had asked a hall boy to see what the delay was with Freddie.

"Where do you suppose Mr Reid is, Mr Barrow?" asked Mrs Patmore coming to sit down next to Thomas.

"How should I know" replied Thomas angrily. "I'm not his keeper."

"Ooh excuse me your majesty! I was only asking!"

"Sorry" muttered Thomas.

"Only it seemed you two were getting on so well these past few days" she continued suggestively. "What happened, lovers quarrel?"

Thomas just stared at her coldly. "Isn't that your soufflés burning Mrs Patmore?"

"Oh have it your way then" she sighed heaving herself up and walking quickly into the kitchen screaming at Daisy to check the oven as she went.

She had no sooner left then Freddie burst into the room panting heavily. But before Thomas could say two words to him Carson appeared demanding to know where he'd been.

"I'm terribly sorry Mr Carson. I was taking a walk and lost track of time"

"Well you had better head up at one Lord Cartwright has been enquiring as to your whereabouts."

"Right away Mr Carson" and shooting an apologetic look at Thomas he raced up the stairs.

Moments later Mrs Hughes entered the servants' hall.

"Ah there you are Mr Carson I was just looking to tell you that I've sent James up to bed he's not well at all I'm afraid".

Mr Carson looked fit to explode. "Please tell me Mrs Hughes how I am to be expected to carry off a dinner with only one footman!"

Mrs Hughes narrowed her eyes dangerously "I'm sure you wouldn't begrudge the poor boy some rest. He looked quite a state".

"I can serve, Mr Carson" volunteered Thomas wanting to defuse the situation before Carson marched upstairs and dragged Jimmy down to work.

The pair stared at Thomas in shock. It was very uncharacteristic of him to offer extra help no matter what the situation.

Mrs Hughes seemed to recover first. "Thank you very much Mr Barrow that is very generous of you".

…..

Thomas was once again sat at the table awaiting his own dinner. Dinner service had been tedious and Thomas had found himself drifting off for most of it. He couldn't stop thinking about Jimmy and how he must be feeling. It must be pretty bad if Mrs Hughes sent him to bed. Mrs Patmore was laying the plates as Freddie walked into the room catching Thomas's eye.

"Fancy a quick smoke before dinner?" he asked already heading to the back door.

"Sure" replied Thomas trying to ignore Mrs Patmore's knowing smirk as he followed Freddie outside.

The pair walked as far as they could away from the door to avoid being overheard.

"How's Jimmy?" Thomas asked anxiously.

Freddie pretended to look affronted "a gentleman would ask how I was first, Mr Barrow."

"Don't play games Freddie. What did he say?"

"Calm down. He promised he wouldn't say anything so you don't have to worry about that at least."

"Yes but how was he?!" asked Thomas growing more frustrated.

Freddie sighed "He was… confused."

"Confused?"

"Yes he was very shook up over the whole thing. It must be difficult to see someone you love with another man. Especially when you haven't admitted that you're in love with him. Even to yourself."

"Freddie we've been through this Jimmy doesn't love me!" though Thomas could feel his heart rate increase at the thought.

"Yes he does" said Freddie staring Thomas in the eye as he spoke. "The question is what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean do about it? I'm not going to do anything about it! I've been down this road before. Even if I believed you - and I'm not saying I do- I'd have to wait for Jimmy to make the first move."

"Well then I hope you're a patient man because you'll be waiting a very long time. Come on Thomas it's taken him this long to even consider the idea and that's only because he caught us together and he got jealous. If I hadn't shown up he would have went on denying it for years."

Thomas took a deep breath still reluctant to allow himself to believe it could be true. Could jimmy really love him?

"So what do you think I should do?"

Freddie smiled "baby steps Thomas. Why don't you start by talking to him after dinner. It's going to take time."

Thomas looked at Freddie fondly "You don't seem to be putting up much of a fight for me" he joked.

Freddie grinned "and why would I? I already got everything I needed from you in the wine cellar!"

Thomas laughed and shoved Freddie playfully.

"When you to have quite finished you might grace us with your presence at dinner" called Mrs Patmore from the doorway.

"Coming Mrs Patmore" called Freddie still smiling as he walked past her.

Thomas followed grinning but felt a hand on his arm and looked up to find Mrs Patmore eyeing him "You seem in much better spirits Mr Barrow."

"Oh Mrs Patmore, you have no idea" …

Authors Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed my story. To be honest when I first began writing this I had no intention of having Jimmy in the story at all so I'm quite surprised with how things are turning out. I love this pairing and hope we see some development on their relationship in the 2013 Christmas special! Keep reviewing!