Chapter 30: Spilling Secrets

He rolled down his window and felt the breeze brush against his face. He pressed the phone to his ear harder as he turned off the radio. Nick waited for the beep, something he has been hearing for days on end.

"Jules, please, please at least talk to me," Nick begged, "I won't stop calling you; I won't give up on us…I love you, babe, and nothing will change that. I miss you. I miss our daughter," his voice tightened.

"Hi," a tiny voice came over the phone.

Nick jerked his head back a bit in shock.

"Hi," she said again.

Nick knew that voice all too well. It happened to be the sweetest voice and he loved to hear it.

"Hi, Sweet Pea, it's Daddy," he told his daughter. "Why are you answering the phone, Sweets?" he asked happily.

"I is on yaw bed sleepin'" she explained, "and I hearded you talk!"

"Aww, you were sleeping in my bed and heard Daddy talking?" he smiled and repeated the sentence properly.

Nick knew his daughter was nodding her head yes but had forgotten to say it.

"Whatcha doin' in my bed, Honey?" he asked looking at his watch.

"I sleepin' here all the time…I sleep here now!" she said excitedly, "when you gonna come sleep here too?"

"I can't right now, Princess," he choked up, "Where's Mommy?"

"I don't know cus I sleepin" she told him.

"Ohhh, I see, I see. You like sleeping in the big bed with Mommy? You keeping her company while Daddy is away?" he smiled making conversation with his baby girl.

"Yes, but Daddy?" she whispered into the phone.

""What, Honey?" Nick asked listening closely to his little girl.

"Mommy squish me too tight, she do dat to me," she confided to her dad.

"Oh, yeah? That's cause she loves you, Munchkin!" he laughed.

"Then why mommy cry when she squeeze me? I hearded her sometimes," she whispered.

"What?" Nick said shocked at his daughter's secret.

Emma suddenly stopped speaking; her mother came into the room.

"Hey, Munchkin! You're awake," Jules said smiling and then gasped. "EMMA! Who are you talking to!" Jules said startled.

"Daddy!" she grinned, "He talkin to me, Daddy is!"

Jules rubbed her hand down her face and took in a huge breath of air before letting it out.

"Oh, um," Jules stuttered not knowing what to say.

"Honey, let Daddy talk to Mommy, okay?" Nick asked.

"Daddy want to talk to you," she told her mom.

Suddenly they heard the front door open and they could hear Warrick bellow out up the stairs.

"HELLLOOOO?" Warrick yelled up the stairs loudly.

Jules knew Warrick was coming over a lot lately to be a male figure to Emma. He loved that little girl and it broke his heart to know her daddy was out of the picture now. That was Warrick, Jules thought, always rescuing a little girl. First it was her...now it's her daughter. She didn't k now if that full circle was incredibly sad or incredibly sweet.

Jules swallowed hard, walked over and took the phone from Emma's little hand and the little girl tore off down the stairs.

"Here I is!" she yelled to her uncle.

Jules still had the phone in her hand for a minute before speaking. She bit her bottom lip as she does so often.

"Jules? Babe, you there?" Nick called into the phone.

"Nick," Jules said calmly, "Emma just ran downstairs. I can have her call you later."

"Babe? Please…I am begging you…please talk to me," he pleaded.

Jules sat on the edge of the bed to brace herself. Hearing his voice made her knees weak.

"Listen, just don't do this, Nick, okay?" she tried to sound normal.

"Just meet me for coffee?" he pleaded.

"You ask me this a dozen times a day and what do I always tell you?" she replied.

""Nothing actually, you won't pick up the phone!" he said in a hurt tone.

"Well, what does that tell you?" she said harshly. "You're a smart man, I know you can figure that out," she said in a monotone voice.

"How can you act so calm and okay with this? I'm dying inside, Babe, absolutely torn apart," he whispered trying to get the words out, "I know you gotta be feeling this too!" he said running his fingers through his hair with despair.

"Um, not too much anymore, Nick," she said flatly.

He knew she built her wall. She was wearing her armor now.

But, thanks to Emma's little secret, at least now he knew she still cried. And as sad as that was to hear, he at least had hope that she didn't shut off her feelings completely blocking her heart from him. He had been praying Brooke's phone call didn't shut Jules down completely, to the point where he couldn't reach her.

"Coffee, Honey, just coffee, okay? Please?" he begged her.

"Nick?" she said softly.

"Yes?" he said hopeful.

"Go call Brooke," and she hung up.

Nick clicked his phone shut and rested his head on the headrest of his Denali. He knew Jules, and when she shut down she was tough as nails. It was from her childhood. He knew all about it. He knew she had a survival mode and he knew it had already kicked in. He was genuinely scared she would force herself to hate him.

He was just leaving a crime scene after working a double shift. He didn't know how the hell he was able to focus but he had a job to do and he did it. He was just damn glad he and Warrick hadn't had the same hours lately. Nick would gladly work a double if it meant he could avoid Warrick. Never mind the fact that it meant he didn't get much sleep, which was fine with him since he hated to dream. He always dreamed about being with her and with his family, but everytime he woke up he had to face the pain of knowing that it was the farthest thing from the truth.

He began to wonder if Grissom had a hand in making his shifts so different from Warrick's, or if he had just gotten lucky the past couple of weeks. He knew once this shift was over now he didn't have to go in tonight and it would be yet another shift they didn't have to work together. He was so glad about that. But, as much as he was not in the mood to deal with Warrick, he was happy that Warrick was there with Jules and Emma. He felt like they at least had someone there with them for support. Even if they didn't know they needed it.

"You want me to get you anything?" Jules asked her brother when she walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, coffee…so get brewin'!" he laughed.

"Who you talking to, Big Brother? I'm not Trista!" she laughed back.

"Well, I'd do it myself if you got a normal coffee maker! This thing needs a little plastic thing of coffee...I don't even know where to stick it!"

"Gotta be gettin' with the times, my brothah!" she laughed using her ghetto talk, "and it's so easy, even a monkey can do it, jackass," she laughed a little more.

As she made his coffee she continued to hide her sadness behind her smile. She pretended to be happy. She laughed. She smiled. She made jokes. She didn't want her brother to think she was weak. But the truth was she was weakening every day. She had just lost the best part of her; the other half of her heart was completely missing.

Warrick looked over at Jules and watched her face. He was trying to read her.

"How you doing, Baby Girl?" he asked his sister as they drank their coffee at the kitchen table.

"Amazingly well, I am happy to say," she raised her eyebrows and took a sip of coffee.

"Wow, really?" he said surprised.

"Yep, you know me, I don't break that easily. After all, I'm a 'Brown'," she chuckled.

Warrick nodded. "That you are, Baby Girl, and I'm really proud of you, ya know that?"

"Yep," she said and stood up. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold up this front for her brother. "I'm gonna go up and take a shower, okay?"

"Uh huh," he said staring down at the Sports page.

Warrick couldn't stop thinking about what his niece told him the other day. He couldn't stop hearing her little voice telling him that her mommy holds her tight and cries at night. It made him sick. It made him want to do some serious bodily harm to his brother-in-law. He wasn't sure how to handle this and it upset him that Jules obviously thought she had to be strong in front of him. She didn't have to pretend. She could lean on him and she always knew that.

Warrick sat and wondered why she was so secretive of her pain. He wondered if it was because she was afraid that if he knew how bad she was hurting that it would make him crazy and make him seek revenge on Nick. She wasn't far off base with that notion, but he still wanted her to be able to tell him the truth.

Warrick felt helpless. He didn't know what to do to carry her through these dark days. He knew one thing for sure though, he would not allow Nick to weasel his way back into Jules' heart.

Nick already had her heart and he broke it into pieces... and Warrick would be damned if he let him have a second chance with it.