Rated Tor M depending on what your definition is.

Don't own CSI.

I had to rewrite my opening statements here because the house I showed you (The Stokes' Residence) is no longer on realtor . com so...

I am taking down everything I said about it and the location of it on the site.

No sense on keeping it up here if it is gone. Why tease my readers who missed it?

But to those of you who got to see it...that was fun, right! I thought so.

Sorry it still isn't available for all to see. It was perfect.

Anyway, hope you will enjoy the story just the same.

She had a bad habit of biting her bottom lip when she was in deep thought. And tonight was no exception. She was thinking about Nick. Thinking about what has happened with the two of them the past several weeks. It has been a roller coaster. She remembered when she told Nick she wanted out of their marriage. That had to be the worst…she couldn't bear to see him or talk to him then. All she did was cry for the first two days straight. Thank God Trista took Emma for those days. She couldn't stop crying and she didn't want her daughter to witness those tears. Trista even swallowed her own disdain for Nick and dropped Emma off to see him for his visits. She didn't exactly want to, but she knew Emma needed to see her dad and, rather than have Jules be exposed to him, Trista did it herself. Trista not only saw Jules' pain…she felt it for her too.

She was lucky to have a best friend like Trista. Trista had a fierce loyalty and Jules knew without a doubt that she had her back, and would make sure she kept her focus. The only bad part about that was Jules wasn't so sure she wanted to focus on staying away from Nick. She didn't want to think rationally at all right now. But, each time she weakened at the knees when she thought about Nick, Trista was right there pointing out the obvious…the pictures, the phone bill, Brooke Latham's phone call admitting they had sex. Trista wasn't looking to hurt Jules, quite the contrary, she was trying to protect her in the long run.

But what Trista didn't know is that she had been with Nick just a few days ago when Emma cried her heart out for him and he came to see her. She hadn't meant to weaken like she did, but oddly enough she wasn't sorry. She was surprised about that. That night with him wasn't planned, but it wasn't reckless either. It was two people madly in love with each other finally reuniting for one moment in time. It was a tender moment that gave them strength. Jules knew if her friends and her brother found out they would have a fit. After what Nick did, and the tears they saw her cry, they would not understand.

Jules didn't want to upset them.

Trista and Warrick both witnessed the excruciating pain Jules endured. They both heard Brooke's phone call. They both held her as she sobbed and took care of Emma when she had no strength left. They were true to her and they only wanted to help her through this. So Jules kept that night a secret. No one needed to know about their indiscretion. Jules told Nick it wouldn't happen again anyway…so why would she tell anyone? No, it was just between her and Nick. She did not need to get everyone upset about something that just happened once and wouldn't happen again.

Trista walked out from the kitchen and yawned.

"You wanna sleep here or are you heading home?" Jules asked looking up from the chair in the den.

"Uh, nah, I'm gonna head home…or do you need me to stay? I can stay," Trista asked.

"No, no, don't be crazy! I'm fine. Go home and get in your own bed and sleep well," she smiled.

"Yeah, but I don't know if I wanna go to bed or go out!" she laughed, "a nice cozy bed does seem delightful though," she smirked.

"Well Jules, can I get you anything before I leave?" she said throwing her purse over her arm.

"Yeah," Jules smirked, "Can you give me my I-pod? I don't feel like getting up," she whined.

"Yeah sure, sure…want the clicker too, Lazy Ass?" she laughed.

"Nah, don't want to wake the peanut over there. I'll just veg out and listen to some music. Maybe the two of us will just sleep down here tonight," she smiled.

Trista grabbed Jules I-pod off the bookshelf and, before she tossed it to her, she gave her a quizzical face.

"Hey, you aren't gonna listen to a bunch of sappy songs and cry all night are you?" she asked suspiciously.

"NO! I don't even have sappy songs on there I'll have you know!" Jules was lying through her teeth and thankfully Trista didn't challenge it.

Trista tossed it to Jules before leaning over the couch and kissing the top of Emma's head.

Looking over at Jules she smiled.

"Don't get up, I'll lock it on the way out," she laughed knowing Jules wasn't getting up now that she had her I-pod and blanket.

"Love yooouuuu!" Jules teased.

"Love you too, Girlfriend," Trista turned to leave but stopped and looked back at her best friend sincerely, "Are you sure you're okay? Really?"

"Really. I'm strong; you know that," she nodded.

Jules sat silently in the chair watching her daughter sleeping. The sun had long since set and Jules wanted to get up and close the curtains and blinds as she usually does, but she just didn't have it in her to get up. She suddenly realized she had her earphones on but no music was playing. Instead, she had been sitting and staring at Emma for a long time. She had been thinking. She had a lot to think about. Nick truly consumed her thoughts. Their marriage, their daughter, their life…all were issues that were a part of this mess.

She thought about how she made love to him and how right it felt. She thought about the heartache he caused and how she nearly killed him with her rage and a coffee mug. She had a crazy mix of emotions and there was passion even in her fury. She shouldn't be surprised since she and Nick were one big ball of passion and had been since the moment they met. And once those connectors hit…wow, they lit fires.

Jules shook her head. She told Nick she would never be able to forgive him if he was unfaithful. She knew it looked bad for him, she knew she had hard proof and still, she truly couldn't figure out how on earth he could have been with another woman. No one on this planet could have the kind of explosive chemistry she and Nick had. No way he could find it with anyone else. It was rare. It was nearly unheard of. It always was something that they laughed about, both shocked at the intensity they felt. They never knew it was humanly possible, but she always said "they were living proof that you can love someone so much that the world around you explodes just from their kiss." She smiled thinking about Nick always telling her, "yeah, it might be a kiss for you, Darlin, but all I need is you to walk by me…and if you really want me to attack just walk by me wearing my clothes."

"Ugh…I cannot keep replaying this horror story! I nearly kill him, I cry for him, then I make love to him? This is insane!" she groaned and turned her music on.

Her heart was ripped to shreds instantly when the end of Colbie Caillet's song blared into her ears. Sure enough, Jules could feel the tears well in her eyes as she listened to the words.

And now, I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

And after all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you

Jules closed her eyes and felt a tear fall down her cheek. She held her breath at the last verse...

But I never told you

What I should have said

No, I never told you

I just held it in

And now,

I miss everything about you

Can't believe that I still want you

And after all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you…

She turned off her I-pod leaving her earphones in her ears.

"Why are you torturing yourself, Jules?" she asked herself and ran her hand over her face. "But, maybe I should tell him. Maybe I shouldn't hold it in and I should just tell him that I DO still believe in the two of us. That I DO want to make it work… I am just so damn scared and hurt and heartbroken and betrayed," she rattled off her thoughts.

Jules sat back in the chair and stared at Emma again. "She is so beautiful," she thought, "Not just because she's my daughter, but because she really, really is. That I gotta thank Nick for… She is Nick's girl, that's for sure. Nick's girl with a mix of me in there somewhere…I think," she smiled softly. "She is so precious and she deserves to have a happy home."

Emma was the baby her Grams told her she would have with Nick. Jules was always happy she named her daughter Emma, not just because she named her after, Emma Perry Carr, a woman chemist who paved the wave for all women chemists to come, but also because her name began with an "E" - a small wink at her Grams whose name was Esther. God she missed her Grams. "Grams would know what to do," she thought. Jules pressed her lips together…"Grams would be furious at Nick. She would tell me to 'throw his white ass out!'" Jules almost laughed out loud thinking about her Grams getting fired up and using profanity. She never cursed so the word "ass" for her would mean she was spittin' mad. "No way Grams would let me believe for one minute that pictures lie and phone bills aren't proof. She would tell me to 'wake up and get your head out of the sand, Baby Girl. I didn't raise no fool' … Totally. That is what she would say I just know it!"

And then, suddenly, she remembered when she was in the coma. She remembered the conversation she had with her Grams. She sucked in her breath and covered her mouth with her hand, remembering her Grams telling her, "I can promise you that you and Nick will be happy together if you let yourself. Don't push him away, Baby Girl. Do you hear me?"

Jules felt herself go numb. Her Grams would know. She was in the position to know! "You know everything up there in Heaven, right, Grams?" she wondered out loud.

Her thoughts continued.

"Baby Girl, I know all about him. And you are right, he is a wonderful man with a very big heart. He loves you and you have changed him… you've made him feel again," Jules swallowed hard from the memory of her Grams telling her emphatically "…you must promise me…let him love you….don't you put up a wall like you do. You hear me, child!" Her Grams insisted she promise her that. "

Grams would never, ever, tell me to love a man that she would know would do me wrong in the end. Not possible. This just doesn't make sense."

The more Jules sat there remembering the more she came to the conclusion that it wasn't true. Nick never came out and denied being with Brooke, but he held to his story that he didn't remember.

"But how could you not remember? Come on, who would believe that? But this is Nick. MY Nick."

She just couldn't see it.

Jules put her head down in her hand, and remembered looking at that phone bill. Remembering five different calls in more than one day. He had spoken to her after the wedding. After their fling.

"Ugh," she groaned. "How do I overlook that? Come on Jules, you know better. The evidence is in front of you! Maybe Grams just didn't know this would happen? Maybe…Oh God, I can't think about this anymore. I need to know the truth. He said he called to find out answers. Well, I need answers too!"

Jules got up from her chair and went to the phone that was sitting in the charger on the countertop. Picking it up she called Catherine.

"This is Catherine," she said picking up the phone rather quickly.

"Catherine, it's Jules," she told her.

"Hi, Jules," she said with a concerned tone, "Everything okay? What's the matter?"

Catherine wasn't used to Jules calling her. She would every now and then but Catherine was still concerned knowing that Nick was out of the house and she and Emma were alone.

"Oh, no, nothing…I was just wondering if Lindsay can babysit tonight," she swallowed hard knowing she rarely left Emma with anyone but her friends or brother.

Jules had told Nick she thought Lindsay was too young when he suggested it last time. She agreed to it but worried all through the movie. When they were heading to the restaurant after the movie, Nick looked over at her and told her they could just go home.

"Sunshine, you don't know one thing that went on in that movie do ya?" he smiled.

"Yeah, I do!…okay, no I don't. Don't you think sixteen is a little young?" she bit her lip.

"Jules! Emma loves Lindsay! Lindsay loves Em! But if you want to go back home we can go back home, Darlin'" he shook his head at her and gave her a Nick Stokes smile.

And they went home after only an hour and a half.

Catherine answered Jules question happily, "Absolutely, what time do you need her?"

"Is 8:00 okay?" Jules looked up at the clock that hung on her kitchen wall, "…or is that too short of a notice?"

"No, no, it's fine, I'm not working tonight anyway so it works out good," she told her and Jules was so glad when Catherine didn't ask why she needed a babysitter. "I can drop her off and just call me when you need me to pick her up."

"Oh gooood, that sounds perfect. Tell Lindsay I am ordering her a pizza. Does she want anything on it?"

"No, whatever, you don't even have to do that!" she argued.

"No, let her know it will be here if she wants it,,, and Catherine?"

"Yea?" Catherine answered.

"Thank you so much! Thank you!" Jules said enthusiastically.

Jules hung up the phone and took a deep breath. She quickly dialed Mario's Pizzeria and placed her order.

"Yes, hi, I'd like to order a pizza and some mozzarella sticks," she told the man on the other end of the phone. "It'll be a delivery."

"Not a problem, name and address?" he asked in a thick Italian accent.

"Jules Stokes at 11548 Timber Mountain - you've been here before."

"Oh yeah, yeah, sure thing, Mrs. Stokes, it'll be about twenty minutes," he told her.

"Sounds great. Thank you!" she said and took money out from her purse and tossed it on the countertop.

Placing her purse back on the desk, Jules walked quietly over to the couch. She gently scooped up her daughter and carried her upstairs. Laying her down in her own little bed, Jules leaned in and kissed her.

"Mommy loves you, Baby…and she's gonna try to make things right if she can…I promise," she whispered and she put the woobie next to her daughter's her head.

And Jules planned to do just that…