A/N: Okay, so this chapter is basically for CatherineJosephineMarie007, because she convinced me to get briefly out of the angst and introduced me to writing Drunk!Ted and Marshall. She has some pretty kickass stories too….seriously, go check her out. And I'm to tell you all that she has a Buffy fanfic that I have previewed and is awesome, that she will post if anyone is interested.

Poem, should anyone be wondering, is Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

Chapter 7: Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

"Alcohol." Marshall announced flatly, flopping into a seat at a bar near the hospital. "Lots of alcohol, now."

Lily nodded her agreement as she slid into the seat next to her husband, while Ted stood off to the side. The tequila came quickly, but Ted rushed in and grabbed Lily and Marshall's hands before they could down it. He was immediately met with death glares through red –rimmed eyes, but he persisted.

"Look guys, this isn't the answer. Barney….Barney needs us right now. We can't just drown it in alcohol."

Marshall jerked his hand away from Ted with a very un-Marshall like violence and scoffed in disbelief.

"Do you know Barney, dude? Tables were turned; do you honestly think he wouldn't be here too?" He huffed in a breath and cast his eyes downward at the bar. Lily leaned into him a little and nodded.

"Besides, by the looks of it, we'll have lots of time to be supportive." Lily spat the word as if it was poisonous, and reached for a shot, downing it in one gulp.

"But right now, alcohol."

Ted gave a deep sigh. They were right, he realized. This would be exactly what Barney would do if he were in their situation. He slid down next to his friends and ordered a tequila shot, then a shot of moonshine. They drank shot after shot, until Ted really couldn't tell how many they had gone through. His ears were buzzing, and he decided to count the number of empty glasses on the table.

"One, two, four, eight….what comes after eight? Is eight the end of the numbers?" Ted questioned, absolutely confused.

Marshall burst into giggles. "Ted's numbers are wrong!"

"Maybe all the numbers are wrong," Lily mused sagely. "Why does seven come after eight? Isn't seven jealous? Why doesn't anyone ever think of seven?

"The plight of seven!" Ted crowed. "It could be a song! But you know what song? S Club 7! Get it? That's funny, I'm funny!

Lily stood up suddenly. "Now we have to go to the friend we have!"

She leaned furtively over to a nearby man and spoke in a stage whisper. "He has cancer, you know. He may die! Isn't that funny? It's a funny word. Cancer. Can-cer. Like the crab!" Lilly clapped excitedly, as if she had solved some complex riddle.

"OH BARNEYYYYYYY!" Marshall whined, swinging his wrist and spilling tequila on his hand. "TEQUILAAAAH!"

Ted burst into peals of laughter. "Let's do something like Barney….obey the Bro Code! Barney gave me the paper….where did the paper go?" He whined pathetically. "Why can't life go right? All I want was the Bro-ing paper!"

Suddenly, a light seemed to go on Marshall's eyes. He gasped as if he had just had a major epiphany.

"Barney wrote the Bro Code," he burst out, as if he was finally sussing out what had before been bathed in mystery. With a "yes!" of triumph, he stumbled as fast as his feet would take him out of the bar and across the street to the hospital with Ted and Lilly following behind, their pinkies linked ("we would have been so cool in school. For school?").

Looking back, none of them had any recollection of how they got into Barney's room. They were anything but subtle, and later they would come to blame it on lax security on the part of the doctors. However it happened, they found themselves at Barney's door, knocking in what could only be described as a sad excuse for a "secret code" knock.

From behind the door came Barney's hopeful "Robin?", almost childlike in its optimism. Without waiting for an invitation in, Marshall stormed up to Barney's bed, jabbing a finger in his face and exclaiming with a drunken fury, "You BROKE the Bro Code!"

Barney was absolutely baffled. "…..what?"

Marshall paced the room angrily, but it was so small he just ended up going in circles. He followed this pattern for awhile, before stumbling and nearly collapsing from dizziness.

Barney's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he took it Marshall smacking himself repeatedly in an effort to make the dizziness abate and Ted and Lily giggling with pinkies still linked. "Oh my god, how drunk are all of you?"

"Soo drunk. Tequila is good!" Lily exclaimed.

"So….you reacted to the news of me having cancer, by going out and getting plastered?" Barney asking, setting off another round of giggles from Ted and Lily.

A wide smile broke out on Barney's pale face. "Brava!"

~himym~

Later, after a forty-five minute lecture from Marshall on how breaking the Bro Code when he himself wrote it was "inexcritical" (Barney guess this to be a mixture of inexcusable and hypocritical, which earned Marshall a fist-bump for creating such an awesome fake word), as well as a more serious talk filled with apologies, explanations, and promises of many visits and smuggled alcohol, the group finally sobered up enough to get themselves home and to bed. Barney shifted further into his own bed with a sigh. Drunk as they were, he didn't miss the red rimmed eyes and the genuine sadness in his friends. Lily had burst into tears on several occasions (once when she had segued into a tirade on the misuse of bunnies in pop culture, but the point remained), and Barney knew how hard this had hit them. More than anything, he wished for this not to be happening. If there was anything the past few months had taught him, however, it was that he couldn't live in a fantasy world forever.

His vomiting blood and passing out was a very bad sign, the doctors had told him. It meant that the treatment wasn't working, that the treatment wasn't enough to hold off the disease that was taking over his body. There would have to be more. And he would have to stay in the hospital. Somewhere inside Barney, he had wanted desperately to grab onto his friends as they left and beg them not to leave, so he wouldn't have to be alone in this big empty hospital. Thoughts of Robin also invaded his mind constantly, but he did his best to push them out. She would probably never come back. He had lied to her, deceived her, and tricked her. What reason could she have for wanting to be here anymore?

Two hours later, however, there was a bustle in the hallway. Barney heard the nurses yelling about how cigars were not allowed in hospitals and his heart leapt when a wind-swept and very pissed-off looking Robin ran into the room.

"Robin," Barney breathed, fully aware of how much he sounded like a thirteen year old boy.

"Shut up," she snapped. "I'm only here because I don't feel like taking care of everyone else's hangover and I can't go home."

"Why can't you go home?"

Robin shrugged as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be sitting with her cancer ridden boyfriend, after nearly being kicked out of a hospital for smoking.

"Punched my landlord."

"You punched –"

"He wanted my rent," Robin explained.

Barney laughed despite himself. "That rat bastard."

The corners of Robin's mouth twitched in a half-smile, and she flopped into a bedside chair, staring down at her hands.

Without looking up, she snapped, "wipe that smile off your face. I still hate you. Only here because I have to be."

Barney nodded, his face still sporting a bright smile he couldn't seem to wipe off.

A/N#2: So yeah, the ending sucks, but all in all I'm fairly satisfied with this chapter. Leave some thoughts on the way out? Kay thanks!