Chapter 4: Die with a Smile

It's kinda odd how stuff can sometimes work out for you, even when you're not trying. Kinda like that old film, "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying". Man, I wonder what it'd be like to work some place like World Wide Wickets?

Ah, hell, I'm digressing.

Even though I didn't know it yet, Drakken - now known as Two-Face - was flipping a coin in his hand. Guy looked seriously out of it. His lair was starting to look a little on the Jekyll and Hyde side as well, if you ask me.

"Where's Shego?" good ol' Two-Face suddenly wanted to know.

"She's been taken to Arkham, sir," one not-so-bright henchman actually decided to speak up.

"Damn it! Shego has failed me for the last time!" Man, what a drama queen.

The way I heard it later, he was thinking "should I shoot this henchman or not?" So he decided to flip the coin. The coin landed in his hand with the scratch side on top. So he took out his gun and fired. BANG! The henchman hit the ground. "Blast that Kim Possible!"

Like I said, total drama queen. Make that INACCURATE drama queen. I hate the fact how that prick could never even remember my name. Former name, whatever.

Anyway, back on the night in question Kim saw Josh covered in blood. He had a smile cut into his face with dried blood all over it. Holding a Joker card in one hand.

I knew KP well enough to know she'd been almost sick just to see him like that. I'm sure she took the Joker card from his hand and scanned it for Wade to examine, as soon as she went home. The cops woulda put Monkey in a body bag and zipped it closed after the CSI team were done with him.

Still, what did I care? Finally, my inventions were finished. Time to test the Joker venom.

"AHHAHAHAHAHA!" I grinned madly. I knew my parents would be home soon. I needed a pair of guinea pigs, so they'll do - I'll test it on them.

I heard a car pull up into the driveway. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable open up the front door and turn on the light.

They saw me. A young man waiting for them. Someone with ghost-white skin, a blood-red smile on his face, a scar on each side of his lips and green hair. Wearing a suit which was red, black and yellow. Sitting in a armchair with a look of insanity in his brown eyes.

Hey, I'm allowed to describe myself that way if I want. What's the point of being crazy if you can't say or think whatever you want, whenever you want?

"Hey, mom and dad. Welcome home."

"Ronald, is that you?" I swear, my mother really is the type who'd leave her head lying around if it wasn't screwed on tight.

"Actually, it's the Joker." I chuckled insanely. I had an evil smile on my face. I bet it sent chills down their spines.

"Ron, what happened to you?" Geez, Dad, I didn't know you cared.

"It's a long story, and I don't really want to tell it. Just sit down." They both sat down on the couch. "Oh, by the way, goodbye." I took out a bomb with Joker venom in it from my coat. Before they could say anything or try to stop me, I tossed the bomb to the floor. Joker venom filled the living room.

Their faces turn white with blood-red lips. Well, wouldn't this be a nice picture for the ol' family album? Finally, there's a bit of resemblance between us.

As my parents laughed themselves to death, I dropped two Joker cards at their feet behind me. "AHAHAHAHA!"

I shoulda known KP would be on the case, though.

"Wade, find anything yet?"

"Nothing, Kim. Not even fingerprints."

"He could have been wearing gloves."

"I guess so. Still, all we have here is just a normal playing card. Be careful, Kim. We've never faced a villain that kills before." Damn right you haven't, Wade. I'm beginning to think your rep is kinda over-rated.

'The Joker Strikes Again!' was the screaming headline on the front page the next day. Which Mr. Possible was reading, ha-ha.

"Good grief! The newspaper says there were two dead bodies found at the Stoppable's residence. Two Joker cards were found at the scene. The victims had white faces with blood red smiles. Oh no, they were Ron Stoppable's parents." Mr. Possible then set the paper down, staring at his wife. Apparently, they were both looking to be on the verge of a heart attack.

Kim came downstairs. "Good morning, Dad. Mother."

"Kimmie, I'm so sorry. But I have bad news. Ronald's parents were killed last night," Mr. P said.

When I heard, it just about made my whole freaking millennium. The fact that tears came pouring out of her eyes was just icing on the cake. As far as she knew I'd died, and now my parents were dead too. And Josh was dead as well. As far as she was concerned, the Joker had killed three people already.

Glory hallelujah.

A while later, I decided to follow Two-Face on a whim after going out in disguise. The guy had decided to rob a bank. Well, good for him; the money's gotta come from somewhere. But as I played the part of a hostage, I winced as I saw how slowly his henchmen put money into the bags. Please, Shego could have done it in half the time.

I saw him point his gun at the president of the bank. Then Drakken - sorry, Two-Face - flipped a coin to decide what to do, which landed in his hand. Man, what a stupid shtick for a so-called supervillain.

"It's your lucky day, you live." Ugh, big deal.

They were about to leave when KP showed up. I knew they'd pay for the tardiness thing. She took out the henchmen, but never even noticed me.

"Damn you, Kim Possible!" Screw the drama queen thing, Two-Face was a complete ham.

"You're going to Arkham, Drakken!" Better make that a pair of hams.

"I don't think so." He aimed at Kim's head. But KP kicked the gun out of Drakken's hand. Hey, she may be a bitch who cheated on me, but don't ever discount what Kim Possible is capable of doing when her brain isn't fighting against her instincts.

They started to fight, hand to hand. POW! He punched her in the face. BAM! She punched him right back. Damned if I didn't know who to be rooting for, at that precise moment.

Finally KP grabbed Drakken's arm then threw him to the floor. BAM! Kicked him not QUITE in the groin, but close enough. Hmmm.

In the end, Two-Face and his henchmen were taken away, and all the hostages - including me - were released. And yet, no one noticed the Joker was there.

I guess our heroine was finally having a good day. Too bad for her it wouldn't last.

To Be continued