A/N: And so we arrive at chapter 12! Feels like I've been writing this forever and yet for like three seconds. So for once in my history of stories, I have this bad boy outlined and the final chapter in the finalization stages. We still have what I would guess is about five chapters before that, though. And I am still shamelessly encouraging votes.

Well, we saved some rabbits. But the deer, they are fading. Help keep them alive, my pretties! Reviewww!

Chapter 12: My Little Runaway

Dear Diary; Today I've convinced myself it's ok to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo, no drama, now is just not the time. But my reasons aren't reasons, they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth, and the truth is that I'm scared. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for even one moment, that the world is going to come crashing down and I don't know if I can survive that. – Vampire Diaries

It was okay, really. That she was gone, that is. He didn't need her. How long had he been fine on his own? Over ten years, he estimated. After Shannon had shattered everything he used to be, and he had to sloppily paste himself back together, not thinking about how many pieces of himself he had lost in the process. That, he supposed, was a main factor in how he became who he was today. Really, he was okay though. He had known this would happen, hadn't he? He'd just figured that to have her even if they were living a lie was better than not having her at all.

Then he had to go and vomit blood, and the doctors were all giving him grim looks, and he was under no pretences about what it meant. And now Robin was gone. He had known it from the second Ted had brought out all the extravagant gifts, unable to look Barney in the eye. Barney had seen the guilt there, the shame and the reluctance. He'd known instantly. And as hard as he had tried to steel himself against it, he had felt his heart sink.

But that's what he got, really. He shouldn't have been so stupid as to think that the brief time Robin had waited at his bedside meant that she would stick with him through this. And who was he to ask her to? The very things that defined their awesomeness – alcohol, laser tag, cigar bars – they were all a thing of the past. Right now, Barney could barely muster up enough energy to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. So how could he ask Robin to just wait at his bedside, day after day, while he got thinner and paler and his hair fell out? He touched the top of his head gingerly, relieved to find the blond still thick and full.

How had they even gotten here? Barney swore he could remember just a few months ago, when everything was truly normal. When the biggest thing he had to worry about was Project X at work – which was pretty big, make no mistake, as Marshall said, should he not execute the contracts exactly, they would be at war with Portugal – still, his life had been carefree. Looking back, Barney could barely see himself in that man. He so desperately wanted to be that man again, strong, confident, healthy, but he wasn't. Now he never would be that man again. And that was why having Robin sitting beside him made him so happy. But that couldn't last, of course. Robin had to go and run away again, run so nothing touched her.

A flash of anger shot through Barney. How dare she? Of all times to be thinking of herself, she picked now? For once, couldn't she worry about someone else long enough to stick around? Barney erected his shield around himself once again. It had been stupid of him to let it fall. He resolved that should Robin ever come back, he would send her on her way again.

Because it was better this way. What had that doctor guy said on that plane crash show? "Live together, die alone". Barney sighed. It was more apt then he knew.

Robin's legs pounded the pavement frantically, her stomach cementing into an ever-bigger knot of fear and anticipation. She had to get back. Barney needed her, really needed her. So it didn't matter how freaked this made her, the fact that he needed her was more important than anything.

Marshall and Lily had dropped her off a few blocks from the hospital when she had insisted she needed to walk, to clear her head before she saw Barney. She hadn't missed the incredibly wary looks on their faces as they had reluctantly consented. They thought she was trying to ditch them, possibly so she could take off again. Robin would have been insulted, but the thought was not without merit.

The seeds of doubt that had been fed by the doctor's grim prognosis had ignited a firestorm inside of Robin. Barney could die. She had attempted at the time, to picture her life Barney-less. Try as she might, though, the picture just would not form in her mind. If she had stayed, however, she feared more than anything that not only would that picture become clear, that it would be an image she saw every time she closed her eyes, and she just didn't think she could deal with that. On the train, however, she had finally grasped the point of Ted's warning. Her life without Barney could happen whether or not she was with him. It had been the leverage she needed to keep herself from going through with what was really a shit decision.

The doubt percolating in her mind had been momentarily extinguished, but Robin feared that it would rise up again, and could only hope she was strong enough to overcome it.

Still, she was here, wasn't she? The hospital came into view around a bend and Robin bent over, gasping for breath. Just a few more meters to the door, then she would find Barney and insist she was here and she was going to help him. He'd be thrilled, she knew. Robin hadn't missed the elated look on his face when she had showed up at the hospital the first time.

By this time, Robin was rounding the bend to Barney's room. Taking a deep, calming breath, she stepped in.

Barney thought he was dreaming. He must be dreaming. It was only hours ago that Ted had told him Robin was gone, wasn't it? And yet here she was, wringing her hands together with a thoroughly embarrassed look on her face.

Barney wanted so much to pull her to him and never let her go. It would have made everything so much easier. But the promise he had made to himself echoed in his head, exactly the way he had rehearsed it.

So he bit down the joy her appearance created, and cleared his face of any emotion.

"Forget your phone or something?"

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"Why are you back here?"

Robin's face colored red. "I...I'm back."

Barney scoffed, making note to be as mean as he had to be to make her leave. "Yeah, you're back. But for how long?"

"That's not fair, Barney. I got scared, yeah, but...but I came back. I want to be here."

"No you don't." Barney shook his head. "This is exactly why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd react like this. Here is the last place you want to be."

Robin's eyes filled with tears, and Barney felt a pang in his heart. He was making Robin Scherbatsky cry. This realism thing officially sucked.

"Get out, Robin. Go start another life."

"I don't want to!"

"And I don't want you here. You wanted your out, you got it. Get out. Get out, get out!"

A single tear slipped down her face, as Robin turned, fleeing from the room and from Barney's life.

Ted figured it must be Lily or Marshall when the knock at the door came. He jumped up from the couch and opened the door.

Robin's teary face was not what he had expected, but Ted forced himself to take it in stride. He gave her a long, steady look.

"Are you done running?"

"Yes." It was barely a whisper, but the door opened and Ted let his lost friend in.