Disclaimer in Chapter 1.

This chapter is back from my beta sooner than expected!

Now it's time to begin to delve into the complexity that is Kate Beckett. She intrigues me and I hope I do her justice from this point on in the story.

"I can't do this!"

Lanie jumped, startled from her paperwork by the crash of the door slamming open and banging into the wall.

Placing her pen down and taking a second to catch her breath, the M.E let a small smirk cross her lips before quickly pulling on her 'game face' and turning to the very much alive homicide detective currently pacing the length of her morgue.

"And a good afternoon to you too, Detective Beckett, what brings you down to my lowly morgue?"

"I mean it, Lanie. I can't do this anymore!"

"Well, it might help a little if you clued me in on exactly what 'this' is…" Playing dumb was often a good tactic for Lanie where an emotional Beckett was concerned – at least for a little while.

"Him. This. Them!" The frustration lacing her friend's voice almost made Lanie smile. For such a great detective, Kate Beckett could sure be dumb sometimes.

"Very eloquent! Now, am I to assume you are talking about Castle and his newest addition?" Lanie couldn't help the smirk. This was almost too much like fun.

Lanie watched her friend pace distractedly for a few more seconds. This was the most un-Kate-like display that she'd ever witnessed to date. And since Castle had come to play in their sandbox, that was saying something.

Lanie loved that someone had finally gotten under her friend's skin, that someone had rattled her out of the self-composure she was so famous for. But more importantly Lanie loved seeing that it wasn't just for kicks. Castle may well have started out looking for something fun to fire his imagination, but he'd got something a lot more complicated in Kate Beckett and he hadn't stepped away. In fact he'd done the opposite. He'd pushed her – admittedly too hard on occasion – unsettled her, made her see and think and feel again, challenged her to live for more than just her victims and her murder boards and for that Lanie would be forever grateful.

Kate was stubborn and all the years of self protection had hardened her shell into something almost, almost, impenetrable to everyone save a select few. Lanie knew how Kate felt, knew she hadn't been truly ready to face the fact that in Richard Castle she had found something – someone – who wouldn't let her settle for anything less than everything she truly was.

Watching her friend's pacing agitation grow even more, Lanie realised that Kate had finally worked herself to her breaking point and she was ready for a real, no holds-barred, honest-to-goodness intervention.

This would need deft handling, finesse even, and if that didn't work, quite possibly a large, heavy and blunt object…

"Kate!"

The frantic pacing and muttering stopped abruptly as Lanie saw Kate's attention focus back on her.

Lanie motioned to the chair opposite her desk. "Sit down. And explain to me – slowly – what exactly has gotten you so riled this time."

Not that she didn't already know, or couldn't hazard a pretty accurate guess. It was no secret after all that the adoption was going to proceed quickly and smoothly, and that meant a certain novelist had to step away from his consulting at the precinct. Combine that with his last minute attempted declaration – that piece of information had come courtesy of the boys upstairs - and it was no wonder Kate Beckett was in freefall.

Kate, for once, did as she was directed and it seemed to Lanie like all the hot air and bluster whooshed out of her the second her butt touched plastic. So she waited, only arching one precisely shaped eyebrow in her friend's direction.

"You know about the baby, right?" Kate sighed and Lanie decided to let the 'Do you think I'm stupid' look speak for itself. Although this was supposed to be done with finesse, some questions were just too stupid to deserve anything else.

"If you mean that cute little parcel of pink that he's in the process of loving and adopting, then yes, I know all about Sophie Castle." Lanie watched as Kate reacted to the little girl's name. Her detective friend was good, but in this, Lanie knew that she was better.

"He left, Lanie."

Lanie fought the urge to suck in her breath and the pain those words contained. Finesse, she repeated to herself in her head.

"Of course he did, girl. Don't tell me you want him to try to do the new-dad thing and hunt murderers with you…"

Kate's eyes snapped to hers, emotion crackling through them. "I'd kill him if he tried!"

"Of course you would. So why, when for once, writer-boy is doing exactly what you want him to do, has he caused a reaction like this?"

Lanie almost cracked then, watching her friend come so close to crumpling in on herself, was a horrible sight to see. But she steeled herself, because this needed saying – all of it. It was her job as best-friend-in-chief and so she waited for Kate to answer.

"Because… because he's gone, Lanie."

Lanie moved to her friend's side. "Oh, girl…"

"And I shouldn't feel this way, Lanie. It's horrible that I do. She needs him; he had to go, and he's doing this amazing thing, but God, Lanie… I didn't want him to leave."

"Seems to me there's a simple solution," Lanie whispered softly and allowed a small smile at Kate's confused look.

"Follow him." Lanie couldn't help the element of 'duh' that may or may not have crept into that response. Thankfully, Kate didn't seem to notice.

"How can I, Lanie? He started to tell me… before he left…. and I knew what he was going to say and I blew him off. I'm not ready for this, Lanie. Hell, I was hardly ready for Richard Castle, the author, let alone Richard Castle the father… the man."

"Kate…" Lanie tried to interrupt but the roll was not to be stopped.

"…he was complicated before this, Lanie. But now it's even worse! Say we… God, say we try to be what he wanted? It was hard enough to think about what being with him as 'playboy-of-the-week, bad-boy author'. All the press, the parties and the attention? That's not me, Lanie." Lanie held Kate's look, but remained silent, this was Kate's moment and Lanie daren't interrupt.

"And yes, I have feelings for him, who wouldn't? He gets under your skin before you even know he's started trying. But now he's got this whole brand new family and I'm not ready for that. Alexis would've been easier, she's older and understands more, hell she's the most grown up out of the entire family – except that she's not. Not really. Because he's a great dad, Lanie and I always knew he was a package deal, but now he's a new dad and I just don't think I could be a new mom, Lanie… and if I tried, and we didn't work, and I'd have to walk away…"

Lanie was torn between laughing, crying and reaching for that blunt and heavy object. "Woah girl, at least you finally admitted you care about him, but I just lost a decade of my life! Don't ya want to try a date first before becoming Mom?'

"That's just it, Lanie; it wouldn't be as easy as a first date. And you and I both know it."

Lanie eyed at her friend but said nothing more, letting her vent her thoughts.

"What if we dated and it didn't work out. And then I'd not just lose him, Lanie, but if I let myself love those two girls like they deserve to be loved…"

"Honey, if it didn't work out – and believe me hell would freeze over before then - if you think Richard Castle is they type of man to stop you from seeing those girls, then you haven't been paying enough attention for the last couple of years to deserve him in the first place."

Lanie was pleased to see the truth of that sink back in. Kate already knew this, but Lanie knew that this was Kate's way of working through towards the real issue.

Lanie watched Kate draw in a deep shaky breath before she spoke. "What if it did work, Lanie? What if it did and we were happy for years and years, what if we made a truly happy family together and then something happened that made me leave them. I lived it, Lanie, my father lived it and I don't ever want to put the people I love through that. I have a dangerous job, Lanie and I'm good at it and it's not fair of me to want something that will put them through what I lived through!"

And there it was. Lanie could almost hear Castle in her head shouting 'Bam, said the lady!' But this was the moment Lanie had been waiting for Kate to get to. The moment Kate Beckett needed a nudge back in the right direction and Lanie was just the woman to do it.

"Then you, Kate Beckett, are a coward."

Lanie watched the barb strike home and render Kate mute, leaving the field open for the end-game.

"I see why you run, Kate, don't you think I don't. I see it as clear as the perky little nose on my face; and so does he. And that scares you. You've lived through something no-one should ever have to experience, but now you are denying yourself something special through fear. But worse still you are denying them something wonderful too. The way I see it is that you don't get to make that decision for them. If they want you, if he wants you, you don't get to tell him no just because you are frightened of something, someday, maybe happening. It's okay to be scared, honey, but if you push him away because you are afraid of living, of being alive? Then yeah that makes a coward."

Lanie reached out and wrapped her hand around her friend's; pulling slightly to make sure Kate was listening closely to her next words.

"He's your one and done, Kate and it's about time you showed him that."

Kate opened her mouth, readying the routine protest, but then closed it again as tears formed in her eyes, her voice gravely with emotion. "He is my one and done, Lanie. And I'm terrified."

TBC…

AN: Once again, a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. It means the world to me, it really does.

Just to let you all know, the story is now fully written and in the hands of my beta reader. Its twelve parts plus an epilogue and I will post each part as soon as my beta is done and I've made any edits she advises.

Thanks again for reading,

Callie.