Chapter 8 Agent of Chaos Part 2

The bomb went off! BOOM!

Ah, I love it when a – no, forget it. There's no way I can pull that off, at least not without a cigar in my mouth, plus a con artist, a pilot and a black guy sporting a Mohawk glaring at me. Note to self: see if Mr. Todd can get his hands on some decent Cuban cigars.

Anyway, I watched as Kim flew through the air and landed on her back. Before she lost consciousness, I decided to mosey on over her way. I looked down at her. "Why so serious, KP?"

I figured she couldn't hear what I was saying from all the ringing in her ears, but what the hell. So I shrugged and added, "In case you were wondering, I'm not going to kill you. I enjoy making your life a living hell. It's just too much fun. AHAHAHHAHAHA!"

With nothing else to say, I then left. As I did, I noticed Kim closing her eyes and passing out.

The way I heard it, she stayed knocked out for quite a while. Finally as the rain started to pour down on her, there was a sound. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

She pulled out her Kimmunicator, and Wade appeared on screen. "Kim!"

"Not so loud, Wade, please," our intrepid heroine replied gingerly, the way all plucky female superheroes did.

"Sorry, Kim. Drak...I mean Two-Face and Shego have broken out of Arkham. Or rather, someone broke them out, killing the guards along the way."

"No big, I'll bring them in myself." Excuse me? Kim just barely survived a bomb blast, she's still bleeding out - and now she's planning to go face her two worst enemies without any backup? Even Monkey Fist wouldn't be that stupid!

"I got more bad news, Kim. Your parents were killed barely a few hours ago." Way to go, Wade, break the bad news to her gently. Oh, wait – I mean thanks!

Tears came gushing down her eyes, mixing with the pouring rain. Too bad I couldn't see it in person, but then I had other business to attend to.

Two-Face and Shego were now at their old lair, while I was hiding in a dark corner. "Hello, my dear old friends," I said cheerfully. Of course, I'm pretty sure I sounded just as insane as that vampire Drusilla on that old TV show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer – but if it made them nervous, hey, what's the downside?

So I walked out from the dark corner, and a ceiling lamp shone down on my grinning face. Naturally, Shego lit up her hands.

"Shego? I wouldn't do that if I were you." Opening up my trench coat, I showed them the Joker venom bombs I was sporting. "One tug from my finger on the strings tied to the pins. That's all it'll take for you and your boss to laugh yourselves to death."

Shego unlit her hands then let out a bored sigh. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? World peace? Naah, boring, not to mention impossible to achieve. My old life back, before I became the clown prince of crime? Possibly, possibly, although I kinda like the new me. Hmm, a whole lot of pussy and a keg of beer. Well, what straight American male doesn't want that? Not that what's between your legs counts, Shego."

"You may be nuts, but you're obviously still a complete bastard!" Shego glared at me.

Oddly enough, though, Two-Face was grinning at me. "Yes, Shego, but he's just insane enough to interest me. Joker, I like you. Why don't we team up?"

"Team up with a mad clown?" Shego asked, looking disgusted.

Two-Face was eyeing my bombs. "Do we honestly have a choice right now?"

"Good, I'm glad you two see it my way." Without warning, I hit Shego with one of my old Zorpox specials. She starts screaming like her skin's being burned off, which pretty much makes up for the chemical bath in my book.

Two-Face looked more pissed off than anything. I told him, "She'll live. Besides, I can't have her thinking she can do whatever she wants to me and not expect to have to pay the price for it, can I?"

That confuses him, as he doesn't know who the Joker is – or rather, was. But that's okay – I look forward to telling them both the truth in my own good time.

Funnily enough, at this moment Tara was placing a red rose on Ron Stoppable's headstone. It helps to dissociate myself from that loser, even in my thoughts. After all, I'm the Joker now.

"I blame Kim for this. That heartless cheating bitch," Trying not to cry, she left the cemetery. Wow, I knew she used to like me – but Tara was shedding tears in public for ME? Get out!

Later on, Bonnie came over to Tara's house. I'm honestly not sure why.

"Hi Bonnie, come on in," Tara said, before they went to her room. "What's this about?"

Bonnie told her, "I got kidnapped by the Joker. I was so terrified, I had nightmares about it last night. If Kim hadn't been there, I would have died!"

"Well, I'm glad you're alright."

"So am I."

"Thanks. So, have you tried the latest lipstick that just came out yesterday? The one called Harlot?"

Argh, girl talk. Somebody, shoot me!

Well, anyway, after I kidnapped Tara she told me about that conversation. Then it struck me, maybe I should have chosen her way back when. Hell, why not? Everything might have been so different...

Never mind, too late now. I decided I would drive her nuts instead. It didn't take all that long, either, all I needed was to hit the right pressure points to break her mind.

For example, I tied Tara up against a pole, stripped her naked, and then I took off my own clothes before I started dancing completely nude, all the while singing the Marine fighting song.

Trust me, it's more effective than you might think.

She was screaming her lungs out by that point because Tara thought I was going to rape her, but instead, I put on the old flesh-toned make-up on my face.

Anyway, she recognized me – and then her mind snapped, just like that. Too much too soon and good old Tara was no more, instead there was only a mad woman who laughed like a harlequin clown.

Hmm, nice name.

Later at their lair, Two-Face and Shego started to make plans. They wanted to get rid of Kim Possible. Well, what else was new?

I chose that moment to come in and introduce to them a new villain calling herself Harlequin. She was dressed in a red and black jester costume, with red and black diamonds. She also had white face paint with red lips and a black domino mask.

Don't ask me why – I guess good old Tara must have secretly liked them.

"Who is this?" Shego asked in disgust, she was still pissed at me for hurting her. Too bad, bitch, you should consider yourself lucky I didn't kill you when I had the chance.

"Shego, Two-Face, I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend, Harlequin."

"A pleasure, my dear," Two-Face smiled. Well, half of his face did anyway. The other half was kinda disgusting for me to look at, and I knew Tara felt the same way.

Anyway, the two retards came up with the idea for a robbery. Harlequin and I came along for the ride. By the time the alarms were ringing, Harlequin was toting a bag filled with jewels, gold rings and cash.

Looks like she hit the jackpot.

I put the loot into the car. I wondered where Kim was? Oh well. Never mind.

Just then, KP showed up. Girl definitely wasn't at the top of her game, probably signed herself out of the hospital against medical advice. Well, that's her problem.

Anyway, Shego decided to do her thing and fire green energy at her. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Then Two-Face punched her. POW! POW!
Then Harlequin kicked Kim in the face. BAM!

Kim was covered in cuts, bloody and wounded. She looked at me while she was down and out, wondering why I didn't take my own pound of flesh. The others did too. Oh well, if they're unable to understand the best form of revenge – never go for the kill, when you can go for the pain – that's their problem.

"Why don't we just kill her right now?" Shego demanded.

"Why the rush?" I asked. "I dunno about you, Shego, but I'm having too much fun watching her constantly get hurt. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shego rolled her eyes. "You're crazy!"

"Don't you talk like that to Mistah J!" yelled Harlequin, bless her crazy heart.

"You bastards won't get away with this!" Ah, good old KP, defiant to the end.

Two-Face pointed his gun at Kim. No, can't have that...

"Hey, Two-Face, put that away," I told him, showing him the cans of Joker venom.

He sighed and put his gun away. "You're not all that, Kim Possible!"

After all this time, that was not even remotely funny anymore.

Two-Face let out another sigh. "Damn clown. Well, you finally lost Kimmie. This is the day I finally BEAT Kim Possible!"

Harlequin then started pulling me away from the scene of the crime, and I guess Shego and Two-Face decided to skedaddle while the going was good too. Damn it, they took most of the loot!

Anyway, before the cops showed up Kim called Wade. "Wade, can you get GJ?"

"No problem, Kim. They're on the way there."

"You rock, Wade."

Later at the lair, GJ agents crashed though the windows. KP was with them! Damn party crashers!

I threw a Joker bomb at them with non-deadly laughing gas. No point in killing KP, since I love to make her suffer. While everyone was laughing their asses off, Harlequin and I made our escape.

Too bad for Shego and Two-Face, we took practically all the loot with us.

To Be Continued