Author's note: I hope I don't put any one off by what will follow. I just see Edward and Bella a slight bit differently. Even perfect Edward is not so perfect. What happens when humanistic traits win out over vampire one's? Read and find out. As always, thank you for your time and oh yea, please review :)

EPOV:

I watched Bella sleep that night even though she was still mad at me. It was the cutest thing in the world. She was upset and it showed. She was all over the place, tossing and turning. She even kicked and hit me a few times. It didn't hurt me. I am quite certain that it will hurt her in the morning though. Her hand would be black and blue. It would match the rest of her.

"I hate you, Edward." I heard her say. She mumbled something unintelligible after it. She whimpered and flicked her hand out across my waist. A pang of guilt stabbed me sharp in the stomach. I hurt her more than I thought.

OK, that was a mean trick I played on her but she wasn't innocent either. I just intended to give her back some of the bitter pill she forced me to swallow. I looked down at her arm and realized how I gave her a huge, bitter horse pill. Her bruises were massive. I looked at my hand and placed them over the bluish purple ovals at the same angle. She sniffled against me and a tear escaped from under her closed eyelids.

I sighed deep, and I felt like crying. I couldn't of course, so I settled for kissing the top of her head and pulling her close. I guess my jealousy got the best of me. Was I not better than the guys who tried to harass her that night in Port Angeles? Did I not start out doing exactly what they thought of doing? And she says I'm not a monster. Yea…right.

"Don't..don't go away again…" Her hand twisted in my shirt.

Confirmed.

I ran my hand across her cheek and whispered 'I love you'.

"I love you, too." Her voice was thick with unshed tears.

I had to take a break again and I would be back by the time school started. I just needed to go away and clear my head. I needed to ask advice from someone who doesn't know Bella. I needed a different view. I had to go now. For her sake.

I scooted away from her, placing her arm around the pillow I had been laying on.

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I trudged through the knee deep snow, shaking the flakes off my head. I took my time walking here. During that time I played over the last few days. It was so complicated being with Bella, but I wouldn't want to be with out her. I wasn't good for her, that was obvious. Heroin had nothing on her. She was the worst addiction I had ever had in my life. As if wanting human blood wasn't enough.

Stepping up onto the porch, I kicked off the snow and my hand lifted to knock, but suddenly the door swung open. My heart sunk and I noticed it was Tanya. I was really looking for Carmen. She gave really good advice. I could smell and hear that she was no where around. I was totally pre-occupied with the thoughts of Bella. Not once did I hear Tanya's thoughts before now.

Hello, Mr. Rude. She blinked at me and crinkled her nose.

"Hello, Tanya."

"About time. I hate awkward silences." She jokingly pushed my shoulder. "Want to come in?"

"No. It's OK. I will just sit on the steps." I turned and plopped down, hanging my head.

Why are you here? You know this ..is..so weird.

I chuckled. "My apologies. I was looking for Carmen. I needed advice."

I heard her sit down next to me.

"They are gone for a few days. They decided to go to Maui. I decided to stay. Lucky you. Besides I give as good advice as any."

I snorted. "Non-biased?"

"If that's what you need. Yes." She looked at me. Her eyes sincere enough.

I shifted my weight. Very human like and she noticed.

Just talk to me, Edward.

"Well, there's this girl.." I watched her stiffen. "She's human and I'm in love with her."

"You're in love with a human? You? Mr. Untouchable like Elliot Ness.." I threw a snow ball at her and she ducked. "Just kidding, but in all seriousness, and?"

"I hurt her when we… you know." If I could have blushed I would of.

"Get out!" She laughed and slapped my shoulder. "You seemed so high and mighty. As they say 'Oh how the mighty hath fallen'."

I ignored her taunts. "How..how do you guys not hurt the men? Is it hard?"

"Oh, it's very hard. But, it get's better with practice. Lots and lots and lots of it, but I'm thinking about dating a vamp guy." Her eyes mirrored hope. "So I don't have to worry about breaking some one's ribs."

"It get's that bad? I shifted through some images and the outcomes looked gruesome. I lost some hope while her eyes gained them. Bella was my drug and if it's like that with out that aspect, how could I handle it with it?

You know my answer to that. I crunched some snow in my hand and threw it so hard it splintered a tree. Bella and I were hopeless. I closed my eyes in defeat.

Tanya's lips touched mine and I knew that I shouldn't kiss her back, but I did. Everything was so confusing. It was all so painful, so unbearable. I just wanted to forget for this one moment in time. To not think at all and just enjoy what was being offered so freely. To not hurt the one I'm with.

At this very moment I didn't want to think, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to feel normal. I was at first tender with Tanya but she deepened the kiss and slipped her tongue into my mouth. I sucked on it. She smoothly straddled my lap and hungrily took my mouth. Her strawberry blonde hair cascading around us.

Just let go. I won't break.

I pushed Tanya off my lap and sat her down onto the snow. I sat next to her and yanked down her blouse. My mouth claimed one of her willing breasts. I had to forget Bella. I needed to. I couldn't be in her world. Yet again I proved that I was a mess. She clouded my reasoning, my thoughts, all of my senses. My ability to be..well..normal. Even though I wasn't exactly that in the first place.

Tanya's hand fisted in my hair, her back arched. I could be uninhibited and I liked that. I bit her nipple and she asked for more. She didn't wince away from my strength. She wouldn't turn into a vampire. She wouldn't break. She was just willing.. for me. I didn't have to hold back anything.

I could hear her thoughts, what a pleasant change. I knew what she wanted and expected out of me. I could please her that way. I rubbed her between her legs through her silk underwear. My hand slipped into them and I massaged her clit the way I did to B…

I shook my head. Focus. Tanya shifted her hips and my finger slipped inside of her. I want more. More. Let me show you. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and I cheated a bit by delving into her mind. She wanted me to just tear off her underwear and let her take me. She wanted me to forget and I did too.

I did as she asked. She regained her position on my lap, but this time she made sure I was hard and unclothed.

"No regrets.." I couldn't agree. I was unsure. I wasn't fully into this like I thought I would be. I wanted to stop. I wanted to graciously bow out no w. I think she sensed it and she dropped down onto where I unmercifully throbbed. This was unfair to her. Every one will end up hurt. I would hurt them both regardless.

At once, she became a wild cat. Her hands on my shoulders dug into my flesh as her body began to move. Finally, and he feels so grand. Like I thought he would. She bent over me to kiss me again and I couldn't help but to let loose a growl. She felt as good as Bella. An image of my love with her mouth open moaning my name battered me and I closed my eyes.

"Bella.." I whispered.

Tanya stopped and I opened my eyes just as she smacked me. If I was human my jaw would have shattered. Her lip quivered and she looked so disheveled. The same look Bella had given me when I had left her. I opened my mouth to say something but she refused to listen.

"I hate you!" She spat. "Go! Leave! Go back to Bella." It wasn't all true. She wanted me to stay. But I had used her in the worst way. To forget about someone else. My intentions once sincere turned into a nightmare.

BPOV:

I couldn't breathe. I grabbed for Edward when I screamed from my nightmare. I squinted in the dark. He was no where to be found. I heard Charlie run from his room and knock on my door. I put my hand through my hair. Where was he?

"Bells? You alright in there?" The worry emanated from his voice.

"Uh..yea, Dad." I went to the door and peered out. "Just a nightmare."

Relief consumed him. "You scared the crap out of me. As usual."

"Yea, well, I'm alright now."

"Get some sleep. You've got school in a few hours."

"I will. Thanks." I shut the door and ran to the dresser to grab my cell phone.

"Looking for me…"

I jumped. He was always startling someone. My phone landed back on the dresser.

"Where'd you go?" I eyed him suspiciously. He looked as if he were guilty of something.

"I needed to go.. You were having nightmares. I was hurting you in them."

I lowered my eyes. Indeed, I had been having horrific nightmares of him killing me, or leaving again, or leaving to be with someone else..

"I take it I was talking in my sleep again."

His face fell, "We need to talk."

"Don't. Not now. Don't do this now. I know what you are going to say." My voice rose a few octaves in hysteria. "After school. Just for now..hold me."

The stupid tears were about to erupt again. I felt suffocated. Was I even breathing? My legs went weak and I swayed. He was going to leave me. I wasn't good enough for him. Just clumsy. Clumsy Bella. I felt like I was floating. His concerned face was fading away into the night, just like in my dream. I lost the fight against the darkness and fainted.