Chapter 10 The Joke Is On You Part 1

"Ronnie? I heard Shego killed you!"

Damn it, this is no fun. I hate it that people think that bitch actually got the better of me. Gonna have to do something about that.

"Gil, Gil, Gil. You and your friends are really starting to piss me off."

So I pulled out a gun and opened fire at point-blank range. BANG! BANG! BANG! Three bodies hit the floor, dead.

Gil just looked down at them like a big dummy. He was about to bolt out the back door of the cabin, I knew that. He's nothing if not predictable.

So naturally, I punched Gil in the back of the head. He hit the floor, hard. Not hard enough, granted, but at least this was STARTING to become fun.

Gil got up off the floor. The guy looked pretty annoyed as he turned to face me.

SHLUP! The bastard tried tearing my old face off, like Orochimaru did. After his face got burned by Sasuke, I mean.

The white skin underneath the mask surely scared the shit out of good ol' Gil. I started grinning as I took off the blond wig and threw it into the floor. My green hair, purple suit with a green tie, green vest, blue shirt and purple gloves quickly become visible.

He tried to run again, but I quickly tackled him to the floor. Putting the switchblade to Gil's mouth, I said, "Guess we've finally got something in common, Gil. We're both freaks, you and I. You may no longer look like The Creature From the Black Lagoon, but you're still a freak like me. Hey, why so serious? Gil, you should smile a lot more."

He started to struggle, of course, but a low blow to the groin quickly took care of that. I started cutting a smile deep into his face. Slashing his neck until the blood came pouring out like a fountain.

Now THIS is fun!

Gil's body fell to the floor. Ignoring the blood, I dropped four Joker cards near the bodies and left the cabin to burn, after throwing a bomb though the window. KAA-BOOOMM!

I never did like Camp Wanna-Weep.

Well, it was time to hit the road. Later on, the police and Commissioner Gordon got out of their cars to survey the damage.

"The Joker's handiwork, again," sighed Gordon, as a uniform cop showed him the souvenirs. You'd think he could be a little more enthusiastic!

Elsewhere, Batgirl was out crime-fighting, while Tim and Jim were helping out in the Batcave. Not that I knew that at the time, of course – but if I did, I'm sure it would have ended up a whole lot differently.

Because Poison Ivy had finally found what she was looking for in her lab, which just happened to be owned by Wayne Enterprise. A new, experimental chemical which would make her plants stronger and help them grow a lot faster.

"My plants will love this," she smiled.

But just then, GJ agents burst though the lab doors, their guns aimed at Poison Ivy. One of them yelled, "You're under arrest! Hands on your head, Poison Ivy!"

She just dropped a seed to the floor. It quickly grew into a giant man-eating plant, and surprise, surprise, guess who it decided to chow down on first?

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Too bad the plant was bullet-proof as well, fellas.

"So long, boys," laughed Poison Ivy as she escaped the lab.

The giant plant's vines grabbed the agents and ate them whole! It was beautiful, when I heard about it later. Some of them screamed while being ripped apart and eaten alive. Ah well, never mind.

Later at Poison Ivy's greenhouse, she used the chemical on her favorite plants - which ended up killing them, for some reason.

"My babies!" cried Poison Ivy. Well, no time like the present to announce my presence. So I started clapping behind her.

"What a show!" I said. "What do you do for an encore?"

I couldn't help smiling, as she turned around to stare at me.

"You son of a bitch! You killed my plants!" good old Pam yelled furiously.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed right in her face. "Poison Ivy, you tried to kill me by hiring Shego to do it. She blasted my ass so that I would fall to my death inside a chemical tank. Well, now we're even. Thanks to you, Kim and Shego. You guys gave me the push I need to become - the Joker."

Poison Ivy was furious. Ye gods, but she was beautiful when she was angry. "How in the hell did you find out?"

"I have my ways," I told her with a smirk.

Good ol' Pam decided to quit playing games at that point, so I threw a vial filled with Joker venom at her. It hit her right in the face.

Poison Ivy started to laugh, as her face turned white and her lips turned blood red. I NEVER get tired of seeing that!

"Guess the joke's on you, Pam."

So I fired my gun. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Poison Ivy fell to the ground. Blood poured out from the bullet holes. I was pretty sure her harvest season was done!

"AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! And by the way, Pam, that was for hiring those two goons who kidnapped me and gave me my scars!"

Tossing a Joker card at her body, I turned and walked away.

Little did I know that at that moment, Rufus was being found in my former house. His pink skin was all white, and his lips blood red. Good old Rufus was crazy and insane. Just my luck, Kim found him, and she took Rufus to Wade.

"There's no cure for the Joker venom," said Wade. Well, no shit Sherlock!

"Poor Rufus. Is there any way we can get him back to normal, Wade?" asked Kim.

"Not from what I can see. I'm not picking up anything. The only data I've determined is that the Joker venom is a deadly kind of laughing gas."

"Any clue on who the Joker might be?"

"No, Kim. Not without a blood sample or fingerprints. So far, there are no records of the Joker being in Arkham, which means he's never been caught."

Kim sighed at the bad news. She watched as Rufus threw things while laughing insanely in his cage. There was no hope for Rufus. Kim had a hard enough time getting him into his cage.

Still, later she did her duty as Batgirl spin-kicked Black Mask and knocked him out. GJ agents handcuffed Black Mask and his gang, and the bad guys were taken away in a GJ armoured truck. I witnessed it happen.

What I didn't witness happen was a supervillain by the name of Red Mist robbing a bank in Upperton. Still, later on the story was all the rage as the underworld gossip started.

"Nobody do anything stupid, and nobody gets hurt," he said. Red Mist's henchmen loaded the bags with loot from the vault. "Oh...the hell with it." Red Mist took out his gun. Aiming the gun at a hostage, he was just about to shoot...

But at the last second, Kick-Ass hit Red Mist with his baton. BAM! Right into his face. Blood splashed down from Red Mist's face.

"Damn you, Kick-Ass!"

"You're going down, Red Mist." He kicked the gun out of the bad guy's hand.

POW! WHACK! Red Mist went down, and the hostages were all safe thanks to Kick-Ass. Soon enough, Red Mist was taken away to Arkham, and good riddance to him. If I ever come across the guy, I'd have to kill him on general principles.

Some time later at Shego's penthouse, Shego opened the door and walked into the living room. She was surprised to see me sitting in an armchair. Drinking wine from a glass.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded. "And that's my wine you're drinking!"

Shego blasted the glass in my hand. Pieces of it lay on the wooden floor.

"Now, is that any way to treat a guest? Let alone an old friend?" I take out my gun from my coat. BANG! A bullet hits Shego's shoulder. Blood poured out from the wound.

Shego screamed out in pain, naturally enough. She may have a good healing factor, but even that has limits on how quickly it can act. "I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Now that's more like it," I laughed. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now we're even. You tried to kill me. Which was a big mistake, Shego."

I could see it in her eyes. She finally recognized me. "Buffoon?"

"Yes! I'm alive, but the old me died that night. It's a shame KP doesn't know that I'm not dead."

"Kim does have a big ego and a hero complex," she admitted. We both laughed, before Shego's wound healed up.

"Oh, look at the time. I must be going," I told her with a smile.

"I'm still going to blast you, buffoon."

"Not if I jump out the window first. Bye!"

BANG! The window shattered as I jump out with a grin on my face. I landed in the bushes. Dusted myself off, and walked away from the penthouse as calm as you please.

"Idiot," Shego snorted to herself. "Now that I know who he really is, I just have to..."

Too late, Shego spotted the empty safe with a Joker card and a bomb in it. The bomb's countdown finally hit zero.

KA-BOOOOMMMM! I watched the whole penthouse go up in flames. I wish I could have seen the look on her face, because there was more than one bomb set up. No way even Shego could survive what I'd arranged to happen to her – she was now roasting in Hell, and good riddance to her.

"If you're gonna go, then always go out in style, that's my motto. AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Not far away, things weren't looking too good for Two-Face, once known as Dr. Drakken. His men were being killed by a 15-year-old wearing a purple wig, black cape, black gloves, purple jacket, purple pants with black knee-guards and black boots. She had style, I gotta say.

Hit Girl dodged bullets while firing her own pistols. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Each and every one of them lay dead. Most of them didn't get a chance to fire their own guns.

Lame, useless henchmen. Couldn't kill a damn kid? No way did they even rate on the minion scale.

Two-Face took aim with his gun. He was beyond pissed off! "That blasted superhero is worse than Kim Possible and Batgirl!"

Kinda ironic, since he doesn't know that Kim and Batgirl are one and the same.

"Just you and me now, you bastard," said Hit Girl.

"You think you're all that, but you're not!"

Hit Girl rolled her eyes. "This guy is a total fucking douche!" Well, it's better description than 'ham' or 'drama queen', you've got to admit.

Before Two-Face could pull the trigger, Hit Girl threw a throwing star at his head. Hit him right between the eyes. Damn, I wish could have seen it for myself.

Two-Face hit the floor face down, his soul already downstairs and starting to get charbroiled. Kick-Ass met up with Hit Girl and they went to fight crime elsewhere in Tricity.

Just their luck, a riot started to take place in Arkham Asylum. The inmates started attacking each other. While the guards tried to stop them, Chris D'amico a.k.a. Red Mist got stabbed in the belly by another inmate.

"That's for killing my brother, you motherfucker!"

Doesn't it give you a good feeling to know that, deep down, family still means something to some people?

To be concluded...