This chapter will be a little longer than normal. Sorry guys, but hopefully it is worth the read J I will divide it into 2 parts. Shout out to TEAMBELLAEDWARD for my first review. This one's for u!

EPOV:

I held Bella in my arms on the bed. She had been passed out over twenty-five minutes and I was beginning to feel the panic set in. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. She stirred. That was a good sign. I berated myself for causing her so much pain and then I realized how much of it she would be in when she realized what kind of cad I was. If I had a beating heart it would have stopped. Bella. My poor Bella, look at what I have become.

I felt more for her now than before. I loved her so deeply, but I made an incomprehensible mistake. One that wouldn't go away. By now I was sure Alice knew. She would give me a tongue-lashing like no other. And Esme. I hope she never finds out. Didn't I cause her and Carlisle enough trouble in the past? Of course they loved me and will forgive me again. I was their son. But could Bella?

To say I had been confused was extraordinarily lacking from my true feelings. I was discouraged. I had so much hate for myself. I was strong enough not to kill my beloved but not smart enough to stay away from carnal pleasures? Cheating can't take it back pleasures. Unwillingly, my eyes closed and I saw Tanya over me and all my senses came flooding. Lust. Dishonesty. Guilt. Impureness. Lust. More Lust. I was unsure of why I felt this way.

Well, I was changed. Sleeping with her had changed everything that I held about me. Faithfulness. I had lost all self respect and soon I would lose Bella's respect. She would break up with me and then I would be alone again. Like I deserved. Left to grieve like I know she will in coming times. I hated myself more than any one could ever hate me. I was a fucking fool.

She moved again and I watched her face. I touched her cheek and she turned into it. Her eyes flew open and she looked up at me. There was so much fear and doubt in her eyes. She stared at me with uncertainty, biting her bottom lip in worry. I didn't want to speak and break the silence but what was there left to do. School was in an hour.

"I have to go now, Bella." A whine snuck out from her but she stopped it quickly. "I have to go wash and change. Then I will be back here to pick you up for school."

"Hmm, OK." She appeared upset with me.

"Bella, I'm not leaving you." My face turned to stone. "After school we need to talk though. It's fairly important."

In return, she hugged me tight. Her face implanted into my shirt. My brain ached from thinking too much. What would I even say? How much would I even disclose? Would she ask for details? Hell I wouldn't want to know if it were me. No matter what happened with it would be hell.

"You smell like Rose water." I froze.

"Huh?" I watched as she sat upward.

"You smell like Esme." She giggled. Relief washed over me. Damn women's perfume.

"Oh. Ohh, yea. I went home for a bit." Standing up, I released her and placed her feet on the floor. "Remember, 45 minutes."

I turned to go but she grabbed me and gently placed her lips to mine. I welcomed her mouth and I pulled her closer. You cheating bastard. Still you throw yourself deeper into hell. I stopped kissing her and stepped back. Dropping my hands, I frowned.

"Get ready for school." Without another word, I left.

As soon as I opened the door, as I knew, Alice stood there. She was close to being irate because she was shaking in her newly bought clothing. Her face screwed up in an unnatural position of loathing. I bent my head. I felt so ashamed about all of this. Stupid fucking dumb ass! How could you do that to her? Of all the people Edward, I never thought you would stoop that low! And with Tanya. Tanya! My Lord. I let her continue her barrage of insults.

"I don't know…" I relented as I walked into the den. I slumped into a chair my hands over my face. I leaned forward.

"Do you know what she's going to do when she finds out?" She barked. I threw down my hands flabbergasted.

"No, I can't read her mind or see her future, Alice. Of course, I don't know, Alice. I don't know anything any more because I'm a 'stupid fucking dumb ass' hmm, Alice. How about this. Fuck you, Alice!" Every time I said her name she cringed. I didn't mean to say it so distastefully but she couldn't make me feel any more inadequate.

"She would be thinking up ways to kill herself." My head snapped up. "Don't..don't tell her, Edward."

"I have to tell her.."

"Why? You didn't give a flying turkey feather about her when you were boning the hell out of Tanya."

"It's what's right!"

"Right? Right? What was right would be for you to keep your d-" She stopped short with a huff.

My eyes fell politely and I stood.

"As much as I would like to keep with this delightful conversation, I must take my leave now. I have to pick up Bella."

"I see you are going to still tell her."

"Yes." Is all I said drifting up the stairs and into the shower.

BPOV:

Edward was acting curiously. Something was definitely amiss. If he wasn't leaving me then what was his issue? He looked sad. Maybe there was something happening at home that he didn't want to tell me. Or the townspeople were talking about them again. Maybe he killed a human. No, no, he wouldn't do that. He let go of that life a long time ago. Then what was it?

I walked outside and Edward was by his car's passenger door. He held it open waiting for me. I looked at him and nodded a thanks. He smiled, even though it was a very minute one. His eyes looked drained and the circles under them seemed to darken. Whatever it was, the love of my life was not happy.

We rode all the way to school in a tension filled silence. I was more curious now. We always talked and had fun. We joked about how people reacted whenever they saw us together. Even though we were together, day after day. It never stopped being the talk of the town.

My date with Mike was coming up soon, and I grimaced. I unquestionably wasn't going to go on it. I decided I was going to tell him today. We pulled up into the parking lot next to his car. He had been waiting for me it seemed. Edward snorted almost quietly.

"I'll meet you inside?" I lifted my eyebrow.

"Oh, no. I'm going to be here for this." Slight amusement filled his voice. His half smile lit his face up.

"Hey, Bella! I picked out our activities for Saturday. I was thinking that we could go down to La Push and swim or something. Or we could just walk on the beach. OR we could go into Port Angeles and grab a bite to eat at one of those fancy restaurants. OR we could just chill out at my house. Catch a movie and eat nachos. You know hang out…"

I rolled my eyes when I stepped out of the car. "Really, Mike, no thank you. I changed my mind."

"Oh, still with Cullen then." He said more of a statement than a question.

I looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, I just said yes because I felt bad, but you should ask Jessica. Actually, anyone else. You're a great guy, you're just not for me."

Across from me the smirk that Edward had on disappeared. How strange. He looked tortured again. I rolled my eyes. Tortured. Happy. Tortured. Sad. Tortured and tortured. Edward, give it up. He was always so mysteriously annoying since I've known him. I've grown to love it though, but at first it was infuriating.

Mike seemed almost near tears and then shot an ostentatious glare to Edward. "Cullen." He said and walked away. Well, more like stormed away cursing the day all the Cullen's were born and me. Hmm, He considered me one of them. Interesting. Well, don't you? Yes, I guess I do.

Alice and I were like Sister's. Emmet was like a way bigger older brother. Rosalie, she was more complicated and more like the sibling you had a lot of rivalry with. Jasper stayed away from me most of the time doing his own thing with Alice usually. Esme and Carlisle were like super parents. I smiled. And Edward, well, he was definitely my boyfriend because if not then there would be too many incestuous thoughts running through my mind.

I followed Edward into the school. Again no words. Jessica came running up to me giggling but eyed Edward. Almost scared. I didn't dare look at his face right now.

"Like Oh my gosh! You should see how pissed off Mike is today. It's all over the school that he had a date with you. You turned him down right now, didn't you?" I nodded. She leaned in closer to me. "So are you and Edward Cullen still an item?" I nodded again. "Hmm, okay. I thought so. It's sooo obvious. Well, see you in class."

I watched her skip off to the group of girls waiting for her. I'm sure that she was gossiping as always. I shrugged and put my arm around Edward's waist. He seemed stiff as we walked along then we stopped abruptly. Guess we are here. English. Yay. I hugged Edward extra long and with out a word dipped inside. I took a quick glimpse at him, his head hung low, before the door shut behind me.

EPOV:

I definitively needed my ass kicked. She knew I wasn't being myself. I couldn't be. I wasn't that person any more due to faults of my own. I was a bigoted, phony, lying cheat. It hit me then. I wasn't attracted to Tanya at all. I didn't really want her either. It was the simple fact that I couldn't hurt her coupled with it all happening so fast. I didn't know what hit me. My brain was as frozen that night as the icy plains. I didn't want to hurt Bella so I turned to someone I couldn't hurt. Unintentionally, but I did it all foolishly none the less.

It was all about fear.

But now what? Don't I have fear now? I loved Bella more than anything in this world. I couldn't live with out her. But I did the worst thing. How could I? I'm still trying to figure this crap out. I wanted to be human so badly and at horrible costs. I didn't think it would get to this low of a point of sleeping around. I just lost my virginity not too long ago and now I'm just as bad as every jock in this school. I'm being ruled by my cock.

I didn't feel like going to my classes today. I couldn't go to Biology because of our second blood typing project. I guess I would linger around and keep a track on Bella. I would make an appearance at lunch just to tell every one that I was going home. Alice undoubtedly will know why. I needed to tell Bella. I would pick her up from school and then..then I would relay last nights events.

I was going to escape to the meadow, our meadow, when I heard my name blare from the school speakers. The hallway was clear so I rushed to the office. There sat Bella nearly passed out, yet again. I laughed. I should have known. I had been so messed up about myself that I forgot all about her inability to deal with blood. How would she ever cope when she becomes a vampire? No, IF, I mentally corrected.

She was so pale. More than normal, and Ms. Cope was running around trying to fetch some water like a chicken with its head cut off. Bella opened an eye and peered at me. Such a faker. Now, I had no doubt that she was sickened by the blood but she was playing it up. She just wanted out of school too. With me. How sweet…

"Oh, there you are!" Mmmm, mmm, he get's more handsome every hour. Oh, my god, hush you silly bat. "I can't get a hold of Chief Swan. Would you mind taking her home, since you both are so squeamish with blood?"

I gave her a bedazzling smile, "Oh, no, I am obliged. You are looking nice today." Bella almost gave away her ruse by shifting too quickly.

No, No, I mustn't. He's so young! Get control of your self. "Well, just, take the rest of the day. I mean, it's OK. I will just let every one know."

"Why thank you." I beamed.

"N..No problem at all…" Her hand fell to her rapidly rising and falling chest as if she were trying to physically slow her pitter pattering heart.

You damn fool. Always about you. I like Bella damn it! Fuck, Edward, you want to always be the martyr! She will absolutely HATE you. Well, OK, she won't, but I will!

My head snapped around and I caught the brief look of hate on Alice's face as she skittered by the office door.

Go ahead, tell her fool.

I lifted Bella into my arms, and Ms. Cope was wishing I was holding her. I chuckled low. Not a chance in hell. I wouldn't have any one to hold after all this is done with. I would be a single, lonely mess. So would Bella. I cringed at the images I was receiving while walking out into the hallway. Even more so as Bella held onto me. At that very moment I got the same image except she was balling her eyes out. This would be more torture than I have ever felt in my life!