Ch. 10

I'm really nervous about this one, so I hope you like it.

Sweat dripped down Daryl's forehead, and he wiped it away with the back of his hand and as they moved through the woods.

He was in the front and Merle brought up the rear while a silent Beth trudged along in the middle.

The shack in Lakeshore had been a bust and had been burnt down a long time ago, so they moved east. Daryl voted to avoid towns and Merle agreed, but Beth wanted to leave messages for their family, so they detoured out of the woods. When they made it to the outskirts of Senoia and saw that the sides of buildings were full of messages already, she turned and walked the other direction.

He wanted to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay, but he couldn't even allow himself the comfort that would bring.

Daryl had failed her and everyone else at the prison. He didn't deserve shit.

"Let's set up camp for the night," he said and dropped his pack in the middle of a cluster of trees.

Merle started stringing the warning system, Beth went to work on the fire, and he looked for something to eat besides the out-of-date can of beans they had found yesterday.

Every time he got away from them like this, he started to feel like he couldn't breathe, so the trips were always quick. When he was right beside them, he couldn't stop thinking about the prison, though. He didn't talk unless absolutely necessary and resorted to grunts when asked a questioned most of the time.

Merle was used to it because when he was dealing with something he didn't want to feel, he acted the same way. Beth didn't know what to do with him, though. She had tried to talk to him, lay beside him, comfort him, but Daryl pushed her away at every turn.

A few days after they left Lakeshore, she had asked him, "What did I do?" Her brow was pulled together and her eyes were full of confusion.

Aggravation rolled off him, and he snapped, "Ya don't do a fuckin' thing, girl."

She had stared at him, wide-eyed, for a moment before looking away. Since then, nearly a week had passed, and she hadn't said more than a handful of words.

Daryl circled their camp for nearly half an hour before it got too dark to see and he went back empty-handed.

Merle was laying on his back with a hand thrown over his eyes, and Beth sat near the fire, staring into the flames. He took a seat opposite of her, and she nodded to the can of beans. "Your portion's warm."

"You eat it," he said gruffly.

"Ya need it just as much as the rest of us."

Daryl shook his head. "You're skin and bones, girl. I'll go huntin' tomorrow and find somethin'. Ya need this."

Her eyes flickered to the can and her tongue peeked out and slid along her bottom lip.

It was hard to believe that a couple of weeks ago, he had been inside her, kissing and licking the skin along her body, and now, they were practically strangers.

It was his fault, and he knew it. He just didn't know how to fix it.

Daryl took first watch, and Beth and Merle fell asleep quickly. All of them were so worn down and needed a solid night's sleep. Tomorrow, he would hunt, and they would find shelter for a few days instead of running in circles, looking for people that were probably dead anyway.

He was dozing and knew that he should be waking up Merle for watch when he heard the first growls in the distance.

They were moving quick, too.

Daryl jumped and up and shook them both awake.

"Herd," he said and pointed to the south. "Move now."

Merle threw on the pack, Beth grabbed the small blanket she laid on, and Daryl held his bow at his side as they ran off into the darkness.

As they ran, it became more and more clear that the herd was a lot bigger than he had anticipated. They closed in on the sides, and Daryl started to get scared that this was it, until they crashed through the trees and onto a road.

An abandoned car sat right in front of them. Beth ran to the driver's side to try and crank it, but it was missing its damn door, so he had his doubts it would start. Merle opened the trunk and said, "Y'all get the fuck in here. I'll get up in that tree."

With that said, Beth climbed inside with Daryl behind her while Merle crossed the road into the woods again.

With shaky hands, Daryl tied the trunk shut with his rag. He watched Beth as she trembled, holding her knife at the ready.

His crossbow was aimed at the little sliver of an opening, and seconds after they were situated, the herd started to rumble past their car.

The groans were as loud as the thunder that started unexpectedly. He worried for his brother being stuck up in a tree during a storm, but he worried even more for him and Beth being ground level in a flimsy trunk as hundreds of walkers passed by.

He looked at Beth and saw her wide eyes and raised his hand, motioning for her to calm down.

Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, and against his better judgment, he said, "Breathe, arrow. Close your eyes and breathe."

The nickname seemed to make her well up with tears, but she did as he said and after several minutes, she was breathing a little easier.

She didn't open her eyes for the rest of the night, and a little while after her breathing had evened out, she placed a hand on his shin and kept it there.

Daylight came and Merle was freezing his balls off in a tree high above the woods.

His arm was sore where he had used his knife to help him climb, but otherwise, he was okay. He whistled low and almost immediately, the trunk popped open and his brother and Beth crawled out.

Without a word to each other, they started walking around the car, collecting little bits of stuff they could use, and then Daryl started to walk down the road, Beth followed, and once Merle was on solid ground again, he fell in line.

The sun dried his clothes quick, and after a couple of hours, his arm stopped aching.

Beth and Daryl remained silent.

Whatever was going on in his brother's head was fucking up the dynamic that was for sure. Merle had a feeling that it was all going to come to a head and explode before too long. Beth had a temper on her, and Merle was really surprised she hadn't popped off yet.

Around midday, they stopped in the woods so Daryl could hunt and they could rest a little. Merle had fallen asleep and woke up to Beth's raised voice, "Ya brought me back?"

She turned and started to walk away, but Daryl grabbed her arm and yanked her back. "Ya had your fun, girl. I ain't got time for your shit."

Her nostrils flared and she pulled her arm away from him. "I'm not stayin' in this suck ass camp, Daryl!" Then she flipped him off and took off into the woods.

Merle stood up and stretched before he asked, "What's got her panties in a twist?"

Daryl glared at him. "Said she wants a damn drink. Went off through the woods lookin' for a fuckin' bar, I guess. I don't know. She's lost her mind."

Merle popped his neck and picked up their pack. "Now, that's an idea I can get behind, baby brother." He stepped over the warning lines and went in the direction Beth did. After a few minutes, he heard Daryl approaching and smirked.

Maybe a little liquor was what he needed to pull that stick out of his ass and realize they were all hurting just as much as him.

Hell, he didn't even have a point of reference anymore when it came to finding Carol. If she was close and saw the smoke, she would have gone to the prison to check things out. Once she saw that destruction, she probably would have lost all hope at finding anyone again. He just needed to bide his time and come up with a plan then he would get them to help him look for her.

They walked in silence for a long while before him and Beth broke through a tree line onto a fairway with walkers in the distance.

"Golfers like to booze it up, right?"

"Do I look like I played fuckin' golf, sugar?"

Beth eyed him for a second then started walking toward the clubhouse. Daryl picked up the pace to get beside her as she made it to the front door.

"Let me," he said and forced his way in front of her.

The door was locked and walkers were getting closer from the fairway. They moved around to the side door, and it was open. They slipped in with Daryl sliding a golf club through the door handles right as the walkers hit it.

Snarls that sounded a whole hell of a lot closer came from behind him and he turned, ready to fight.

Once he saw where the walkers were, he sighed and looked around the room. It used to be the main room of a camp, but something happened all at once it seemed. Four walkers hung from the ceiling; others were dead on the floor.

Probably got snuck up on by some looters early on judging by how they looked.

They moved silently through the clubhouse until they got to the kitchen. He was looking in cabinets along with Daryl when they heard walker snarls and Beth fighting. They both rushed toward the sound, and he saw the worry in his brother's eyes, but when it became obvious that she was fine, he cooled his look.

"Thanks for the help," she said through her heavy breathing.

"Ya said ya could take care of yaself. Ya did." Then he turned and walked back the way he came.

Beth looked at Merle then toward Daryl's back then to him again. Tears welled in her eyes, but she held them back and moved forward again.

Inside the pro shop, Daryl and Merle sat next to the cash register after they had picked everything clean and Beth had changed clothes.

He watched as she struggled with the woman who had been sliced in half and put on a mannequin. It was pretty obvious now that these dead ones had been dealt some shit before they were finally put out of their misery.

"Help me," she said in a pleading voice.

Daryl sighed and chewed on a cinnamon stick. "Don't matter. She's dead."

Beth locked eyes with him. "It does matter."

For some reason that caused him to move and grab a sheet to place over the woman.

They left the room, and Merle followed. He wondered what was going to happen because he had the feeling they weren't even paying him any mind anymore.

Beth wanted Daryl to snap out of it, and Daryl wanted her to make him.

Or at least that's how it seemed to him.

A few minutes, and a few walkers later, they finally made it to the bar.

He sat down at a table, watching as Daryl walked around Beth muttering shit and Beth clutched the only fucking drink the place like it was a lifeline.

His brother threw a few darts with all his might and then it happened.

The dam broke, and she finally started crying.

Merle was just about to get up and hug her, something that was completely uncharacteristic of him, when Daryl tossed the last dart and went to her. He grabbed the bottle and threw it down, shattering it against the floor.

"Ain't gonna have your first drink be no damn peach schnapps."

Merle couldn't help but smirk a little as Beth dried her tears, and Daryl pushed open the door.

"C'mon."

Daryl handed over the crate of moonshine and saw Beth's smile when he told her what it was. Inside the house, he watched his brother land heavily in the camo print recliner, and Beth sit at the small table.

Merle wasted no time grabbing a jar and twisting the top open. He took a long pull and coughed a little.

"Good shit, baby brother."

"Is it?" Beth asked quietly as Daryl poured her a glass. "My daddy always said that bad shine could make ya go blind."

Daryl tried to stop it but the image of Hershel on his knees flashed through his mind, and he fought the urge to flinch.

"Ain't nothin' worth seein' out there anyway."

Beth stared for a moment then nodded before taking her first sip. She gagged and Merle laughed. On her next sip, she surprised him and turned the glass up and drained it.

"Second round's better." She cut her eyes at him and smirked.

Beth poured a little more, and he said, "Slow down. It's strong shit."

"This is for you."

"Nah," he said and shook his hand out as she handed up the glass.

"Why not?" She asked, her voice suddenly full of fire.

"Someone's gotta keep watch. You and him gettin' drunk ain't exactly how I wanna spend my time today."

"Yeah, well, all I wanted to do was lay down and cry, but I don't get to do that."

"Oh, yeah, you're the only one with problems," he muttered and took the glass, draining it before picking up a mason jar and unscrewing the lid. If everyone else was going to get wasted, so was he, then he went to the window.

"Just what the hell's that supposed to mean?" She slammed her glass down against the table.

"What the hell do ya think it means? I'm stuck out here, too." Daryl grabbed a piece of siding and started to nail it over the window. When the top part was secure, he stopped for a second and took two huge pulls from the shine jar.

They settled into an uncomfortable silence for several minutes. The alcohol worked its way into his system. Soon, he stopped even pretending to secure the shack and just took gulps of moonshine from the jar as he leaned against the wall.

"So, that's it, huh?" She whispered quietly then she stood up and her voice got louder. "I was good enough for ya at the prison, but now I'm some burden? I'll have ya know that I've got more self-respect than to follow after a man that don't want me," she hollered and grabbed the mason jar, drinking straight from it instead of pouring a civilized drink.

Merle watched the interaction but didn't step in. He did look tense as hell, though.

"I didn't never say that. You're puttin' words in my mouth, woman," Daryl said and shook his head.

"Ya don't look at me anymore. Ya don't touch me; ya don't kiss me."

"I'm sorry if I don't feel like fuckin' ya against a tree with my brother a few feet away keepin' watch. That don't get my dick hard," he said in a harsh voice.

Beth slammed down the mason jar against the table and the shine sloshed out onto her hand. "You're so fuckin' crude, Daryl Dixon."

"Watch your damn mouth," he muttered and turned away to finish nailing the panel to the wall.

"No, I don't think I will." The jar she had been holding slammed against the wall next to him and shattered, causing him to jump and anger to flood his system.

"Holy shit!" Merle said and drew both of their attention. "Y'all need to calm down."

"Don't ya tell me to calm down, Merle Dixon. This don't concern you!" She said and looked at Daryl again. "Ya've been avoidin' me since the prison fell. Ya think I distracted ya? Are ya blamin' this on us, and I'm just gettin' the raw end of the deal?"

Daryl punched his fist into the wall beside the window, trying to get rid of some of the fury inside himself then turned on her. "What the fuck do ya want from me, girl? Our whole fuckin' family's dead, and ya got me draggin' ya all over Georgia lookin' for hooch like some dumb college bitch!"

"Ya don't have to be my chaperone, Mister Dixon," she said as hatefully as he had ever heard her speak. "I ain't nobody's burden. I just wish ya'd've gone and thought this through a little more before ya decided to screw me and then break my fuckin' heart."

Merle sat up in his chair and put the jar of shine down. He was watching so closely, ready to jump in at any minute, but Daryl knew it wasn't to pull Beth off of him. Merle looked like he was scared that Daryl would backhand her.

Beth picked up the jar of shine. "Let's play a game before I head out on my own. I'll say somethin' I've never done before, and if ya've done it, ya take a drink. If ya haven't, I take a drink. I'll go first." She paused. "I ain't never fucked and ducked on someone before."

Daryl wasn't going to play. He just stared straight at her.

"Oh, ya gonna ignore me?" She took a drink and tapped a finger to her chin. "A different game them. Let's figure out what Daryl Dixon did before all this shit."

Merle actually stood up then, and Daryl realized that he was clenching his fists so hard he was drawing blood from his palm.

"Motorcycle mechanic?"

"No," he gritted out.

"Prison guard?"

"No."

Beth tilted her head. "Were ya ever in prison?"

He closed his eyes and took a calming breath, but all he felt was fucking rage over everything. "That what you think of me?"

Beth threw up her hands. "What am I supposed to think of ya? Ya never tell me anythin'. I told ya everythin' about the farm and growin' up. About my plans to go singin' in Atlanta. Ya never told me nothin'. Ya sure as hell didn't mind gettin' in my pants, though."

"Maybe that's 'cause I don't wanna fuckin' talk about it, and ya threw yaself at me. A man would have to be fuckin' stupid not to take what ya offered up." He instantly regretted the words, but as he said it, the anger was seeping from his bones, so kept going. "Let's play that game again, princess. I think you're gonna be doin' a lotta drinkin'."

He picked up his nearly empty mason jar and said, "I ain't never had a pet pony. I ain't never had frozen yogurt. Never depended on anybody for anythin' before." With each barb he through, her armor cracked more and more, until she wasn't that self-righteous, demanding answers angel but a slumping in on herself woman. He smirked and shook his head, and Merle spoke, "That's good enough, Daryl."

He ignored him and went in for the kill. "Sure as hell never cut my wrist lookin' for attention."

Beth's eyes widened and so did Merle's. It didn't occur to him until that moment that Merle had never known that about Beth.

She finally broke eye contact with him right as a walker growled from below the window. Daryl smirked, feeling the effects from the moonshine and grabbed his bow then Beth's arm. "Ya ain't had practice in a few days. Whatdaya say, Greene? For old times sake? I might even let ya blow me after."

She struggled to get away, and Merle walked across the room to take his hand off her, but Daryl pushed him back against the wall. "This ain't none of your fuckin' business. This is between me and my woman."

Then he pulled Beth outside and started calling for the walker. Four arrows released from his bow, Beth pulled tight to his chest as her fingernails dug into his arm. Finally he let her go, and she ran forward, killing the walker with her knife.

"What the fuck did ya do that for? We was havin' fun, weren't we?"

"We don't kill 'em for fun! What if someone had done that to my dad?" She screamed and started crying.

"That ain't even remotely the same." He pointed his finger at her.

Beth backed away and crossed her arms over her chest. "I get it. You're scared."

He took two steps toward and got right in her face. "I ain't afraid of nothin'."

"Oh, yeah, ya are. God forbid ya ever get too close!"

"That what you think?" He asked harshly.

Beth laughed humorlessly and nodded. "That's what I know. I'm not Carol or Maggie or Michonne, but I made it, and ya don't get to treat me like crap 'cause you're afraid. We all lost somethin', Daryl!"

"Girl, if I hadn't given up lookin'. If I had pushed harder and stayed out there, none of this woulda happened. I'd've found him, and we wouldn't have lost the prison. Rick." The tears spilled over his eyes. "Your dad." Daryl turned away from her. "This is all on me. If I'd've tried harder, maybe it woulda been different."

He turned from her and started crying full force. Without warning, Beth collided with his back, wrapping her arms around him as he finally mourned.

Merle watched from the window as Daryl talked to Beth. Both of them were still a little drunk, but finally sharing things again.

"Ya wanna know what I was before all this?" He asked Beth. "I's nobody. Nothin'. Just some redneck asshole with an even bigger asshole for a brother." Merle snorted. That was a true statement if he had ever heard one. Daryl had gotten their momma's heart while he had gotten his old man's selfishness.

Beth scooted forward and took his hand. "You're a good man. I fell in love with a good man, Daryl, and just 'cause the Governor came back doesn't mean it was your fault. It's not on you."

"Maybe you'll have to keep on remindin' me sometimes," he said quietly.

"Ya gotta put the past away, Daryl, or it'll kill ya." Beth sent him a sad smile, "You're gonna be the last man standin'." Daryl scoffed and she continued, "Ya are. And you're gonna miss—"

"Stop," he said sharply and Beth met his eyes again. "Don't ever say anythin' like that to me. I know I've been a dick lately, and I'll work on it. Try and make it like it was. Just don't ever say what ya were about to say. I couldn't make it."

He cleared his throat, and Merle knew he should have given them privacy, but he needed something good just as much as they did.

"Back at the prison, it wasn't just screwin' around, ya know that, right? Ya mean the world to me."

Beth sat up on her knees and moved over to him before turning around and sitting in between his legs.

"We should get inside, arrow," he said against her shoulder. "I'd like a good night's sleep next to ya."

"I's gonna say we should burn it down, but that sounds a lot better. At least for tonight anyway."

Merle walked back to the recliner and leaned it back, pretending to be asleep when they entered and curled together in front of the door.

He laid awake for a long while.

Maybe tomorrow he would go his separate way from them and try and look for Carol, or they could all go together. There were words hanging on his tongue that he wanted to say before it was too late, too.