Ch. 16

This chapter is like therapy for everyone involved. I hope you like it!

Also, this is going to be where we start leaving the series a little.

Beth woke up to Judith crying and tears welled up in her own eyes.

Everyone was back together, plus some new additions, and that beautiful little girl was crying. Beth opened her eyes against the tears and watched as Rick rocked her back and forth. She quieted down a little but didn't stop fussing. He had been very quiet since he got her back that afternoon.

Beth felt Daryl move behind her right before he spoke. "Ya wanna hold her, don't ya?"

"Yes," she breathed. "I don't want to interfere, though. He just got her back, and he's got more claim on her than I do."

Daryl flinched at the wording, but didn't say anything about it. "He ain't been asleep yet. Go ask him if ya can take her and sing to her or somethin'."

Beth rolled over to face Daryl. The old church they had found wasn't exactly the most comfortable, but they were all so tired and happy to be together again that it hadn't mattered. Their little pallet was against the far wall, away from the others, and behind some pews.

"Ya think?"

He nodded and kissed her softly. "Go on, arrow. Get those fuckin' baby cuddles ya been dreamin' about." She smiled wide and stood up.

Beth weaved her way through their sleeping group until she got to Rick. He watched her for a second then shrugged. "I can give it a try if ya want?"

He must have seen the hopefulness in her eyes because his grip eased up on Judith and he passed her over. "She'll prolly go right to sleep for ya. Carl always wanted his momma when it was night time."

"I'm not her momma," Beth said quietly and met Rick's eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said and shook his head. "I'm just worn out."

Beth reached out and touched his arm. "I know what ya meant, and I love her. It just makes me sad that I'm here when her momma should get to see her grow up."

"Yeah," he said. "Me, too."

They stood together for a little while on the altar before Beth said, "Ya know, it ain't your fault what happened. To Lori or to the prison."

"It falls on my shoulders."

Beth nodded and sighed. "That's the funny thing about you and Daryl, ya think your shoulders are a lot bigger than they really are."

He huffed and put his hands on his hips. "What're ya tryin' to say?"

Judith turned her face into Beth's neck, and she cuddled her closer. "Nothin' really. Just, ya can't always take the blame, especially for things ya had no control over. Sometimes bad things happen, and we just gotta pick up and try and go on. My daddy woulda never wanted ya to feel such guilt for him. Neither would Lori. Look at us, Rick," she whispered and her eyes searched the room. "We made it."

"Not yet."

Beth shrugged. "I count this as a win."

She peeked down at Judith who was sleeping. "She's out again. Looks like you'll get to rest before we head out."

Once Judith was handed back over, he asked, "Ya get Daryl to forgive himself?"

Beth shook her head. "Nah, the hurt'll always be there, ya just gotta make room for it." Andrea's words escaped her lips and she felt a pang of saddness. "Ya just can't let it weigh ya down. There's too much good still here."

When she made it back to Daryl, he raised his arm up, and she slid under the blanket beside him.

"Get the snugglin' out?" Daryl asked against her shoulder.

"Nope," she said and wiggled back against him.

Daryl laughed softly and tightened his grip around her. Within a few minutes, she slipped into a dreamless sleep.

"So, you and Daryl seem to be attached at the hip," Maggie said the next morning as they sat around the campfire outside the church. Daryl had gone out into the woods for a minute, and Maggie took that opportunity to pounce on her.

Beth didn't mind it at all. She had missed Maggie, and Maggie had missed her, but there was guilt behind her eyes that always made Beth pause.

"You and Glenn are, too," Beth said quietly and smiled at her. "I understand why ya looked for him, ya know that, right?" She met Maggie's eyes and sent her a reassuring smile. "We didn't exactly make the best effort in lookin' for y'all either. There was so many dead ends. Hell, if Daryl didn't have a good idea where to look for y'all, then how were y'all supposed to find us?"

Maggie didn't say anything, but she squeezed her hand. "I keep seein' daddy in my dreams," she whispered.

"I do, too," Beth replied and looked at their twined fingers. "Ya think he knew that we'd be okay?"

Her sister nodded. "He knew we'd take care of each other, and he trusted Glenn and Daryl with our lives. I think he was at peace."

Beth nodded. "I'm gonna miss him so much. I haven't really let myself think about it, but now that we're back together, I am, and it hurts."

"Yeah," she whispered back. "It hurts so much."

Daryl came back at that moment and sat down on the other side of Beth. "Ya makin' her cry or the other way around?" He asked Beth.

"A little bit of both," she answered. "We were talkin' about daddy."

Daryl hummed. "He was a good man."

Beth leaned her head against Daryl's shoulder and held onto Maggie's hand. "He'd be happy we're all together again."

"Yeah," Maggie said. "Maybe it was him pullin' the strings?"

Beth opened her mouth to say something, but Abraham stood up and cleared his throat. "We need to talk about where we go from here."

Beth looked over at Daryl who was staring down the man. Him, Rosita, and Eugene were new. They weren't family, and as far as she was concerned, any debt to them had been paid after they got out of Terminus alive.

"Y'all all know that Eugene can flip the switch on this thing. We just have to get him to D.C."

"Well, right now, we don't have any way to make it that far," Rick said with a shrug.

"We can find transport," he said in that gruff, agitated voice of his.

Rick looked around the yard, and Beth knew his decision before he said anything. She turned and whispered to Daryl, "Looks like we takin' a road trip."

"Ain't never been outta Georgia before." He kept his eyes on Rick, and Beth leaned up and kissed his cheek. She thought he would turn red like he normally did, but instead, he turned his head a little before she moved away and kissed her lips softly. "First time for everythin' I guess."

"Yeah," Beth said through her own blush. "I guess so."

Merle had been keeping to himself, and he knew that no one really noticed. Daryl was all wrapped up in Beth and being free again.

Carol was lost in her own head, and he could tell that the space she had put between her and Tyreese was tense. Merle had tried to talk to her about it, but she avoided him. His final chance came when everyone was eating that night, and he watched Carol slip away.

He put down his can of beans and followed after her, only to find her at the car Daryl had mentioned them finding earlier that day.

"What're ya doin'?" He asked as he stepped out of the darkness.

She looked at him and sighed, defeated. "I don't know."

"What happened?"

Carol leaned back against the trunk of the car and shrugged. "A lot."

"Ya can tell me anythin', and ya know I won't judge ya for one fuckin' second."

She nodded, but closed her eyes tight like she was trying to hold it all inside. "We lost the girls. Almost lost Judith."

"Figured as much."

"Merle," she paused and met his eyes. "Lizzy stabbed Mika in the heart. She wanted her to change so that we'd see that the walkers are okay. She was about to stab Judith when Tyreese and I came back from pickin' up some pecans. We thought they would be safe inside the fence."

"Holy shit," he breathed out.

Carol started crying, wracking sobs and Merle knew what happened Lizzy. He didn't hesitate to walk over and wrap her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. So fuckin' sorry."

She cried until the front of his shirt was wet with tears, and they were rocking back and forth.

"Ya know it ain't your fault. That girl was messed up."

"I shoulda seen it. I had this feelin' in my gut," she said quietly. "There was somethin' off."

"Ya couldn't have ever imagined that, Carol. Don't for one second put that on yaself."

She pulled away. "I told Tyreese what I did at the prison after we buried them."

Merle tensed up and looked down at her. "Did he do somethin' to ya?"

Carol shook her head and started crying again. "No. I even gave him my gun."

"Christ Almighty," Merle said, his heart thundering in his chest. How close had she come to dying and him never seeing her again?

"He said that he forgave me, Merle. He forgave me." Carol shook her head. "How can he do that? How can he just let me get away with it?"

It all clicked into place, and he shook his head. "Do ya wanna be punished? Is that what this is? Ya leavin', banishin' yaself this time 'cause ya think ya need to be held accountable for what ya did?"

"Don't I?" She asked. "Rick did the right thing by sendin' me away. I don't deserve to be with this group."

"That's fuckin' bullshit, and ya know it. We've all done the worst kinda things to stay alive. We've all made mistakes. Ya wanna tally up whose killed more innocent people between you and me and figure out who really needs to leave?" He asked and started pacing. "Ya think that you deserve to be tossed out like some fuckin' piece of trash for protectin' your people? I killed a boy in cold blood, left his fuckin' body in the middle of the woods. I helped kill a unit of National Guard soldiers so we could steal their fuckin' guns and caravan. Ya wanna compare who should be where? Then move outta my way 'cause it's me that needs to leave."

Carol stood there in shock. "When?"

"When I's at Woodbury, for the Governor. The boy I killed 'cause I lost Michonne and didn't want to end up on the receivin' end of a bullet myself. I coulda let him live, but I didn't."

"Those people didn't trust you," she whispered. "The people I killed trusted me to keep them safe, to look after them."

Merle shook his head. "It don't matter. A life is a life, and the people back at that camp want ya there. If Tyreese wanted ya dead, ya'd be dead."

"So, what?" She asked. "I just gotta keep carryin' on?"

"If ya don't, there ain't no point to any of this. If ya haven't noticed, it's the end of the world. Either you're gonna do what ya gotta do to survive, or ya just give in."

"I don't wanna die," she said and looked toward the woods.

"Neither do I," he said back and walked closer to her.

Without a second thought, he reached over and took her hand in his. Merle didn't know what he was expecting. Maybe for her to yank her hand away and leave him standing there, but she didn't. She squeezed his hand tight and looked up at him.

"I missed you," she said quietly.

He took a shaky breath and brought his other hand up to her face only to have her dodge out of the way. Merle closed his eyes and dropped his knife hand back to his side. "I got a fuckin' knife for hand," he muttered.

Her hands were on his cheeks then, and he barely had time to react before her lips settled over his, pressing softly, making him tremble just a little. When she moved away, he opened his eyes and saw her small smile.

There was a bubble lodged in the middle of his chest and words that wanted to escape his lips, but all he could do was stare.

When they made it back to the church, it was a pure chaos.

Tyreese was dragging out someone's body and Judith was crying. Merle met his eyes as he passed, and there was nothing but horror in them. Inside, there was blood over portions of the wooden floor and altar. Rick stood with his machete at his side, blood splattered across his face.

Daryl was off to the side, pulling an arrow from someone's skull, and the others were huddled in what used to be the preacher's office.

"What the fuck happened here?" Merle asked, looking over every one of their people. He barely caught the flash of blonde hair pacing, as Beth tried to get Judith to quiet her screams.

"We warned 'em," Rick said. "It's their own fault for followin' us out this way."

Merle got closer to him, and was finally able to make out what used to be a person. "That the kid from Terminus?"

"Was," Rick answered.

"Ya've done lost your fuckin' mind," Merle said and shook his head.

"They were gonna kill us and eat us. We did what we had to do."

Merle looked over at Daryl who was leaning against the wall, staring at the floor. "We gotta clean this shit up. Walkers'll come."

Finally, Judith quieted down, but Beth didn't leave the office. Daryl laid down his bow and walked to where he knew she was, and Merle started helping Tyreese toss out bodies with Abraham.

Eugene was trembling in a corner and Michonne was out scouring the woods with Carol to make sure there was no more wandering around.

"What happened?" Merle asked again once they were outside.

Abraham looked to Tyreese who shrugged. "Daryl heard 'em movin' around outside. He snuck out the back and heard 'em talkin'. They were thinkin' about followin' you and Carol, but Gareth wanted Rick, so they planned on comin' in the front and killing us. If it wasn't for your brother, we'd all be dead."

Merle shook his head.

"He came back in and got Beth and the kids into the office with me, Tara, and Eugene. Then they all snuck out the back door to come around on 'em."

"Sonofbitch," he muttered.

"It wasn't good for either end, but Gareth made it worse by callin' out for the kids and Beth. He was goadin' and pushin', thinkin' he had the upper hand, threatenin' to burn the church down, except we were the only ones inside. Rick, Daryl and the others came up behind him, and the rest just…" he trailed off and stared into the darkness.

Tyreese looked like he was about to cry, and Merle put a hand on his shoulder and straightened him up as Abraham walked away. "Ya gotta put that conscience away. Ain't a damn thing that coulda changed this. There are bad people that ya gotta kill, and sometimes, there are good people that end up dyin' a long the way. But ya either fight or ya die. They'd've put ya down quicker than ya could blink."

"I don't gotta change," he said and shook his head. "I can still be me."

"As long as ya know that when the time comes, ya gotta put that fuckin' hammer to use and protect your people."

He nodded, but Merle wasn't convinced that Tyreese would know what to do when that time came, and that scared him a lot more than he thought it would.