Ch. 18
Thank you all for reading!
They continued moving toward D.C., but Daryl felt the further away they got from home, the worse off everyone started becoming.
Merle hadn't spoken to him in days. Carol stayed on the outside of the group, even when they were sleeping. Rick had a determined set to his shoulders and blankness in his eyes that made Daryl nervous.
He knew that since Joe's group, Rick had become detached, but he almost looked hopeless now.
It probably had something to do with being on the road for a few weeks, and running low on supplies and water. There were walkers always moving through the woods and in their paths. On more than one occasion, they had to run in the middle of the night, Judith's crying leading the walkers to them in the darkness.
If something didn't give soon, Daryl knew something bad was going to happen, especially with the way Abraham had been bitching about getting Eugene to D.C. and that they were moving too slow.
Eugene had been acting squirrelly, too. He was always too tired to move further and wanted to rest and find shelter to last them a few weeks. He had been convinced that they should have stayed in the barn back in Georgia, and once they overruled him, he seemed to sink into a depression.
Beth's fingers linked with his as they continued on down the road. The cars had died days ago, and they were stuck in South Carolina.
"It could be worse," Beth whispered as if she read his thoughts. "We could all be separated still or barbeque by now."
He tried to glare at her, but he couldn't. She was right. Shit could be way worse.
She opened her mouth to say something then gagged suddenly, covering her mouth against the wind.
It hit him unexpectedly, too.
"What the fuck is that?" Merle asked loudly as everyone finally smelled the rotting air.
They all topped the hill, and below them were hundreds of walkers. They were all pinned in what looked to be a safe zone that had gotten overrun from the inside.
"Good lord," Maggie said and turned away.
"There's no way we can go through that," Rick said and shook his head.
"No, we'll have to circle back," Glenn said with a groan.
"We have to keep moving forward." Abraham turned to the group. "We move slowly and carefully, and we can make it. They're all trapped behind the fences."
"For now," Rick said. "But that can all change real damn quick if they all rush the fences. A herd that size could take 'em down in a hurry."
"The only option is forward."
"Obviously not," Tara said rolled her eyes.
Abraham turned on her in an instant, and Daryl rushed forward the same time as Glenn did. Glenn yelled, "That's enough! You're done!" As Abraham closed in on her, almost bumping his chest with hers as he towered over her.
"We have to keep movin'! That's the only way we survive!"
"Not that way." Rick hollered and got in between them and Abraham. "You don't run this!"
"Eugene is the priority. We need to move!"
"We'd lose Eugene and everyone else if we go that way," Daryl said and stepped up beside Rick. "How many lives y'all already lost 'cause ya don't listen to reason?"
"Ya think ya know what I've been through, ya redneck piece of shit? I know your kind. Both of y'all," he said and waved at Merle. "Take what ya want, feel powerful now 'cause people look to ya for survival. That what that girl do?"
Daryl snapped and lunged for Abraham, tackling him to the ground by the waist. He heard Beth hollering for him to stop and he felt Merle or Rick trying to pull him back, but he got into two good shots to the other man's face before Abraham rolled them over and started wailing on him. Daryl managed to turn away from on oncoming punch then head-butt Abraham as hard as he could, making the bigger man roll to the side clutching his nose.
In an instant, Daryl was on him again, and they rolled around, trading punches for just a few seconds longer before Eugene's shrill confession filled the air. "I am not a scientist! Stop! I am not a scientist!"
Any other time it might have been funny how him and Abraham froze in their middle of their fight and turned to look at the man standing a few feet away. He was cowering in on himself, stupid haircut, and jean shorts. Smart as hell, Daryl knew that much just from the past few weeks, but weak.
"What'd ya say?" Abraham asked, pushing Daryl away from him.
"I am not a scientist. I did not work in any lab with this type of virus or know how it started or how to reverse it," Eugene admitted then looked Abraham squarely in the eyes. "I am smarter than you, though. I'm the smartest person here. D.C. seemed like the best option to try and find a secure area to rebuild, and I needed people to get me there."
"You motherfucker," Abraham growled out and crossed the road to Eugene. Everyone was still in shock at his confession so no one even sprung into action until the second time Abraham smashed his forearm against Eugene's face, knocking him out cold.
He fell to the ground at Abraham's feet, but before he could pick him back up, Rosita stepped in between them, a hand on the gun at her hip.
No words passed between them, but Daryl could see Rosita's eyes as she clearly sent the message to Abraham that it was over, and he needed to settle his ass down fast. All at once the fight drained out of him, and he walked back to the way they had came a few yards before he hit his knees and dropped his head.
"He dead?" Merle asked as he toed Eugene with his boot.
"No," Tara said quietly and met his eyes. "He got knocked the fuck out, though."
He shrugged. "Had it comin'. We been lookin' after his ass like he's a baby for the last few weeks when he shoulda been carryin' his own weight. Hell, you're a little thing, but I don't see you hidin' behind us when trouble comes."
"I owe all of you," she muttered.
Merle snorted. "Glenn told ya anythin' about me?"
Tara looked him over and shook her head. "I know he doesn't like you."
"'Cause a long time ago, I was workin' with the Governor myself. Got him and his missus into a good bit of trouble, too. If they can tolerate my ass, ya sure as shit don't owe them a damn thing no more. The bill's paid."
She stared at him in shock. "Why weren't you with them the whole time? I mean, you're Daryl's brother."
He crouched down beside her as she wiped off Eugene's forehead. The others had scattered a long the road in little clusters. For now they were safe, the walker smell masked them, and they couldn't go anywhere without Eugene awake.
Beth was taking care of Daryl as much as he hated it, and Abraham still stared off into space like a damn walker.
"Officer Friendly over there," he said and pointed to Rick, "handcuffed my ass to roof in Atlanta the first time we met. The key got dropped down a drain and the rotters came. Only reason I'm here is 'cause the door was chained, and I had to cut off my own hand with a saw."
"You cut off your own hand?" She asked in a horrified whisper.
"Sure did. Then cauterized it myself, stole those bastard's van and took off."
"What about your brother?"
Merle shrugged. "I's pissed for awhile. By the time I started lookin' for him again, the trail had gone cold. Saw Glenn out on a run, snatched up him and Maggie and took 'em to Woodbury. It was the wrong choice. I done a lotta shit I regret. That's up near the top."
"Wow." Tara shook her head. "Why're you tellin' me this?"
"Don't know," he said and looked off to where Carol sat near the tree line, ignoring him and everyone else. "Just to pass the time. I don't know ya all that well, either. Like to know who I'm livin' around."
"I'm still a little scared of you," she admitted.
"No reason to be. I'm turnin' over a new leaf when it comes to how I do shit in this life now."
"And what are those changes?"
"I'm gonna try and be better."
"Why?"
Merle looked at his brother and Beth, and at the other couples around the group. The families that had come together to form this rag-tag team of survivors that had somehow turned into a huge family.
"Sure as hell won't hurt nothin', and I think that when I die, I want my conscience clear."
"You plannin' on dyin' sometime soon?" Glenn asked from behind him suddenly.
"Not just yet, but if I need to get put down, do the honors, okay, Chinaman. Don't let that fall on his shoulders."
Glenn met his eyes and for once, there wasn't hate there, but a small amount of understanding. "Yeah. It'd be my pleasure."
Merle smirked and stood up. "We should really move his ass to the shade 'fore he fries out on this blacktop."
"What happened?" Beth asked quietly as Carol stood over the fire.
"What do you mean?" She asked back, not bothering to look up.
Beth scoffed. "Ya know what I mean."
Carol shrugged. "I don't think it really matters."
Beth sighed heavily and shot a quick look around before she crouched down beside Carol and whispered harshly, "I don't care what happened to ya out there, and I'm grateful for what ya did for us, but you ain't the only person to get broken and beaten down. The woman I know is stronger than this. The woman I know would fight like hell instead becomin' invisible."
"You have no idea the things I've done. You were in relative safety while I was out in the woods with three little girls, and the man whose girlfriend I killed. The woman you knew? She got burned away when Rick kicked her out."
"You ain't ashes," Beth said quietly.
Carol groaned a little. "Save this talk for someone who doesn't know the truth about all this, Beth. Someone still so naïve as to believe that this world is worth savin' or that we'll figure it all back out."
Beth flinched back, and in a last ditch effort as Carol started to stand and walk away, she said, "Ya hurt him really bad. He looked for ya. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think about ya, and if ya were okay."
"I'm no one's worry, Beth. Not even Merle's."
That made her blood boil in a way that it hadn't since that time drinking moonshine with Daryl and Merle in the shack. Beth couldn't stop herself as she popped up on her feet and hollered, "Must be pretty damn tirin' to climb up on that cross everyday, Carol. Ya ever need in help, why don't ya just use one of us as your step stool since ya think your pain is the only one that matters!"
Carol froze and turned slowly as everyone else stared at them. She could see Daryl move out of the corner of her eye, but kept going.
"This group is broken!" She yelled as angry tears filled her eyes. "We're wanderin' around like chickens with our heads cut off, everybody's feelin' so down and woe is me. Ya know what? All y'all can hold onto that pain, that's fine. I got a world of hurt right here." She tapped her chest. "I ain't dead yet, though. I still got a few miles to go, and either we can all get back on board together or we can shuffle down there to that safe zone and just call it a day." She paused for a second and wiped her eyes. "Well, y'all can. I ain't ready yet. My daddy knew that we could be better, do better. And I'm gonna find it."
Daryl wrapped his hand around hers and started pulling her to their little pack by a tree. "Ya alright?"
"I'm so damn tired, and if everyone's gonna give up then so be it. We didn't survive this long just to give up now."
He grunted and nodded. "We'll go back if ya want."
Beth shook her head. "No, we're goin' forward. To D.C. or whatever the hell is out that way."
Once he had wrapped his arms around her shoulders, she leaned against him and let the quiet tears spill out of her eyes and onto his shirt.
A few minutes later, Abraham cleared his throat and said, "Well, in light of that rousin' speech, I guess we should double back. Get on route sixteen and try that way."
"I agree," Rick said in a gruff tone. "They can't smell us from here, so we should camp up on the hill for the night, and tomorrow, we'll go."
There was a murmur of agreement among the rest of the group, and Beth sat against the tree trunk. "Sorry for causin' such a scene," she whispered to Daryl.
"Ya didn't say anythin' that didn't need to be said."
"I was rude."
"You were right." Beth looked up at him. "We're all feelin' sorry for ourselves, and a little of that's okay, but too much of it'll get us killed."
She nodded. "I prolly shoulda been nicer to Carol. I don't know what happened out there."
"Somethin' happened to all of us."
They watched as Merle took off into the woods after Carol. "Ya think I made him mad?"
"Nah," Daryl said with a shrug. "I think he's been lookin' for an openin' for a while. Ya just gave him one."
Beth looked across the road to where they had Eugene laid out. "What'll we do with him?"
"Let him tag along I guess. He's an asset. He's just a coward."
Beth sighed. "That's the funny thing about this new world, though. Gives cowards plenty of moments to redeem themselves."
Daryl laughed. "Let's not be placin' bets on Eugene just yet."
She smirked and looked down at their hands, still twined together. "I love ya. Never leave me."
He looked at her then, and she saw the seriousness in his eyes. "Never."
"Ya just out for a walk or ya runnin' away?" He asked once he was within talking distance. She was walking toward the safe zone, and he didn't want to alert the walkers to their presence.
When they got to the tree line, she stopped and shook her head. "Why am I here, Merle?"
"'Cause you're too damn stubborn to die?"
"No, really," she said and turned around, "why am I still alive?"
"You're strong."
She shook her head. "Ed should've killed me a few times. Then there was the farm, and I shoulda gotten bit then, too, but Andrea saved me. Then T-Dog saved me at the prison. Then Rick kicked me out after I told him what I had done. After that, it all went downhill."
"Ya saved us. All of us. Ya repaid those debts from the others that saved ya. If ya weren't there, we'd be eaten already."
"I don't wanna go to hell," she whispered.
Merle met her eyes finally and froze. She looked lost and beaten.
"Ya ain't goin' to hell."
"There's no place in heaven for me."
"When ya die, you'll be seein' your daughter again. This world ain't like it was before, and if there's a God, he wouldn't keep y'all separated like that."
"Why're ya here?" She asked as she sat down beside a tree.
"Why're pretendin' like we ain't got somethin' good?"
She looked over at him as he sat down at the base of the opposite tree. "Do you want the honest to God truth?"
"Yeah," he said with a nod.
Carol swallowed hard. "I'm so damn tired of losin' people. I would rather be cold and distant than open myself up and lose again. Just look at your brother, Merle. He could handle this world before Beth, but now? When she goes, and she will 'cause she's not made to be here either, he's gonna follow right behind her. He won't survive the loss."
"Ya think I can survive in this world?"
"It's all ya've ever done."
"Ya think you'll survive?"
"I think it's my curse," she answered quietly.
"Then I don't see what you're so scared of. Ya ain't gonna lose shit if ya take a chance on me."
Carol looked down at the herd inside the safe zone. "What if you're wrong?"
"Then I'll be happy for the time we had. I ain't never had a good woman before."
They sat in silence for a long time, and he figured he must have said too much, but over the last few weeks he realized that he didn't care if she knew how he felt. He would rather her know and take that as she would, than have him pretend it never mattered at all. He could die tomorrow, and he didn't want any regrets.
Merle was still staring at the herd stumbling around below when he heard the leaves crunch under her as she stood up. Instead of turning away from him, she walked to sit beside him, and once she was leaning against the same tree as him, she took his hand.
"This is gonna end badly."
"Maybe. Maybe not," he said and squeezed softly.
That ever-present ache in his chest lessened to a dull pain, and he hoped to God that he was right, and it lasted for a little while.