Disclaimer: All characters depicted herein are the sole property of Charlaine Harris and HBO.

Chapter 4 - Bill

I lay in bed that night, thinking about Judith said to me. 'Bill loves you.' I knew that. He told me that somewhat recently. Of course, he didn't really need to say the words. Bill saved my life. Bill rescued me from torture. I was calling in my mind for Eric, but it was Bill who responded. He was poisoned rescuing me. This could be chalked up to orders, but near death from the poisoning he received and Neave's hands (or teeth as it were) Bill shielded me from the following attack by the fairy prince Breandan. Bill protected me from Breandan, and killed him in doing so. He was willing to die to save me.

'You said when we first met that you did not love him, but I do not believe that is the case.' Of course I loved Bill. He was my first love in every way imaginable. Even after all we had been through together, the deception, the evasion, the heartbreak, he would always have a piece of my heart. But I wasn't still in love with him. Was I? I had been with Eric. Would I have gone to Eric, if I was still in love with Bill? Seeing Bill with Selah had bothered her. She had been jealous of a sorts. Judith's return to Bill elicited a feeling of dislike for a woman, vampire, she didn't know. Yes, I was jealous of Judith. I was covetous of her happiness with Bill, or at least the happiness I had imagined she shared with Bill.

'Bill is an amazing man, be worthy of him.' The way she spoke the words didn't come off as an insult to me. She wasn't trying to say I wasn't good enough, it seemed like she just thought Bill was so wonderful that he deserves the best. There was so much there though. He deceived me from the moment we met. He was sent to enthrall me by his Queen for my talent, to seduce me if he had to. If I were being honest with myself though, he didn't have to seduce me. I went to him willingly. I fell in love with him of my own accord, even if his reason for meeting me was based on lies. It took me a long to realize it but what we had, had been real. Truly Bill had loved me.

Until Lorena. He left me for Lorena. He cheated on me with Lorena. He had wanted to leave me with money. He wanted to set me up financially when he left, like some kind of kept woman. I hadn't truly understood until recently though what the compulsion to respond to your maker was like. I felt Eric's maker's pull on him through the blood bond we shared. He told me that if his maker Appius Livius Ocella had requested him to have sex, or ordered him to kill Pam, or Me for that matter, that he would have to do it. Even if would haunt him for the rest of eternity. Lorena had called him away, as his maker. He had no choice. He fought it, and she tortured him for it. He would not give her my name even through the torture. He was willing to die a painful death to protect me.

I began to cry. Why couldn't I have seen it then? I was so hurt, my heart so broken. Maybe because he was my first, and I was a woman grown before I met him. I hadn't had the experience of relationships before. My temper and pride didn't help either. I refused to listen when he tried to explain. I didn't want to forgive him, because he had shattered the happiness I had finally found. It wasn't his fault though, and I could see that now. Why couldn't I have listened then?

Looking back, I could see every injury I had made against him. First in not listening when he explained. Not trusting his judgment when it came to Eric and his intentions. Every time I got mad at him for responding to a situation as if he wasn't human –he wasn't, he was vampire. The times I had sent him away, rescinded his invitation from my home. The day he walked in on me and Sam kissing. The smell of Eric on my skin. I couldn't stand simply seeing him sitting with Selah, what if I could smell her on him? The thought revolted me, and I began to cry again. I had wronged him in so many ways. Even if I wanted to be worthy of him, I couldn't see how. My stubbornness and my pride pushed him away.

Anger filled me as I remember that it wasn't just my foolhardiness, but also Eric that pushed him away. He couldn't bear to see my face, to witness the pain forcing Bill to tell me the truth about coming to Bon Temps had caused me. I refused to watch the consequence of his actions. My heart had been ripped from my chest, and Eric had made sure of it, so that I would never be able to love Bill again (something he admitted later). Eric had designs on me since he first saw me, when I belonged to Bill in every way that mattered. And now, with the stupid 'marriage' he had tricked me into, he has made Bill, or any other man for that matter, unattainable to me.

Amelia would be proud of my self-awareness tonight. My friend didn't think I was true enough to myself, or gave myself enough credit. I guess it came with spending my life hearing everyone else in my head; it didn't leave much room for me in there. All this self-knowledge though did nothing more than break my heart anew. I forgave Bill, I love Bill, I am in love with Bill, and I am bonded to Eric, the self same man that had been trying to take me from Bill since the inception of our relationship.

"Sookie?" I heard my name called by a familiar cold voice. I left my bed to find the voice, which was coming from the porch. I opened the door, my eyes still swollen with tears.

"Bill?" I whispered, not believing he was truly there.

"Sookie!" Bill exclaimed, seeing my so undone. "Are you alright?" He asked.

"Oh Bill, I'm so sorry!" I blurted out, burying my face in his chest. His arms surrounded me in and instant holding me to him, and he stroked my hair.

"Sookie, it's alright, I'm here." He told me. He put his hand under my chin, and tilted my face up. His eyes were full of longing as he looked into mine. He kissed me, and I responded melting into him. The kiss started very tender and sweet but quickly became more. Our lips moved with hunger and passion, everything he offered I took and returned. He swept me up in his arm, not breaking our kiss and purposefully walked me to my bedroom. He swept his free hand over the Kleenex on the bed, brushing them to the floor, before he carefully lay down with me still in his arms.

"I love you. For always." Bill told me.

"I love you too!" I responded in earnest. "I'm so…" but Bill had put a finger to my lips to stop me.

"I know." He whispered into my ear, before he began to kiss down my neck. He pulled the long t-shirt I was wearing over my head. As I had been in bed, I was not wearing a bra, so my breasts were no longer obstructed. His kiss trailed down below first the right and then my left breast. He licked the curve of my left breast up to my nipple, which he then sucked into his mouth. He rubbed my right nipple with his thumb, until they were both hard, and I was feeling the liquid warmth spread through my body. He was being so gentle, there was no doubt that this wasn't going to just be sex- we were making love.

I unbuttoned his shirt and he pulled away from me long enough that I could strip him of it. It had been so long since I had seen his bare chest, he was magnificent. I began kissing his chest, running my hands along his sides and down his back. His hands moved down my body, stopping to caress the scars the torture had left on my body. I pulled away, a little self conscious.

"You are beautiful," he assured me. "All of you." And he kissed the dimple on my thigh that was left from the chunk that had been bitten out of it. His kisses moved up my thigh, and I sighed when he kissed the waiting mound that was only thinly covered by a pair of fuchsia panties. I knew his fangs were extended, but he was very careful not to hurt me or tear them as he pulled my panties down my thighs with his teeth.

When he moved back up to meet me I unzipped his black slacks and pushed them and the blue boxer briefs under them down in one movement. Once we were both undressed, we began kissing again this time with more determination. He poised himself above me, his weight barely resting on me. I guided his full arousal with my hand. "Now?" He asked with love written on his face. "Now," I responded not wanting to wait another second for him. I gasped when he entered me. "Oh Bill!" Is all I could say for a long time.

He was slow and methodical as his body moved against mine, bringing him deep into me again and again. He wanted this to last. We were relearning each other, and there was no need to rush. We had all night. We had the rest of my life. I responded to his every touch. My hips arched toward him each him each he gently thrust into me. It was amazing. It didn't take me long to come the first time, but we were far from done.

In one smooth motion, Bill moved from above me to behind me, and rolled me from my back to my side. I could feel his smooth, muscled chest on my back, while he slid his leg between mine, and entered me from behind. His arms were around me, holding me to him, stroking my breasts as our bodies moved as one. I could feel my climax building, and knew that his was on the horizon as well. We picked up the pace a little, eager to come together. The orgasm was so forceful I called out, as Bill growled "I love you."

"I love you too." I panted, before I was overcome with a fury the likes of which I had never felt.

Immediately I woke up, disoriented. I was in my bed, but I was alone and still surrounded by used Kleenex. The rage was coming through the bond with so much force, I was nearly sick. I ran to the bathroom just in case. I was so dismayed when I realized it was only a dream, I nearly started to cry. Before a tear could fall I heard I voice outside my bedroom window.

"SOOKIE!" the man bellowed. It was Eric, and his voice was filled with cold fury.

"Go away!" I called back weakly.

"SOOKIE! You are my wife. I demand to see you right now!" Eric nearly screamed. If I had any neighbors, he surely would have woken them all. As it was Bill was my only neighbor and he would be awake at this hour.

"What do you want Eric? It's the middle of the night." I called back, not haven gotten up off the bathroom floor.

"Who is there with you?" Eric demanded. I was confused and angry now.

"No one is here with me. I was sleeping until you woke me with the damned bond." I told him, walking over to the window. I lived in the woods, so my curtains were rarely drawn.

"I felt you through the bond, I felt passion and lust and love, and then release." He accused. "Invite me in!" He demanded though I could feel his anger abating.

"I was sleeping Eric. Dreaming. There is no one else here, which you can see. Now please go, I would like to go back to sleep, I have to work the early shift tomorrow." I told him.

"Were you dreaming about me?" He asked with a loaded smile. "You don't have to dream anymore, I am here, lover." He nearly purred, his anger gone now, and replaced with lust.

My eyes were cold. I was near tears once more, but turned my back to Eric so he couldn't see. "Goodnight." I told him, closing the curtains, so I could return to my bed without Eric's eyes on me. This time I did cry.