Disclaimer: They aren't mine, and this is unbetaed. Sorry.

Warnings…just like before. Torture. Genocide. Language. It's a dark fic right now, will be fluffy later. We're getting nearer the fluffy.

AN: Its plot exposition, it has to go somewhere.

Pike was halfway through the bottle of whiskey and nowhere near drunk enough. He was fully planning on drinking at least the second half more. The amber liquid was his only hope at the moment, and he was going to drown himself in it.

Whiskey was the only thing strong enough to burn away the day he'd had.

He needed the slow heady burn of it. He needed something to counteract the emotions that were running through him. Right now, he would have given anything to be a Vulcan.

Anything.

But then, Vulcans couldn't process alcohol.

So maybe not.

Jimmy was dying.

Pike poured another three fingers of whiskey and decided that ice was for wusses.

But there was no drowning it. There was no ignoring it.

And the things he'd learned today, he couldn't unlearn. No matter how much he'd wanted to.

And did he ever want to.

The answers to his messages were much worse than he'd expected.

Winona was dead. She had been for eight months or so. Jimmy must have known that. Damn, the boy had no one. No wonder he'd gone back for her stuff. It was all he had of her.

Pike had even commed the man that Winona had been married to. That had been a hell of a mistake. The message he'd received back was not fit to print. Apparently Winona had divorced the man over something to do with Jimmy, and Frank had made it very clear that if Pike sent the boy back to him, that he would either beat the living shit of him or leave him for dead. Frank didn't care which.

It didn't bode well for how Jimmy had been treated growing up.

But Win had left him apparently for Jimmy. That was good, right?

Pike didn't know any more.

He was stuck in the same circular arguments, going over and over everything. He felt like it was killing him.

Then again, maybe it was.

It was certainly killing his liver.

Pike laughed halfheartedly at his own little joke.

Jimmy had been sent to live with his mother's sister, and his cousins.

All of them were on the kill list.

Pike could guess what had happened there.

But Jimmy wasn't. It still made no sense to Pike. But the man in the cabin had called Jimmy a traitor, so maybe the kid was never meant to die?

It's not like that showed in the kid's current condition.

Damn them all.

Pike hated mysteries. A lot. So he'd hacked his way into the Tarsus IV mainframe with help from one of the science engineers on the lower deck.

And then it all got more interesting.

Pike could have done with some boring information just then.

Jimmy Kirk had been the star pupil at the Tarsus academy. The boy was apparently a certifiable genius. Pike guessed that that made sense, given everything he'd noticed about the kid already. The report indicated that Jimmy was fluent in four languages, with a conversational grasp of several others. The kid was fucking twelve. It also indicated that the boy loved chess and had excelled to a level where none of the teachers could beat him at it. And Pike had observed the boy's love of Shakespeare. It was unusual for a kid Jimmy's age to like something so ….old-fashioned.

The kid had also reportedly been an annoying brat. That also made sense to Pike. He knew how smart kids got when they were bored.

Pike remembered it well.

But then someone had gotten Jimmy involved in teaching the younger kids, and he'd just….blossomed. The boy had a natural aptitude for teaching. He'd loved it, and the kids had, by all accounts, loved him. And had loved them back.

Pike wondered how many of them Jimmy had saved.

The kids…that was another of Pike's problems.

JT had not been restored to them, and they were asking about him constantly. One of the younger officers had taken it upon himself to inform them that JT was being kept for tests, while somehow managing not to convey any information about the kid's condition. Pike was worried about the revolt they were going to have when the kids found out. Because it really wasn't a matter of if, anymore. It was a matter of when.

Pike thought he probably ought to tell them, as Jimmy had introduced him to them as someone they could trust.

The thought of that one task alone had Pike taking another shot.

God, Winona was dead.

Pike didn't know if he could deal with that.

Her grey eyes haunted him. And now all that remained of her was Jimmy. Her other son with George had died in childbirth.

There was no one left for Jimmy. The kid had no one.

No one at all.

There was no other next of kin.

If the boy was lucky he'd get sent to an orphanage for Starfleet dependents.

Oh yeah, great future that.

Jimmy knew Kodos. Kodos knew it. Therefore Jimmy was a liability to him. Sooner or later, someone would be sent to finish off the kid.

And orphanages were notoriously unsecure.

So Jimmy's life was in danger.

So Pike was stuck in his circular logical pattern. He slid off his desk and sat on the floor beside his bed.

No one for Jimmy.

Pike hated that.

But an idea was itching at the edges of his mind, and Pike wasn't sure he liked where it was going.

He was used to things a certain way.

Used to being a single man, with few responsibilities to others.

But if he allowed himself to think about what he was most assuredly not thinking about, then that might not be the case.

He decided to forgo the glass, and starting drinking straight from the bottle.

He took a gulp and relished the long slow burn. It took his breath away. For a second it took his thoughts away.

But only for a second.

No one for Jimmy.

Pike wasn't sure he could do it. Alone, single, he could make any choice he wanted. But when someone depended on you…you lost that right.

No one for Jimmy.

Dammit. He was in deep.

Pike thought it was very likely that he was trying to deny a choice he'd already made.

But he wasn't sure.

Or maybe the whiskey wasn't sure.

He just didn't know any more.

He just didn't know.

At some point reason found him, and he crawled into bed, still fully clothed to ponder the questions he was not prepared to answer.

And despite his mental turmoil, he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Hmmm….I see to enjoy making people go to sleep. Maybe I'm trying to tell myself something.

For those of you that asked…Jimmy's catalog of injuries is taken from a real life example. Sorry.

Please review.

Quotes: "Why are you telling me this?" "It's plot exposition, it has to go somewhere." -Miss Piggy and Lady Holliday, The Great Muppet Caper.

"Alone, you can make any choice you want. But when someone loves you, you lose that right." -Alice Paul, Iron Jawed Angels