These Black Eyes

by P0ST

The ongoing adventures and experiences of the Teen Titans, as witnessed through the eyes of a silent newcomer.

102. Wynken, Blynken, and Noir

102. Wynken, Blyken, and Noir

"Noir!!!!"

"…………."

"Noir!!! Wake up, dammit!!!"

I snapped out of it.

My black eyes fluttered open.

A stream of purple goo was flying at me.

I gasped and raised my blade at the last second.

SPLORCH!!!!

The mud spread from my deflecting blade.

There was a resounding "RAWWWWRRRR!!!" across the pavement, and a second stream of purple slime was flying at me. Too great for me to block.

I gritted my teeth and sweatdropped.

SWOOOOOSH!!!! Starfire flew in and safely plowed me out of the way. We went tumbling onto the sidewalk, upon which the girl got on her knees and panted. She looked at me with bright eyes of green. "You must be more perceptive!!!" She took to the air and soared back towards the enemy.

I shook my head, stifled a yawn, and weakly stood up.

God I was tired….

"Rrgghh!!" Cyborg shouted from…somewhere in the street. "God, I hate fighting Plasmus!!"

"You're not alone, dude."

I blinked my black eyes back to focus and looked through my shades at the muddy monstrosity of a freak wreaking havoc in the street. My Titan teammates surrounded the monster under the overcast sky of early afternoon. Starbolts, laser cannon fire, and whirling discs of flame flew into Plasmus' pliable body. In the meantime, Raven hovered above and tossed road signs and newspaper stands into the creature while Beast Boy busied himself in the form of a triceratops and attempted to ram vehicles into his liquid hide.

The whole battle turned into a wild haze in my black eyes. I shook my head again, and everything became clear once more. It was hard to keep my eyes open. Regardless, I charged forward, leapt over a car, and sailed down at Plasmus with Myrkblade stretched directly outward.

SLKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

I landed on my feet.

I shook my head and looked up. I let out a breath.

The beast had been split in two writhing masses of purple slime.

"Way to go Noir!!" Cyborg chanted.

Then…

SLPPPPPPPP!!!!

The two halves merged together.

Raven droned from above: "Way to go adhesion……"

I let out a long, winded sigh.

SMACK!!!!!

The restored Plasmus kicked me hard in the stomach.

I flew back and landed in an abandoned fruit stand. Crushed apples, oranges, and bananas went flying amidst splinters of wood.

I groaned.

No sooner had Plasmus dished out his punishment on me, the other Titans flew in.

Starfire unloaded a huge charge of starbolt fury. FLASH!!!!

Plasmus was lifted up in the air above a fresh crater in the asphalt.

SMACK!!!!

A green triceratops rammed his midair figure across the street.

Raven flew in, grabbed Plasmus' warbling mass with her telekinesis, and flung him around like a slingshot towards Cyborg.

Cyborg raised both arms, gritted his teeth, and unloaded two merciless laser cannon pulses.

ZAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!

SPLORCH!!!!!!

Plasmus blew up into a hundred pieces. He littered the street from head to toe in mucousy slime.

I tried stepping out of the fruit stand. I slipped on a random banana peel and fell hard on my butt. I groaned again.

Robin swung over onto an awning on the side of the street overlooking the battlefield. He surveyed the area from a crouching position. "Is he down for good??"

A beat.

SLPPPPPP!!!!

The scattered slime all around started streaming towards the center of the road, reforming once again.

"Oh, come on!!!" Cyborg whined.

Robin looked around.

I tried getting up again…slowly…my foot made contact with a crushed pear. I fell down again, the back of my head hitting the side of the fruit stand. I rubbed it and sighed….trying to keep my eyes open.

"The fire hydrant!!" Robin pointed and shouted. "Beast Boy!! Smash it apart! Raven…direct the water at Plasmus!!"

"You got it, dude!"

"On it."

A green t-rex stomped across the street, snapped a fire hydrant in his massive jaws, and ripped it out of its foundation.

CRACK!!!!!!

SPLOOOOOOOSH!!!!!

Water soared straight up in the air.

Raven floated over. "Azarath…Metrion…ZINTHOS!!!" She encased the water in black telekinesis and aimed it like a huge water pistol towards the nearly reformed mass of Plasmus.

Right as the water made impact, Robin whipped out two freezing discs and flung them across the street with a grunt.

SWISH-SWISH-SWISH-SWISH-SWISH-SWISH-SP-SPLASH-FLASH!!!!!!

The two discs struck the water while it enveloped plasmus and turned the entire collision of elements into a frozen statue of ice. Raven let go of her telekinesis and floated towards the ground. She walked across the asphalt and stared up close at the ice pillar. The purple goo inside disintegrated and the sleeping human being that was the heart of Plasmus lay dormant inside.

"He's down…," Raven said.

"Boo-ya!!"

"Glorious!!"

"Dude! Awesome!!"

Robin smiled proudly and hopped down to the street. "Good job, Team. I don't know how he got out of prison…but he's sure as heck not on parole for long. Let's all get the fire hydrant and sidewalk cleaned up before the law enforcement arrives……"

Robin's voice turned into hollow echoes in my head. I was leaning my head back against the fruit stand. Relaxing. I took a deep breath. Everything felt soft and inviting. Cool…yet warm. Like meditation, only no struggle. No strain. Just silence……peace…..tranquility…..

"…just in time. Say, where's Noir? Noir??"

Like a river. A babbling brook. Trickling into smooth serenity…

"Hey Noir! Wake up, man!"

I snapped my eyes open. I blinked a few times.

Squad cars were all around. A special crew were loading Plasmus in a containment vessel up onto a truck. Police lights flashed through my shades and I noticed the silhouettes of my five teammates standing more or less around me.

Cyborg waved a hand. "Earth to Noir….you all right, dawg?"

I blinked again. Had minutes passed? I must have been asleep…

I weakly stood up, used Myrkblade as a cane, and positioned myself on wobbly feet. I managed a weary smile. I felt like my joints were melting.

"Noir, what's wrong with you?" Robin asked, his arms folded. "You nearly black out when attacking Plasmus. Then just one strike of his mud collapses you for the rest of the battle. You okay??"

"What do you think??" Raven remarked. She gestured at me. "He's been awake for nearly three days straight…what, with the bank robbery and Fang and Plasmus' escape and this 'Buzzard Gang' flying around the City and wreaking havoc."

"Noir, I thought you got some sleep since that paralysis incident with Fang," Robin pointed a gloved finger. "Is this not true?"

I shrugged. How could I tell him that ever since I got back from battling Fang in the parking garage, there was nothing but one heroic call after another to answer? And while the other Titans were getting their cat naps, Robin—in his sleepless ways—was drafting me for research and detective work that helped us track down Plasmus in the first place. How could I tell him that every fiber of my freakin' being wanted to sleep and yet I couldn't for the good of the City?

Sometimes…the clock of life doesn't work in one's favor.

"He is exhausted!" Starfire exclaimed. She looked compassionately at me then at Robin. "He must go back to our Home and rest so that we can utilize his strength in tracking down the 'Buzzard Gang'."

"Good idea," Robin nodded. "Noir. Go back to the Tower. Catch some Zs. But keep your communicator with you. I want you up and at it when I call for your assistance. No need for you and your sleep deprivation to be a liability. You understand??"

I nodded, my eyes barely open.

"Dude…I so envy you," Beast Boy interjected.

I waved him off…though I could just as well have been waving Raven off. I didn't care.

"Um…," Raven blinked. "How's he going to get home?"

Robin was just about to scratch his chin and 'think' when---

"Titans! This is urgent!" a police officer ran over.

"What is it??"

"Commissioner Decker believes he's got a lead on the Buzzard Gang. He wants to see you all on the double. And it's important that you all come!"

Beast Boy looked at me. He looked back at the police officer. "How do you mean 'all' of us?" He sweatdropped.

The cop nodded: "When Decker means it…he means it…"

I bit my lip. I looked at Robin.

Please don't…please don't…please don't…

Robin cleared his throat. Paused. And glanced at me. "Better come along, Noir."

He did……

I smiled a plastic smile. I started to teeter over.

Cyborg caught my shoulder. "Take it easy, man," he smirked. "I'll give you a ride."

I Cheshire catted in response. I started to hobble towards the T-Car.

"Hey…what about me?" Raven remarked.

"Oh yeah, sorry Rae. The back of the T-Car's full of anti-Plasmus equipment. Stuff that I didn't get to USE, by the way—ROBIN!"

"Sorry, Cy. But we found our own way of handling him."

"I wasn't exactly in the mood of flying all around town tonight," Raven pouted.

Cyborg smirked. "You wanna sit in Noir's lap?"

"…………to the air I go," Raven droned.

"Hehehe! Join me, dear friend! We can share battle victory stories along the way to the Department of the Police! And maybe even do mid-air braiding maneuvers on each other's hair and—"

"Starfire. Not now. Not ever."

"……….Oh………….at least the braiding maneuvers??"

"Rrrrgh…let's just go!"

Raven took to the air. Or at least I thought she did. I wasn't exactly sure. I was sitting in the T-Car's passenger seat suddenly. Cyborg was at the wheel. The A/C was going full blast and I was shivering. Vibrating all over. Shaking into…submission.

So cold…warm….like an Ocean. Forever flowing. Gentle. Relaxing.

My eyelids weighed a ton.

Cyborg was talking.

"…and so I told Robin: 'It's just a bra! Besides, it's not like you were shopping for yourself! You were there to help Starfire! They don't have brassieres in outer space. You ever talked to Supergirl?!' And Robin didn't say anything. I swear…undies scare him like…."

Um…okay. Whatever.

I was vaguely aware of street signs passing by and an amber sky of waning sunset through the glass and the freezing A/C and hairbands.

Hairbands??

Oh yeah…Supergirl loves hairbands. Er, that is Kara does. I should call Supergirl 'Kara' in my head from now on. After all, she calls me Jordan. It's only respectful. I wonder what someone would do with so many hairbands? How about a whole freakin' mountain of them? Just…dive in. If hairbands are soft, they'd make a nice bed. Mmm……bed. It's been a while. God, I must smell like a barn. My hair itches so bad. I must shower. But……mmm…bed………I missed it so much. And…wait…this bed is hard. And why's the blood rushing to my butt?

"And so I think that this isn't a hoax. The "Buzzard Gang" is staging an assault on some spot in the Bayside Plaza and possibly even a bank in the Central District. If you kids can help, that'd be a load off my ass."

"What would you have us do, sir?"

"Recon. Sting operation. Camp around the Bayside Plaza and look for those flying sonsofabitches and take them down."

"Certainly, sir! Those offsprings of female dogs shall not prevail!"

"Okay, Miss Starflame—"

"Starfire, sir."

"What's with your goofy talk?! Sprechen sie normal?!"

"Ahem…I think we should get to the matter at hand. You want us to do a sting operation?"

"Yeah…use your best stealth teammates. Like tall dark and snoring over there……..hey….is he okay?"

"Noir?"

Yes? Can you wait? My bed is being wyrd for some reason… "Noir, snap out of it!!"

Hehehe…Robin said 'snap'. Snap dragon Robin!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!

"Pssst! Noir!!" a hand shook my shoulder.

Whoah…there's my blood. Who's shaking me? Such a thin wrist. Soft hand. Like Jinx. Jinx??

"Noir??"

JINX!!!

My black eyes popped open.

CHHHHING!!!!!!

I leaned forward with Myrkblade stretched out.

I panted. I looked around. I was half-sitting in front of the desk in Decker's office. The other Titans were cringing. Decker himself was leaning back with his arms folded and his eyes wide—most likely in an impromptu move to dodge the swing of my blade….which had succinctly lopped off the top half of his desk lamp.

PLOP!!!!

The light fixture fell onto his desktop with a spark or two.

I still had my sword stretched out from the back swing.

I sweatdropped…simpered….and sheathed the sword.

Silence.

"……….," Decker stared. He raised a finger. "That's exactly what I want on this job…..only…..try and have your ghost kid aim his sword at the Buzzards and not at me."

Robin cleared his throat. "We'll……um….try to….sir."

"Splendid. Now get the Hell out of my office."

I was suddenly standing out in the main room of the upstairs Police Department offices. I soon realized why. Cyborg had practically hoisted me out.

"Are you crazy, man?! You nearly took his freakin' head off!!"

I leaned against him. My eyes fluttered close.

"Whoah!! Whoah whoah whoah whoah!!" he gripped my shoulders and shook me. "Wake up, man!! Noir, you're falling all over yourself!!"

I grinned stupidly. Dizzily.

"What you need is a pick-me-up, dawg! Didn't you hear Robin and Decker?! They're gonna need you to catch the Buzzards in the act at Bayside Plaza!"

I blinked my black eyes. I nodded. I teetered back, caught my balance, and hand-signed to the android Titan.

He blinked. "Right now? The ten bucks I owe you?"

I nodded.

He shrugged. "All right…don't know what good it's gonna do that sleepy head of yours…but sure."

He pressed a pad on his chest. A tiny compartment opened up. Cyborg's 'cyberwallet'. He pulled out a ten dollar bill.

"Here you go…"

I raised a limp finger. I tiredly shook my head.

"What??"

I rubbed my fingers together, then held out all of them twice.

"You need ten singles?! I don't have that much on me, man!"

I groaned. I gestured lethargically.

"Well…I have four singles on me right now. That gonna help?"

I smiled dazedly and did a thumb's up.

"Here you go, man."

I held my palm out. I dropped them.

"Er…."

I shrugged. I bent over to picked the four ones up. I started to teeter over.

Cyborg nonchalantly hoisted me back to my feet.

I blinked, yawned, and hobbled towards the elevator…waving nonchalantly at desk workers that I passed.

I stepped into an elevator, pressed a button for the first floor lobby, and leaned back as the doors closed.

-Ding!-

I yawned and closed my eyes.

-Ding!-

I snapped out of it.

My eyes opened up.

I was on the first floor.

"………."

That was quick.

I stepped forward slowly, squeezed through the closing doors, and headed across the lobby. My boots echoed against the floor.

"Good evening, Mr. Titan," a secretary said from behind a glass booth in the wall. "And good luck on your latest case!"

I waved blindly at her and limped over towards a Pepsi vending machine. I pulled out the first single. I slipped it in. I pressed the button for Dr. Pepper.

The secretary looked up from a form she was filling out.

I pulled the Dr. Pepper bottle out. I set it on the floor. I whipped out another single. I slipped it in. I pressed the button for Dr. Pepper.

The bottle rolled out.

The secretary paused all that she was doing and watched.

I put the bottle down besides the first. I whistled a Simon and Garfunkel tune. I slipped in the third single. I limply pressed the button again. A third bottle came out.

The secretary blinked. Staring fixedly.

I whistled as I slipped the last bill in. As it accepted, I looked at the secretary across the way. I winked under my shades and dizzily smiled. The bottle rolled out. I picked it up and set it on the floor.

A beat.

I snapped my finger and brightened. I remembered that I had four quarters in one of my belt pockets. I pulled them out, slipped them in the vending machine, and pulled out another bottle.

The secretary watched……

I unscrewed the first cap. I gulped it down. I gulped and gulped and gulped and gulped. I tilted the back of the bottle straight up. I only took two breaths….and…..

The bottle was empty.

I exhaled. Wiped my mouth with my sleeve. And tossed the bottle in a nearby can.

I reached for the second bottle. As the secretary watched, I gulped down its contents with considerable ease and speed. On the third and fourth bottle, I glanced through the corner of my shades and made eye contact with the woman. I gave a thumb's up, finished my fourth, and then unscrewed my fifth.

I gulped it all down and tossed it into the growing pile in the can.

I took a deep breath.

I flexed my arms.

I bounced in place.

I cracked my neck.

I felt the energy inside of me…rising…rising…rising…

An unnatural energy.

A sick energy.

Like a freakin' bullet squirming around in my temples.

If my black eyes had irises, they'd be enlarged by now.

A stupid grin formed on my face. I clenched my fingers into fists and warbled murk like two obsidian torches. I let out a demonic, breathy chuckle. I started to twitch as my insides vibrated. I spun around, took a shuddering breath, and sighed happily. In jittery fashion, I looked over at the secretary, performed a vibrant bow, and faced the exit doors.

I teleported across fifteen feet just for the Hell of it.

SWOOOOOOSH!!!

I was outside.

The sunset was beautiful.

The City lights swarming and forming like pixies.

I giggled.

I looked over.

The Titans.

My friends.

Gathered by the T-Car.

A briefing? Slumber party?

HA!

SWOOOOSH!!

I blurred over and perched on the hood of the car.

"And so my plan is that we form a circle around the Bayside Plaza and---," Robin stopped in mid sentence and did a double-take at me. A pause. "Er…..hi, Noir."

I smiled wide.

I waved.

I leaned back and forth.

I waved again.

I smiled.

"I was….um…just telling everyone the plan," Robin pointed out. "You'll get the shadowed spot atop the theatre. You understand?"

I nodded.

I saluted.

"And then the others will…will…Noir…h-hey…wait, Noir….NOIR!!!"

I was already running away.

I had a job to do.

A job to freakin-la-di-do-di-do.

Ha ha ha ha ha…oh man, I'm running so fast.

Who cares if I'm barely catching the voice of Raven uttering: "He shouldn't be doing this with us right now."

I'm perfectly fine.

Hell, I'm heavenly!!

I can leap a building!

Well, almost.

Here…I'll do my best!

SWOOOOOOOOSH!!!!

I blurred up the side of Kobayashi Tower, leapt over the satellite dishes on the top, made contact with the other side using my blurred feet, and zoomed back down to street level.

WOOOOOHOOO!!!

Superman, eat your heart out!!

Man…it's gotta be really icky to eat a heart out.

All of those tendons and muscles getting caught in between the teeth.

I burped in mid sprint.

Ah ha ha ha ha!! Man…too bad Beast Boy's not here to have heard that---BAYSIDE PLAZA!!!

I screeched to a stop before I could possibly run into traffic or crash into a group of young pedestrians.

I zoomed up to the top of the theatre in record time.

I sat at my perch.

I sighed happily.

I rocked back and forth.

I whistled more Simon and Garfunkel.

I changed my mind and whistled Eiffel 65 instead.

I thought of how proud Robin would be of me for my punctuality.

I thought of Robin's cape and how silly it must have looked on him when he was younger.

I then thought of how funny it was that Robin actually kept the Titans except for Cyborg from watching rated R movies for a short time before I joined the team.

I then thought of the movies playing at the very theatre where I was sitting.

I then looked at the wandering after-school teenagers in the courtyard.

I took note of fashion statements I'd never seen before.

Ugly skirts and painful looking sandals.

And I wondered if Starfire thought it was all rather pointless.

And I felt it was due time for all of us to go to a mall again.

And I rocked back and forth.

And I whistled on through Beatles, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin.

And I realized how pointless it was to whistle Led Zeppelin.

And I giggled.

And I twiddled my thumbs.

And---

Starfire flew down.

I smiled wide and waved a hand.

She waved back. "Greetings, Noir! Now we must stay quiet or els—"

SWOOOSH-WHUMP!!!

I gave her a big hug.

"Oh….um…," she blushed and stifled a giggle. "How very generous of you, Noir. But right now it is important that we focus our collective energies on—"

I jumped back.

I nodded.

I crouched on the side of the theatre's rooftop.

I peered out with two hands cupping my shades like a Native American stereotype in some old Western.

I eyed every group of people passing beneath us, paying extra special attention to the slightest of shady characters. High school students and romantic couples and afternoon families blurred into a myriad of pleasant faces. And I couldn't find a frown or a mug shot stereotype among any of them because the eyes and mouths and teeth kept blurring that they formed a pink shadow in my head that enveloped my vision and soon enough my black eyes were closed and I was drifting through a current of people like logs down a Yukon river and I was drowning--

Starfire's communicator opened with a Star Trek sound.

I snapped out of it, blinking.

"This is Starfire," she obviously uttered into the device. Her voice was soft and whispery. "I am positioned to the north of the Bayside courtyard with Noir. We are scanning the crowd for any sign of the Buzzard Gang."

"You beat us to it, Star. Good job," Robin's voice said. "How's Noir fairing?"

"He is…..most energetic."

"…………Really?"

"Are the other Titans assembled?"

"Just about. Raven should be there, right?"

"She's taking West point."

"Beast Boy should be joining her shortly. In the meantime, Cyborg and I are coming around for an Eastern position."

"Understood. Starfire out."

I heard the communicator flip close.

My eyes were on the plaza.

I could feel the blood pulsing in my brain.

A freight train was thundering down my cerebral cortex and splashing into a billion chirping dolphins in my brain stem.

I grinned.

My black eyes throbbed under the shades.

My teeth chattered.

But I wasn't having the shivers.

My entire body was vibrating from the inside out.

My knee bounced.

My fingers flexed, twiddled, and cracked.

And I was breathing, breathing, beating, breathing, beating…

A dark form.

My black eyes twitched.

A trenchcoat.

A hesitant figure in the crowd.

Two hesitant figures.

Two trenchcoats.

My nostrils flared.

The freight train circled my cranium and flew off like a slingshot towards the slowly forming group of shifty strangers.

My chest shook.

My heart rattled in the rib cage.

"I admire you for your vigilance, Noir," Starfire whispered from behind me. "But are you truly feeling up to this task at hand?"

I panted.

I was too dry on the outside to sweat.

Too full of Dr. Pepper on the inside to freeze.

Bubbling…vibrating…

Carbonated blood.

My eyes twitched again.

There were four dark figures wandering into the center of the courtyard.

My teeth grit.

I envisioned sparks in my mouth.

"Noir??"

They're heeeeeeeere.

Starfire looked over my shoulder. She gasped. "Now that is most suspicious!"

The four figures huddled in the center of the courtyard…besides a fountain.

Shifty eyes looking around.

Hands and arms in trenchcoats.

One second…two seconds…three seconds…

I giggled.

Starfire glanced at me. "Dear friend, what do you think of this development---"

I looked at Starfire.

She transformed magically into a redheaded My Little Pony in my head.

I giggled some more.

BANG!!! BANG!!!!

Shots were fired into the air.

The trenchcoated strangers were aiming machine guns into the air.

Swarms of people on the edge of the courtyard ran screaming.

Those within the inner halo of the chaos huddled and froze in the fear as more bullets streaked into the air.

And the leader of the gang shouted: "All right!! This is not a drill, you Yanks!! The Buzzard Gang is here to stay!! Here's a message for your bedwetting police! We don't take kindly to the heat breathing down our necks as we make our foothold here!!"

Starfire gritted her teeth. "Such terrible miscreants! I must radio Robin and suggest an all-encompassing, Titan ambush---Noir?? NOIR!!"

I was already leaping and diving towards the scene.

Grinning.

Air flew past me like current.

Carbonated current.

Blinking horizons all around me.

A glass world outside the shades…rushing…

CLUMP!!!

I landed on the ground.

I took a breath.

My legs blurred.

I zoomed in between bodies and sailed in towards the Buzzard Gang with their guns. The leader rambled: "That's right!! The Buzzard Gang!! We shall strike terror into the hearts of you lot like the hand of G—"

SMACK!!!!!!

My foot sailed into his face. Bloody teeth flew.

Whoah!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!

The other three thugs looked at me. They gasped.

I grinned wide.

Hi!!

CHHIIIIING!!!!

Myrkblade was out.

I pounced.

RAWWR!!!

One thug screamed in terror and shot a stream of machine gun bullets at me.

I twirled Myrkblade in descent, deflecting the bullets into the sky. CL-CL-CL-CL-CL-CLANG!!!!

I landed, blurred around him, and slapped the broad side of Myrkblade against his ribs.

SMACK!!!!!

The gun flew out of his grasp.

I stuck my leg out and kicked the weapon back into the air.

I twirled Myrkblade and smacked the back of the thug's head forward so that his forehead came down onto the lifting metal bulk of the weapon.

CONG!!!!!

He groaned and was out cold.

The two thugs behind me fired.

I blocked in reverse, blurred my feet, and vaulted upward.

The world spun.

The carbonation exploded in my arteries.

Ooooh!! So many pretty lights!!!

I landed between them. I spun with my leg swept outward.

Both fell down to the ground hard.

Bowling pins! HA!!!

I grinned and spun around.

The leader was back up. His mouth bleeding. He ran towards the far side of the courtyard.

Hehehe…no you don't, ya old fart!!!

I happily ran towards him, sheathed Myrkblade, and leapt high with blurring legs.

I flipped, grabbed his shoulders, wrapped my legs around a horizontal pole of a lamppost, and swung in such a fashion so as to fling him over the heads of cowering citizens and through the glass display of an ice cream shop.

SMASH!!!!!

I swung up, jumped, and landed back down in a perch atop the lamppost.

I cracked my neck.

Chuckled.

And dove forward.

I landed on the ground, rolled, and jumped to my feet and began dashing into the ice cream shop.

A few patrons inside ran into the far corner and cowered as the Buzzard gang leader stood up and met my attack with blocking fists.

WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!

I was a flurry of punches, knees, and kicks.

He gritted his teeth, finding it an effort to meet my every attack.

I grinned like a muppet and jumped back. I bounced in a kung fu ready position. I held my hands up, fingers positioned meditatively, and motioned him to come at me with a wave of my head.

"Why you unruly little snotball!!" he snarled.

I winked and grinned wide.

"RAAAUGH!!!" he came at me.

I twirled, spun, grabbed his arm, twisted it, and elbowed him reversely in the face.

WHAP!!!

"Nnnghhh!!" he stumbled back, grabbing his nose.

I held my breath, jumped in the air, and performed a spinning karate kick across his cheek.

SMACK!!!!

He stumbled back against the glass displays of an ice cream freezer.

Wooo!! Ha ha ha!!

I cracked my knuckles and bounced over to perform another flurry of attacks when…. suddenly…… everything………….. started………………………….. to………………………………………………… implode……………………………………….

I gulped.

I was sweating.

My brain was melting.

The carbonation in my blood was turning to ice.

The Dr. Pepper was wearing off. The soda was diffusing under my skin. The vibration slowed to a minor clicking and then into a dull thumping as my exoskeleton muffled everything that wanted to explode in my being and suddenly wanted to just drift away on thunderclouds.

Rain…….rain…….

Softness…..

Gentleness…..

Just to sink in all of it….to cease to think or exist…..

To sleep……

My eyelids thinned over my black eyes.

My charge stumbled into a drunken hobble.

I dizzily teetered left…right….backwards…then fell into an awkward stance.

I felt sick. Disoriented.

And sleepy.

And sleepy…..

My eyelids gained twenty tons in two seconds.

I shook my head.

I groaned.

The gang leader looked at me funny. He blinked once….twice…

I blinked a few times myself. I ran a hand through my hair, let out a sigh, cleared my throat, and raised my fists limply as I marched towards him.

Experimentally…the crook met my advance and swung a fist.

I barely blocked it. He growled and brought his knee up.

WHUMP!!!

I bent over, gasping for air.

He joined his two hands together and struck me hard across the cheek with his elbow.

WHACK!!!

I stumbled into a wall.

I winced.

The wall felt firm.

Still.

Nice……

I rested against it and sighed.

THWAP!!!!

A foot to the small of my back.

I winced.

Snarling, I spun around and swung a blind fist.

WHAM!!!!

I contacted the gang leader's cheek.

He stumbled back.

I stumbled forwards with a fist.

But halfway through the punch, I blacked out. I sighed.

THWACK!!!

I was punched…somewhere on my body. Anyways, I landed across a table.

"!!!!!" I gasped for air. "You're not even half as badass as they say on the news, you little punk!" the gang leader said from behind me.

I suddenly became aware of an impregnable driving force throttling through my being. I winced. I stood up weakly. My legs wobbled.

I had to pee like there was no tomorrow. God could have invented the bladder just hours ago, for all I was concerned.

I sensed a rushing set of feet behind me.

I spun around and shoved the gang leader back.

I cleared my throat and tried walking straight. The Dr. Pepper's fickle ways were starting to plague me. I could practically have exploded any second.

The gang leader came to my side with a fist.

I blocked it away and kicked him upside the chin.

WHAP!!

"OW!! Son of a—"

He swung his leg up….and struck tragically close to my groin.

"!!!!!"

Ah jeez!!!

I wheezed and bent over, wincing.

Even some of the innocent onlookers groaned.

Hold it…hold it………hold it in!!!

"DIE!! RAUGH!!!" the crook came at me again.

I gritted my teeth.

Give me a second, you mother f--

CHHHHHING!!!!! CHUNK!!!!

"Waaah?!" the gang leader gasped. In a flash, Myrkblade was out and he was pinned helplessly to the wall of the ice cream shop by his trenchcoat.

I fumed. I held up a finger for 'one second'.

I hobbled around and limped into the bathroom.

I closed the door behind me.

Silence.

The gang leader's eyes narrowed in confusion.

The bystanders craned their necks.

Silence.

A trickling sound.

A loud, long trickling sound.

The gang leader made a face. He struggled and grunted to pry himself loose of Myrkblade.

The sound from the bathroom went on……and on…….and on……

The crook paused. He couldn't help but just…….listen.

….and on…….and on………and on……

He sweatdropped.

…..and on…..and on………………….silence.

A beat.

The sound of a flushing toilet.

A pause…then….

The door to the bathroom opened.

I walked out, sighing.

I was halfway towards the crook when I paused, hit my head with a groan, and walked back into the bathroom.

The sound of a faucet running.

A soap dispenser.

Rippling paper towels.

A beat. I walked out again.

I cracked my knuckles. I gripped Myrkblade's hilt.

YANK!!!!!!

I pulled the sword out and the crook fell to his feet.

"Nnngh!!" he raised his fists.

THWACK!!!!!

I popped him good aside the head with Myrkblade's broad side.

He teetered across the ice cream shop, toppled over the glass freezer display, and was out cold…no pun intended.

I sighed and sheathed Myrkblade. I blinked tiredly and hobbled through the sea of broken glass. I waved tiredly at the bystanders in the corner and hiccupped.

Once outside, I glanced over and took notice of two of the Buzzard gang members fighting my Titan teammates. Starbolts and laser cannon fire and green animals and black telekinesis and yellow capes streaked left and right along with bullet fire.

I yawned. I looked to my right.

The thug I had knocked unconscious earlier was stumbling up to his feet.

I sighed.

I sauntered towards him tiredly.

He took one look at me…stripped of his trenchcoat…and revealed a rocket launcher on his back.

I paused in my step. I blinked.

"Sod off, you stupid do-gooders!" he shouted and took to the skies…..loudly.

PFFFFFFFFFFHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I watched as he rocketed high into the air above the Bayside Plaza and throttled a stream of fire and smoke over the rooftops.

"He's getting away!!" I heard Robin shout amidst the Titans' scuffle. "Someone go after him!"

I inwardly groaned.

I shook my limbs…gathered some strength…and blurred my body. I ran up the front of the theater, over the rooftop, and began sprinting through the City with my power. It was all a rather numb exercise.

I bounded from one rooftop to another. The wind whipped at my long black hair and whistled around the smooth surfaces of my shades. It was cool and relaxing.

My black eyes thinned. It became harder and harder in my already-bobbing vision to keep sight of the flare of jetpack exhaust ahead of me in the distance. I knew that the flying thug couldn't go far. The model of his means of transport wasn't the type to handle a lot of fuel.

Hopefully I could outlast him. But I was at the end of my tank already. In fact, I'd been empty for nearly two and a half days.

I started running up buildingsides, darting around neon signs and fire escapes in my vertical ascent. And then I rounded rooftops and kept on bounding forward.

My body was like ice. I was controlling my sprint from the outside through puppet strings.

And then it dawned upon me…

Power Rangers was a total ripoff of Voltron.

I mean…sure…they used many different prehistoric beasts instead of a bunch of giant mechanical tigers.

But the plot and meat of the story was practically the same. Though Power Rangers would have been pretty cool if it had a princess at the operations of one of the mechs.

But wait…Voltron didn't have any of the karate stuff going on outside of the mech action.

But then again…maybe Power Rangers got the permission from Voltron to do its crap.

Still, that doesn't make sense. I'd give away my arm before I sold such an idea as Voltron……oh wait……

I became aware of a glowing aura approaching me.

I snapped out of it.

My black eyes flew open.

A neon light was in my way. I was running up some random building side.

I gritted my teeth and twisted my blurring body to the right. I streaked up the building side at a diagonal angle. Before I could literally run off the side, my feet literally fell 'through' an open window and I found myself tumbling quite awkwardly and loudly into a ninth story apartment.

KLUMP!!!

Two middle-aged women on a living room couch jumped up, gasping.

There was a bright light overhead, intermittently strobed by a ceiling fan.

I winced and shook my head.

"Stop making noise, honey!" a man uttered. "I'm trying to concentrate!!" He stood in front of the apartment's entertainment system. He was in the process of trying to insert a rented video into a VCR…but each time he attempted to do so, the video inserted halfway in and was immediately ejected back out. "Carn sarn it…….Honey, what's all the commotion?" He turned around and saw me sprawled across the floor. "Oh…hello."

I waved. Yawning, I stood up. I shook my head, cleared my throat, and bowed apologetically.

One of the women stammered: "Q-Quite allright. Were you going somewhere, sir?"

I craned my neck and squinted through my shades. I could barely see outside the window on the other side of the corner apartment loft. The rocket pack figure was thundering off down the street. I pointed out the window.

"Huh??" the man looked. "Oh….but of course." He opened it for me. "Go get 'em….I guess."

I smiled weakly and hobbled towards the window.

The man went back towards the VCR. "Now….if you could only friggin' work!" He pushed the video in two more times…and two more times it was immediately spat out. "Dammit!"

I paused.

I turned around.

I walked over towards the VCR. I held up a finger.

The man stepped back.

I inserted the video…but while doing so, I carefully applied pressure downward on the front of it. The video slipped in without a hitch and the VCR started playing.

"Wow….great!" the man beamed. The women behind him clapped and cheered. "Thank you, Mr. Titan!" I shrugged, simpered, saluted, and sashayed out the window.

SWOOOOOOSH!!!!!

My feet started moving, blurring, and catching up with the wall speeding up beneath me.

I blurred down the buildingside, across the street, and bounded over a few more structures.

Gradually, I was catching up with the evil rocketeer again. I yawned. My black eyes strained to stay open.

I swung my arms in the sprint. I found myself swinging pleasantly. Almost rocking myself to serenity while at a full-blown jog. I smiled.

I was in a cloud…..actually, I was in mid air.

My eyes snapped wide open.

I had run off the edge of a building without realizing it.

I flailed my arms. I summoned murk. I glided myself down, bounced off (more like ricocheted off) a building side, and landed hard on a long, aluminum roof. Like a portable home.

CLANG!!!!

I winced.

I shook my head and held my skull.

I looked off in the distance. The jet pack Buzzard gang member was shooting around a bend.

I sighed.

At this rate, I'd never catch up to him. Not with how exhausted I was.

Perhaps all I needed was to catch my breath.

So I sat there, cross-legged.

Heaving.

Breathing in…..breathing out….

Slowly.

And at the time, I felt it couldn't be of much harm to close my eyes.

So I did.

Breathing in……..breathing out……

Breathing in………breathing out…..

And……wow………this sure feels comfortable……

If only I could do this while running, I'd outrun a whale with warp engines.

Cyborg would be so envious of me……or maybe he just doesn't like running. The only piece of me that's titanium is my left hand, and that can't compare to trying to get a whole torso and set of legs to do a shuttle run.

"Heya! Whatcha doin', Jordan?"

'Oh, hi Ana. Just hanging out. What're you doing here?'

"Bored. Hey…you look beat."

'Yeah. I had a nasty run-in with Fang, and then Robin had me doing detective duty for the last two days and—whoah, where'd this penguin come from?'

"Putrid, Paperhanging, Porpoises! What are we sitting on, a giant laser pointer?!"

"The heck if I know, hehehe! He's not my penguin!"

'Well, he sounds like Trigon trying to do a Burgess Meredith impression.'

"Burgess Who?"

'Say Ana, what did you do to your hair?'

"Is that a trick question?"

'You know what? I'm not sure. I'm really frickin' tired……'

"Waaa! Waaa! Waaa!!"

'No one asked you, buddy!!'

"Yeah, you tell 'em, Jordan!"

'Ha ha ha ha ha!!!'

"Hehehehehe!!"

"Howdy, y'all!"

'Oh my god! Kara! What are you doing here and why are you dressed like that fruity kid in 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape?'?'

"Who's for a hayride?!"

"I am!!"

"The more the merrier, my fine feathered farmgirl!!"

'Hell yeah! Hayride to the max!'

"All aboard!!!"

"Faster! Faster!!"

"Can you feel the wind?!"

'Yes!! I can feel the wind!! I can feel the whole god damn universe!!'

"Jordan! You swore! How come?!"

'Well you see, Ana…there's this guy I've met named Decker and—'

"Everyone hang on!! Woooohooo!!"

"Weeeeeeeee!!! Hehehehe!!"

'Ack!! Kara! Not so sharp on the turns!'

"Actually, I'm Sandy now."

'Oh……er………okay. That's wyrd. Um…Ana, are you still Ana?'

"Dude!! Check it out!! The penguin is totally flying!!"

'What's that, B.B.—WHOAH! You're right! He's practically soaring!'

"I need you, Rocky! Can't you see that?! Look at this cauliflower ear!"

'Kara…Sandy…Goliath…whoever…slow the hayride down!'

"Send me your strongest soldier!"

"Go to Hell, you philistine!"

'Beast Boy! Be nice to Goliath! He's on prozac!"

"Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!"

"Uh……why does the penguin suddenly sound like a railroad crossing bell?"

'That's a good question. It shouldn't mean anything…………unless…………'

"!!!!!!"

My eyes snapped open.

I gasped.

Buildings were sailing past me.

Third story windows.

I blinked.

The wind was kicking at my hair. I glanced down. The long, aluminum rooftop of a portable home turned out to be the top of a rapidly moving, elevated train car. All the time that I was sitting asleep on top of the train, I must have been taken halfway across the Eastern District of the City.

I blinked again.

Well……that sucks.

I yawned.

I stretched my arms.

I glanced upwards….and my eyebrow raised.

Miraculously, the train had caught me up with the crook on his jetpack. He was merely a heroic pounce away.

I shrugged.

Works for me…

With wobbly legs, I stood up on the speeding train car. I shook my head, fought another yawn, and instead started charging murk into my ankles.

I waited….I waited….

The train drew closer, running parallel to the crook with his rocket pack.

I waited….I waited…. I could almost taste his foul breath…or foul butt…whatever.

I leapt at the last second, impacted a billboard with my feet, vaulted off with, blurred, flipped, and landed on the crook's flying shoulders.

WHUMP!!!

"WAAAH!! What the heck?!?!"

I unsheathed Myrkblade—CHIIING!—twirled it, and stabbed it down into his rocket pack.

CRUNNNNCH!!!!

The jetpack shorted out. We lurched in midair and started to spiral down into the street.

"Augh!!" the man struggled. "Get off me, you bugger!!"

I yawned.

SWOOOOOOSH-CRASH!!!!!

We fell on something…………well, whatever it was…..it was hard. And it hurt…kinda.

Anyhow, we rolled off it and collapsed across the concrete ground in the middle of a bus terminal in the middle of the Eastern District. All around us were at least a hundred people busily trying to get on their diesel commutes. At the sight of us, they recoiled in shock and gasped.

I jumped up and held my sword at ready…..then realized I was facing nobody.

I glanced about.

I spun around and mouthed 'oh'.

There was my enemy, stumbling to his feet.

I twirled Myrkblade at ready….my eyelids heavy.

He shook off his smoldering leftovers of a jet pack and growled. Then he smirked and pulled out something at the end of a cord. "Nuts to you, you bloody imbecile!! To take down a Buzzard, you have to take down the whole bloomin' City! I have the equivalent of half of Hiroshima strapped to my chest! That'll make you piss in your knickers for sure!!"

I glanced at him wyrd. I looked at his chest….and sure enough there were ringlets of explosions wired around his bosom like a girdle.

He snickered evilly.

Women shrieked.

Men murmured in fear.

Children sobbed.

I yawned.

"See this trigger in my hand!!" he held up what looked like a hand exerciser in his palm. It was attached via wire to his bomb-girdle. "The soonest I let release the trigger, we all get blown to the Devil's Summer home!! Think you're so tough now, eh Yank?"

SWOOOOSH!!!

His eyes bugged.

WHUMP!!!

He was shoved down onto his butt with his back against the wheel of a bus. He gasped. I had tackled him, and now my hand was over his hand which was over the trigger. I had a vice like grip…assured by the murk encasing my knuckles—which in turn encased his.

I stared at him, point blanc in the face.

He stared back. He tried one last time to growl evilly: "Sure!! Try to be play hero, Titan!! Even your grip won't last forever!! I'll regain control of the trigger and one way or another all these people here will burn!!"

He grinned.

Silence.

Silence…….

Silence…………….

The helpless citizens around the bus terminal started to shift uncomfortably.

Slowly, the grin on the man's face fell. He cleared his throat. "Um……ahem……T-Titan?"

I was snoring.

His eyes were wide.

My head leaned over and rested in the crook of his neck. I held his controller while asleep. My weight was pressed against his as my lungs slowly expanded and contracted.

And I snored more……

The crook sweatdropped. He tried stirring and getting out from under my weight. But he suddenly froze as fear gripped him. One little move…and the two of them could lose grip of the trigger. My hand was latched vice-like onto his. The only way he could get up and get out of there was to drag me along with him. The only way to get me off of him was to release my grip of him. The only way to release my grip of him was to release his grip of the trigger.

'Kaboom'.

The Buzzard bit his lip, turned white as a ghost, and simply sat there……

As I snored.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Easy….Easy…..that should it…."

"Almost….."

"And……….."

Snip!

"There!"

I awoke to the sound of cheers and claps all around me.

I shook my head, yawned, and blinked thin black eyes through my shades….looking up.

Cyborg had the trigger in one hand, the explosives in another, and the wire previously connecting them draped over his shoulder. City officials standing alongside a ring of barricading emergency vehicles around the bus terminal clapped and smiled at the successful bomb diffusal.

I soon realized that all the other Titans were there too.

Not to mention---

"Get him off me! Get him off me!!" the last of the Buzzards writhed and shouted. "The lad's bloody insane!! Catatonic creep!! Get me out of here! Get me to jail!!"

"Gladly…," Raven muttered. She lifted the crook over into the arms of police with telekinesis. They handcuffed him and hauled him off.

I embraced the tire that the crook was occupying happily. I snuggled up to it and sighed with a smile. Drifting away……--

"Noir! My man!! Good job!!"

Cyborg hoisted me to my feet.

The blood rushed from my head. I nearly fainted. I shook my head and dizzily looked at him.

He patted me annoyingly hard on my shoulder. SLAP. SLAP. "That took some guts, dawg!"

Robin walked up and offered me a gloved hand to shake. "You just saved over a hundred tourists from a fiery death…not to mention helped nab the last of the annoying Buzzard Gang members. Way to go."

I gripped his hand, smiled, and tried to shake. I was only halfway successful, and then I was teetering over and practically leaning over Robin's petite shoulder. I was almost snoring.

Robin bit his lip and sweatdropped.

Starfire floated over and steadied me on my feet. "Noir…are you damaged?"

"Dude…you are so seriously wasted," Beast Boy smirked.

I teetered back and forth. My black eyes blinking shut under my shades. I hand signed something.

Cyborg…tried to read it. "'Tell Kara to finish the primary incision…'---what?!?!"

I shook my head, yawned, smiled, and nodded.

Cyborg's human eye blinked. "Wow."

Robin scratched the back of his neck and simpered. "Well….Noir….good news is, Fang's back in prison. Plasmus is in custody. And the Buzzards are no more. Our job tonight is done. Now's a good time for you to get back to the Tower, shower up, and rest. How's that sound?"

I smiled wide, my teeth showing…….and fell forward like a stiff, wooden board.

FLASH!!!

Raven extended a wrist and caught me with a cushion of black energy. She effortlessly hovered my near-dead form into the passenger side of the T-Car…upon which I was gently placed into the seat.

I yawned and stretched subconsciously.

Raven whipped off her cloak and draped it over my chest. I smiled and curled up in the seat…..snoring away.

"Wow, Raven. How compassionate of you," Cyborg folded his arms.

She shrugged. "I suppose it wouldn't kill me to fly home."

Cyborg looked at her and scratched her chin.

She raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"What?"

"Ya know….you look kinda cute in nothing but that black leotard."

An artery pulsed in Raven's forehead as she glared at him. "I am not cute!"

Beast Boy giggled insanely.

Robin shook his head.

"Suuuuure," Cyborg winked his human eye as he passed her and stepped into the driver's seat. "Whatever you say, girl."

"I am not!" Raven stamped her foot.

SWOOOSH!! Starfire flew over and hugged Raven from behind.

"Oooof!!"

"Hehehe!"

"Tell me why you're hugging me this instant and maybe I'll make your death a quick one…."

"Because you're so cuuuuuute."

"I am not cute!!!"

Robin fired a grappling hook. "Titans…let's go home. The cuties can catch up." He winked under his eyemask and swung away.

Beast Boy and Starfire joined him as the T-Car rolled off.

"Rrrrrgh….," Raven—alone—shook and fumed. "Okay….where's that bomb?"