hey everyone! Next chapter up! Glad to see that people are enjoying this ridiculous crack. XD
Llcyyxx: I'm working on a Caranthir one shot, so keep smiling. *grins*
Fandomfangirl100: thanks! You'll see.
Evangeline pond: haha, your wait is over.
Guest: please do by all means!
Woodelfjedi: thank you!
Chapter 5
There was an email from someone. A certain someone.
Celine-
I know I said there's three more tomorrow, but I'll have to put this one in your care today. He's smaller than normal, so be comforted. I do hope he won't be too much trouble.
And before I forget- he still has memories of his previous life, but he is quite reformed- except for in a few small things. He does not search for complete domination any longer.
Have fun!
Mandos
P.S. He should appear just about the time you finish this.
I leaped up. "No! Mandos, don't you dare, I don't care which elf it is- oomph!" I fell to the floor after something landed on top of me. I groaned and sat up, rubbing the back of my head.
When I cracked my eyes open, I saw a horrifying sight right in front of me. A pale face with rich golden eyes, jet black eyebrows, and golden/reddish hair. He was dressed in- wait, a black cape and red robes?
I let out a shriek and shoved him off, scrambling away. "Oh. My. Gosh. Is that who I think it is?" Lark asked, face in the 0_0 expression.
"Who else do you think I am?" Asked a small and pouty voice. He was so small. Eru, how tiny he was! He was just the size of a plushie doll, which means he came up to my waist.
"Eä! Raich!" The elves leaped up, fumbling for weapons.
"Hey, wait, CALM DOWN!" I yelled to them. They stopped, holding their ears. I glared, then crawled over to the new one, who was looking at himself.
"Curse you Namò! You didn't say I would be so-" I slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Mairon, language! You too!" I said, pointing to the other elves threateningly. "So you are the legendary Sauron." I said warily, looking at out newcomer and removing my hand.
"Who else would I be?" He replied sourly, crossing his arms at me. "Are you the one he said to look for?" He asked in return.
"Yeah. I'm Celine- holy Eru, I'm talking to Mairon, Sauron, Annatar the Fair, Lord of the Rings, the eye of Barad dûr, the great eye-" I started, dazed.
"Just Mairon. I'm not any of the others any more." The small voice corrected me. I face-planted on the floor.
"I hate to say this- but you have got to be the cutest thing I have EVER seen in my entire life." I groaned, lifting my head and propping it up with a pout. Lark started laughing hysterically, while the elves stared at me like I had gone mad. Mairon looked floored.
"And I'm going to protect you from any elves who might want to hurt you for no reason." I said, sweeping him up into my arms. "Aww! You're sooo cuuuteee!" I squealed, squashing the air out of him, while he wheezed.
"Let go of me!" He shrieked in protest, but I just loosened my grip and picked him up instead.
"Isn't he cute?" I asked Lark, who was now in spasms of laughter and rolling on the kitchen floor.
"Cute- Mairon- my gosh-" she gasped in reply. The elves looked absolutely horrified.
"Relax guys! He can't do anything! Besides, Mandos says he's reformed." I said cheerily.
"It wasn't my fault that I was under Melkor." Mairon mumbled from where I was smothering him. "He forced me to be. He promised that he would pay attention to me, but instead he mind-raped me and put me under his control." He said, sounding so vulnerable that I almost cried.
Lark stopped laughing. Silence settled. Just then, an email popped up. I opened it and read it.
Celine,
By the way, whatever Mairon says is true, believe it. He needs lots of love, hence why I sent him to you. You do have a hairbrush, I hope.
Mandos
I stared down at the little Maiar in my arms. He looked back up at me, and for once, he looked scared. I blinked. Then I hugged him tightly.
"Don't cry, little Mairon! I'll love you, I promise!" I promised, snuggling him tightly. "Don't listen to those elves who say you're evil." I glared at said elves, while Lark sniffled. The elves were all O.O
"That's not Mairon, then." Maeglin finally said. "I should know. He's the one who tortured me."
"I told you it wasn't my fault! He made me!" The little Sauron- erm, Mairon wailed.
I placed my hands over his ears and smothered him.
"You heard him! Make him stop, Lark!" I hollered. She grinned.
"If you'll let me hug him I will." She bartered. I handed him over. He protested but Lark just squeezed him. "Okay, stop Maeglin, and accept him, or else I'll have Mandos send you to the void with Melkor." She threatened. Maeglin hushed up.
"Okay, give me back my precious." I said, sniggering. Lark and I cracked up while Mairon stared at me, looking horrified.
"Sorry, Mairon, I couldn't resist." I giggled, squishing him to myself again.
"But what if he tries to murder us in our sleep!?" Maedhros asked, cringing away from me.
"He won't. I'll sleep with him myself to make sure, so there." I huffed. "Besides, why would such a cute little thing do that anyway?" I asked indignantly. Maglor looked thoughtful, strumming on his harp. Fingon looked at Mairon interestedly. Caranthir looked like he cared less. Maeglin seemed wary.
Mairon clutched my shirt and stared at the elves, looking awfully terrified.
"Aww, it's okay, Mairon, I'll protect you, I promise." I cooed, while Lark decided to close the dishwasher after putting all the dishes away, listening to our argument.
Just then the door opened. "I'm home!" Mom called. I cringed as she walked in and stopped, looking at all of the elves. I stood up, and her eyes widened as she saw who exactly I was hugging. I mean, he's unmistakable really.
"It's okay mom, he's good!" I practically shouted. "Sorry. Mandos sent me them and him and there's two more tomorrow and that's thankfully it and I'm gonna freak out now." I blurted, then sat down and began to hyperventilate.
"That's funny, I never saw her like that before." Lark mused, staring at me. I snapped out of it.
"Okay, temporary insanity passed. Aren't we going out? Where's the envelope?" I asked cheerily, back to myself. The elves stared. Mom face-palmed. Lark was laughing. Mairon decided he was not letting go of me.
"Mairon." I said.
"What?" He whimpered.
"Uh, not so tight please. I'm assuming you're staying with me?" I asked dryly.
He fixed me with the most adorable wide eyes that held fear. "Don't you want me?" He sounded so fragile. My gosh.
"I do. You're sweet. Okay, that's it, you're staying with me forever. I'll take you off of the Valar's hands." I decided, and made my way to my room.
"Everyone get ready!" I hollered down the stairs.
"Where are we going? Are we going to go take over the world?" Mairon asked. Lark started giggling behind me. I stopped and stared at him. Then my face crumpled.
"He's growing up so fast already, Lark!" I wailed, while she burst into a screaming fit of laughter. Then I patted the little Maiar's head gently. "No, we're not. We're going to go get you some clothes and shoes, and some toys." I replied smartly, marching into my room and grabbing my wallet again.
"Can I get a gold ring? Or something shiny?" He piped up wistfully. I blinked at him.
"Geez, I guess your unhealthy obsession with bling hasn't been reformed yet. Hmm. Well, I guess so, maybe, Mairon. We'll see." I replied, then made my way back down the stairs again. Lark was still recovering from tears of mirth.
...
We finally made it to the mall without any mishaps, which was good or else I would have definitely had a meltdown in the middle of the sidewalk. Mairon was still clinging to me adamantly, refusing to let go. I had to balance him on my hip as we walked, which wasn't very easy, but I didn't really mind.
"Okay, Lark, you take your brothers to Target, while I take mine to Blue Navy. I think the fashions there will match our respective peeps." I said cheerily, handing her money. She nodded and dragged Maeglin and Maglor off.
"Come on, we're going over there." I pointed to aforementioned store and we all went there. "Choose clothes you like." I said absently, shifting Mairon on my hip.
The people in Blue Navy had their eyes popping out of their heads at the height and- yes, I said it- gorgeousness of my 'brothers.' I went over to the little kids' section and decided on a few red and black shirts and blue jeans capris for the Maia on my hip, who was looking around interestedly, still squeezing the dye out of my shirt.
Caranthir had chosen a few blue and black shirts, and a few pairs of baggy shorts, while Fingon had chosen light blue and white shirts with a few khakis and shorts. Both had chosen brown sandals. After checking out and walking back out from the shop as normal-looking as we could get, we went to target to find the rest of our group.
"I must admit that clothes here are rather odd." Caranthir noted, looking down at his deep blue shirt and black shorts. I personally thought he looked awesome in them, as obviously a few others in the mall.
"Hush, not so loud, Caranthir! Whatever you say. I'll just say that you guys look pretty good." I replied, turning to Mairon. He had on a bright red t-shirt and black slacks. He looked adorable.
We finally found Lark and the other two, who were also dressed in their new clothes. Maglor had on a cream-colored shirt with brown shorts, while Maeglin had decided on a deep purple shirt and black pants. She gave me a look that yelled, 'theylookawesome!' I grinned back.
"Okay, first stop sightseeing!" I exclaimed, Lark and I dragging them all off to see other things.
"What is this?" Maeglin asked at one point, poking at a pair of headphones. Lark and I laughed. I pulled out my iPod with the headphones and handed it to him.
"Here, put the round things at the end of the strings in your ears, and let me turn this on." He did, and I pulled up my tracks. So he listened to the songs with cool interest the rest of the journey.
"And this?" Maedhros took interest in sunglasses. I bought a cool pair and slipped it over his eyes. He looked awesome with a pair of deep blue shades.
"It protects your eyes from the sun when it's too bright." Lark explained.
"Interesting." He replied, looking around at the racks and shelves. I taught him how to hang it on his shirt and he went around like that.
"What are these for?" Asked Fingon, picking up a Swiss Army knife. The irony didn't miss Lark and I. Stifling hysterical laughter, I showed it to him and bought him one "for good measure."
"Very handy." Lark agreed, and that set the both of us off on a spiel of laughter at the pun. Maedhros looked vaguely green. The rest of the elves were snickering as Fingon patted his friend's shoulder comfortingly. Mairon was blissfully ignorant, not paying attention.
A few food isles later: "What are these?" Caranthir asked about a box of chocolate glazed doughnuts. Lark and I grinned at each other conspiratorially.
"Good excuse, thanks Caranthir, I think you will like them." I answered mysteriously, picking up a box to buy.
"For Maglor's sake, let's go to the instruments." Lark begged. I nodded and we all went along.
While Lark explained all of them to the minstrel, Maedhros and I got into a- conversation- about his skills. "But it is said that Daeron was better!" I said.
"Absolutely not. The only reason he is supposedly considered so is because others pity him for Luthien." He retorted in defense of his brother.
"Then what about the minstrel face off they had that one year?" I argued. Caranthir was watching with a smirk, while Maeglin hummed along to the iPod. Mairon was clutching my hand and staring at Lark, and Fingon was just smiling placidly and flipping the can opener of his Swiss knife.
"It never got settled because the judge was biased." Was the flippant reply. I threw up my arms in defeat as Lark and Maglor came back.
"I give up." I turned to Maglor with a sweeping bow. "My brother is better than Daeron." I acknowledged, and then marched away with Marion in tow.
"I can't believe you actually argued." Lark sniggered at me. "You never would have won." She chided. Maglor looked confused.
"What?" He asked sounding baffled.
"You're welcome for defending you." Maedhros replied dryly. Caranthir snickered.
"Hush up, Caranthir. If you don't have something good to say, zip it." I called over my shoulder. He snorted while Lark agreed.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. This way!" I lead them all off to the jewelry section. I bought a plain band of gold and then gave it to Mairon, who smiled up at me so brightly I thought I was going to need to borrow Maedhros' sunglasses.
The lady at the counter looked befuddled. "You bought it for him?" She asked me.
I grinned and swept Mairon up into my arms while he played with his newfound treasure. "Yep. He's my little brother, and he loves shiny things." I replied with a shrug.
"Well, he is cute." She admitted. Mairon paused, his face twisting at the- derogatory term, but he ignored it in favor of the ring. I swallowed as we left.
"You know, I think I now ship Sauron and the ring." I told Lark. "I mean, that story is one big romance. One desperately trying to get back to the other while the other tears the earth apart searching for his precious. I never actually realized how cute it was." I told her blissfully, while she went into another screaming fit of laughter.
The elves were groaning at me. "I know, I have an awesome sense of humor, right?" I asked with a maniacal grin. I'm sure I looked a little crazy right then. But then, if you remember, I'm not exactly completely sane by this point. Maybe it has something to do with Mairon happily slipping his ring on and off of my fingers.