Chapter 22

Moving on is the Hardest Part

By the time the light met my eyes, I felt empty; void of any emotions that had once kept me going. My chest ached with a throb, and my stomach was queasy. My head was airy and I completely forgot what I had been doing before I woke up.

"Ava?" Rebecca's voice asked hesitantly from my bedside. I glanced over at her and inhaled a big breath of fresh air. I felt like I had been asleep for ages. She was leaning over my mattress, hands holding tightly onto mine. Her face was filled with worry and relief. "Honey, how are you feeling?"

I blinked and slowly pushed myself up to a sitting position. For a short second, the world tilted in my vision, but then it was over. I yawned and stretched, several joints popping in the process. My body felt exhausted. "I feel fine." I said. Well, it was only half the truth.

Becca let out a relieved sigh. "I'll go tell Joshua and then bring you something to eat." She stood up and sent me a smile before leaving me alone. A light breeze blew through my window. I looked over at it. It was nearing dusk.

What had happened?

Seconds later in the silence, Joshua knocked on my partially open door. He had a giant smile on his tired-looking face. "Hey there, kiddo." he greeted, walking in and sitting next to me. I smiled in response, but it didn't reach my heart. He wrapped me into a hug that made me feel somewhat better.

"What day is it?" I asked.

Joshua glanced at his cell phone and read off, "It's Thursday. If you feel up to it, you can go to school tomorrow."

"How long was I asleep?"

"A day. We found you yesterday morning at dawn unconscious. You were at the end of the cul-de-sac."

Something sparked in my mind. "Unconscious…?"

Joshua frowned a bit. "The doctor said you might have a bit of amnesia from trauma." He reached forward and gently patted my shoulder. "You don't have to try to remember what happened. The Darquecaster's explained to us the whole story."

The spark of remembrance in my mind lit up like a lightning bolt. All at once, everything began hurting. I cried out and jolted forward, burying my face into my pillow. My head ached and my stomach burned with unknown reason. The throb in my chest multiplied, making me feel lost and alone.

Brent, Rylan, Claude, Lukas, and even Alec and Cassidy…they were all gone.

"No…" I muttered, forcing myself to stand up. They couldn't be. They wouldn't have left me. Joshua didn't try to stop me, even has I fell against my door to hold myself up as my legs nearly gave out underneath me. Of course he wouldn't help me.

I'd always been independent.

So then, what the fuck was I doing? Chasing after a few bastards who had changed my life for the worst?

"They brought your clothes back. Becca put them away for you." Joshua said softly from his place on my bed.

The Darquecaster's had killed my father.

But then why did I feel no remorse towards it?

I looked over my shoulder at Joshua, who had a pained look on his face. Joshua was my father. Rebecca was my mother. Why was I so fraught with agony? I pulled away from the door.

This was what I wanted. I wanted the vampires all gone and banished from my city. If they were gone, I had a better chance of living my life again. No more cleaning. No more mind games.

No more lies. I was Avanni Maddox, no longer the rebel, but the new and improved conformist.

But first thing was first. I turned fully to Joshua. "There's someone I need to see before I go back to school."

Joshua raised his eyebrows. "But…the Darquecaster's alre-"

"No," I interrupted. "not them. Someone who can help my mind calm down a bit."

Rory looked surprised to see me walk into her office. I didn't understand why, after all, I actually knocked on the door. Immediately she stood up, eyes wide.

"Ava? What are you doing here?" she demanded.

I took a deep breath to bite back my attitude. Instead, I clasped my hands together in front of me and asked in a shaky voice, "I need you to help me with my visions. I want to avoid ending up in any nightwalker's hands. I want to be able to protect myself without the…t-the… daywalkers around." I almost choked on the lump in my throat when I thought of the surname Darquecaster's.

Rory relaxed and smiled. "Oh, okay. You startled me. I thought you would say something about the -them." she quickly corrected herself. Finally she nodded. "Yes, I can teach you how to use your powers effectively."

That was all I needed for hope and protection.

"Just remember," I added, "I won't trust you and I never will. I'll not make the same mistake again."

"What? They left? No fucking way!" Elly screamed at me from across the table. It was currently lunch time, but it felt like a prison room. Being interrogated by your best friend didn't exactly make you optimistic.

I forked my salad around in boredom and tried to ignore her. Max sat uncomfortably beside me. He leaned over to whisper,

"Why'd they leave?"

It was all my fault, I wanted to say honestly, but instead, the words that came out of my mouth were, "I don't know why."

"I can't believe Alec would leave me! Aren't either of you the least bit upset?" Elly cried out, tears going down her cheeks. Tiffany sat silently beside us, face expressionless as she stared, reading her milk carton.

I was sure she was just as upset as Elly, but was more introverted than her. I glanced around us and nearly groaned in distaste. There were beyond several people watching in disgust at Elly's reaction.

"Elly, would you know it off?" I hissed at her. She stopped moving and glared at me.

"You should be crying too! But you're not! Aren't you upset that Lukas ditched you too?"

I paused a moment, searching deep inside of me. Was I upset that any of them left? After all, the only ones I would miss were probably Claude, Brent and Lukas. Although they each managed to screw me over in some way.

I shook my head. "No, I'm actually kind of relieved that they're gone now."

Wrong choice of words.

"It was you! Wasn't it? You told them to leave because they wouldn't leave Max alone! I knew it! Well fine. You can ruin Max's life, because you already did a number to mine." And with that, she threw her tray in the nearby garbage can, grabbed her bag and left.

I stared after her in shock, and had a brief moment of wonder why she'd been so attached to Alec. I'd make a note to ask Rory later.

"Drama, drama, drama." Tiffany muttered beside Max. We looked over at her. She smiled indifferently to me and shrugged her shoulders. "Actually, I'm glad Brent left without saying goodbye."

My eyes widened a bit. Who would appreciate that? "Why do you say such a thing?" Max asked, as if reading my mind. Tiffany looked down at her pure golden bracelet, that I noticed hadn't been there before. Brent must have given it to her.

"Because it would have been harder letting him go."

I watched her for a long time. Was that how it was for someone in love? Elly only had an obsession. But Tiffany… I looked away and felt sick.

I was so selfish. I had told them all to leave, when there were people here who would miss them. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stood up and grabbed my bags. "I think I'll head to class early."

Max stood up quickly. "I'll walk you there."

"No, I need to stop by the bathroom first."

With one last look at Max's disappointed face, I turned and exited the way Elly had gone. I needed to apologize to her, after all. She was my best friend and I couldn't lose her like this. Not over a stupid guy. Not over a stupid vampire.

Where I found her, however, caused me to stop in my tracks. Elly was talking to Sienna Murphy. My heart dropped and clattered into a bazillion pieces. They laughed about something, and I stepped back. My best friend had just betrayed me. But hell, hadn't I done the same to her?

I turned without glancing back at all, and walked to my next class.

"Relax, and focus on a target in the room." Rory told me from standing behind me. I was sitting cross legged in the center of her office, which had been cleared out from chairs and the coffee table. The window was open, and sitting on the windowsill was an orange blossom incense.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and focused on smelling the incense. As if it were magic, the scent wafted through my mind and made all my negative, depressing and angry thoughts disappear.

The world around me seemed to float away and vanish.

Lukas looked clueless for a moment. Then he remembered. "Oh, really? Well I take back the insult. Your body was nice." he smiled toothily at the end.

I glared at him. "That just makes it worse."

He sighed and pushed me by the hip with a gentle nudge. But with me, it shoved me halfway across the counter. "Oops, sorry." he apologized. I stared at him, my hip kind of sore now.

"Control your strength!" I ordered, handing him the soapy washcloth. He smiled at me again and started washing the dishes. I helped rinse them.

"So…" he started a conversation. "what is it like living with vampires?"

"Drastic and scary. I'm afraid that every night you're going to enter my room, rape me, and then drink my blood." I lied, keeping my face serious. Lukas's head snapped toward me and he looked perturbed.

"I would never!"

I grinned. He frowned. "Juuuust kidding!" I laughed in a sing-song voice. He smirked and flung a handful of soapy, warm water at me. I gasped dramatically. "Oh! It's on!" I threatened, and ripped the rag out of his hand. He jumped back just before I snapped it at him, missing by a couple of centimeters.

Soap and water flung across the floor. Lukas did what looked a ballerina spin to dodge another snap from the rag.

"Hold still!" I shouted, while laughing. Lukas grinned and reached forward just before I threw the rag at his face. He grabbed my wrist to keep me from hitting him with it. I grabbed the rag with my other hand and he made a grab for that one too.

Lukas had showed me what it was like to be yearned for. The memory with him faded into white nothingness, and I began to see one after another, different memories with the people who I wanted to forget about.

Along the walls were large, painted pictures of random scenes and landscapes. They were…breathtaking. I stepped into the room and approached the first painting on the wall. Scribbled neatly on the bottom of the picture was,

London, England, 1799.

Rylan Darquecaster.

Once more, my awe intensified. Rylan drew this? No, he drew all of these. I looked carefully at the picture. There was a cobblestone road beginning at the bottom of the portrait and leading upwards towards a horizon. A horse and carriage was strolling along the road, past walking citizens wearing lovely Victorian dresses.

I hesitantly put my hand up and traced the road softly. It was an old painting. I smiled serenely and moved to the next one, and the next. Each was better than the last. I moved to the other side of the bed and almost tripped over a face down picture. "Oops…" I muttered, stepping over it. I leaned down and pulled it up. Setting it carefully on the bed, I turned it over and…

My jaw dropped once more. I immediately let go of it and stared at it in shock. Rylan had drawn picture of me. It was perfect. He had caught every single feature of me, including the slight dimple in my smile. My own hazel eyes stared back at me, caught with the perfect mixture of color of green, brown and blue.

My naturally flyaway, frizzy red-brown hair and been turned wavy and toppled over my shoulders in the picture. He had made me beautiful. My hand was bent barely at the wrist, nearly covering my mouth as I laughed.

How and when had he drawn this of me? I never smiled or laughed so freely like this before. I touched Rylan's signature at the bottom of the portrait with a smile on my face. That was when the familiar creaking of the door being pushed open again made me gasp and jump in shock.

Rylan was staring at me from the doorframe. I blushed scarlet and moved quickly toward the door to leave past him. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to enter -I mean, I thought it was just another room… I-I'll be leaving now!" As I nearly ran past Rylan, his hand caught me by the forearm and I was pulled back.

"Stay." he said melodiously. "Allow me to draw you once more."

Rylan had made me look beautiful, and even made me look at myself in a different way.

"How long was I asleep?" I managed to ask in a shaky voice. I didn't really feel dizzy, just disgusted with having to continuously drink vamp blood, even though it tasted heavenly. In my state of nervousness, I began asking more questions, "How does the doctor know about vampires? Were you serious about being on Cassy's side? Because if so, I won't be able to feel safe with you, you know that? Not that I could in the beginning but-"

"Shut up." Alec shoved his wrist to my mouth and I had no choice but to taste his blood as it crept into my already open mouth. I groaned in irritation, but when the strangely flavored-unflavored blood touched the tip of my tongue, my irritation dissipated. Was it just me, or did Alec's blood taste even sweeter than Rylan's?

I unintentionally leaned against Alec as my hands went up to grasp his arm tightly to keep it there so I could drink his life force. I barely comprehend the fact through my hazy mind that Alec wrapped his other arm around me and buried his face into my hair.

Besides Alec being a total jerk all the time, he'd proven his fact that he cared about me. He didn't have to do what he did, but he did anyways.

I watched as an unnamed expression crossed Alec's' features, but it quickly disappeared and Alec retorted, "Take it up with him then. I'm sure he doesn't want you raping the house maid." Then Alec turned to me. "By the way, you have to make up for all of the things you haven't cleaned, starting today."

My eyes widened. "What?"

Brent sighed. "Would you all just shut up and leave her alone?" he asked, irritated.

I smiled my thanks to him.

After I'd been so cruel to him, I could only imagine how selfish I must have been as well. Brent had been the sweetest to me, and cheered me up often. He'd stuck up for me as well a few times, and I'd shunned him like the rest of the daywalkers.

Claude watched me for a long time as I cried, wiping furiously at my tears as well. I cried way too much around them. I hated it. I hated them. He lowered his voice compared to mine, and said softly, "We will leave. However, the only thing we can't take back are the memories. I apologize, Ava Maddox." he stepped forward and kissed my forehead, much like a father would do if he were leaving for a long time.

I was too tired to push him away as he hugged me quickly.

My eyes snapped open and I choked on the air. Rory was beside me in less than a second, touching my cheek and checking my vitals. I breathed in quickly, catching my breath and staring wide-eyed at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice panicked.

I smiled weakly. "I-I guess the memories became too much."

She looked at me confused. "That's weird, usually when you clear your mind, memories don't come forth, they dissipate. Looks like we still have more practice, but for another day." She grabbed a mug full of steaming liquid and handed it to me. "Drink up, you know exactly what it is."

I peered down into the cup full of vampire blood, and wondered just whose it was.

As I drank from the mug, I hoped that this would all force me to move on and help with my visions.