104. Mad Movie part 1

Darkness.

A crash of brass instruments.

Explosive and ecstatic.

Then a cool, low jazz.

And from the edge of the darkness there streaks a gun rifle barrel looking out onto an expanse of pure white.

The barrel catches up with the walking image of a green elf in a tuxedo.

As he walks from the right to the left, the elf pulls out a gun and aims the barrel's way at the last second.

BLAM!!!

The barrel stops…shakes…and teeters towards the bottom of the blackness, while something akin to blood covers everything…and fades away.

The rifle barrel--now a white circle—stops at the edge of obscurity and opens up to reveal…

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

I was hanging somewhere and slowly coming to.

I groaned and shook my dizzy head. I stared down at a fuzzy grayness below.

I suddenly realized I was dressed in….an oriental dress shirt? Dark green. Silk. And below that, matching slacks. And below that….

Things came into focus. And I realized I was multiple stories above the ground. I was hanging along a buildingside…..Big Ben?!?!

I gasped. Indeed…stretching beneath me was the full height of Big Ben and the rooftops of Parliament. I looked southward and caught sight of the River Thames and the rest of London stretched beyond. The sky was overcast…and a noonday Sun tried its best to break through the cover as rain gently drizzled down the air and ran along the clockface.

Clockface……wait a second…where am I?

LURCH!!!!

I gasped. I had just risen by…a foot or two.

What the heck?!

I looked up with an expression of horror.

I was tied with my back to the minute hand of Big Ben's clockface. And it was rapidly approaching high noon. The hour hand stretched straight towards the sky. In approximately…five minutes, I would be squished between the two hands.

I snaked a hand back and tried to loosen my holdings.

No use.

And Myrkblade's sheath wasn't on me. And as a matter of fact….

I blinked.

I didn't have my shades on.

I glanced upwards at the overcast sky.

Why wasn't I blinded?

I squinted my eyes…but it made no use.

Everything felt…….normal. And that meant…

I flexed my fingers. I took a deep breath. I concentrated….meditated….

Nothing happened.

I gasped.

My powers………they're……they're……

I bit my lip.

Gone!

I looked back at the sky. Again, unphased by the brightness.

How in the Hell did I get here?! And where're the others?!

LURCH!!!

I gritted my teeth and yanked and yanked at the cables holding me to the minute hand. But no matter how much I struggled, I couldn't get myself loose.

And I was starting to panic…

Then----

"CUT!!!"

Everything froze.

Everything.

The huge minute hand kept still.

The drizzling rain stopped in mid-air.

Cars came to a complete halt in the streets below.

The Thames River stopped flowing.

It was like the universe suddenly turned stale.

Even the oxygen going through my lungs felt empty and fake.

I squinted my confused eyes.

An…….orb floated down. A metallic sphere colored in bull's-eye circles of red, white, and blue…and not the American kind.

I blinked.

The orb came to a stop and…..spoke to me in a very British accent.

"Smashing job, chap! I'd say this scene is sorted! You did pretty well for a bloke who just woke up. All the others took for bloody ever to do their first scenes! Now hang in there just a tick and we'll chivvy along with the next segment. This is where you're hanging by your death right before----oh, what am I pissing around about?! You're most natural when you have no bloomin' clue what's going on, eh lad? Ha ha ha!! Scene Two, Take One!"

There was a loud snapping sound, like a huge invisible clapboard.

Then the multicolored orb disappeared…or no, it didn't.

Three identical orbs teleported into existence around me. Just hovering around the tall clock face.

At the same time, someone faded into existence above me. Someone tall…heavy muscled and……African American.

I did a double-take.

Cyborg?!?!

But…where's all his…………Titanium……?!

"Uh uh uh!!"

That same old voice.

I looked at the spheres.

One of them flashed: "Over here, chap!"

I faced the one in the center.

"No looking at the 'villain' till I shout 'Action!', got it?"

I blinked.

"Good………………Action!"

I struggled. I looked helplessly up at the large figure.

A very….human Cyborg in a dark shirt and dark slacks leaned his head down from where he stood—his right knee propped up—atop a jutting structure of Big Ben above the clock face.

"So…Noir…you left the Hong Kong criminal underground to assist a royal bedwetter in protecting England?!"

I gave him the wyrdest look in my life.

Cyborg grinned….evilly. His voice was extremely unnatural and forced. Everything about him seemed fake.

"We at Skull Corp don't believe in second chances. So while Agent Sixty-Four may have given you an easy break…we're just content to break those who have turned their back on their own kind."

LURCH!!!

I gasped as the minute hand drifted closer to the hour hand.

I had two minutes left…

I struggled.

Cyborg chuckled loudly. "Struggle all you like! It'll make the footage we send Madame Moonflame all the more pleasant to indulge in." He winked, brought two fingers to his lips, and whistled.

Via ropes, two strange 'henchmen' shimmied down and stood on either side of Cyborg with camcorders…..recording me.

The strange, multicolored spheres were rotating about and orbiting the awkward scene at different trajectories and angles.

I looked directly at Cyborg, gulped, and hang-signed something.

And at that….Cyborg bit his lips.

"CUT!!!"

The henchmen disappeared.

I blinked.

SWOOOOSH!!!

One of the orbs flew into my face.

"Keep your hands still, you bugger! Your character's not mute! He's taken an oath of silence! That means he won't bother to chatter with his hands, much less with his kisser!"

"Be easy on him, man," Cyborg spoke to the spheres in what had to have been his genuine personality. "Can't you see he just woke up to this mess you have us in?"

One of the orbs flew to Cyborg's side.

"And did I ask you to say something outside of the take?!"

ZAP!!!

"OW!!" Cyborg rubbed his shoulder and grumbled angrily at the nearby sphere, which had extended a taser from its exoskeleton.

"Right then…," emanated the voice from the spheres. "On with the Scene from where we left off! And give it some wellie, will you?! ACTION!"

FLASH!!!

The two henchmen with recorders were back. The spheres circled. Everything was back in motion again.

Cyborg summoned his evil persona back. "Smile for the cameras, Noir. We'll need a model for when we take what's left of your peeled body and stuff you up in Madame Moonflame's trophy room."

I sweatdropped.

And then…

A red laser drifted down over the two henchmen.

It rested over the heart of the one on Cyborg's right….and….

BLAM!!!!

A red spray, and the henchman groaned. His chest yawned open from bulletfire. He teetered over and fell down the edge of Big Ben.

Cyborg gasped dramatically. "A sniper!!" He snarled down at me. "Who'd you send?!"

I bit my lip helplessly.

"Where is he?!?!" Cyborg growled. "Agent Sixty-Four, I know you're here!!"

"Sir!" the other henchman gasped. The red laser was settling over his forehead---

BLAM!!!!

His head was no more.

He fell down past me, staining the clockface with red.

I cringed.

Cyborg thought aloud: "Of course…he's not sniping from across the Thames. He's…." He looked up.

I looked up.

Two of the spheres looked up while another shot higher into the air.

My eyes widened.

A glare….and then a metal glint….and then a pair of dangling legs in dark slacks. A very familiar green elf descended upon the scene with a rocket pack and holding a sniper rifle. He turned out to be wearing a gentlemanly suit just a tier or two below a full-blown tuxedo. It was the first time I'd ever seen Beast Boy appear……

Debonair……

"Today just isn't the day for the Friendly Skies," the green one smirked suavely.

Cyborg growled.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Agent Sixty-Four…," the well-built thug exclaims.

"The name's Logan….," Agent Sixty-Four replies from where he hovers. "Gar Logan."

"Your true name is hardly spoken of in the Underground."

"Say it one too many times and you just might wear it out," Logan winks. He hovers closer and aims a sniper rifle at the man's bald head. "As for you, Mr. Vic Stone, care to tell me who you're working for and what he wants with my sidekick's death? I'd be inclined to blow your brains out instead, but I'm not in a hurry for Her Majesty to have her clocks cleaned so soon….literally."

Vic Stone smirks. "The woman I work for is above answering your petty interrogations, Mr. Logan." He reaches a hand behind his back. "Now, there's no need for threats. We're all being a bit loony in squabbling across the top of Big Ben, now aren't we?"

Gar Logan raises a green eyebrow. "Loony indeed."

"RAUGH!!" Stone whips out a grappling hook and fires at Logan.

POW!!!

Logan aims his sniper rifle.


But it's too late. The grappling hook wraps around the barrel.

Stone yanks.

BANG!!!

The rifle fires blindly into the overcast sky.

Logan hits a switch on his controls and his jetpack thrusts towards Stone.

Noir flinches on the clockface.

SWOOOOSH!!!

Logan flies into Stone, feet first.

WHUMP!!

Stone grunts. He recoils from the impact, teeters on the edge of Big Ben, and lunges a fist at the hovering Logan.

SWOOSH!

Logan blocks effortlessly and swivels/hovers out of the way of Stone's followup punch.

Stone leans dangerously over the ledge, arms flailing.

Logan runs a suave hand through his hair, cracks his knuckles, and knocks Stone hard in the jaw.

WHAM!!

"Nnngh!!" Stone slumps back against the buildingside.

LURCH!!!

Noir gasps as the minute hand approaches noontime.

Logan looks down. He descends on his jetpack.

"Hold on, buddy! I'm gonna get you out of this—"

Vic Stone growls and jumps….wrapping his arms around Logan's hovering body.

"Augh!!"

SWOOOOSH!!!

The combined weight of the two drags Logan and Stone down past the clockface. The jetpack spurts and smokes in the strain of attempting to hover the two safely.

The height of Big Ben flies above them.

Logan grumbles and knees Stone once—WHUMP!---twice—WHUMP!—and then elbows him—WHAP!!

Stone bears it all and grumbles: "You're gonna have to do better than that, Agent Sixty Four!"

"Perhaps so…," Logan sweats. He smiles and reaches a hand to a special red switch on the jetpack. "If the Soviets could get a dog in space, then surely I can get your arse into the stratosphere!"

-click-

PHOOOOOOOM!!!!!

The rockets explode with thrust.

Stone gasps and is too distracted to notice Logan unbuckling, holding onto the jet pack with his hands only, and tying the restraints around Stone's wrist.

SWOOOOSH!!!!

The jetpack throttles straight up in the air and past the clockface.

Logan salutes. "Get some fresh air."

"What?!" Stone finally realizes he's fastened to the jet pack. "No!!!"

Logan backflips off the jetpack.

Stone shouts as he soars up through the cloudcover.

Logan's body sails down towards the clockface.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

The spheres followed Beast Boy.

In unnatural finesse, he landed on the clockface and winked at me.

"You're doing great, Noir," he whispered.

I looked at him…shocked and horrified.

"Trust me…Cy's okay," he winked with a smile.

As the spheres leveled up with him, he cleared his voice and returned to his persona:

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"My dear friend, have you got the time?" Logan quips. "I'd say it's high time we punch you out."

He grabs onto Noir's body and yanks him out towards the open air in front of clockface.

Noir is thusly positioned so that his body is outwards and his restraints are in between the minute hand and hour hand just as--

LURCH!!!!

--the clock strikes noon.

SNAP!!!

The cords break apart.

The bell tolls.

Logan and Noir topple over and fall down the grand height of Big Ben.

Noir gasps.

Logan hooks an arm around him. "Never fear, old chum! We'll be fine as long as we just hang in there!" That said, he aims his hand up and launches a snazzy grappling hook from his watch.

POW!!!-SWOOOSH—CLANK!!

The grappling hook wraps around a jutting edge of the building's framework.

Logan holds onto Noir and the two descend safely to the ground below.

Once on their feet, Noir shakes his dizzy head while Logan brushes himself off—despite his unrealistically immaculate shape—and the secret agent smiles.

"Well…..it's about time something exciting happened at Parliament."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Cut!!"

One of the spheres flew down to meet the two of us.

The same old voice emanated from it.

"Smashing! The Critic will be chuffed to bits with this material! Great work, my duckies! Just a few more introductory sequences with the two of you and we'll have Cyborg back for the club scene!"

Beast Boy cleared his throat. "Uh….dude….how long is this film gonna be, anyways?"

I looked at Beast Boy and the sphere quizzically.

"Bah!! Impatient spotty youth!" the sphere shook, blinked, and strobed. A tiny, holographic figure appeared on the top of it. A tiny, holographic figure wearing the most ridiculous, 60s mockup of a pantsuit splashed with stripes from the British flag. Mad Mod's undeniable image shook a bejeweled cane and grumbled: "Here you are diddling me with your superb acting when in the end all you want to be is a no-good, cheeky pillock! Mind me that I made you the star of this little picture, bloke! I won't have your lips gallivanting just for the sake of making me brassed off when you got more important things to do!!"

Beast Boy planted his hands on his hips. "Like what?"

ZAP!!!

"OWIE!!" Beast Boy jumped.

"Hah hah hah!" Mad Mod's hologram laughed. The sphere retracted its taser while the projected image leaned on his cane. "You've got bugger all against me, wally! Remember that! I call the shots! After all, I'm the director…and we must make everything hunky-dory with the Critic, mustn't we?"

Beast Boy frowned.

"Mustn't we?!?!" Mad Mod's hologramy leaned forward with a spectacled glare.

Beast Boy griped. "Yessss…."

I looked at him funny.

"Cherio, then! Off to the next scene—"

"Just who is this 'Critic' you keep talking about…anyways?"

"Never you mind, nancy boy! Right then, off to headquarters, shall we?"

The hologram disappeared. The sphere flew off.

And suddenly….

FLASH!!!!

The setting dissolved around us. Suddenly we were standing a few blocks away from Parliament in London. A sidewalk stretched beneath us. People, citizens, tourists in mid-step teleported into existence all around us. Just like once before…everything was frozen.

Five spheres appeared all around us. And then…a BMW faded into existence in a parking space.

I did a double-take.

"Oh yeah, the car," Beast Boy drooled. "I actually like this part, dude."

I hand-signed madly at him.

"Just calm down. We'll have our chance to talk, I promise," he said. Then he sweatdropped. "Trust me…it's best not to piss that guy off."

I mouthed: 'What guy'?!

"Why…Mad Mod, of course. He's calling the shots. We've not been able to find a way to stop him."

I wanted to know where all of 'we' were.

"Shhh….the director's about to speak," Beast Boy insisted.

I wanted to growl.

SWOOOSH!!

One of the spheres floated up.

"In case you haven't gotten things all sussed out, I figured it'd be smart to remind you what your motivations are…"

The sphere jutted itself in Beast Boy's face. "You…are Gar Logan. Agent Sixty-Four in Her Majesty's Secret Service. Your name is infamous among the criminal underworld and evil overlords trying to wield power over the conspiratorial playgrounds of the modern physical and digital world. You have at your arsenal a huge cache of government issued gadgetry for getting the job done. And right now, that job is getting down to the bottom of Skull Corp and simultaneously finding out what connections it has to 'Madame Moonflame'."

The sphere then spun over and 'faced' me.

"You are simply known as Noir. A former member of a crime gang in the bad streets of Hong Kong. Five years ago, Gar Logan ran into you while on a mission and enlisted your help in tracking down the evil Chinese crime lord known only by his code name Red Dragon. Since then, you've been Gar Logan's faithful sidekick who specializes in the martial arts. You have taken a vow of silence in respect to your dark past and have sworn to protect Her Majesty at all costs."

I blinked.

"Right then. On with the show! Beast Boy, be a good chap and follow the holo-prompter if ever you get snookered over your lines."

"Um….yeah….okay."

"Scene two! Take one!"

"J-Just follow my lead," Beast Boy mumbled to me.

I nodded.

"Action!!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"It was a good thing I happened to drop by, old chum," Gar Logan smirks as he strolls down the sidewalks of London with his companion. "That unruly git Stone almost knocked your block off, didn't he??"

Noir nods nervously.

"Well, stiff upper lip," Logan smirks as the two come to a stop besides their sleek car. "We'll go and report this to MI6. Then we'll get down to the bottom of Skull Corp and maybe you'll have a chance to bash some skulls in with those wonderful karate chops of yours."

Noir again nods nervously with a simper.

"But the ultimate question is….," Logan scratches his chin in thought. "Just who is Madame Mystery?"

Noir scratches his chin too.

A beat.

"All in good time, I suppose," Logan winks. He turns and aims a remote at the car.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

-chirp chirp-

The BMW's headlights flashed.

Beast Boy grinned a little too long for his own good. He cleared his throat. "Ahem…let's get going, Noir!"

I nodded and followed along.

He got into the driver's seat (right side) while I took the passenger's seat (left side).

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Logan slips in his key.

Turns the ignition.

Shifts gears.

And presses the gas.

SCREEEECH---VROOOM!!!!

Agent Sixty-Four's engine roars and his car throttles down the streets of London.

A low, jazzy music accompanies the scene.

Extras walking past the cruising vehicle gasp at its sleekness and design.

Inside the car, Logan drives effortlessly and speaks: "I think the world underestimates heroes like us, Noir. The only people who know my name are either trying to kill me or sleep with me and kill me. Heheheh…how's that for global, neighborly love?"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

I glanced at Beast Boy funny.

I looked ahead through the windshield and saw one of the spheres floating at a constant distance from the vehicle's front. A tiny hole like a camera lens aimed at the changeling at the wheel. Above it, a holographic projection of words read: 'But who are we to complain? We have sworn---'

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"---our dying allegiance to the Queen and the Queen alone," Logan says. He then smirks and glances at me while driving. "It's a good thing the Queen has honored us with a license to romance as much as she has given us a license to kill, eh?"

He chuckles.

Noir chuckles.

Logan chuckles.

Noir chuckles.

And.


Sigh………………..

A beat.

Logan blinks. "Um…the prompter's done. Was there something else I needed to say—"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Cut!!"

Beast Boy winced.

Everything outside the car froze. Even the engine died. The world stopped on a dime.

A sphere teleported before us, floating above the dashboard.

"That's a wrap! We got all we needed from this scene, I fathom. You duckies just sit here and squawk all you like while I take a gander at the print and we'll take it to the Agency from there."

"Yeah….um….whatever, dude."

The spheres disappeared.

I glanced at my left. Out of curiosity—if nothing else—I reached over and tried the door handle.

We were locked in the BMW.

I sighed and slumped back in my seat.

"Yeah…it sucks, doesn't it?" Beast Boy remarked. A beat. He brightened. "But ain't this part pretty damn cool?!" He ran his hands over the steering wheel and leather interior of the car. He sighed long and happily. "Why would anyone want to lose his virginity when he could fly around on a jetpack and drive kickass cars instead?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. I charaded 'driving' and pointed at him.

"Right," Beast Boy nodded. "I never did get a driver's license. Heheheh…ain't that funny?"

I sweatdropped.

"And yet…," his green eyes trailed over the dashboard. "I've been handling this baby like a dream. Wyrd, huh?"

I nodded. I looked out at the streets of London. At the people and pigeons in a nearby square frozen in movement. My mind wandered…..

"A lot of things have been like a dream…you noticed that, Noir?" the tuxedoed changeling asked me. "I know you've only been awake for a short time. But….don't things seem fake to you?"

I glanced at him stupidly…then motioned out the window at the frozen London.

"Yeah….I know…..'duh'…..," Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "But I mean other things. Like….how perfectly I can flip about and toss around and shoot bad guys and stuff…none of which seem real either, I mind you. I'm not one to truly snipe people in the chest or head."

I thought about the deceased henchmen. I remembered how—at one point—they disappeared and appeared again like puffs of smoke. Teleporting souls….

"And you saw how…different Cy looked, right?"

I nodded vehemently.

What was up with that??

"And…erm…," he blushed. "Eheheh….have you looked in a mirror lately?"

I looked at him strange.

"Noir….," he reached over and yanked down a mirror from the car's ceiling. "Your eyes, for one!!"

I glanced at my reflection. I gasped.

Brown eyes. But….not just that. Oriental eyes. Short black hair. And the scar on my neck was gone.

It was almost a likeness of my former self….but…..Asian??

If I didn't know better, I'd say that I had suddenly transported into the Messenger's Body.

"I don't mean to pry and stuff….but…..were you once…..ya know…..?"

I gulped and shook my head.

"Okay, just curious," Beast Boy scratched his neck. "I've always thought those eyes of yours were normal from birth or something."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I hadn't and didn't intend to tell him everything….

I looked at the mirror more. I turned my head from side to side. Held my hand behind my neck where long, black hair normally was. Gripped my throat where the scar was…

Hmm………

"Still missing vocal cords?"

I glanced at Beast Boy……then back at the mirror. I took a long breath….and exhaled.

A beat.

I nodded.

"Well, that sucks," Beast Boy groaned. "Sorry dude. But….like…what's up with this?? Did you and Cyborg undergo surgery overnight or something??"

I shrugged. I had no real clue. But if Beast Boy was right about earlier—

"None of this seems real…."

My thoughts exactly……

"But…can't complain too much, right?" he winked. "Your eyes are no longer super sensitive and stuff. Cyborg's got his body back. And me? I kick ass in a tuxedo! I wonder if some masochistic part of us should be thanking Mad Mod, ya know?"

I gave Beast Boy a sarcastic smirk. I mouthed: 'The others?'

"Oh, I've talked to them," he replied. "You'll get a chance to hear them out too, I bet."

I raised an eyebrow. Suddenly, I felt a tingly sensation all over my body and gasped.

Beast Boy must have felt the same thing…but he seemed accustomed to it. His body and mine started to fluctuate with pinpricks of light.

He smirked. "Speak of the devil. Hang on, Noir. This is quite a rush."

I gulped.

"Just a tick while I load the bureau for you lads!" Mad Mod's voice said from a nearby sphere that was suddenly there.

FLASH!!!

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

There was……something oddly familiar about this place.

A huge expanse of pure white.

Like obscurity.

And it wasn't blinding…because I wasn't technically seeing.

But I could hear……and what I heard were voices.

"Hey dudes! We're back!"

"We?"

"Yeah…Noir's woken up finally. I guess Mad Mod was saving him for last."

"Noir, are you there?!"

"Robin, even if he could hear you, how do you expect him to respond?"

"Raven…Robin…you've got my word! He's here! We just filmed that Big Ben scene that Mad Mod said would be in the beginning. Cy was there. You remember that, Cy?"

"YES!! Now shut up and help us figure out what's going on!!"

"Sheesh! Sorry for being born!"

"Robin…Raven…any of you see anything?!"

"Negative. Howbeit, I seem to have undergone a……makeover."

"Me too. Jeez, this is too wyrd! What did they do to you, Raven?"

"I don't want to talk about it…"

"And you, Cyborg?"

"I'm totally human now. Every circuit of my bionic body is missing. It's a virtual impossibility of a surgical procedure!"

"You woke up from surgery?!"

"No, man, I just woke up! It's the most confusing thing ever!"

"Okay, what does everyone remember before we got here? Robin, you go first."

"Well…um…the Tower! Noir and I were training in the gym. Then you came in, Raven, and talked about something circling the Tower and before we knew it—"

"ZAP!! Here we are in London Land!"

"What about you, Cyborg?"

"Same thing. I was there at the gym, remember Rae? You knocked me off the bench when I said that you were c---"

"And you, Beast Boy?"

"I was kinda distracted at the time."

Groans.

"Friends! I have returned!"

"Star! Where were you?!"

"I do not know, Robin. But I believe wherever it was, Mad Mod was preparing me for my first 'scene'."

"Just what's going on here? Robin and I haven't left this plane once. But I keep hearing things from you, Cyborg, and Beast Boy about movie-making and scenes and such."

"Something tells me Starfire is about to undergo the same thing Noir, Cyborg, and I have. Mad Mod is pulling us out of this white-void-space-blank-world-place-thingy and putting us into what seems to be………well………a really nasty ripoff of a James Bond movie."

"The Hell?!"

"And just what is he planning on doing with us in there?"

"Well…we're playing the parts of the characters, or so it seems. Ya know…secret agent…sidekicks…henchmen…"

"Bond Girls?"

"Oooh………that'll be interesting!"

"………"

"Er……d-did I say interesting? I meant 'terrible'. Absolutely 'terrible'."

"How do you know all of this, Beast Boy?"

"I…uhm………I-I'm Bond."

"Bond?"

"Logan, actually. Gar Logan. Mad Mod's scrypt is making me use my real name."

"Yeah……and the prompter said I was Vic Stone!"

"And what of Noir?"

"Simply Noir. No Jordan in the house."

"While we're on the topic, I'm playing a villain. And that doesn't sit well with me, dawg."

"Beast Boy is the protagonist……Cyborg is the antagonist……"

"AN antagonist! There was word of some 'Madame Mystery' person. And also Death Corp and a bunch of other crap."

"Can we please stop talking about this 'movie' thing and figure out a way to get out of here?!"

"That's just it, Raven. Mad Mod is a complete and total psychopath and whatever crazy things he does must be tied in directly with his agenda."

"The plot of the movie is the plot of his plans?"

"Exactly. Think about it. Mad Mod's kidnapped us before. His theme then was something of a mean school teacher ordering us 'brats' around. We may have beat him, but not without him playing out the various catastrophic spinoffs of shop class, chemistry, library visitation, gym…"

"I remember gym……"

"Hehehe……bet you do, Rae."

"Cyborg……go rust."

"Dudes……aren't we forgetting something?!"

"Like what?"

"Last time, Mad Mod used some really wyrd holodek house of mirrors place thingy on board an abandoned oil rig to make his 'school'. But this place……even if you can call it a 'place' is unlike anything I've ever seen! It's like we're really in London! And Mad Mod has the ability to teleport us anywhere we want! Even to freeze time!"

"Yeah…and I tried calling out for help from random people around me while Mad Mod teleported me to the top of Big Ben for Noir's first 'scene'. But it was like everyone had deaf ears or simply didn't want to pay attention to me!"

"Raven…do you sense anything?"

"It's hard to say, Robin. This definitely isn't like the last time we were in the clutches of Mad Mod."

"How so?"

"Beast Boy's right. Last time it was just a place of illusions. And yet…at this point, I can't help but feel there's a bit of mind control at work."

"Liken unto the books of meanness and swirls that he forced upon us previous?!"

"Almost, Starfire. But this isn't hypnosis. Right now…we are all under some sort of influence. Some sort of grand illusion that is consuming us and pretending that we're in an expanse of white chaos at the moment when truly we are not."

"Dude…you mean everything I'm hearing and seeing right now is fake??"

"Most of it…if you can even call it 'hearing and seeing'. But our voices are real. I can sense your presence in each of your voices. I even sense Noir. We're all here."

"But where exactly is the 'here' of our location?"

"I don't know. The answer has got to lie with Mad Mod. Cyborg…Beast Boy…did you all try escaping while you were out……'filming'?"

"Oh yeah."

"Big time."

"The old fart's got these spheres that float around and do all sorts of crap."

"Spheres??"

"Yeah. They project his holograms, give you the lines you're supposed to speak, and zap you when you so much as argue against him."

"A simple taser's gonna stop you, Cyborg? Come on!"

"Uh……Robin…these are tasers from hell."

"Yeah, dude! They're about the only thing real-feeling in this place! Those spheres are bad mother---"

"How shall we travail upon escaping now, Robin?"

"Let's wait it out. I want my first chance outside of this whiteness to see what we're all going through. I have a feeling that—the more we play along with Mad Mod's 'movie'—the closer we'll get to an answer. Let's just hope that the tasers are the only real thing in this fiasco."

"Why's that?"

"Cuz I've seen my fair share of James Bond and Mission Impossible. And if one thing's for sure……people die."

"Oye……"

"I have a theory.

"What's that, Raven?"

"It's about how we got here. And I think it has something to do with the Tower's readings right before our kidnapping."

"And that is?"

"If you remember, the signal read gave off a—"

"Ah jeez, it's happening again!"

"He's teleporting us back out, dude!"

"Ackies! I feel like there is a meteor shower inside my bosom!"

"Starfire! Don't worry! Just ride it out!"

"See you on the set, Star."

"Eek! I am not a good actress!"

"Hey! Why am I being teleported out?! Didn't my character just buy the farm with the rocket pack over Big Ben?!"

I too felt the familiar tingling sensation in my body and then—

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

FLASH!!!!

I blinked.

I glanced to my right.

Beast Boy stood beside me. In his suave attire.

We were inside a stuffy office with brown furnishing of wood and leather.

Before us sat an elderly Briton behind a desk adorned with hodgepodge and photos from a life of service to Her Majesty.

Beast Boy leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"I bet you ten bucks you can't go for a minute in England without thinking the word 'shag' at least once in your head."

I snickered.

He laughed.

SWOOOOSH!!!

A multicolored orb flew in out of nowhere and shocked Beast Boy.

ZAP!!!!

"OW!! SHAG!! Er…I mean SHOOT!!"

"Belt up or I might get shirty with you, Beast Sprog! It's acting time for you and your mute mate, here. A rather simple scene if I do say so myself. And leave it to our Critic to find the plot development scenes rather boorish, so we'd better get a move on and get it over with, right?"

"Uh….."

"What now?!?!"

"Do we get bathroom breaks?"

"Hah!! You really think there's a loo loomin' in your future here in my world??"

"Okay, man. Talk English."

"I am, you meddlin' squat!"

"OUR ENGLISH!!"

ZAP!!!!

"AUGH!! SHAG IT AGAIN!!"

"You better mind your manners. You're the star of the show, ya know!"

"Don't stars get better respect than th—"

I elbowed Beast Boy. Whump!

"Ow!! Dude…what the—"

I hand-signed an 'eyemask' around my Asian optics.

Beast Boy blinked. "Yeah…you're right. Follow Robin's suggestion," he grumbled.

"Eh???"

"Nothing, you limey Robert Zemeckis. Now let's get this show on the road," Beast Boy cracked his knuckles and winked. "Gar Logan's got an evil corporation to catch up to….um….'cheerio'?"

"That's the spirit, my duckies! Scene Five! Take one!………ACTION!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Gar Logan…you were doing well and fine until you ruined your cover!!" the old man grumbles from behind the desk. "We gave you a sniper rifle! What in Bloody Hell were you doing with a rocket launcher?"

Logan leans back in his chair and smirks. "Do you want a job done right, Guv'nor? Or do you want it done right and SMASHING?!"

"Ugh…what am I going to do with you, Agent Sixty-Four??" the man shakes his head.

"Hmmmm," Logan thinks aloud. "Giving me my very own harem in the Italian Alps would be nice."

"You know your occupation wouldn't allow that, Agent Sixty Four. Now look alive. Since you reported Vic Stone's involvement in Skull Corp, we've send some of our inner ears out and about London to find connections."

"And??"


"And we've zeroed in on this one flat on the southside of the Thames. It's a posh place…converted into a dance hall. One of those rave scenes kids are into these days."

"And just what are we going to find there? Refreshment drinks?"

"Don't be cheeky. Word is that Vic was once a bouncer at the place. But his specialties went far beyond roughhousing with a bunch of hard blokes getting pissed up. He was keeping an eye out on a fair lass named Corina Anderson."

"And who might this pretty bird be?"

"Pretty?? Heh…don't go arse over elbow on this, Logan. We know about Miss Anderson in name only…and somehow she has connections to Madame Moonflame."

"Hmmmm," Logan scratches his chin. "Something tells me Miss Anderson is low enough of a profile to approach for questioning…."

"She is very important to this investigation, Logan," the man leans over and emphasizes. "She is the link between Madame Moonflame and Vic Stone of Skull Corp. She may have answers useful in bringing Moonflame down and filling Her Majesty in on what the villain is up to for the ruination of England…Hell, maybe even the entire world."

"First thing's first. How're Noir and I going to enter?"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"I'd like this part a lot more if I had my powers!!" Beast Boy shouted over the roar of plane propellers and rushing air.

I nodded as I fastened my parachute onto my back.

"Lemme guess…you can't do your Titan stuff either??"

I nodded.

"Well….look on the bright side," Beast Boy shrugged. "We could be void of all powers, forced to act out a wyrd movie, and stripped of dignity…..in FRANCE!!"

SWOOOSH!!!

A sphere floated over.

"Time to get a move on! Less skiving and more skydiving!"

Beast Boy pointed: "Are you ever gonna tell us the plot ahead of time? I mean…that's typically the normal etiquette of a director and stuff—"

The sphere poked out a sparking taser.

Beast Boy gulped. "R-Right." He looked at me. "Who's up for a round of Whose Titan Is It Anyway?"

I smirked bitterly.

"Of you go!"

"But where are we jumping too—"

"Never you mind! Just get your arses off the plane and let the air do the work! Such contemptuous snots, I swear!"

Beast Boy looked out the opened door. He fidgeted. "You don't suppose that we get stunt doubles do you—"

I kicked him off. WHUMP!!

"WAAAAUGH!!!"

I jumped after him.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

SWOOOOOOSH!!!!

Logan and Noir descend through the wind-whipping altitude of the London sky.

It's nighttime. And searchlights from a raving nightclub apartment below them are piercing the air.

Logan sails down before Noir. His face squints against the wind while the sleeves of his dark blue jumpsuit flap about and he utters: "A beautiful day for falling, eh chum?"

Noir doesn't respond.

"On the count of three….one…..two…."

FWOOMP!!!!

FWOOMP!!!!

Logan and Noir release their parachutes. They glide down to the rooftop of the nightclub, undetected. Upon landing, they unhook themselves from their harnesses and Logan leads the way across the roof to a glass ceiling fixture jutting upwards above a darkened room. He punches a few buttons on his watch and produces a laser which cuts a hole in the glass. Noir moves the cut-out circle of glass away and the two snake down into the room.

Thwump! Thwump!

They look around, their fists raised to take anyone inside.

But it's dark and there's nobody in sight.

"Well…," Logan brushes himself off. "Too bad nobody's here to welcome us as we drop on by."

Noir simpers.

"Come, Noir. We have a lady to woo……..for Her Majesty," he winks.

Noir barely nods back.

Simultaneously, the two strip of their jumpsuits. They're wearing perfectly fashioned dress shirts and slacks underneath.

Gar Logan adjusts his tie while Noir smooths out a silk, Chinese dress shirt.

"Tell me…did you have any sweethearts pining on you in Hong Kong, Noir?"

Noir winks with a knowing grin.

"Ah…the spoils of youth."

Noir blinks.

"Let us make haste!"

They dash towards the nearest door to the hallway.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Beast Boy and I were standing besides a balcony overlooking a raven scene that was frozen in still motion. We were waiting for our cue…

"So…uh….Noir….," Beast Boy simpered and scratched his neck. "You think I'm…..ya know….a good actor?"

I looked at him blankly.

He was one Hell of a better actor than I ever could be……

"I really hate what's going on with the Titans and all because of this….but….I gotta say," he chuckled. "I haven't had this much practice in years."

I gave him a thumb's up.

"You think I'm doing a good job? Distracting Mad Mod while Robin and Raven think us up a way out of here?"

I gave him a second thumb's up.

He chuckled. "You're always like a good, big brother. Though….you're not so big anymore."

I nodded. Indeed, I was…..shorter than him. Or maybe Beast Boy was taller. In this world…..

What was going on here??

I decided to do the 'thinking' later. I had to play 'keep-up' with Gar Logan. And being that I was not really an actor (and I missed Myrkblade) I had no problem playing second-fiddle.

SWOOOOSH!!

Seven spheres this time faded into view as one of them hovered before us.

"Entreant Corina Anderson! Don't mess this up, Beast Bloke! The Critic expects a leading lady as much as he looks forward to your acting!"

"Show me what you got," Beast Boy smirked convincingly. "Unless of course you're scared."

A hologram of Mad Mod's spectacled face appeared with a scowl. "You're a right fox, aren't ya? Nevertheless, I have no time to go snooping up your sleeve! Scene Nine! Take One! ACTION!!"

The rave scene came to life with strobing lights and pumping music and—

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Stand aside, Noir…," Logan smirks as he saunters down the stairs and onto the dance floor with gentlemanly finesse. "…and watch the master at work."

Noir rolls his Asian eyes.

Logan smirks and scans the scene. He looks through the writhing bodies of young night-goers. The mist of fog machines intercepting laser shows. The tables of romancing couples. And over at a bar he sees….

"Ah…," Logan gasps, then smiles. "But of course…"

He holds a hand up. "Stay here, Noir. Scope out the place. The soonest you see any sign of trouble, hail me." And then he wanders over to the bar.

Noir stands there, his hands behind his back. Shifting uncomfortably. Trying in a forced way to look 'casual'.

In the meantime, Logan walks up to a lady in red. A red lady in red. A young woman with fiery, scarlet hair cropped short but elegantly braided so that a single lock comes around her left ear while soft green eyes gaze into her martini. She takes one look at Logan and swishes about in her long, elegant dress of shimmering red silk.

Logan takes her hand and kisses it. "Miss Anderson, I presume."

Miss Anderson blinks.

A beat.

The rave goes on.

Logan keeps holding her hand.

A beat.

Noir starts to sweat.

Corina Anderson keeps gazing at Logan.

Logan raises an eyebrow.

A beat.

Finally, the lady utters: "Beast Boy…I do not recall the impromptu script requiring your lips to have been placed so deliberately on my knuckles."

Logan sweatdrops.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"CUT!!! For the love of Queen Mum!!"

A sphere rocketed over between the two 'actors' and zeroed in on the lady.

"You had a line!! Didn't you read your line on the holo-prompt?!"

"I most certainly did!" the girl exclaimed with bright green eyes. "And…erm…the line is most difficult."

"And what in the Bloody Hell is difficult about it?! All you've got to say is, 'Well, aren't you the bold type, Mr. Logan!' What's so hard about that?!"

The girl bit her lip and blushed. "I am most……troublesome when it comes to Earthlings and their English habits of word contortions."

"'Contractions'! They're called 'Contractions', love!"

"Just pretend that 'are' and 'not' are all one word, Star," Beast Boy nodded. "It doesn't have to make sense. Just make it up!"

"Beast Boy…you dare assist this miscreant in his vile scheme?!"

"What choice do we have, Star?! This guy will zap the ovaries right out of you if you don't do what he says!"

"Would that not be a martyrdom acceptable to a Titan??"

I narrowed my eyes and gasped.

Starfire?!?!

But……

She has human eyes! Her Tamaranian eyebrows and amber skin color are replaced with a red hairs and peach texture. And her hair…her gorgeous long hair has been………shortened……

I suddenly wanted to follow Robin's plan to the last page.

"You talk some sense into her, mate," Mad Mod's voice grumbled through the sphere. "I'd hate to singe her face after her long visit to the power room!"

"Star….just play it out….PLEASE," Beast Boy held his hands together. "It's what your friends would want from you. It's what Robin would want from you…..from all of us…" Beast Boy winked.

Starfire's green eyes (which were human pupils and cornea as well) narrowed. She stared at Beast Boy quizzically.

So the changeling forcibly winked again.

Then Starfire leaned her head back and mouthed: 'ohhhhhhh'. She nodded. She faced the sphere. "I sh-shall endeavor to assist you in the creation of this irrelevant string of photonegatives and sound bits for entertainment purposes. But on one condition."

Mad Mod's voice groaned: "And what's that, love?"

"My persona shall verbalize without the use of contortions."

"'Contractions'!!"

"Yes….those…," Starfire bit her lips.

"Fine. Very well. No use pissing ourselves over unwashed milk, I always say."

"Dude…when did you ever say that—"

ZAP!!!

"OWIE!!"

"Cherio. Take Two! And don't blush this time when he kisses your hand!"

"I shall do m-my best," Starfire said………….flushed.

The sphere groaned and zoomed away. It glanced at me.

I shrugged with a smirk.

It glanced back at the two.

"ACTION!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Miss Anderson, I presume," Gar Logan kisses the woman's hand.

The woman gives the secret agent an indignant glare. "Well, are you not the bold type, Mr. Logan?"

"How did you know my name?"

"What lady of the underworld does not?" Anderson smirks.

Logan leans on the bar. "You seem……far too beautiful to be a crook."

"A crook, I may not be," Anderson turns and swishes around her martini with her back daintily facing Logan's face. "But I have those who 'protect' me…and I am quite sure they fit your bill."

"Like who?"

"It is not in my authority to inform you."

"Then whose is it?"

Corina turns around and stares firmly into Logan's eyes. A pause. She utters coolly. "You are quite the nosy type, Logan. If you seek any information…there is only one thing I can give you."

"Can it be in public?" Logan smirks.

"A warning," Anderson leans in and whispers coolly into Logan's ear. "They have seen you…."

"They?"

"Yes…and if you and your partner wish to get out alive…now would be the time."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

I smirked…hopefully out of camera view.

Starfire makes……a pretty good actress.

And that red dress of hers……

I snapped out of it.

Sighing, I glanced over at the 'entrance' to the rave club. I did a double-take as I saw Cyborg and at least half a dozen armed henchmen enter the scene.

"Well, well, well…if it isn't flyboy?!"

Beast Boy spun around. He gasped and darted his eyes to a holo-prompter just in time to read and then act out: "Mr. Stone! You've not become pavement pizza yet! I find that most…..amusing."

The ravers gasped and parted from the space between Beast Boy and Cyborg's 'henchmen'. The music died. Guns were cocked and aimed.

I read a holo-prompter and obediently hid amidst the crowd….'out of sight' from the villains.

"I'm in charge of keeping this nightclub clean, Logan," Cyborg grumbled. "So how about we take this outside and shed blood the decent way?"

Starfire gasped dramatically: "No! No! Mr. Stone! If you end this man's life, you will have a far greater weight on your shoulders! From Her Majesty herself!"

"Stop defending him, Corina!" Cyborg growled and lifted a machine gun. He smirked. "We don't keep you here to be romanticizing with government lackeys. Besides…this is personal. So kindly step out of the range of bulletfire."

Starfire's eyes widened.

Beast Boy honestly gulped.

Nervously, Cyborg tried to keep a straight face as he and his 'henchmen' raised their weapons.

I wrung my hands. I didn't know if those bullets were real or not. But….if Beast Boy was the protagonist, why would he die so soon?

And just then, a sphere levitated before me. And the holo-prompt had one simple command: 'Jump them.'

I blinked. I took a deep breath, cracked my scar-less neck, and dove at the group of gun-toting thugs…kung fu style.