107. Mad Movie part 4 Final

Robin twirled one of his prop daggers uneasily.

Starfire hugged herself.

Beast Boy paced back and forth across the floor.

Cyborg leaned against a nearby wall, whistling.

A beat.

Cyborg glanced over. He blinked his two human eyes. "Sure takin' the creep long enough."

"I don't like this," Robin grumbled. "Not one bit."

"You don't like a lot of things, Robin," Beast Boy mumbled while pacing. "At least you're not responsible for Noir's bad shape."

Robin frowned through his eye lenses. "I am always responsible! I'm the leader of this troupe and I hold myself accountable for what happens to my teammates!"

"Hellllloooo?!" Beast Boy paused and waved his arms dramatically. "Dude…Mad Mod casted me as the main guy. And because of my spotlight, Noir bit the dust!! Stop trying to drag the attention to yourself, man! I'm the guilty one here!"

"No one among us is tainted with guilt!" Starfire exclaimed. "Do you not realize that this is all on account of Mad Mod's wrongdoing?!"

"And that 'Critic' guy…," Cyborg huffed. "Pfft….wait till I get my hands on him. Now there's a show that'll sell more box office receipts than this piece of crap."

"Is it truly such a segment of fecal matter, Cyborg?" Starfire smiled pleasantly with her hands together. "Apart from the tragic moments, I have rather enjoyed this bizarre adventure."

"Yeah…well…at least you got casted as the Bond chick," Cyborg gestured. "Look at me!! Just take one look at me and tell me I'm not the token black guy!! Come on! Try it!!"

"Nothing matters right now except our getting out of here and Noir's safety," Robin remarked. "We must all work together to bring this filming project down!"

"Agreed," Starfire smiled. "I propose sabotage."

"Why Starfire," Cyborg smirked. "How unbecoming of you."

The girl smiled and ran a hand through her short, human hair of red. "I am not my usual self today!"

"Nothing's happening till Raven shows her pretty face, dudes," Beast Boy said.

Cyborg chuckled. "And when did that ever happen before?"

"Beast Boy's right," Robin said. "Whatever we do…it has to be a joint effort. Let's wait for her cameo."

"But how long will that be?" Starfire inquired.

Cyborg glanced up and smiled. "Not that long, I reckon."

The others turned.

A sphere flew over…'trembling' in mid air (if that was possible). A hologram of a very jittery Mad Mod appeared above it.

"Look alive, you little brats!! We've got to make another print! Pronto!!"

"Hold your horses…," Cyborg raised a hand. "What's the junkie act all about?!"

The hologram sweated and wrung his shaking hands. "No time to explain, ignoramus! I swear! I'd bite your arm off for you to just shut up and do as you're told one of these days!!"

"Care to tell us what's got your nerves so off kilter?" Robin asked, folding his arms and smirking. "I thought directors were supposed to maintain composure."

"Well aren't you a blinkered little twit?!" Mad Mod snarled. "You know nothing of what I'm going through!! I need you to act in line or else I'll thrash your arse for every centimeter it has left to spare!"

"It is the Critic, is it not?" Starfire remarked. "What is he putting you through this time? If you were to tell us, maybe we could assist you in freeing yourself from him! Then we can be freed ourselves and provide assistance to our friend Noir!"

Mad Mod ran a hand over his holographic face and moaned. "It is not that simple. He won't settle for anything but a holocaust of a film and----" The hologram blinked. It looked up suspiciously at Starfire. "How did you know I was being forced into this?"

"Erm….," Starfire bit her human lip.

Beast Boy took a step forward. "We can see right through you, dude!! This film is already a bust! Cuz no matter what you do, the Critic can't be pleased! Now give it up!! Noir is in danger!!"

"You'll do what the prompter says and perform your acting as cued and finish this film to the end and Bob's your uncle!" the hologram warbled. He shook his cane. "And let that be the last squawking I hear from you snots!!"

Robin gritted his teeth. "You won't be able to shake your cane at all of us at once, you know."

Mad Mod's spectacled eyes narrowed. He merely twirled about as the sphere flew off. The hologram disintegrated and a brand new light rose across the scene of the metal-laced lair.

"Quiet on the set!!"

Beast Boy moved over and laid himself down in position. "Robin…from here on out, you're the director. You give us the cue and we'll go on strike, you got it?"

"Don't look at me for a cue," Robin said, sheathing his Razor dagger.

"Then who?"

"Guess."

"And ready!! 3…2…1…ACTION!!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Gar Logan comes to.

He groans and looks about.

His eyes pop open.

Vic Stone stands over him, a gun pointed to his face.

The villain smirks. "Wakey wakey."

Logan narrows his eyes.

Stone motions for him to stand up.

Logan does so, awkwardly. He brushes his suit off and looks around him.

"Welcome, Mr. Logan…"

Agent Sixty-Four turns around. He sees Razor perched on a railing, nimbly. He has a dagger to Corina Anderson's throat. She struggles in his grasp. He smiles wickedly and taps his finger to the blade's hilt.

"Move out of place just once and she won't have any skin on her neck to save."

Logan tries to remain calm. He clenches his fists, frowns, and utters: "Have you already used her for the Ragnorak Machine?"

"Of course not," Razor sneers. "She's still alive, isn't she?!"

Corina murmurs: "If you want to do the right thing, Gar Logan…you'd shoot me now. I'm too dangerous alive!"

"Quiet, you!" Razor hisses. He smiles back at Logan. "As you can see…she's quite valuable in this condition. As are you."

"What would you want with me?" Logan remarks. "Anderson's father crafted the fusion reactor to be activated by his own DNA. That runs in Corina's blood as we speak. But me…you could have finished me off long ago."

"Pfft…if only I could. Don't flatter me, Mr. Logan. You have a secret….you have many secrets. And Red Dragon would be most happy if I personally dragged them out of you."

Logan folds his arms and smirks. "So I'm your trophy, then?"

"No more than this chick is," Razor points his dagger at the girl in his grasp. Light reflects off of his cybernetic lenses as he grins. "Merely business, Mr. Logan."

"I'm sure…."

Razor looks up. "Ah…she approaches."

Stone fiercely grips Logan's shoulder and forces her around. "Show your respect! Madame Moonflame approaches!!"

Logan looks across the lair…

-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Beast Boy narrowed his eyes.

Cyborg bit his lip.

Flanked by 'guards', a familiar figure who was taller than normal marched into view. Black boots met leather pants met a leather bodice met a dark black cloak draped beneath a neck of a dark-haired femme fatale with an eyepatch and a stoical stare.

She placed her hands on her hips with a casual, fiendish lean and stared lethargically the other Titans' way.

Beast Boy gulped. "Dude…..," he murmured.

"So…Gar Logan…welcome to James Anderson's old laboratory," Raven uttered. "Now my secret lair."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Logan clears his throat. "Madame Moonflame, I presume."

"All you ever do is presume, Mr. Logan," Moonflame's one good eye narrows. "And now it has ended you up here."

"Just what do you intend to do once you activate the Ragnorak Machine?"

"That is for me to know and for you to find out…if you live long enough to see it."

"Tempted to end me so soon?" Logan smirks. "I just got here."

Moonflame marches over and places her fingers under Logan's chin. Her eye narrows. "You are….smaller in person."

"Didn't know you thought of me."

"I didn't. Only of your death."

"I'm flattered."

"As you should be…," Moonflame paces around, her black cloak ruffling. "As an operative to her Majesty's service, you are the witness of your dying society to the revolution of a new age."

"What do you intend to do?" Logan asks. "Blow the world into halves and party in between?"

"Something like that," Moonflame folds her leather-sleeved arms and gazes his way. "Do you believe in a higher plane of existence, Mr. Logan?"

"If you count some of the times I've binged on Dr. Pepper, sure…eheheheheheheh," Logan chuckles.

"……………..," Moonflame stares.

Logan clears his throat. "Ahem….why do you inquire?"

"Because I do believe in such," she says. "This world we live on is a two-dimensional environment full of suffering and the search for vain pleasures. Human beings everywhere murder each other and perform heinous crimes when all the while there is something much, much grander to fight for."

"Nirvana with a shotgun?"

"The Fusion Reactor….the Ragnorak Machine…," Moonflame gestures with a wave of her cloak. "Once overloaded, it will absorb the life energy inside each of us…hence consuming our very souls. Including those of everyone within this very hemisphere. The result will be containment within an implosion of limitless energy. The only thing our souls will know is endless, infinite warmth. True and everlasting joy."

Logan runs a hand through his hair suavely and smirks: "It never fails to amuse me…"

"And what is that, Mr. Logan?"

"The lengths and widths of disturbed society's romantic associations with suicide."

"Not death, Mr. Logan. Ascension."

"Insanity," he spits.

Stone shoves him in the back of the neck. "Show some respect!!"

"Let him ramble on, Mr. Stone," Moonflame waves a dainty hand. "Once he is joined with the rest of us, he will no longer be doubtful."

"I thought the deal was for him to go back to Hong Kong with me," Razor frowns.

Moonflame looks his way. "Answer me this, Razor. What good will Red Dragon's bounty do for you when all of the money is evaporated by the resulting heat wave stretching around the globe from Project Ragnorak's initiation?"

"………"

Moonflame looks Stone's way. "Mr. Stone. Have the scientists prepare for inserting the 'key'."

"Yes, Madame."

Moonflame walks up a set of steps towards a higher tier.


Logan grits his teeth. He steps forward and shouts: "You know, not everyone on this planet feels the same way about your whole 'ascension' rubbish!"

Moonflame freezes. Slowly, she turns around. She glares down at Logan with her one good eye, and—in a menacing tone—she utters: "Then I suggest you strap on a safety helmet and eat some banana split ice cream."

Logan blinks.

Stone stops what he's doing.

Corina and Razor both raise an eyebrow at the same time.

"Uhm….p-pardon me?" Logan stammers.

"You know what I mean…," Moonflame says. "Or maybe you can go to Disney World instead."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Cut!! CUT!!!"

A multi-colored sphere zoomed over to Raven and a holographic Mad Mod was already shaking his cane. "What the devil do you think you're doing?! Those lines aren't in the script, you sassy wench!!"

Raven rubbed her chin. "Hmmmm…it's too bad there aren't any conspicuously rainbow-colored spheres flying around today or else I'd have to respond to them. Isn't that right, Beast Boy?"

Beast Boy blinked. He slowly grinned. "Right….now would be a good time to talk to one…but too bad there's none in sight. You see any, Cyborg?"

"Uh….nope. None around here, dawg."

Starfire giggled. "I fail to see any levitating spheroids myself!"

Robin lowered the dagger and smirked. "Spheres? What spheres? In fact, I just woke up!!"

Mad Mod's spectacled eyes bugged. His hologram jumped up and down. "Stop this!! All of you!!"

"Where was I?" Raven pondered aloud. "Ah yes. And do share some of your banana split with us, Mr. Logan. It is quite tasty."

Beast Boy shrugged. "Only if you don't mind eating invisible dessert!" He gestured as if he was spooning something in mid air and eating it. "Mmmmm….turkey. My favorite flavor."

"Are you listening to me?!?!" Mad Mod growled. He pointed his cane. The sphere floated over and zapped Beast Boy.

The changeling winced…but more or less ignored the electric shock.

Mad Mod gasped. He zapped again.

More sparks.

The green one shook once or twice….but was bravely unaffected.

"Hey Beast Boy!!" Robin waved an invisible spoon in his grasp. "I bet my invisible banana split is bigger than your invisible banana split!"

"You're on, bug-eyes!!"

"No!! No No No NO!!!" the sphere flew from Titan to Titan, zapping and sparking and shocking. "Obey, you meddling farts!!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"Uh oh!! I'm getting a buzz off of my banana split!!" Gar Logan states. He starts running around with his 'wings' outstretched and making childish propeller noises with his tongue and lips. "Neeerrryooooo---plblblblblblblb!!!"

"Hey! I just turned into a first generation Playstation One!" Razor utters as he suddenly flips over and stands acrobatically on his head. "I have to stay upside for two hours in order for Ridge Racer to work on me!"


"Hehehe!" Corina giggles and waves her arms happily. "And I am suddenly possessed by the incessant need to impersonate rurally-raised earth fowl! Bok! Bok! Bok!"

Logan and Corina exchange positions as they fly and cluck past each other while Razor stands on his head in between them.

In the meantime, Madame Moonflame whips off her cloak and waves it at Stone. "Toro! Toro!!"

Vic Stone grinds his heels into the ground, bends his head over, and barrels through Moonflame's cape.

She whips it out at the last second. "Toro!!"

Vic Stone strikes a pose. "Feliz Navidad!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"What are you----……how dare……but……crikey!!! Please……PLEASE work with me, my duckies!!!" the hologram got on his knees and pleaded atop a dismally spinning sphere.

Robin folded his arms upside down. "Why Mad Mod….you look rather pale."

Starfire clucked by. "And distressed!!"

"You've gotta help me out here!! Just do your lines!! I'm begging you, honest I am!" Mad Mod was on the edge of sobbing. He looked over his holographic shoulder as if something or someone was looming right behind him. "The Critic…you don't know what he'll do to me. He wants this film. I NEED to make this film!! And I need to do it right! Please behave!!"

"You're always asking us to behave…," Cyborg ducked through Raven's cloak again and ground his heels into the metal floor. "But by whose rule book do you refer to? It's always your code. Always your concept of manners. Well, I think it's about time the whole bunch of us rewrite the actors guild, man!"

"Yeah!" Beast Boy flew by. "Less lip and more liberty!!! Plblblblbllblblb….!!!"

"Listen, yanks, this isn't about morality or sod all! I just need you to act right or else I may have my neck!!"

"Geee…," Raven droned, batting her cloak. "Wouldn't that be a shame."

"You lot are heartless!!"

"We learn from the best," Robin yawned upside down.

Suddenly, Mad Mod's hologram jerked. He reached a hand to his ear. His eyes narrowed. "Y-Yes??" He responded to the air as if he was talking on some unknown frequency. A beat. "O-Of course, sir. I haven't stop filming." A beat. "Right now, I'd say six hours would do—" He stopped in mid sentence and bit his lip as an electronic voice squabbled in his ear. Then he replied: "But……b-but I can't do it that fas—" His spectacled eyes widened. "Bollocks!! You want the rest of it done live?! I……that's impossible!! I'd have to rewrite the entire program's subroutine to come up with anything spectacular enough right on the dime—" He went even more pale. "No, sir." A beat. "No, no sir. No need for that. I'll……uh……I-I'll do the best I can!!"

The hologram lowered his hand, gulped, and trembled as he rattled forth: "Okay…everyone…………um……into positions!!"

"What positions?!" Beast Boy flew by.

"Never you mind. I'll b-be taking care of that!"

The sphere disappeared. The setting around the Titans resumed into fluid motion.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Razor sits upright and shakes his dizzy head. He glances at everyone.

Vic Stone shrugs. "What now?"

Moonflame places her hands on her hips. Suddenly, she's being lifted into the air. She looks up. "Umm….."

Logan flies to a stop and gasps. "Dude!! What the—"

Fang is hanging from the ceiling. Upside down. He has Moonflame by the shoulders in two of his spidery limbs. He drools and hisses at the Titans: "Found you, dirty no-gooders!!"

Razor points and grunts: "Titans!! Go!!"

"With wh-what?!" Corina trembles.

"Your fists!! RAAAUGH!!!"

"YAAAH!!!"

"DIE!!!!"

All the characters converge on Moonflame's suspended position.

The woman flinches, covering her head.

Suddenly, Fang disappears.

Moonflame drops to the floor and lands in Stone's arms. WHUMP!!!

"Ooof!!"

Stone blinks. He looks at Razor. "Ooookay."

"HA HA HA HA!!!"

The group looks over.

Control Freak stands besides a bunch of disoriented henchmen. He laughs his head, spins his dual lightsaber to a stop, and smirks. "Can I buy a ticket to this showing?!"

Stone drops Moonflame.

THWUMP!!!

"Mmmff!!"

"It's that fat bastard! Get him!!"

Razor raises an eyebrow. He stretches an arm out. "No. Wait!"

"Dude…we're surrounded!" Logan points.

The others turn to look.

Corina gasps.

Killer Moth lands from the ceiling and bears his clawed gloves.

Beside him, Mumbo Jumbo appears in a puff of smoke, spins his wand, and grins. "Alla kazaaam!!"

"Don't you see??" Razor exclaims.

Moonflames gets up, dusting herself off. "They aren't real. None of this…is real."

"The Critic's grown impatient! Mad Mod's doing everything he can to entertain a bored audience! He's ditching the spy story and reverting to the Titans!"

"Then what do we do?!" Stone remarks.

Razor smirks. "Sit back and watch the show!"

"Grrrrrr!!!" Killer Moth shakes his fist and growls. "Come on!! Fight us!!"

"Dude…," Logan smiles and folds his arms. "You are so not worth it…"

"Eeek!!" Corina shrieks and points. "Squirrels!!"

Razor sighs. "For the last time, Star. None of it is r---"

"GET DOWN!!!"

Corina shoves Razor down to the floor and the other characters duck as a herd of killer squirrels leap and barrel through the evil lair, knocking down supervillains and shredding metal bulkheads apart with rabid incisors.

Moonflame peaks up from under her arms and grits her teeth. "That real enough for you??"

"Game's over, Mad Mod!!!" Razor shouts. "Give us our bodies back…our REAL bodies…and maybe we'll be a little soft in kicking your ass!"

The whole place starts to shake.

Logan sweats. "Like….was seismic activity part of the 'game'??"

"I'm still not buying it!!" Razor shouts.

"Me neither!!" Stone exclaims. He kicks some squirrels away. "Gotta do better than that, you limey old fart!!"

A dog appears in the center of the lair. It barks once….twice….then turns into a robo pooch. Rocket launchers extend from its hairy backside and aim at the Titans.

Logan snorts. "Okay….now that's just wyrd, man."

And then the dog starts to flicker.

"Something is happening!" Corina exclaims.

More flickering.

The entire landscape shakes and flashes a grainy white.

"We're leaving!" Moonflame exclaims. "I can feel our consciousnesses returning to us!"

"This is it!!" Razor says. "Ooof!!" He gasps as a shivering Corina plows him over in a desperate hug.

The world starts to shake and dissolve all around. The tingly sensation turns into a full throttle plunge through the gut of the body.

"WOOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!" Stone ecstatically shouts. "Wild stuff, man!!"

"Yeah…," Logan crams his eyes shut. "This is why I don't do drugs, man!!"

FLASH!!!!!

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Beast Boy gasped. His eyes bolted open. He was in an opened capsule. Wires were being yanked off of him one sensor at a time. Then a metal hand reached out towards him.

The green elf blinked. He took the hand and was hoisted up to his feet.

"N-Noir??"

I smiled. I waved.

"DUDE!!!" He leapt and hugged me hard.

I chuckled breathily and patted his back.

"You're okay!! You ARE okay!!" he nuzzled his green head into my chest. A beat. His eyes flashed open wide. He jumped back, blushing, and coughed. "I like you as a friend, dude. You know that, right?"

I pretended to 'think about it'.

He simpered. "Look at you. You're all back to tall, dark, and noir." He looked at my chest. "The bullet wound…it was fake after all…."

I shrugged.

A beat.

He gasped. "The others!!" His head darts around. "Wh-Where are we?!"

I turned and gestured.

Beast Boy squinted his eyes.

He saw a circular interior. Aerodynamic bulkheads. Huge, colorful panels that looked like computer consoles. And a curved stretch of windows that showed….stars. Spiraling stars. And at the edge of the exterior horizon…

Beast Boy gasped. "Earth…….." He blinked. "W-We're in outer space?"

I bit my lip.

"And yet….it all seems so familiar….," he muttered.

I walked casually past him. I peeled open Robin's capsule. I started pulling the wires and sensors off him as he slowly stirred awake. Beast Boy got the idea and did the same with Starfire's and Cyborg's capsules. I opened up Raven's last.

"Nghhh….what the…," Robin's eyemask was thin. He too was still in his gi from our training spar. "Are we…are we out of the movie?"

I hand-signed to a groggy Cyborg.

He rubbed his head and replied: "Gee, Noir. Coffee would do." A beat. "………N-Noir??"

"Friend!!!" SWOOOOOOSH-WHUMP!!! Starfire flew over and engulfed me in a strong hug. "You are undamaged!! Hehehehehe!!!"

I wheezed and nodded.

Raven smoothed out her cloak and stood up. "Well then. At least I don't look like a nazi anymore."

Beast Boy blushed. "Er….yeah."

Raven looked at him funny.

"This place…," Starfire let go of me wandered into the middle of the chamber. "It is not of this earth!"

"Yeah, Star," Cyborg stood up and scratched the human part of his head. "Looks alien to me."

Starfire turned and looked at us with bright green eyes. "That would explain the technology utilized in creating that synthetic void and movie universe, would it not?"

"Whatever's going on…there's something missing….someONE actually," Robin palmed his fist.

"Yeah, dude," Beast Boy nodded. "Like….where's Mad Mod?"

Raven walked up and droned: "Am I the only one who realizes there's an extra capsule being occupied in this room?"

Everyone looked at her…then glanced along the wall.

Indeed, there was one capsule left at the end of the line of the first six from which we exited. Inside it was the discernible shape of a human figure…thrashing about as if in some epileptic figure.

Starfire gasped. "Could….Mad Mod have been part of the same illusion as the rest of us?"

Robin frowned and marched over. "One way to find out…."

The Boy Wonder yanked open the capsule and popped the sensors off.

A sobbing, disheveled figure of an old man—the true blue, liver-spotted Mad Mod—murmured louder and louder as he woke up.

"Nnngh….bloody hell…can't find them…..where are the little brats?!…..can't….find…."

Robin yanked him up by the collar.

Mad Mod gasped and his faded eyes popped open. With a shaky hand, he reached into a shirt pocket and pulled out bifocals. "It's…..you!"

"It's us," Robin growled.

"You mean…..we're out?! You got us out?!" Mad Mod seemed precariously balanced between joy and horror.

"Is that a good thing?" Cyborg remarked.

A blink or two….Mad Mod collapsed back in the capsule, wailing: "Ohhhhhhhhh why did you have to do that?!?!"

He jumped out and all but leapt upon Robin. Soon, the elderly Mad Mod was on his knees before the boy. He had his hands folded in a plea of a prayer. "Now everything is truly sixes and sevens!! He's gonna know that I'm out! He's gonna know that I've lost the film and his leading star is gone and everything is all to ruin and—"

"Who??" Robin frowned.

"The Critic??" Starfire remarked.

Mad Mod's teeth practically chattered. "You don't understand!! I never meant to escape from prison! Not at first!! When he gave me a ticket out, I had no choice in the matter! All I could do was play along and accept his bargain!"

"You mean…," Raven's eyes narrowed, "…you didn't arrange our abduction??"

"He sent some transport probe thingy to grab you lot! That was not my idea either! But once you were all gathered, I gave in and decided to do everything he told me to! Like h-he was the Producer!! And if I did a satisfactory job, I'd get parole from life!! It seemed so promising!! Why'd you all have to go and ruin it?!"

"So I was right," Raven looked at the others. "The electromagnetic pulse around the Tower. It must have been the probe!"

"Where is this……Critic??" Robin inquired.

"He'll be here any second…," Mad Mod trembled.

STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!

Mad Mod gasped. He clung to Robin's cape. "Here he is!! He's gonna pulverize me!! Plant my head on a bloody pike! I know it!!"

"Calm down!! He couldn't possibly be anything we can't handle!"

STOMP!! STOMP!! STOMP!!

"But you don't get it!! He's like a child!! He's a giant-arsed brat!! He's---"

STOMP!!! STOMP!!! STOMP!!!

"WHERE………IS……..SOTO'S………MOVIE?!?!?!"

I sweatdropped as a huge, granite slab of an organism marched into the chamber we were in. He was a giant toddler of an extraterrestrial, with a chubby….set of pajamas for a spacesuit (complete with the buttoned compartment in the back). His eyes were pure white and his lips were merely two stone-like prosthetics that somehow formed a 'mouth'. He reminded me of that wyrd-ass granite monster from 'The Never Ending Story'….only, on LSD.

And imagine my surprise when Beast Boy's face fell and he moaned: "Holy Vishnu…..not him again…."

I looked at him with bulging, black eyes.

Robin's eyemask narrowed. "Soto???"

The monstrous….toddler-thing paused in mid stomp. His face turned from red to gray and he gasped with a cartoonish voice upon first sight of……Beast Boy. "It's the star!!! New Doggy!!!"

"Eep!!" Beast Boy immediately ducked and hid under Raven's robe, trembling.

An artery pulsed in Raven's temple. "Get….out.."

"You'll have to kill me first," was the trembling Beast Boy's muffled reply.

"That can be arranged…."

Soto stomped forward, his arms gesturing outward. "Doggy!! What?! You're not happy to see Soto?!?!"

Robin and Cyborg stood in the alien's way, their fists raised.

"Yo!! I thought you left this planet for good!!" Cyborg shouted.

"You no like Soto?! What bad did Soto do?!"

Robin frowned. "We don't take kindly to kidnappers of our own teammates."

I glanced over at Raven.

She sighed with exasperation. "It's a long story---Beast Boy, get OUT!!"

"MmmmfffNO!!"

"You still don't like Soto…," the alien sniffed melodramatically. It then spun around and growled at Mad Mod. "You!! This is all your fault!! Soto smash you!!!"

"YAAACK!!" Mad Mod slumped to his knees and covered his head.

"RRRRGHH!!!" Soto swung his granite arms down at the man.

FLASH!!!!

A starbolt shoved him back before he could break the old man in two.

Starfire floated…frowning with hot, green eyes. "You are a shame to extraterrestrial culture!! For once, think not with your brute force and selfishness!!"

"Grrrr!! Don't tell Soto what to do!! Soto can take care of Soto!! I want my movie, NOW!!!"

RUMMMMBLE!!!!

All of us Titans gasped and tumbled about as the ship shook.

Raven fell forward and Beast Boy tumbled across the floor.

Mad Mod gasped. "What the devil?!?!"

"What's going on?!?!" Robin shouted.

Starfire flew towards a window, looked out, and gasped. She looked back at the rest of us. "We are being boarded!"

"Say what?!" Cyborg remarked.

"A red and yellow ship! Much like the one we first encountered Soto in! It is latching onto our craft!!"

"This should be interesting…," Raven droned.

Robin stood up and straightened his cape. "Quick! Where's the airlock?!"

Mad Mod pointed with a trembling finger. "Over there…I think."

"Okay! Noir! Cyborg! Follow me!!"

The two of us nodded and joined Robin in dashing across the interior---

STOMP!!!!

Soto landed in our way, growling. "Soto says stop!!! Where do you think you are going?!?!"

"Listen, you oversized cabbage patch kid!!" Cyborg switched his hand into a laser cannon and aimed it directly at Soto's chest. "As much as I hate to spank kids…."

SWOOOOOSH!!!!

The airlock behind Soto opened and a huge gust of air blew out from behind.

"WAAAAAH!!" Soto toppled over.

In the alien's huge shadow, Robin's eyemask went bug-eyed. "Titans! Move!!"

The three of us dove out of the way---

SLAM!!!!!

Soto's body fell hard—chest first—against the floor.

"Ohhhhh…Soto's fallen and he can't go to hyperspace!!"

"Look!!" Starfire pointed at the airlock.

I stood up and squinted my bare eyes against the naked light.

Three alien shadows stood in the aura. Slowly, they stepped out.

Robin and Cyborg got up.

I watched….mesmerized.

The aliens trotted out….and turned out to be three small, green dogs.

"Soto….tsk tsk tsk," the center green dog shook his hairy head and sighed. "I should have expected this inevitable outcome. Just how CAN I leave you alone for one millisecond these days??"

Soto got up and gasped happily. "Doggy!!!…….OLD Doggy!!!"

"I thought we've been through this, my obese acquaintance. I am the MASTER now! It is you who are the beastly plebeian destined to serve me from hereon out."

"But Soto only wanted to go out on a walk! You would not let Soto do it!!"

"I told you!! Upon the time of your request, there was a spontaneous meteor shower transpiring within the vicinity of our space station!! But, as is natural, you are hardly responsive to my verbal commands and you had to travail upon escaping in our vehicle without asking for my express permission."

I looked dumbly at Raven.

Raven rolled her eyes.

I looked dumbly at the scene.

"But wait till you see what Soto has made!! Soto hired a director to make him a movie! Starring the new doggy!! Haaa!! Haaa haa haa!!! Haa!!"

The center dog frowned. "Regardless, your unruly disobedience is impermissible. You must be dealt with." The dog looked over at the rest of us. "Unfortunately for you—Terran heroes, and Tamaranian—I cannot allow this scene to go on beyond that of what you've visually born witness to. We will promptly escort you into our spacecraft for immediate mental redistribution."

Starfire gasped.

"Mental redistribution?!" Robin remarked.

"You mean….," Cyborg gulped, "….you're gonna lobotomize us??"

"Would I have any other choice? It is the only sane thing to do," the dog said. "Our race of intergalactic symbiants have dealt enough as it is with embarrassment from Soto's sort. As the master of such a creature, I must take responsibility and—in turn—take your memories away."

"Now wait just a damn second---!" Robin growled, shaking a fist.

"There is nothing to argue. Soto, you will be the first to be subjugated." That said, the three dogs opened their mouths at once and their green, prehensile tongues flew out twenty-feet long each and slapped Robin and Cyborg aside before blurring past me and latching onto Soto's thrashing arms.

I dodged and rolled out of the way of the rope-like tongues at the last second. I lay on the ground—panting—watching in bizarre horror.

"No!! Soto don't want to go home!! Soto want to go out for a walk!! Now!!"

The two flanking dogs held him at bay while the middle one slapped his face senseless with a whipping tongue. The huge alien toddler was unconscious.

The dogs let go and their tongues retracted.

Soto slumped to the floor.

The four dogs faced us. "Now that such an ordeal is over with…we must travail upon your lobotomy."

Starfire….Mad Mod….Raven….all of us collectively glanced over to the left. The middle dog's eyes narrowed. He turned and looked at the fourth green dog curiously. "Hmmm…. intriguing. I could have sworn only three of us went on this mission---"

CHOMP!!!!

The fourth green dog bit its mouth over the talking one's snout.

The victim howled and whined in pain.

The fourth dog let go and spun with two feet kicking donkey-style into the middle dog's body.

WHUMP!!!!

The green pooch went sailing hard into a nearby wall and falling down cold.

The other two dogs opened their mouths and lashed their tongues out at the doppelganger.

The fourth dog was entangled in alien tongues. It swiftly morphed into a green hedgehog.

The alien canines' eyes bulged. They retracted their tongues and spun in circles, whining.

The hedgehog rolled into a panther that effortlessly swiped the two alien mutts away with a growl. WHAP!! WHAM!!

The panther snarled before 'standing up' and morphing into a grinning, green elf.

"Showoff…," Raven muttered.

"Noooooo," Beast Boy gave a thumb's up. "I'm an actor!!"

"Should have sticked with the pet tricks before Space Trek," Cyborg winked.

"Yeah….well….beats a day of smooth-talking my way around a virtual London."

"Okaaaaaay," Robin cracked his knuckles and walked towards a set of controls on the side of the UFO's interior. "Anyone think he or she can fly this thing back home?"

Mad Mod simpered. "You know…I-I was once a bit of a leatherneck myself in my younger days—"

"NOT YOU!!!" the non-mute Titans shouted.

Mad Mod pouted. "Spoil sports…."

Starfire giggled. She floated over with a pleasant smile. "Allow me, Robin."

"By all means, Star."

I was still scratching my head. I looked at Beast Boy.

He looked at me. He simpered. "Um….let's just say I have some really obsessed fans."

I continued scratching my head…..

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Back at the Tower…..

"What do you have there, Cyborg?" Raven asked.

Cyborg was busily hooking up an array of cables and sensors from the t.v. set to a futuristic metal sphere on top of a platform. "Well….after we landed the space craft and took Mad Mod back to jail, I got ahold of this thingy here. Supposedly this contains all of the data taken from the virtual filmmaking."

"The movie?"

"Whatever editing Mad Mod did before the inevitable anticlimax…..yeah."

Raven rolled her eyes. "And lemme guess….you're trying to hook it up."

"Most definitely! I wanna see how convincing of a character I was!"

"You're quite the character, Cyborg," Raven droned. "That's normal. Whether or not you're convincing on the other hand…."

Cyborg smirked at her while fumbling with the devices. "I'll show you yet!"

"Whatever…."

Starfire glanced at them across the Main Room, then turned to look at Beast Boy. "Am I correct in noticing that the canines and Soto returned to space?"

"That's what the authorities said," Beast Boy shrugged. He stood behind the counter, cooking up tofu….something. "Soon after we left, the two ships took off. They seemed in a hurry too. Running off with their tails between their legs! Hahahaha!"

Starfire bit her lip. "I do surely hope that our confrontation with them in orbit of earth does not spark an interstellar war between Terra Firma and their symbiotic race."

"Bah….I wouldn't worry about that," Beast Boy waved. "Besides…even if they did invade, all we'd need to do is arm the U.N. defense forces with baby formula and rolled-up newspapers…and everything would be peachy-keen."

Starfire giggled.

Robin smirked. He looked at me across a table where I was playing solitaire. "So, Noir. How'd you do it?"

I looked up at him through my shades and leaned my head to the side curiously.

"You know…..how'd you wake up?"

"….."

"From the virtual 'movie' world?"

I mouthed 'oh'. I shrugged with a smirk.

"It must have taken some guts to bear the brunt of that digital bullet…and somehow manage to separate fantasy from reality," he folded his arms and smirked under his eyemask. "Sometimes I envy that smoking power of yours. So mysterious and badass. You got the guy-thing all planned out, don't you?"

I simpered.

Ana was a tomboy…but………

"Hey!! Yo yo yo!! I think I got it working!" Cyborg chanted.

"Dude! Really??"

We all crowded around the sphere. The t.v. monitor lit up and started showing various angles from the different spheres that circled us in the virtual James Bond ripoff.

"So they WERE cameras!" Robin exclaimed.

"Fascinating."

"Pfft…Mad Mod's art style," Raven droned. She glanced at the rest of us. "Personally, I'm not all that interested in watching the crappy home movie made by a maniac who nearly had Noir killed and nearly drove us insane."

"Understood," Starfire nodded. "It would be most out of taste to find any enjoyment in this thing."

Robin scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah….really stupid and nasty…."

"….."

"….."

"….."

"….."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

A half hour or so later….

"Dude!! That's so awesome!!!"

"HA HA HA!!!"

"Look at me!! My hair is short and pixie like!! Heeeee!!"

"Can't wait to see when Beast Boy and I go at it," Robin smirked.

I smiled and watched from the sofa where the six of us were huddled. The rough edit of the movie played on. Gar Logan said his dashing (but cheesy) one liners. Noir kicked ass with martial arts. Corina Anderson stood around and looked pretty. Vic Stone loaded and unloaded a grenade launcher. Razor flung daggers and flipped about. And Madame Moonflame……wore leather.

"Oh!! Dude! I love this part!! This is the part with the BMW and the train!!"

"Man….I'd kill for a car like that. Virtual or not!!"

"You were too busy kidnapping Starfire's character to give a darn!"

"Oh yeah, well…I got to hang around Madame Moonflame's lair!"

"Excuse me," Raven grumbled.

"……"

"……"

"……."

Raven smirked ever so slightly. "Admittedly….I do like the eyepatch."

"Hehehehehe!!"

"Awesome…."

"Dude, we gotta make copies of this!!"

I smiled, leaned back, and wished for popcorn………..and a British slang translator.