sorry this is late, my internet went out on me. Here's the next chappie!
Cupcake 155: yes, this is all ooc, so that's also my excuse why Nienna isn't weeping.
Rosiethehobbit17: ;) you'll see!
Fandomfangirl100: you've narrowed down well.
WoodElfJedi: yep. Atto is Eru of course.
Chapter 16
I opened the door and slammed it shut behind me, sitting down on a chair and thinking a decanter and two glasses into my hands.
"So, how was your day?" I asked cheerily, pouring the glasses full of Hawthorne and strawberry juice and handing one to Maedhros. He took it with a blink and sipped.
"Fine, I suppose." He answered dully. I sighed.
"Cheer up. You never leave this room. You ought to." I said gravely, taking a small sip myself. He looked at me blandly.
"I do not leave until my brothers do." He answered. I swirled the juice slightly.
"What if they're looking to you for guidance? If you leave first, don't you think they'll follow sooner or later?" I reasoned. He gave me a startled look.
"I do not know. I had not thought of it." He replied. I smiled slightly.
"Well it's your choice. I think I'm getting through to a few of your brothers- and if you leave, Amrad and Amras already know they're going. They've healed a lot." I added softly. "Sweet ellyn." I said fondly, looking out the window.
"You met them?" He asked me, sounding starved for information. I nodded with a smile.
"Oh yes. The terrible two." I laughed. A small smile quirked on his lips.
"Then I take it that they are elflings." He noted. I nodded.
"Indeed."
"They were always elflings." He reminisced, finishing his cup. I stood and thought my cup away, but left the decanter and his cup there.
"Well, duty calls. My master will not be pleased if I linger too long." I said with a light laugh, opening the door. "I'll come back tomorrow!" I called, and shut the door.
I opened the next door, and was grateful for the precaution of opening it on my knees. Another book flew past my head and I slammed the door shut behind me. "Caranthir! Quit throwing books at me!" I scolded, standing and brushing off my robe.
He didn't answer and instead just glowered at the wall. "Now what?" I asked, annoyed. He turned to me in a rage.
"As if you don't know! You- you- you damned Maia! You're the one who broke down every wall I've built around myself for the past years. You're the one who made my brother make you our sister. You're the one who's made me want to heal!" He shouted, while I just stood there calmly.
It was about time for a breakdown, I noted to myself as he just stood there, fists clenched and breathing hard. Then he flew at me and I opened my arms. He tackled me to the ground and began to flail, just wildly beating around in his fury.
I let him do what he wanted and tussled with him as well, taking his punches and giving in return. He needed an outlet. I would give it to him. Besides, I was a Maia. I wasn't afraid because no matter how well he may fight, I will always have the upper hand.
He finally stopped and broke down completely, weeping helplessly. I gathered him to myself on the floor, rocking him gently and murmuring softly as she curled into me like a child, frustration and anger spent and only grief and exhaustion left.
Finally he calmed down, and I thought a brush into my hand, brushing his hair and humming a soft tune under my breath. As I sang he calmed slowly, gasping in exhaustion and whimpering slightly. Finally he took in a shaky sigh and fell asleep, and I picked him up like he was no more then a pillow and carried him to the bed, laying him down and sitting by the bed on a chair.
Nàmo appeared next to me in his own chair and I bowed to him. "Well done, Míleth. It was long overdue." He studied the elf calmly, compassion on his face as I nodded and sat back down.
"I know I said that this is what I want to do, and I do, but it's so- draining." I sighed, running rueful fingers through my tousled hair. He chuckled.
"Indeed it is. You may go on to your duties. When he wakes you will know. If he becomes feverish call me." He said, standing and thinking himself away. I stood and went out, latching a part of my mind onto the elf on the bed.
The next door I stood in front of for a moment before going in. Celegorm looked thoughtful as I sat and poured another two cups of juice from another decanter.
"I've been thinking of what you said." He stated abruptly, turning and accepting the cup. "I miss my brothers and parents, but-" he hesitated.
I said nothing and just listened patiently, and sympathetic smile on my face. "I just feel guilty." He said hesitantly. I put my cup down and hugged him gently.
"When you came here, Celegorm, you were meant to heal. But it was up to you to decide whether you wanted to heal or not. And the only way to heal is to forgive and be forgiven in return. Don't feel that you're hopeless. Instead, be happy! For in feeling guilt, you have already asked for forgiveness. And all is considered null and void if you choose to leave, for you will be a new person." I comforted quietly.
He sighed and laid his head on my shoulder, relaxing. "I know that I did wrong things." He whispered. "I'm sorry for them." He sounded like a little child again.
*indeed, for as soon as he admitted it, his guilt was washed free. Now he is as innocent as a child, but with the memories of his old life. Every case is different, but this is his.* Nàmo replied to my observation. I nodded.
"You are forgiven. Forgive yourself, and be healed." I said softly. He quietly wept and clung to me much like a child, until falling asleep in exhaustion. I tucked him into bed and left another part of my consciousness to check on the elf before leaving.
Quite drained now, I went to the second to last room of the day and knocked wearily. The door flew open the the twins dragged me in. "What happened to your robes?" Amrad asked without any preamble.
"Yeah, you look like you spilled something on it." Amras chimed in. I smiled at them.
"Tears, little brothers, healing tears." I answered, sinking into a chair.
I thought up three cups and some miruvor for myself and juice for them. They enjoyed the treat as the miruvor perked me up.
"Now. I wanted to stop by to tell you that Maedhros might leave and when he does you two have the choice to go." I said, raising an eyebrow at them. They nodded cheerily.
"We will!" They chimed, as I smiled.
"Good. Now, time for me to go." I sighed, standing up.
"Aww. Are you sure?" They said sadly. I laughed and hugged them.
"If you want someone to play with, I can give you one." I suggested. They perked up and nodded. So I took them to the room where Mairon still played, and the other Maiar welcomed the two and took them to join the others.
I reached out mentally to check on Caranthir and Celegorm, but both were still fast asleep. With a nod, I made my way to the last room.
*doing fine, sis?* Elíl asked me cheerily. I grinned back.
*as fine as I can be going to visit Maeglin.* I snorted. She laughed.
*oh. Well tell him hello for me* she said. I nodded.
*do you think he'll appreciate it?* I asked with humorous doubt.
*ummm... Let me think about that... Nope.* she replied.
I sniggered. *what are you doing?* I asked conversationally.
*currently watching over several reborn in the gardens of Lòrien.* she replied in a satisfied tone. I smiled.
*good. What are they like?* I asked.
*imagine an elfling with the body of an adult and you've got it down* she replied dryly, as I giggled at the thought.
*what makes them so?* I asked as an afterthought.
*I'm not-*
*They are so because of judgement.* Nàmo interjected randomly into our conversation. *we bring them to the ring of doom and allow them to relieve every memory of their past. In doing so, they can heal that way. Then we tell them all is null and void, and that they are forgiven. We allow them to feel the love of Eru, and usually they fall asleep. They are taken to my halls and allowed to sleep for as long as they need to heal, maybe even for millennia, until they wake up. And slowly they heal. But their minds are as a child's, innocent and unknowing of anything. My gift to them is forgetfulness, until they are released as a reborn, and slowly their memories will come back to them. But they also will remain very naïve and have to grow emotionally as well.* he answered. Elíl and I nodded thoughtfully.
*so they really are just elflings in their old bodies. And once they are deemed ready to be released, they will slowly regain their old mannerisms and memories and maturity.* Elíl summed it up and Nàmo nodded.
I arrived in front of the door and our conversation petered off. With a mental sigh, I knocked on the door. There was no answer, not to my surprise, and I opened it and shut the door behind me.
"Elíl, or Lark, says hello." I started, sitting down and giving him a cup. He set it down after an absent sip.
"I see." Was his noncommittal response. I sighed inwardly again.
"Hmm. Will you not give me a greeting to return?" I asked shrewdly, raising an eyebrow.
"I doubt she would care." He answered dully.
"I know she would, else why would she send you one?" I answered. He turned to look at me.
"Why are you here?" He asked.
"I told you I would come. And do you remember what I said I would tell you, every time I did?" I retorted.
His eyes grew dark and his face a little paler then before. "Do not say it-"
"I love you, brother." I ignored him and said it softly, smiling at him genuinely.
He turned away, shaking slightly in suppressed rage or something else, I could not tell. "No, you don't." He replied blankly.
"I do. And I mean to show you and tell you until you believe it." I answered, and moved forwards and hugged him. He didn't fight me off, but went stiff. I sighed aloud and tears welled in my eyes slightly.
"How cold you are." I murmured wistfully. "So hard and unfeeling. So broken." Gently, I kissed his cheek and pulled away, moving to the door.
"I will come again tomorrow. I love you, brother." I and with that, I closed the door.
Caranthir stirred, and I thought myself quickly to his room, hovering over his bedside and smoothing his hair. He groaned and his eyes slowly opened. Seeing me there, they widened and a stricken look came over his face.
"Shhh. Do not say a word." I hushed him gently, sitting beside the bed and drawing his head into my lap. A muffled sob escaped his lips and he closed his eyes in anguish. "Why do you cry, dear brother?" I asked gently, stroking his cheek.
"You must hate me. I- I hit you." He whispered. I gave a light laugh, to which his eyes opened in confusion.
"Oh Caranthir. I am a Maia. You could not hurt me. And your breakdown was long overdue, foolish ellon." I scolded, tapping his nose with a smile. He had a bemused frown on his face.
"But you're my sister... Aren't you?" He asked, as though he suddenly doubted it.
"Never doubt it." I replied firmly, patting his cheek. "Now, can I trust you to sleep calmly, or will I have to sing you to it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He visibly relaxed and began to look less like a confused child and more like his older self. Then he gave me a weak glare. "I'm not an elfling." He protested.
"You're not giving me a reason to think otherwise, brother mine." I replied mildly. "Now then, sleep, and if you want me all you have to do is call." I said, setting his head back on the pillow. He gave a wearied sigh and closed his eyes. Soon afterwards, he was asleep. Not missing a beat, I thought myself to the side of a stirring Celegorm.
"Finally awake are we, fair one?" I asked, amused. He opened his eyes wearily and blinked up at me, focusing my face.
"Celine?" He seemed to be speaking in a dream.
"Well, my Maia name is actually Míleth." I answered blandly, helping him sit up. He looked at me, and his eyes looked different. More naïve and innocently empty. Not clouded anymore.
"I'm hungry." He said plaintively. I grinned and laughed, thinking some simple broth and bread into my hands, helping him to hold it in his trembling hands. He are slowly, and soon he had finished and he gave a long sigh.
"Tired?" I asked, settling him into the bed. He clutched my sleeve with a nod. I smiled. "Then sleep. If you need me I am but a call away." I added, and he relaxed. Curling up into a fetal position, he gave into sleep with a little sigh.
With a weary sigh, I stood and walked back to my room, running fingers through my hair, drained and exhausted. *master? May I take a break?*
*Of course, child. You did exceptionally well. Now take rest until I call for you* he answered gently. I nodded and immediately fell asleep.
...
I woke a few hours later feeling refreshed and quite ready to be off again, after having something small to eat. For a while I practiced disembodying and redressing in a fana, and trying on different types of bodies and such. It was interesting to be in Maia instead of elvish form, to be honest.
*have you rested well, child?* Nàmo asked me. I nodded.
*yes master. I'm quite ready to cause plenty of more hassle for you.* I answered cheerily. He sighed long-sufferingly.
*well then come to me* he answered dryly, and I laughed and thought myself to my master's side.
"I'm here master." I said seriously with a bow. He smiled.
"Good. Now come, the Valar want to talk with you and Elíl." He said, thinking us to the ring of doom. Elíl was beside me and we were in the middle of the ring. We bowed respectfully, hands tucked into the front of our robes, and straightened, waiting for whatever was to be said.
"I half expected you to say something impertinent, you two." Manwë said amusedly, a small smile on his face. Elíl and I glanced at each other with raised eyebrows.
"It's hard to think of anything witty or sarcastic with all of you chasing everything out of our heads and keeping our knees knocking in pure fright." Elíl said dryly, turning back to the council, who promptly chuckled.
"And hence you quite prove the contrary with the statement." Tulkas said with a chuckle.
"Quite an admirable feat, hmm Elíl?" I quipped with a grin. She nudged me.
"Hush up, Míleth." She retorted.
"Hushing up." I said with a maniacal grin.
Elíl glared. "Oh by the name of all the Valar-"
"Eonwë." I dead-panned. She cringed, and the rest of the Valar burst into laughter.
"Did someone call?" Eonwë asked, appearing.
I flicked a finger next to me. "Oh so unfinished ones aren't written down? I'll have to remember that." I snickered. Eonwë rolled his eyes.
"I told you there was loophole somewhere." He informed the Valar solemnly, while they went into another burst of amusement.
"Funny how we seem to find them all." Elíl said wryly. I smirked.
"Coincidence? I think not!" I huffed. She snorted.
"Loophole indeed. Personally I think master takes advantage of that when he thinks no one is listening." She said slyly. Irmo raised an eyebrow.
"Grave charge you are making there, little one." He said mildly.
"What, can you not use your own name? After all, you're a Valar, so..." She grinned. The Valar went into pure hysterics at that one.
"Speaking of charges, what are we accused of?" I asked as Eonwë shook his head and disappeared.
"Nothing. But your masters do want to set you on your next task for learning to be Maia and next lessons as an apprentice." Manwë replied. We nodded.
"Pronounce judgement, master. I've been following in your footsteps as much as possible." I said with a straight face. The Valar snickered as he mock-glared at me.
"Oh have you now?" He asked. My lips twitched and I sent them all a mental picture of Nàmo walking through snow regally while I followed along behind, skipping along behind and leaping like an elfling into his footprints. They laughed.
"Betcha anything that he's considering reforming me right now by sending me into his halls by the front door." I stage-whispered to Elíl, who laughed hysterically and sent an image of Irmo with spectacles on his nose and at a desk while she handed him papers one by one, elbow on the desk and yawning. As if to agree, my image was interrupted as a pile of snow crashed down on my head and buried me neatly in it.
"And here I thought you enjoyed Lòrien." Irmo sighed. We grinned at each other.
"So does this make us the Feänturi children?" I asked with a wide grin. The Valar shook their heads amusedly at us.
"The judgement, as you insist on calling it, is that you will be a thrall for a week." Manwë pronounced solemnly. Elíl and I looked at each other, surprised.
"A thrall? This will be interesting. I wonder what elf masters are like." I said randomly after a moment of expectant silence.
Elíl blinked, and then suddenly fainted. I stared down at her. "Well that's odd. I don't ever remember her doing that before." I mused, and looked up to see the Valar looking at me apprehensively.
"What? I'm not going to drop, if that's what you're expecting." I said blankly. Nàmo sighed just as the Valar started laughing hysterically.
"I should have had more faith in my apprentice." He mourned. I blinked.
"Excuse me?" I was rightfully baffled.
"I bet that you would faint and Elíl would stand. Oromë said the opposite." He explained disappointedly. My lips twitched.
"Well sorry for disappointing you, master. What do you forfeit this time?" I asked dryly.
"I have to wear yellow." He moaned. I stared for a moment in pure shock. And burst into hysterical laughter. And then everything went black.
...
"Thank you, Padawan. I don't have to forfeit after all." A highly amused voice said above me. The Valar were roaring.
"You're welcome." I snarled, sitting up and rubbing my head. "You have traumatized me for life with that mental image." I shuddered. Elíl groaned next to me.
"So's me." She groused. "And before you ask, I fainted because I felt lightheaded at the word thrall. You remember that movie we watched one time of the black slaves. I couldn't help it." She grumbled. I nodded.
"Should'a guessed." I sighed. "Imagine me fainting from that..." I said dazedly.
"...well at least you now have Nàmo's undying thanks."
"Not comforting. UNDYING thanks indeed."
The Valar were crying from mirth. They finally calmed down as Elíl and I glared pointedly and stood, brushing ourselves off.
"You are expected to start duties tomorrow, since your masters live in the same house." Tulkas finally finished. We nodded.
"Well, coulda been worse!" I said cheerily. Elíl yelped.
"Don't jinx it!" She begged. I rolled my eyes at her.
"No such thing as jinxing in Aman-"
"Oh, and by the way, Elíl is assigned to Lord Ecthelion and Míleth is assigned to a lord Glorfindel." Aulë added.
There was a moment of horrified silence. "WHAT?!"
"Don't whine!"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF A SON OF A SITH, I DONT WHINE!"
"Really? Could have fooled me." Nàmo said thoughtfully.
"But I- we're females- not them-" Elíl stuttered. Varda rolled her eyes .
"Oh don't worry about that. It's not like you sleep in the same room." She chided. "All you have to do is do what they ask you to." She added.
I groaned. "So much for jinxing it."
"Oh, and you, Míleth, will still be allowed to leave to attend to those you have been visiting every day." Nàmo added.
"Oh good. One ray of hope in the gathering gloom." I said gloomily.
"I'll never live it down." Elíl sighed.
"Whelp, at least after its over we can laugh about it."
"... Not comforting, Míleth."
"What's not comforting is the thought that I was that close to being permanently brain-damaged by seeing a yellow-clad Nàmo."
"I will never forgive you for depriving me of that one." Oromë said teasingly.
"I have a feeling that Eonwë will be seriously busy writing for the next few days. Anyone feel the same?" Elíl asked.
"Ditto." I agreed.
"From who, so I can be suitably warned?" Eonwë asked out of nowhere.
"All four of us." I answered wryly.
"Especially Glorfindel." Elíl added.
"Hey oh yeah." I said glumly.
"He's already too creative." Eonwë grumbled.
"What was his latest?" Varda piped up.
"By Balrog's breath and Morgoth's moles." He answered.
"..."
"Well, at least he hasn't gotten to Elrond's eyebrows yet." I said with a sort of grim satisfaction.
Needless to say, Elíl collapsed laughing as the Valar groaned simultaneously.