This is just a short chapter... I'm not sure how many more there will be, but I don't think it will be too many! I hope you enjoy this and please review!
-xx-
Dear Diary.
I'm now 8 months pregnant, I still can't believe that this is all happening, it's kind of crazy, that night still haunts me, but it no longer frightens me to think that in a month I will have a beautiful baby girl. The man still hasn't been caught, so that still upsets me, to think that he could still be doing this to young girls, or any girl. It sickens me and makes me so angry, I try not to think of him, I try to think that one day he will get what he deserves and he'll be behind bars.
But right now I'm focusing on my little girl, I've bought a few clothing items, but I still haven't gotten a cot or anything permanent, because what if when she comes I decide I can't do it and then I'll have the reminders of her to get rid of, that would kill me.
I'm so proud of Quinn, she was able to give up her little girl, I know it killed her and it killed Puck, she was beautiful, they named her Beth before they left her to go to a good family, she's getting back to normal, but I know that inside she still hurts and she has doubts, but I know the welfare of her little Beth over shadow those doubts. She keeps a picture on in her purse and Puck has on in his wallet, I saw him staring at it the other day in the lunch queue I could see how much it up set him, but he wants the best for Quinn and their relationship is stronger now than it ever was.
I'm so scared about having this baby, I mean I know about all the pain, but what if I have her and then I can't bear to look at her? How awful of a mother would I be then?
I've been really happy lately and I really owe it all to Finn, Quinn and everyone in glee they have all been there for me and it feels really good, when I sing and I look a little tired everyone is rushing around me asking if I want anything, it gets a little annoying, but it's still nice to know that they care that much, it's really sweet.
And Finn he has been so amazing, we had that talk and ever since then he had been my best friend again the Finn Hudson I first knew and loved and it's been so great, we can talk about anything and he always knows what to say to make me feel better, he comes to all my doctor's appointments and he doesn't blame himself for what happened anymore, I had a lot to do with that, I was basically his therapist for a good while until he finally realised he wasn't to blame!
I'm still going to counselling and Lynn is so great, she has really helped me, and I owe a lot to her, she made me see that this was a gift, it would still hurt but she made me see that I could get over it, she really is an amazing person!
I have managed to bring the list of baby names down to four names, I love them all so much though and it is going to be so hard to choose just one! But I know when she comes that I will know exactly what to call her! So for now the little princess growing inside me will be called one of the following names: Bella, Maria, Indigo, and Tessa.
Rachel