131. Equinox
Starfire fluttered by, carrying a billion miscellaneous things at once. "Beast Boy!" she exclaimed in a paranoid mixture of joy and anxiety. "Have you ventured upon assuring the preparedness of the bottom floor atrium yet??"
"For the last time, Star....yes!!" Beast Boy groaned from where he stood in the hallway alongside Tempest. "I picked the place up so much, I had to pick myself up too! I swear to Allah, the front room is more presentable to guests than the surface of the Sun!!"
"For that, I must commend you," she stammered. "Eeek!! The kitchen area!! Surely it requires a third degreasing!!"
"A third???"
"Housekeeping is liken unto a science. Cleanness cannot be maintained unless the act of creating such cleanness can be repeated!! Excuse me as I excuse myself to the area of immediate, santation-necessity!!" the busy Tamaranian zoomed towards the elevator.
"Why don't you get Nova'm to lick the tile clean while you're at it??"
"A suggestion not entirely devoid of its fruitfulness upon this hour of desperation!" Schlump!! The elevator doors shut themselves and the redheaded alien ascended beyond.
Tempest whistled. "Is she always this.....psychotic?"
"I don't know," Beast Boy sighed and scratched his head. "We don't get many guests here at the Tower. You should have seen her before Nova'm arrived. She practically had Robin and Cyborg waxing the walls to the gym."
"She can make you guys do that?"
"What's to stop her? Heheh...I just turn into a mouse and hide."
"And Noir?"
"Eh....he can turn invisible." A beat. Beast Boy blinked up at the Atlantean. "Which reminds me...I hear Noir has something to do with this 'dinner' thing tonight. You know anything about that?"
"I dunno. Ask Robin," Tempest shrugged. "Sounds like he's Noir's main counterpart in this....escapade."
"I suppose Starfire jumped on board," Beast Boy said.
"Does Noir have many friends outside of the Tower."
"Not likely," Beast Boy snorted with a laugh.
Tempest raised an eyebrow.
Beast Boy cleared his voie. "I'm sorry, did that sound cold?"
"Yes."
"Well—to be honest—none of us really have a bunch of friends outside the Tower."
"That doesn't sound very..........healthy."
"Eh....what do you know, noob?" Beast Boy stuck his tongue out. He folded his arms in a pout...then smirked. "I suppose Robin could have a bunch of friends......but they wouldn't be calling him Robin."
"What do you mean?"
"Simply that his alter ego probably has a bunch of friends....hell, maybe even a family," Beast Boy gestured.
Tempest's eyes narrowed. "You mean you don't know?"
"Nope."
"He hasn't told you or you haven't asked?"
"More of the first part," Beast Boy made a face. "Believe me, I've asked."
"Is that what the residual bruises are from?"
"Sure." A beat. Beast Boy looked surprised. "I have bruises?"
"What's with all the secrecy?"
"Huh?"
"With Robin—"
"Oh. It's a Gotham City thing," Beast Boy said. "Masks, secret identities, secret lives...."
Tempest stared off down the hallway. "I heard Robin was a sidekick—like me. His mentor is someone by the name of......Batman?"
"Yup. A legend in and of himself!" Beast Boy winked.
"Pray tell...what is a bat?"
"Erhm...."
"Is it anything like a devil ray?"
"Yeah, dude. Just leave it at that."
"..........."
"Ahem....," Beast Boy bounced in his place. "I wonder when our 'guests' are arriving."
"Noir's never showed them to you?"
"No. Has he ever showed them to you?"
"I think so. The pawn shop people."
"Pfft. Figures."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Beast Boy smirked. "You're here for less than a week and already Noir is showing you stuff that he's not shown any of us. I tell you, you're quite the charmer."
"What are you trying to insinuate?"
"Man...you need to lighten up some," Beast Boy elbowed the Atlantean. "Just cuz you're all wet behind the ears and clueless in this world doesn't mean you have to be as stiff as a board."
"Okay...for one thing," Tempest frowned and pointed, "...my ears haven't been wet enough since I got here."
Beast Boy inspected his fingernails. "Uh huh...."
"And for another, how can I be stiff in these ridiculous clothes?"
Beast Boy giggled. "I still can't believe Noir was crazy enough to lend you some of his threads, dude."
"Well, you have to admit. He is rather selfless."
"Yeah, perhaps. But he does keep these friends of his to himself."
"Until tonight."
"Yeah...."
Silence.
"I suppose I can bear wearing these 'threads' until the guest are gone," Tempest said. "Being a Titan means being an example of...something. Right?"
"Just don't go walking down any runways."
"I'll just...," Tempest gestured, "....stand back and let you all lead."
"Let us lead? Are you suggesting we dance, dude?"
"No, what I mean is............tonight is gonna be a dinner, right?"
"Right......"
"And obviously that involves a lot of surface-dweller traditions."
"I guess it could. Maybe if we order out for pizza at the last second."
"I just don't wanna screw anything up," Tempest explained. "So it's best I take a back seat."
"Dude...relax," Beast Boy smirked. "You're suave....you're hip....you're handsome. You've got nothing to worry about. Heck...I bet you could charm the pants off our guests and make 'em forget any screw-ups you do."
"Um....I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"They're married."
Beast Boy's eyes went wide. "Noir's invited a couple of lesbians over?"
"Huh? N-No....Beast Boy, they're a husband and wife."
"Well, my bad. I figured Noir's friends could only be chicks."
"You sound disappointed."
"Nah, man. I'm just bored." Beast Boy leaned back against the wall and sighed. "The day's been nothing but Starfire rushing around to get stuff looking nice, Noir replacing me in the kitchen, Robin convincing everyone to help along, and everything just about moving at once so that it gets to be a headache to even walk across the room."
"What could you and I do to prepare for tonight?"
"We're doing it right here and now, man...," Beast Boy smirked suggestively and cracked his knuckles. "We're playing it cool."
"Uhm....what for?"
"To be perfect hosts, of course."
"Erhm....," Tempest bit his lip. "I don't think I'm in any condition to be a host....much less a month from now."
"Nah, not you. Me, dude!" Beast Boy smiled a glistening smile. "You're just my straight man."
"Uh huh.....whatever."
"I mean you're a straight-A kind of guy!" Beast Boy gave a thumb's up. "I'll be making jokes to have the guests laugh...and you'll be there to sit around, look bored, and make everyone realize there's a fate worse than death...so they'll cackle to distract themselves."
"You're wyrd...."
"HA!! You're becoming used to this place yet!"
"What makes you say that?"
"Cuz you're getting used to me, dude."
"Wow, what an accomplishment?"
Beast Boy stuck his tongue out. He smirked and said: "Seriously...you ain't bad as a noob, Tempest. You're starting to kick ass on a regular basis. You've already gone through Robin's screening. And—ya know—not once have I caught you having to ask where the bathrooms are!!"
"Heheheh...I guess that's right," Garth nervously smiled.
"Yup! You're a regular Titan yet!" Beast Boy patted the teen's shoulder from down below.
A beat.
Tempest asked: "What's a bathroom?"
".........................," Beast Boy blinked. "...................." He stared at Tempest.
"???" Tempest made a face. "What?"
"You're joking, right?"
"About what?"
"Bathrooms...."
"If I knew what they were, then maybe I'd joke about them. But I obviously can't—can I??"
"I'm serious, dude!! You haven't used the bathroom since you got here??"
"Uhm..."
"Is that something to do with Atlantean metabolism or something?"
"Metabolism??"
"Ya know...," Beast Boy gestured. A beat. He bit his lip. He cleared his throat.
"...............," Tempest stared at him.
"................................have you—"
"Urinated? Defecated?"
Beast Boy coughed.
Tempest looked around.
The changling hissed: "Use friendlier words when possible, dude."
"What's your deal??"
"Have you?"
"Have I wha—??"
"Dude!! What do you think we're talking about?!?!"
"What business of yours is my business?!?!" Tempest turned red.
Beast Boy pointed at himself. "Hey...I may be over two thousand animals in one, but I assure you that every single one of them was house-trained by the time I walked into this Tower!!"
"Are you trying to insist that I'm uncivilized??" Tempest frowned.
"Just where do you go, man??"
"Where else??" Tempest cackled frustratingly. "Out in the Ocean!! Just like everybody else!!"
The changeling's eyes turned into white pixels.
Tempest folded his arms and smirked indignantly. "Heh....bet you feel stupid now."
"Erp......you........it......," Beast Boy blinked.
Tempest's eyes narrowed. "What this time?"
"All these times you've been excusing yourself to go out into the Bay....."
"Not ALL the times!" Tempest cackled.
"Like...what percentage??"
"What importance is it to you, man?!?!"
"Dude...you can't just................it's the Bay!!"
"It's just another part of the Ocean for all I'm concerned."
"You guys eat, drink, and sleep in the very same Ocean!! Doesn't that ever gross you out?!?!" Beast Boy's arms flailed.
Tempest pointed. "And you think your atmosphere's any cleaner???"
Beast Boy raised a finger. He paused. He stroked his chin. "Never thought of it that way before..."
"You're overreacting," Tempest shook his head. "Atlantean business has always been Atlantean business. How could you ever protest that?"
"I can name three people who protest it!"
"Yeah?? Who??"
"God for one!" Beast Boy pointed. "He doesn't like it! And then there's the mayor....who's pretty similar to God."
"Who's the third?"
"God again....or maybe God's wife. I dunno. Fact is, dude, you gotta find another place other than the Bay. That's just super-ultra-mega gross. I mean....like...don't the fish complain or something?"
"Circle of life, Beast Boy."
"Huh??"
Tempest gestured. "Nutrients are returned to the Ocean through a natural cycle involvi—"
"Okay...okay...okay...," the changling waved his arms desperately. "Don't even TRY explaining it."
"Well what do you all want me to do?!?!" Tempest shrugged. "I'm no infant, ya know!! I have my ways and you people have yours!! What's the middle ground?"
"A very nice, ceramic middle ground."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Come on, dude...," Beast Boy motioned with his upper arm and trotted down the hallway. "I gotta show you something."
"Okay....."
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
I whistled while I.........worked.
I was busy cooking a fine meal for ten. My own recipe. Something of Japanese orientation....no pun intended.
I smirked.
"You do seem to be enjoying yourself...," Raven muttered.
I nodded and grinned over at her. I winked under my dark shades and busied myself with herbs and spices while steam rose from the kitchen unit of the main room.
She sat casually on a stool of the counter, leaning over and watching me at work.
"Looks like you've done this before."
I nodded and kept cooking.
"Do hermit swordsmen under the age of eighteen get their hands on skillets while heading eastward?"
I gave her a silly look.
"Don't mind me," Raven glanced out the window. "I'm getting my last bit of sunlight."
I glanced at her curiously.
"Before I go into hiding..."
I made a face. I looked at her helplessly as I went back and forth between cooking and scowling.
"Could you expect any more?" she droned. "I don't do well with company." She glanced over at a set of suitcases that had been set up for the following day besides the elevator. "I'm about to rip the head off Starfire's little friend as is."
I mouthed: 'Nova'm??' while cooking.
She nodded.
"If there's anything that I'm thankful for in light of his existence in proximity to my person, it's that I'm a great deal more willing to embrace the every day absurdity that is Starfire's sanguine holocaust of a personality."
Cyborg stepped in from an adjacent corridor. "Sounds like somebody's having PMS."
Raven glared. "I beg your pardon?"
"Pissed Metrion Sinthos," Cyborg smirked and leaned against the counter.
"............," I gave him a horrified look.
So did Raven.
".....................all right, I digress," Cyborg sweatdropped.
"You could suffer a seizure from that digressing," Raven muttered.
"Robin and I just got finished with sprucing up the lawn around the entrance," Cyborg gestured. "Now Starfire's got Robin helping her with dusting the doorframes of the atrium of all things. I swear...that alien girl's working us to death!"
"Wouldn't that be a shame...."
"What's she made you do, Raven?"
"At first she asked me to arrange silverware and tablecloth for the dining area," Raven said.
"And then what?"
"And then I described to her what it felt like to have her hair ripped out strand by strand through telekinesis."
"And then...."
"Starfire made Nova'm do it."
"Heheheh...," Cyborg rubbed his human skull and glanced at a dining table erected in the center of the Main Room. "Fancy Smancy. She's even got the little squirt going all Cinderella on the place. I'm telling you, Noir...," he smirked my way. "...you owe us big time for all the trouble we've gone through to make Starfire and the guests happ—" He blinked and his voice lingered as he stared at me for the first real time.
"?????" I looked at him. I looked down at the apron I was wear. I rolled my black eyes and put my cooking utensils down just long enough to hand-sign.
"So you're in the same boat," Cyborg smirked.
"Starfire has good taste," Raven droned. "At least the apron looks good on him."
Cyborg blinked. "It does?"
I bit my lip.
SWOOOOOOOSH!!!!
An infamous redhead flew in, and dangling from her grasp—by a cape—was the Boy Wonder of legends.
"Star!! Come on!! Let me go!!!"
All three of us stared in numb perplexity as Robin struggled, kicked, and dangled from the Tamaranian's grip.
"Bear witness, friends!!" Starfire frowned and pointed at the helpless hero. "Does he not possess an unnatural fragrance reminiscent of dead grass and sweat??"
"For crying out loud!! I barely got my underarms dirty!! You're overreacting!! Now let me down!!"
"Negative!" she pouted and stared down at him. "You must travail upon relocating your person under the dispersement of water and soap cleanser!!"
"I do NOT smell!! I don't need to showe—"
"I know when Robin is not smelling like Robin should!!"
The Boy Wonder's eyemask twisted. "What?? Do you make a habit out of smelling me, Star??"
"I......erhm...............," the alien girl blushed.
Plop!!!
Robin was again standing on his boots. "That's better....," He brushed himself off and straightened his cape. "I swear...you're letting this dinner thing get way too deep into your head, Star."
"You're weak, man," Cyborg smirked at Robin.
"Go to Hell."
"Well, alright."
"Noir," Robin looked at me. "How's the meal going?"
I stirred with one hand and held up my metal fingers with an 'ok' symbol.
"Good," the Boy Wonder nodded. He smiled. "I've always enjoyed Japanese cuisine. Oh, nice apron by the way."
All but one of my metal fingers retracted.
"Ahem," he turned and looked at Cyborg and Raven. "I gotta admit...I'm going out on a limb with this one."
"Explain," Raven droned.
"Letting perfect strangers into the Tower."
Cyborg said: "They're not strangers. Noir knows them! Right, Noir?"
I smirked and nodded.
"And they are citizens of this City!" Starfire clasped her fingers together and spoke. "And for such a reason, we must be ready to present ourselves as honorable and beautifully as possible!"
"Relax, Starfire," Raven rolled her eyes. "It's not like they're royalty."
"Yeah, girl," Cyborg pointed. "Nova'm and Flipper are princes...and yet you got them doing cleaning duty."
Starfire folded her arms. "Nova'm is quite capable of understanding the necessity of cleanliness, preparedness, and—"
Cyborg sniffed. "Uh oh...rolly pollies? I think I smell rolly pollies?"
Starfire paused. "...............eh?"
"Yes! Rolly pollies and........um....pine needles! Don't you smell it, Raven?"
"Uhm........y-yeah."
"Like a whole heap of landscape!"
"Rolly polly invasion..."
"Must be Robin. He's carrying them in!" Cyborg pointed. "UNCLEAN!!"
"What???" Robin practically pratfalled.
"Eeek!!" Starfire clasped her hands together. "The atrocity!!"
YANK!!!
"Augh!!!" Robin cried out as his legs flew up from his body being dragged mid-air towards the elevator from Starfire's tugging.
"We must remedy the evil phalanx of pine needles!!"
"Starfire!!! Cut it out!! Rgghh...you guys!!!"
Schlump!!
I shook my head, smiled, and went on with the dinner.
"That was undeniably evil...," Raven.
"Wasn't it, though?" Cyborg smirked and leaned back against a wall. "Now I don't have to take a shower....."
"Heh...."
Nova'm flew in from the other room. He was completely soaked from the top of his head to the soiled feather duster in his hand. "Um...guys??" he sweatdropped. "I think I broke something while dusting the fire sprinklers like Kory asked me to."
"Ah son of a—"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"And assuming you were doing your business in here or something....just press this lever and.....viola!!"
With monotonous glory, the toilet in the seventh-story bathroom flushed.
"Ain't that simple or what?" Beast Boy smiled proudly at the Terran technology. He looked up at Tempest and folded his arms. "Well?"
".................................." The Atlantean stared.
A beat.
Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. He said: "You gonna start turning to stone yet? Or should I go fetch the cement mixture?"
"This is utterly ridiculous...," Tempest murmured.
"Excuse me?"
"Excuse yourself!" the new Titan jabbed a pointing finger. "How incredibly freakin' dumb!! This 'towel' whatchamacallit—"
"Toilet."
"Whatever. It's still using water! What's the difference? I swear...you brought me here over nothing."
"It's a heck of a good difference!!" Beast Boy cackled. "We don't go around squatting in the Ocean. At least the water we use can go where we want it to!"
"Oh yeah? Like where?"
"Pfft! The septic system!"
"Then where?"
"Uhm...the sewers!"
"And then?"
"..............," Beast Boy blinked. "Okay, now you're just stretching my head where it doesn't like being stretched, dude."
"Pfft. Hypocrites, I swear," Tempest shook his head with a humored look of disbelief. "You're torturing yourselves with all this dryness. Why not just do what we do? Create a cesspond in the corner of the community?"
"Look around you, Garth. You see fish swimming by your head? This ain't the sea. This is dry land. If you wanna be a good Titan, you gotta become a good citizen. And being a citizen of this place means learning to adapt so that you can eat like us, drink like us, sleep like us, and....and...." He glanced at the toilet. ".................like us."
"Rghhhhh," Tempest ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I feel bits and pieces of me crumbling away already."
"Well that's as good a sign as any!" Beast Boy beamed.
Tempest's dark eyes narrowed as the water in the toilet bowl rose back up. "So...afterwards, what do Terrans do to................you know."
"Hmmm?" Beast Boy blinked. "Oh. Duh. Right." He turned and pointed. "There be salvation."
Tempest looked at the toilet paper roll. "..........you've got to be kidding me."
"What?" Beast Boy laughed. "Also a little too dry for you?"
Tempest stared at him.
"You have any idea what I'm talking about?"
".............."
A beat.
Beast Boy sweatdropped. "Uh....okay. I am SO not doing your laundry from here on out, dude...."
Tempest raised an eyebrow. "'Laundry'??"
SWOOOSH!!!
Starfire flew into the bathroom, dragging Robin.
Tempest and Beast Boy flinched. "Augh!!" "Whoah!!"
Starfire and Robin screeched to a mid-air stop. "Eeek!!" "Dah!!!"
A moment to breathe...
"Whew....," Tempest exhaled. "This Tower is full of chaos, I swear...."
"Star? What's the deal??" Beast Boy inquired.
"I apologize. I do not mean to intrude," Starfire leaned her head to the side. "But you are blocking the shower stall to which Robin must have immediate access."
"Huh?"
"You guys gotta help me!!" Robin cackled.
"As much as I find this strangely pleasing," Beast Boy gestured...then oozed forth a grin. "I gotta ask.....what's going on?"
"Robin has failed to cleanse himself after sweaty labor outside of the Tower!!" Starfire exclaimed.
"For the last time! I don't smell!! Besides, I don't think Noir's friends would give a darn either way!!" Robin shook.
"Cease and desist!! The dirty rolly pollies are upon you!!"
"Just dump him in the bay," Tempest droned.
Whump! Beast Boy elbowed him.
"D'oh!! What this time???"
Beast Boy cleared his throat. "Just drop the Robin, Star. Nobody needs to get hurt."
"Truly.....I am sorry, Robin. If anyone is capable of the mandatory cleansing of your own person, it is mandatory that I let you do it yourself."
Thwump!!
Robin stood on wobbly knees and shook his head. "I don't even want to know the implications of that last sentence..."
"Speak for yourself dude."
A beat.
Robin narrowed his eyemask towards the two guys. "Just what are you two doing in here anyways?"
Tempest lifted a finger. "Um...."
"He craps in the ocean!!" Beast Boy pointed.
Tempest fell down spontaneously. Thwump!!
"Er....huh??" Robin's face scrunched.
"Don't listen to him....," Tempest said, being helped back up to his feet by Starfire. "He spreads seditious libel."
"Uh uh, dude. This is the truth!!"
"What's the truth??"
Tempest coughed. "Why don't we...ya know...go upstairs and eat the guests....er, I-I mean eat with the guests.....that is..."
"Robin, they don't use toilets in Atlantis!" Beast Boy said. He leaned forward. "They use the Ocean!!"
"..........," Robin looked at Tempest.
Tempest pouted.
"............," the Boy Wonder shrugged. "Well...as long as Cyborg and I don't start finding little surprises in the corner."
"Hehehehehehe!!" Beast Boy almost toppled over.
Robin laughed.
Tempest planted his hands on his hips. "That's not funny!!!!"
"Hehehehe!!" Starfire jumped and clapped her hands. "Glorious!! The defecation revelation!"
Beast Boy did a double-take.
Robin bit his lip. "Uhm...."
"I do so remember the awkwardness of learning that Terran sanitation facilities lacked neutral-gravity-disentegrators!"
Tempest raised an eyebrow. "Say what?"
Starfire smiled prettily. "Thankfully Robin was most eloquent in relating to me the idiosyncracies of the toilet process!!"
Robin suddenly hissed. "Shhh!!"
Beast Boy grinned. "Dude!! You potty-trained Star??"
"No!!" Robin's entire body flinched. "I....snkkt....it......I gave her a book!!" he gestured.
"A book, Robin?" Starfire leaned her head to the side and blinked. "I was under the impression that you wrote it!"
Beast Boy smacked his forehead. "You wrote her instructions?"
Robin nervously simpered and scratched the back of his head. "I don't think her memory's on par—"
"It certainly looked like your handwriting," Starfire insisted.
"Ha ha ha ha!" Beast Boy laughed.
Tempest smirked.
Robin pointed. "Look...she's from another world. She deserves some respect."
"Yes...extra soft, absorbant respect!" Beast Boy winked.
"I can't believe we're talking about this.........." Robin held his gloved hand over his face.
Starfire held her finger up towards the Changeling. "That was not dealt with until the eighth step in instructions, Beast Boy!"
"Nghhh!!" Robin had a heart attack.
"Eight steps???" Beast Boy gawked.
"Damn...."
Everyone looked at Tempest.
He waved his hands. "D-Don't mind me."
They looked at each other.
"Twelve steps completed the tutorial, to be precise," Starfire uttered. "Right, Robin?"
"Holy crap, Robin! You're like an obsessive-compulsive weapon of mass destruction!" Beast Boy cackled.
"'Holy crap'...that's pretty funny...heheh...," uttered Cyborg's voice.
Robin glanced at the doorway. "Since when were you here?"
The android Titan smirked. "Does it matter by this point?"
"Now that I think about it, got any cyanide pills?"
Beast Boy walked between the two. "Welcome to the madness, dude," he dramatically gestured in front of Cyborg like a game show announcer. "Titan Toilet Day!"
"Hooray!" Starfire jumped.
Tempest broke in, pointing bitterly at the toilet. "Cyborg....be honest...do you actually use this thing??"
"Nah, dawg. I got a tube."
"Just tell us why you're here, Cyborg...," Robin moaned. "I have nothing else to live for by this point."
"Count me in on that," Tempest waved.
"Oh....no big reason," Cyborg said. "Only the sprinkler system on the observation deck has exploded.
"What?!?!" the Boy Wonder barked.
"And the guests have driven up to the Tower."
SWOOOSH-THWUMP!!! Starfire shoved Robin out of the way and gripped Cyborg by the titanium collarbones. "What?!?!"
Ding-Dong!
"Eeek!!" Starfire pulled at her red hair. "Eeekness omega!!"
"Nnghh....what do you mean the sprinkler system's exploded?"
"Supremely kaputz, man."
"It was Nova'm, wasn't it?"
"How'd you know, B.B.?"
"Cuz I'm right here and I know I didn't do it."
"What's a sprinkler system? Another hypocritical use of water?"
"What the hell are you talking about??"
"Guys!! Let me through!! I need to see if there's any damage—"
"It's just the observation deck, Robin! Nothing but concrete and dust bunnies! We hardly even use the damn thing!"
"Please! Friends! Subtract your colorful figures of speech to a minimum!! We have guests and thus it is not prime season for offending anyone or anything!!"
"Calm down, Star. Cyborg...get out of the way!!"
"I can't! I have a schizophrenic Tamaranian in the way!!"
"Hey, while we're all here....let's say we clean out the shower drain—"
"Shut up!!!"
"Sheesh, dudes!! You know while we clump around in here like total imbeciles, we've got two innocent folks waiting endlessly at the door—"
SWOOOOOOOSH!!!
A blur of murk rushed down the hallway.
Everyone flinched.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
I huffed.
I puffed.
I streaked down the hallways the fastest my murk-empowered legs could carry me. I teleported through cracks in doors, glided down stairwells, bounced from wall-to-wall, slid down a banister or two lining some stairs, ran into the atrium, screeched to a stop in front of the huge doors, straightened my dangling black bangs, took a breath, and jammed my finger over the wall panel.
-click-
CHTUNG!!!!!! Whurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-CLANK!!!
The huge doors opened.
Daniel whistled. "Wow....like Nasa..." He was dressed in slacks, a white shirt, and a thin plaid overshirt unbuttoned and hanging around his figure. (Whew......casual........................or at least I think that's casual......) "Well hey there!!"
Renee was a little red as she smiled and waved a hand. "I hope we're not too early or anything." She was looking a bit more.......'special'. She wore a princess-blue blouse with a matching skirt that hung low around her prettily sandled feet. "Traffic on the bridge to this island is.....well....kinda null."
I smiled warmly.
"............," both of their eyes traveled down me.
"???" I glanced down. I still had the damn apron on. I blushed furiously and turned myself into smoke form just long enough for the apron to fall 'through' me. I kicked it away with casual foot, cleared my voice, and waved nervously.
"Hehehe...so this is what you're like when you're caught off guard."
I rolled my eyes under my shades. I walked aside and motioned for them to walk inside.
They did so....slowly. Pensively.
"Man...," Daniel muttered as he looked all around the spacious interior, arm-in-arm with Renee. "This is....like the stuff of legends."
I smiled proudly.
"Kinda feels like it was built for an elephant herd, though."
"Pfft! Danny!" Renee shoved him.
"I'm just saying!!" he smirked and shrugged. "It's a really big!! I bet you could fit a billion college students in this room alone. Or better yet....," he glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. "Aren't there supposed to be teens in this Tower?"
I held a finger up. I stretched my metal arm out. With my right hand, I gripped the disc where the prosthetic was attached to my figure. I turned a switch. I clicked morse code using two of my left fingers. I turned the switch back. I waited....waited....waited...waited...
The elevator doors opened.
With a sighing sound, Raven stepped out. "Guess everyone but me is scrambling to do something at the last second, as usual."
I looked sad. I pointed at myself.
"You're perfect, Noir. You don't count."
I smirked.
"Hey.....I know you....," Daniel pointed. "You're that gothic one. Crowette? Blackbirda?"
".........," Raven blinked from where she stood. "Keep guessing. It amuses me."
"Raven...," Renee ruined it. She stood before the dark girl and seemed to curtsy. "It's an honor meeting the Titans. Personally—from what I see on the news and interviews and such—you've always struck me as the most mature and well-rounded of the team."
A beat.
Raven looked at me. "And you haven't introduced these two to us before because.....?"
I snickered breathily.
"Hi, I'm Daniel," the appropriate one waved. He hugged an arm around his wife's shoulder. "And this is my angel, Renee."
Renee giggled and pointed at Daniel while winking at Robin. "And he's my demon."
Raven smirked ever so slightly. "I'll be the judge of that."
"Daah!! Robin!! Keep shoving!! I'm telling you, I need to---"
Robin pushed Beast Boy into the room from a side hallway. Tempest was with them.
"Just go already, B.B.," the Boy Wonder frowned. "You don't need to show them your tofu-tossing trophies this early."
"But it's my trademark! Besides being a Titan and a dead child-star....ahem....I gotta show them my renown in some category—" He nearly bumped into the couple. "Yikes!"
Raven yanked him back.
"At ease."
Beast Boy blinked. "Hey.....they're cool looking."
Daniel chuckled. "Thanks. Say....you're an elf!"
"Huh? Oh yeah. On occasion," Beast Boy shrugged. "I can't be in true human form or else I risk dying of a terribly rare African disease, so 'elf-form' will have to do. Some scientists think I'm living proof of an elder race that existed before homo sapiens. After all, the only way I can assume any organic form is by borrowing the genuine genetic DNA sequence of—"
"The ears are so cute!!" Renee giggled.
"...........," Beast Boy blinked. He blushed furiously and nearly melted back in Raven's arms. "Eh heheheheheheh........pleeeeeeeeeeease tell me you're a fan girl!"
I cleared my throat.
Daniel raised a suspicious eyebrow.
"............oh right," Beast Boy snapped out of it. "You're both married."
"Yes."
"Darn it!! I'm so confused!! Imagine, I was expecting lesbians—WHOAH!!!" PLOP!!
Raven dropped him.
"Don't mind him," she droned. "Beast Boy's inferior."
"Ah."
"Okay."
Robin walked forward, smirking and extending a gloved hand. "Welcome to Titan's Tower. I'm Robin."
"Trust me. We know," Daniel gripped his hand and shook it. "Former Gotham City fodder. That's us."
"No kidding??" Robin smiled wider. "Where at? The docksides...the downtown...the suburbs....??"
"Downtown. Middle District, thank gawd."
"Yes," Renee added. "Only half the sewers are steaming at night there."
"Man...that's tough," Robin spoke. "But still...pretty lucky. I found myself in two gang battles just a few blocks east of that. And I think I nabbed Killer Croc in a Starbucks along with Nightwing just a week before I came here."
"Man...you were everywhere. We always appreciated the crazy heroism of you guys," Daniel emphatically said. "And we still do. We still do."
"World's longest handshake...," Raven said.
Beast Boy giggled.
Robin and Daniel glanced at themselves...then stepped apart.
"Ahem..."
"Welcome to the...uhm...City...."
"We wouldn't have been here if it weren't for you guys. On many occasions."
"Really?" Robin glanced at me. "I'm sure we have lots to learn."
I simpered.
Suddenly, Robin's communicator vibrated.
"Excuse me..." He flipped the device open with a Star Trek sound. "Nani?"
"Rob......are they here or are they not?"
"Is that the Cyborg?" Daniel whispered.
Robin spoke: "Yeah, they're here. Why not be polite and come down to say hi—"
"Just bring them up here, man. The food's gettin' cold and—"
"Eek! I am here!! I hope my latency is not too heinous---where is everybody?"
"They're downstairs, Star. But don't worry. They're coming—DAH! Star...get dressed!!"
"I am......attempting......to do that!!"
"But do it in your room! Damn!!"
"There is no available time to do it comfortably within the abode of my domain!! Now assist me with the zipper!!"
"Raven?? If you're hearing this....it's not what you think—"
Clamp!!
Raven reached over and shut the communicator closed. She stared at everyone.
"It's not what I think...," she droned.
"How about we....take our time in going up there?" Robin simpered.
"Great idea...though not quite as fun," Beast Boy smirked.
Tempest motioned for Daniel and Renee to go on ahead. "After you two. Neptune knows, I'm so new here that even you two must know your way around."
They laughed pleasantly and walked on.
Tempest winked at me.
I smirked.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
Minutes later...
SCHWIIISH!!
In the Main Room, Nova'm spun to look at us.
"Oh hey!! They're here, Cyborg!!" he waved pleasantly with work-beat fingers. "Hi there, everybody!"
Renee and Daniel stepped out of the elevator first. They could have spent their time staring—awestruck—at the legendary interior of the Titans Main Room...but instead they approached Nova'm and uttered:
"Hi there, M-Mister...."
"Nova'm," he smiled pleasantly. "I haven't memorized my Tamaranian household name yet. I think Kory's got it written down somewhere."
Renee glanced back at Robin. "You're inducting kids left and right now, aren't you?"
Tempest walked in, eyebrow raised. "Kids??"
"Oh....this is Starfire's......um........Well, let's just say they're cousins," Robin walked by and patted Nova'ms shoulder. "He's been visiting us lately, though his vacation time is coming to a close."
"Yeah," Beast Boy waved. "He's like Titan Lite."
Nova'm folded his arms. "Yeah well......I have and can still kick butt."
Daniel smiled at his wife. "I didn't know sidekicks could have sidekicks."
"Hey!!"
I chuckled breathily.
"Not all of the Titans have been sidekicks in the past, sir," said an elegant voice from the other side of the room. "Only a small fraction."
Renee and Daniel looked over.
"Oh....hello."
"N-Nice to meet you."
Robin smiled and turned around. "I was wondering where you'd be, Star. After all that preparation it'd be a crime for you not to.......show......" He blinked under his mask.
Tempest stopped....glanced at Robin....then glanced at Starfire.... ".....oh, I see how it is."
"Took you this long, dude?"
Tempest shrugged and walked past Starfire...who was wearing what looked like a red-pink prom dress. It was a reflective gown.....thing that fell delicately around her ankles.
"I do apologize about any awkwardness," Starfire said, her gloved hands clasped together. "I realized that it would be inappropriate to greet company in a fashion other than respectful and—"
"Um....Starfire?" Raven floated over. She whispered: "You really didn't have to......"
The alien girl bit her lip. "Very well. Give me a second." She then proceeded to grip the corners of her dress and pull—
Raven grabbed Starfire's hands. "Ahem. You know what? Forget about it..."
"A-Allright...."
Cyborg stepped up. "Hello there. The name's Cyborg. How're you doing?"
Daniel found himself looking up. "Excellent, sir. And...might I say....that red eye is very.........red."
"I got a lot more parts of me that blink and glow," Cyborg held a thumb's up. "When I was a kid, I always loved showing off my toys to houseguests. These days...I just show myself off."
"Ha ha ha ha."
"Eh heh heh heh...," Renee laughed...then cleared her throat. "How quaint."
"Ahem....," Beast Boy walked over and gestured. "This egotistical bucket of bolts is Cyborg. Around here we call him.....Cyborg."
"Hi...," Cyborg held a hand out.
Daniel shook it. "You guys have him programmed well."
"Ah ha ha ha ha......ahem....," Cyborg's human eye narrowed. "I program myself...."
"R-Right....of course...," Daniel sweatdropped.
Cyborg glanced over. "Got yourself a couple of winners, Noir!"
I smiled. I gestured to Robin for something----I froze.
Robin was still gazing at Starfire.
"...........," I waved my metal hand in front of his face.
"Huh? Oh...uhm....right," Robin slapped his gloved hands together and rubbed them. "Japanese time?"
"Japanese??" Renee glanced over the counter of the kitchen unit and saw the meal prepared. "Oooh....I like."
"Wuh oh...," Daniel made a humored face.
"What??" Renee gave him a look.
"Them's the warning signs."
"Pffft....the last four months have been NOTHING but warning signs."
"Nausea, mood swings, and exotic cravings...," Daniel winked at Tempest. "I've been counting them off."
Tempest shrugged.
"Uh....I'm afraid I'm lost," Beast Boy simpered.
"She's pregnant," Raven sipped from a sudden cup of tea by the kitchen counter.
"Eeep!" Renee blushed and hugged herself. "How'd you know?? Please don't tell me I have a pooch already!! I thought this dress would hide it—"
"You don't have a pooch," Raven smiled slightly. "As a result of my powers, I'm extra sensitive to life energy. You have an aura about you. I sensed it the moment I first walked out into the atrium."
"Magnificent!" SWOOSH!!! Starfire floated over in her gown and hovered before a startled Renee. "You are embarking on a magical journey of precious sanctity and glory!!"
"Uhh....y-yeah...," Renee chuckled nervously. "Should you be flying around in a dress—Ack!"
Starfire knelt down and hugged Renee—gently—with her Tamaranian temple placed against the visiting woman's tummy. "Heeeeee!! The gift of life is so amazing!! I can almost feel the child's spirit already!!"
Robin and Cyborg discreetly cleared their throats, walked over, and pulled the Tamaranian girl away.
"Don't mind her," Cyborg winked.
"She's not from around here...," Robin added.
"Yeah....," Daniel rubbed the back of his neck.
Renee blinked. She smiled at Daniel. "She's cute."
"Yes....," Raven groaned. "Very cute...."
"Oh this is a fabulous evening!! One filled with life and happiness!!" Starfire held her fingers together and cooed.
Robin patted her shoulder. "There there, Star. Let's just give the couple some breathing room—YAACK!!"
She plowed into him with a hug. "Oh Robin!! I am so happy!! Are you not?? Heheheheeeee!!"
Robin wheezed.
"Is he going to be.....okay?" Daniel asked.
"It may look like he's suffocating, but—" Beast Boy pointed. A beat. "Okay...so he's suffocating. But it's O.K. We're all used to it."
".............."
Beast Boy jumped, beaming. "Who's for grub??"
I silently led the way.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"And so we couldn't go out that night because Commissioner Gordon had set up a curfew for the City and everyone had to be inside at sundown because Man-Bat was out on the loose again. Daniel and I had forgotten about this, and it was less than an hour before sundown. Daniel had just planned on visiting me after school, but we got so busy talking and stuff that we lost track of time. He said he couldn't leave my family's apartment to get back home because it'd take him until past-sundown to bike there. And this was a problem because my mom and dad—especially at the time—are really strict. They didn't want me having any boys over. They thought it was bad news."
"To her parents, Donny Osmond is Alice Cooper's twin."
"Daniel, shhh!!! Anywho. So Daniel gets the idea of sleeping out on the fire escape. Of course I tell him that that's stupid because he'd still be 'outside' overnight. It's crazy enough to try sleeping out there...much less with the fact that he'd be high above ground and a prime target for the Man-Bat. But Daniel had it all planned out. He crawled outside the moment my parents got home. And—hehe—we even had some time to chat and say our 'I-love-yous' before bedtime. But...like...in the middle of the night I hear this tapping on the window. A-And I almost feel like shrieking my head off cuz I think it's the Man-Bat. Turns out it's Daniel. I open the window and there he is—shivering—saying that it's too cold outside!! And I was like, 'Chyeah!!' But—being the good angel that I am—"
"Gawd she was cruel."
"Rrghhh!! Shut up!! Hehehe! Ahem....being a nice girl, I let him in...but only if he agreed to sleep in my closet so my parents wouldn't walk in on him and think the worse. But—turns out—he began snoring in there!! And my closet is just a wall away from my parents' bedroom!!"
"Cramped as Hell, I tell you what. The girl had like a million shoes she didn't wear."
"Three times that very same night, my dad comes in with a flashlight...thinking there are rats in the wall. I about lost it the third time when he actually opened the closet door and looked inside!! Thankfully, he didn't see him...and the next morning, Daniel ran away faster than I could kick him out. It's a wonder that I ever let him ask me to the dance the following weekend. Though—I must say—for a high school kid his age he had a pretty handsome chin after a day without shaving."
A good number of us applauded from across the dinner table filled with assorted dishes of Japanese cuisine.
"Wow..."
"Glorious tale!!"
"That's a really cool story."
"Hahaha! Dude, that's rich!"
"......" I clapped, smiling.
Renee blushed. Beside her, Daniel was finishing his plate.
At the far side of the table, Tempest kept staring at his silverware with perplexity.
Raven was eating her meal....like a bird.
"How'd you not get caught?" Nova'm asked Daniel.
Daniel swallowed with aide of a glass of water and said: "Renee had this really bigass New Kids on the Block poster that was just perfect for me to hide under."
"Ooooh," Cyborg winced.
"Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, I guess...," Robin smiled.
"Yeah. I tell you what," Daniel winked. "There are fates worse than death."
"Tell me about it," Raven said.
Beast Boy and Cyborg laughed.
I ate meekly and sat back...merely listening....
"Yeah...that Man-Bat...," Robin pointed. "He didn't last very long. But then again, he never really was much of a villain to begin with. He was just an on/off freak of science."
"I don't care," Renee shuddered. "He creeped the heck out of me."
"Just you??" Daniel cackled.
"Interesting fact though...," Robin spoke. "The last time Batman fought against the Man-Bat, it was actually a Woman-Bat."
"Really??"
"Well fancy that."
"So wait....," Beast Boy pointed. "Those last few photos taken of the Man-Bat was actually a she-thing?"
"Yup."
"But it looked shirtless, dude!! I never saw anything!!"
"Yeah. Nice that the extra hair took care of that."
Beast Boy blinked. "Ewww!! Gross!! Bleah!! Not at the table, dude!!"
Starfire smiled, holding up a cup in her shimmering glove. "The Regorks of Vasculon Ceti Five are quite the hairy species of humanoids. At age twelve, Regorkan girls are already shaving their mammory glands. I cannot imagine something more unpleasant."
"Whoah...you mean to same alien neighbor chicks to our planet have natural bras??" Nova'm gasped.
Starfire winced. "That is.....a c-crude way of expressing it. But, affirmative."
Nova'm winced. "Brrrr....after hearing that, I'm glad to be a prince....even if it means inbreeding."
Cyborg cleared his throat. "Say Star...not that we mind you bein' twice as pretty and all...but you don't have to dress so elegant for our account. Why don't you go jump into your regular threads? No need to accidentally get some of that food on that."
"You need not be concerned, Cyborg," Starfire smiled. "This is but...." She glanced at Raven. "....'wash of the hog'?"
"Don't ask me. I don't watch VH1."
"I've had this article for a while, and it has served its purpose," Starfire said, taking another bite of food."
"What purpose would that be?" Cyborg smirked.
"She wore it on the Killer Moth mission," Robin explained.
".............," Cyborg stared at Robin.
The Boy Wonder emphasized: "You know......Kitten and the cruise ship? The 'Date With Destiny' Prom?"
"Ohhhhhhhhh," Cyborg nodded. A beat. He snickered. "You're still calling that a mission, man??"
Robin glared.
"I'm curious to hear how you and Noir all met up," Raven managed to say.
Renee and Daniel looked my way.
I smirked. I hand-signed.
Cyborg finished his last sip of a glass and swallowed in time to verbally translate: "'They attacked me with a band of Arabian knights'.......say what???"
"We did not!!" Renee barked.
I leaned back, chuckling breathily.
"Obviously someone isn't very good about reminiscing...," Daniel glared. He focused on the other Titans and explained: "We ran into Noir late one night in the Bayside Plaza about four and a half months ago."
"Good grief...," Cyborg blinked. "That was just around the time he joined us. You guys have almost known him as much as we have."
"I wouldn't be so sure," Daniel smirked. His hand snaked up and gently wrapped around his wife's wrist as he gently said: "It was within days of night you all saved us."
"Hmm?" Beast Boy looked up.
"We saved you??" Starfire spoke.
"And what's strangely beautiful about it is that you people aren't even aware of it," Renee said. She sighed and smiled. "It's amazing. Heroes have no time to sit down and just realize how much of a blessing you all are. So many lives are saved thanks to you."
"Hey...we're more than willing to lend a hand," Beast Boy said. A pause. "Or a paw, or a hoof, or a flipper, or a—"
A roll of sushi lifted up telekinetically and plugged Beast Boy's mouth closed.
"Mmmmmfff!!"
Lowering her hand, Raven said: "What did we do in your case?"
"Bet Noir knows," Cyborg winked. "That's how he's known you all this time, huh?"
I simpered.
"Do you remember the last time you confronted the creature called Fang?" Renee asked.
"Yes," Robin nodded. "We were called upon to help transport him through the prison."
"Er....I-I mean the time before that," Renee blushed.
Robin glanced around at the others. He leaned forward. "Ahem....Fang had escaped from prison and was running around the City, trying to strike vengeance against us. He managed to paralyze Noir, who would have been dead by now if it weren't for the intervention of three citizens named—"
"No no no...not that time," Renee ran a hand through her hair. "Jeez...how many times has Fang gotten loose?"
Daniel stepped up to the plate. "Remember the battle in front of the old cathedral??"
Starfire gasped and clapped her hands together. "Of course!! It was the last great battle before Control Freak's final imprisonment." She blinked and looked sad. "When poor Robin was kidnapped and threatened at nerd-point."
"Yeah, well, I made it out okay, Star—" WHUMP!!!
Starfire hugged him. Their chairs leaned precariously against each other.
"And I am so elated that you did emerge safely!!!"
"Nnnghhh—Star!! Cut it out!!"
"Kory...," Nova'm grumbled and looked away. "You're embarrassing meeeee...."
"Ahem," Raven stared over at the guests. "We remember."
"Before you chased Fang down to the Cathedral front...," Renee explained, "...you drove him out of a pawn shop."
"Yeah...that's right," Cyborg nodded.
"Well, that was our pawn shop," Daniel explained.
"No kiddin'!" Cyborg smirked at me. "All this time you've been sneaking visits with a two-person fan club!!"
I gave him a sarcastic smirk. I hand-signed back.
"Right...gotcha," the android nodded. He looked at Renee and Daniel. "I correct myself. 'Friend club'."
"Hehe....'friend club'.....cute....," Renee smiled.
"Well...we met Noir shortly after that," Daniel said. "He was...like...asleep on a bench. I think he was in the middle of one of his walks."
"So that's what you do!!" Beast Boy smirked.
I stuck my tongue out.
"We knew all about the original five Titans of course," Renee said. She gestured. "The Boy Wonder. Starfire the Tamaranian. Beast Boy the Changeling. The Mysterious Raven. The Titanium Cyborg..."
"Sounds like wrestling names," Nova'm said.
Starfire elbowed him.
"Owie!!"
"But nobody was really certain about Noir yet," Renee spoke. "Some people were scared, actually. I-I mean...the guy runs around with a sword and....does 'smoke' stuff. It was wyrd."
I folded my arms with a proud smirk.
"But it's safe to say...," Daniel smiled. "...that we got to know the real him long before the press."
"Yeah, well...," Beast Boy switched his hand into a squid tentacle, stretched it over, and held my hand up. "So did we. So nya!!"
"Hehehehehe!!"
"Hah hah hah!!"
I shook the tentacle loose.
"No inhuman limbs at the table, Beast Boy."
"I know...I know. Better not shove sushi in my mouth again. Ya know—I may be a vegetarian—but you'd better be damned glad I'm not Hindu."
"The idea of you being reborn ten-thousand times is horrific," Raven droned.
"Would it make you happy if I turned atheist?"
"It'd make me happy if you shut up."
"Uh oh!" Beast Boy mock gasped. "It's pratfall time!!"
Raven made a face. "Huh??"
SLIP!! A hidden tentacle stealthily yanked her chair out from under her.
"YAAK!!" Raven fell hard to the floor. WHUMP!!!
"Uh oh..." Cyborg blinked.
"Gang way!!!" Beast Boy bounded—giggling insanely—towards the elevator doors beyond the dining table.
"Gang way is right," Raven floated up. Her eyes glowed evilly and her cloak billowed around her as she lifted various foodstuffs up in a threatening manner and prepared to toss them at the scampering changeling. "You shall be lucky to again see the light of day!!!"
"Aaaaiiieeee!!" Renee and David held each other in fright.
"Eeek!!" Starfire flinched.
".........," Nova'm sighed dreamily.
"Raven!! Calm down!! Try killing Beast Boy when we don't have guests!!"
But Raven gritted her teeth and was prepared to launch a burning volley of sushi and rice and---
"I got it!!!!!"
Everything froze.
Everybody looked at Tempest. Even the half-fleeing Beast Boy and the demonic Raven.
The Atlantean proudly held up a clump of sushi at the end of his fork. "It's like a trident!! See??" he bit the fishmeat of the fork. He swallowed. A beat. He felt all the eyes on him. He moaned. "What now??"
"Uh....dude?" Beast Boy pointed. "You're supposed to use chopsticks."
"............," Tempest glanced from his fork to the wooden utensils on a napkin. He groaned and dropped the silverwear altogether. "Bah! To Hades with it then." He leaned his chin on a bored hand. "What now??"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"Plank!!"
"Log!!"
"Rectangular solid!!"
I shook my head. I dramatically straightened my body where I stood besides the chalkboard. I craned my neck aside and put on a 'statuesqe' expression.
The others formed a semicircle before me on the couch and a few chairs in the Main Room...but mainly the couch.
"Uhhhh...telephone pole!!"
"Mannequin!!"
"Shut up, B.B.!! Uhh...a cucumber!!"
"Mannequin with dark glasses on!!"
"Man!! That ain't right!!"
I grabbed my ponytail of long hair and pulled it up and adjusted my bangs haphazardly so that it looked like I was wearing an old fashion 'wig'. I tried a George Washington pose.
"Gotta give us more hints, Noir!" Robin said.
I groaned. I rubbed my chin. I brightened and drew my best 'duck' on the chalkboard.
"Water fowl!!" Starfire shouted.
I shook my head.
"That's too obvious, Star."
"Oh, my the bad. A water fowl that is crudely drawn by a metal hand!!"
"......," I paused. I shook that off and drew an arrow at the bird's mouth.
"Myxomatosis!!" Daniel shouted.
"Bwa ha ha!!"
"Beak!!"
"No, Bill!!"
I smiled and pointed at Robin.
"Bill!! Bill!!"
I nodded. I put a number 'one' over the duck, circled it, drew a division line, and held up two fingers.
"Okay."
"Second word!"
"Come on..."
I 'flapped wings' under my chin and moved my head around like a super-deformed creature. I opened my mouth repeatedly to make simulate 'caw' sounds.....mutely of course.
"Uh...a bat!" Nova'm said.
"Mentor!!"
"Man Wonder!"
"A hard act to follow!!"
"Okay, guys...knock it off," Robin pouted.
Beast Boy snickered.
I continued the ridiculous pantomime.
"Linda Blair's head??" Renee bit her lip.
"Close one, honey," Daniel chuckled.
"Looks like my first boyfriend, actually."
"Yes!!" Daniel pumped his arm.
I rolled my black eyes under my shades.....and went to the drawing board.
"Yeah, Noir. You're the worst pantomime ever," Beast Boy snickered.
I stuck my tongue at him and startred drawing a highway causeway...followed by a honeybee. I illustrated a 'plus' sign between the two and slashed the causeway in half with a jagged line of chalk. I pointed at it.
"Bridge!!"
I shook my head.
"Street! Road! Boulevard!!"
"Stop hogging the guesses, Cyborg!"
"Make me, little man!!"
I kept jabbing my finger at the illustration.
"Um...avenue...onramp....," Robin shrugged.
I pointed at him.
"Onramp??"
"Causeway!!" Daniel jumped.
I nodded. I held my finger up. I pointed at it again.
"Causewa—"
I snapped. I mouthed the first part of it...rolling my tongue...motioning Daniel along.
"Causew—"
I snapped.
I repeated.
"Cause—"
I snapped.
"Cause—"
I gave a thumb's up.
"Cause??"
"Dude...where's this going??" Beast Boy was stumped.
Starfire smiled. "A water fowl is taking an onramp towards honey!!"
Everyone groaned.
'"Bill Cosby'...," Raven droned. She wasn't even looking at me or the board. Her nose was in a vampire book the whole time.
Everyone groaned.......louder.
Myself included....my shoulders sagging.
"Is that it, man??" Cyborg rubbed his head. "'Bill Cosby'?"
I sighed. I nodded with a weak smile.
"Damn....tough one."
"Darn it, Raven!" Beast Boy pouted. "That's the third time in the row that you've ruined it! I thought you weren't even playing!"
"I can't help it," she smiled ever so slightly. "You're all making Noir look so ridiculous."
I gave her a wyrd look from afar.
"Have to agree with her on that," said Tempest from the faraway kitchen counter.
"Oh....go soak your head, flipper."
The Atlantean folded his arms and smirked.
"Wow...," Renee giggled. "You're all just a bunch of kids...aren't you??"
"I beg to differ," Raven said.
"Allright...," Robin raised his gloved hands. "I know we're still testy after digesting supper and all...but let's try something a bit more...I dunno...fair?"
"Fair??"
"Exactly," the Titan leader and sudden 'host' nodded and said: "Something that all of us can enjoy in equal...mature fashion..."
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
Forty minutes later...
"Dude!! I got the flag!! Cover me!!"
"How do you steer this thing??"
"Just point in the direction that you're facing—WAAH!! How'd I get pawned??!?! Aw crap....sniper bullet!! ROBIN!!!"
"Ehehehehehehehe," Robin hung his tongue out evilly as he gripped the Xbox controller and started sniping at the enemy's warthog next. "Master Chief...consider yourself Master Fodder!!!"
"Daaugh!! Third time in a row!!" Daniel shouted. "Respawn already!! I need to get 'Stone' back!! Who's 'Stone' anyways??"
"That's me, man," Cyborg smirked.
The four boys—er—three boys and a man camped around the Main Room t.v., playing a blown-up game of Halo capture-the-flag. Nova'm sat on the top of the couch beside them.
"Awww...come on, guys!! Can't I play??"
"It's rated 'M', Squirt."
"I know. But Cyborg! I'm sitting here watching it, aren't I??"
"Innocence is broken through touch, man. Not by sight."
"Heh. Speak for yourself."
"I do speak for myself!"
"..........oh.......well........speak for yourself AGAIN!! I dare you!!"
"Not now...not now...not now!!" Cyborg stood up. "Ah yeah!! Who's got whose flag now, dawg??"
"Is he in our base already???" Daniel cackled.
"Uh....yeah, dude."
"Crap! He's fast!"
"No, you're a nooby!! Just follow me and—um—let me handle the rocket launchers."
"Awww...but those things are cool!!"
"Yeah...it was especially cool when you BLEW ME UP TWO MINUTES AGO!!"
"Hey! Be a hero!! No shouting at civilians!!"
"Bah! Civilian! You're running around with a handful of frag grenades dude—NO!!! SNIPER AGAIN!!!"
"Bwa ha ha ha!!!" Robin beamed. "I am the Assassin Wonder!!!"
"That's it, Robin!! Boo-Ya!! Flag captured!! We are SO kicking ass!!"
I smirked from where I stood on the sidelines, leaning back against the wall. I shuffled playing cards nonchalantly in my hand. I glanced at the other side of the room—past a bored looking Tempest—at where the girls sat. Literally.
"Boys will be boys...," Renee shook her head. She glanced over at Starfire and Raven. "Even superboys."
"'Super' being used lightly...," Raven flipped a page in her book.
Starfire smiled, her hands in her lap. "I like your dress, Renee."
"Hehehe. Yours is very pretty too, Miss Starfire. Robin said you wore that on a mission?"
"Oh...yes...," Starfire blushed and scratched the back of her neck. "A very fascinating mission too."
".......I see....."
"It burdened me to hear that Killer Moth had escaped again a few Earth months ago. But I need not have been complacent for long. Beast Boy, Noir, and Cyborg took care of that situation."
"The opera thingy in Westhaven, right?" Renee leaned her head to the side. "The place where that illegal weapons arm dealer came from?"
"You sure do pay a lot to Titan affairs," Raven smirked slightly.
"I can't help it," Renee smiled with a shrug. "Oftentimes, Titan affairs are our affairs."
"Quite true," Starfire nodded.
"Daniel and I were especially troubled shortly after that business in Westhaven. Remember when Blake Glover the reporter was on a burning crusade to stop you guys?"
"Yes...," Raven spat. "I do."
Renee bit her lip. "We thought it was awful. Noir was still new then. A crowd of people got mad and threw a bottle at him."
"...........," Raven glanced up. "I did not know that."
"You didn't?" Renee asked.
"...........," Raven slowly shook her head.
"B-But I thought Noir radioed you the night that happened and—"
"If there's anything we've all learned about Noir is that we don't hear his voice. But in the occasion that we are graced with his words...he's very 'selective' about what he says. Even more so than Robin, believe it or not." Raven glanced across the room silently. "He's the most mysterious out of all of us."
Renee blinked. "Wow....but I thought—"
"I could get into an exposition about my past," Raven spoke. "I have done so with most everyone here. But it is a time-consuming story." A pause. "And not a very 'happy' one."
"..........," Renee looked over at Starfire.
The girl slowly nodded.
"You people are so young...," Renee hugged herself. "How could you have gone through....so much bad stuff?"
"Pain is relative," Raven flipped a page. "Noir understands that as much as I do. While he lives with his secrets, I live with my repressions. Robin's solution is a lot like Noir's. He hides behind a mask—not that there's anything wrong with it; it's a vigilante's code. But sometimes it's a naked contrast against Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire...who will not hesitate to relate about their true selves."
Starfire smiled. "I am....very open."
"Y-Yeah...," Renee winked.
Starfire giggled.
"But...a-at least you guys are there for each other, right?" Renee asked.
Raven gazed across the room. Her eyes fell on someone's titanium shoulders. Cyborg's laughter filled the room as he stole another flag in the game.
"I mean...you're all friends till the end. With all your secrets and stuff...you still have ways of showing that you truly, deeply care for each other...I-I can only hope!"
"..........," Raven faced her book again. "Yeah...."
"............"
"............"
"Okay, dudes!!" Beast Boy jumped up. "This isn't working either!! I have one last idea to set the night on fire!!"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"Stand back!!" the changeling cackled. He lit the match, held it to the fuse, and ran across the Tower rooftop right as the sparks went off. The fuse burned into the body of the bottle rocket and--
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!! CRA-KOW!!!!!!
Purple and red light bloomed overhead.
The top of the Tower was lit up under the shroud of night.
"Oooooooooh," Starfire was lying back with her head in the lap of a cross-legged Robin. "Pretty working fire!!"
Robin chuckled and patted her head of hair. "Fireworks. Remember?"
"I do not only remember, I bear witness once again!! Hehehe!!"
"Light another one, B.B.!!" Nova'm said from where he floated.
"Only Titans can call me 'B.B.'!" Beast Boy scowled. He got another bottle rocket. "Good thing I saved these since I moved up from Florida..."
"You're Floridian?" Cyborg asked from where he stood against the stairwell. Raven floated beside him.
"Isn't everybody at one time or another?" Beast Boy winked. He lit the fuse. He ran back. "Head's up!!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!! POW!!!
Orange and yellow.
"Ooooooooh."
"Nice!!"
Tempest smirked. "I suppose some things do work better in dry air." He glanced over at me. "Bet King Orin has never seen stuff like this!"
I merely smiled back. I never told anyone....but....I had to close my eyes everytime a flash of fireworks exploded. My eyes just weren't built for the spectacle. Shades or no shades.
But it would be wrong to say I didn't enjoy the evening. The incoming freshness and coolness in the air was ever-present that evening. I took a deep breath and felt like I was floating. A gentle wind kicked at my hair and made me want to sigh and gasp at the same time.
I looked over at Renee and Daniel. The couple seemed uniquely detached from the rest of the Titans at that present moment and time. The whole evening they had been conversing with one of us at some time or another. They had been happily distracted so often and for so long that—now—all they did was sit down and lean against each other. They sat neck and neck. Eyeing the fireworks. Warm and whole.
My black eyes narrowed.
I thought back to the first night I saw them. The simple cup of coffee at the Steak N' Shake in the downtown district. How close they were to tears because Fang had nearly destroyed their lives before the Titans and I intervened. From the very beginning of our friendship, I had known that I was more or less responsible for their well-being. I never let it get to my head or anything, but it did fill me with a sense of goodness and happiness that I had taken part in a couple's salvation.
Renee was going to have a baby—come five months or so. My breath left me as I suddenly warped half a year into the future and saw their little boy or girl gracing oxygen for the first time and....
Right there and then...I felt something which I hadn't felt in a long time. It was a feeling I hadn't tasted of since long before I made my melancholy, westward trip that landed me in the Titans' lap.
Immortality.........
SWIIIIIIIIIIIISH-BANG!!!
"Hehehehe!!"
"Boo-ya!! That one was awesome!!"
"Hang on, dudes!! I got three more!!"
I took a painful breath, hugged myself, and smiled.
I saw Renee and Daniel leaning against each other.
I saw Tempest looking truly relaxed for the first time in days.
I saw Cyborg and Raven gathered together.
I saw Nova'm giggling over something and watching the fireworks with big green eyes.
I saw Starfire leaning back into Robin's lap.
I saw Beast Boy scampering back and forth busily with the fireworks.
I inhaled....
Somewhere, Sandy was tucking in a kid she was babysitting and telling him or her a bedtime story.
Mrs. Cartwright was likely setting up the last of the Westhaven Opera's repairs.
Speedy was regaining the life of Roy Harper and starting anew.
Lisa was sketching original masterpieces and learning to be less bitter at the world.
And Kara...
My heart jumped.
I smiled.
Somewhere...Kara was the prettiest, sexiest, and smartest thing ever to fly the skies of superhero lore.
All these people flashing through my black eyes...like a snapshot of souls...
I sighed.
Another firework lit the air.
And exploded.
My eyes braved to stay open.
This moment. This flash. As always...this could very well be the end. This could be the last time everyone and everything feels so.........
The fireworks faded.
My eyes twitched.
My vision returned...and everyone was still there.
I shut my lids.
......so whole......so together......
My sockets were a bit moist as I reopened them.
I guess.........I guess I have a family after all......
Cyborg cheered loudly at the last firework. And it was worth it.
I snickered to myself as I suddenly realized...
I hadn't seen the Messenger in ages. And sad as that sounded......that was a good thing.
I too...clapped. Flesh on metal palms.
They sounded off proudly into the autumn night.