"I am a sick man… I am a spiteful man. I am an unpleasant man. I think my liver is diseased."

(F. Dostoevskij)

"It's a bad idea" Robb repeated for the umpteenth time. "What if someone..."
"I did it a hundred times! Won't you trust me?" Theon retorted.
"That would be even a worse idea" Jon commented.
"You shut up. Let's go" Theon cut short, setting off. The two brothers hesitated for a while, then followed him in silence. I knew it, Theon told himself, and he couldn't help but grin with satisfaction. It was like he said: they didn't meet any obstacle. Of course, no one was willing to roam through Winterfell so late at night and with such a cold. As for the guards, Theon knew perfectly where they were and how to elude them. He walked onward relaxed, almost absently for he knew the way so well, while Robb and Jon followed him so cautiously they looked like rangers exploring a hostile camp. No one spoke for the whole trip.
"Now relax" Theon mocked them when they were in front of the door, "or it won't get hard".
None of them laughed, which amused Theon even more. He was about to knock, his fist already raised close to the door, when Jon said: "Wait!". Theon stopped and gave him a sidelong glance. "What, you forgot it at home?" he said.
"Let's go back" Jon told Robb, perfectly ignoring Theon. Robb opened his mouth and closed it, uncomfortable.
"Ah, don't be a dick, Snow. If you want to go back to your bed do it, but leave him be!" Theon intervened.
"Robb, listen to me" Jon went on, staring at his brother. Robb looked from Jon to Theon, in need of help. "Come on, Jon..." he said then, without looking at any of them and scratching his nape, an uneasy smile emerging on his lips. Jon's face was dark with rage. Theon would have enjoyed the nice scene a little more, but he feared Jon's ascendancy over his brother would have ended up convincing him, so he decided to take the matter into his hands. First of all he knocked on the door, loud and clear. Jon's eyes widened with disbelief. "You son of..."
"Fuck off, Snow" said Theon, sneeringly, "no one forced you to come with us".
It was true, no one forced him, and Jon would have been glad not to go, but he wouldn't leave Robb alone with Theon in that stupid deed not even if they chained him to the bed, Theon could read it in his angered eyes.
Probably Jon would have answered in kind or, judging by his face, more simply he would have punched Theon and hoped to overcome him, but in that very moment the door opened and their attention – even Jon's, despite himself – was captured by a beautiful young woman, dressed in almost nothing, who leaned on the door post with a feline smile. "So you were talking seriously..." she said to Theon, examining the two boys with a gaze that made them blush. "Good gods it's cold out here" she added. "Come inside, sweet kids".
No one disobeyed.

On the way back, Robb was much more talkative, while Jon walked behind, by himself, without uttering a word. When they were inside the castle again, Robb had to blow over and Theon took advantage of his silence to approach Jon.
"Well?" he asked in a low voice, with his usual evil grin.
"Fuck off" was all he received as an answer. He chuckled.
"You didn't get it done, did you?". Jon kept silent. Theon couldn't say if he was more embarrassed or angry. Both things were incredibly funny to him. "You are so tender, Snow" he mocked him, messing up his hair with fatherly manner.
"Fuck off!" Jon repeated, this time loudly, drawing his arm away violently.
"Shut up you idiots!" Robb hissed.
"Jon?"
Lady Catelyn's voice reached them from around the corner at the bottom of the corridor.
"Shit" Jon cursed between his teeth. Theon giggled, gaining the grimmer glance of all history from Jon. Robb covered his eyes with his hands. "Oh, this is perfect" he said, gloomily.
The lady came toward them with an astonished look. She was holding a smoking cup. Presumably, she came from Maester Luwin's rooms. "What on earth are you doing around the castle at this late hour, may I ask?" she asked. Then she noticed their cloaks and gloves. Her face got more threatening. "Where have you been?"
Robb and Jon were deadly pale. Theon was so cold blooded as to improvise an answer. "On the tower, my lady, doing some astronomical observations. Maester Luwin is making us study the..."
"Yes, I see, Theon." lady Catelyn interrupted him, with a meaningful glance. She does see, Theon thought. "I guess you all are fond of astronomy. In any case, this doesn't confer you the liberty to cackle at night inside the castle, least of all to curse". She looked at Jon, who bowed his head and apologized in the most respectful contrite tone. Theon, did the same, just to be safe, but he couldn't be less sorry. Robb was paralyzed by discomfort, but his mother didn't even seem to see him. "Have some respect, in the name of the gods. I hope you now want to go back to your beds. Goodnight" she said sharply, and surpassed them without waiting for an answer. They stood there in the middle of the corridor. "She understood everything" said Robb, in a desolate voice.
"You shouldn't trust Theon, I told you" said Jon, more sullen than ever.
"You were right, it was a bad idea" Theon giggled, but he was absolutely sure of the contrary.