"And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough"

(REM, Losing my religion)

When the king's herald came to announce him he was summoned in the royal tent, Theon Greyjoy hardly repressed his disappointment. A summoning at that unusual hour could only mean another "extraordinary" war council wanted by this or that lord faggot Robb still had the bad habit of listening to: which meant, in its turn, a few hours of useless chatters about strategy and logistic, that is to say another sleepless night for Theon.
Because of this, he was a bit dumbfounded when he found the young king alone waiting for him in the tent.
"Your majesty" he said with a brief bow.
Theon still couldn't get used to the annoying idea he had to pay such deference to Robb.
Robb Stark, his best friend, maybe his only true friend, his brother in everything but blood, who gave him the first shy smile when he had arrived as a sad and scared child to Winterfell, with which he had spoken about women a thousand times, he had bet, laughed to tears and got through hell moments, with which and for which he was now fighting and risking his life in that filthy war, from which he had never spent more than a day apart in the last ten years, now went by the name of King in the North. The night Robb was invested wit the royal title, Theon didn't hesitate to put a knee on the ground in front of him and pronounce the most sincere oath. But something went wrong right after. The next morning, meeting his friend he greeted him the way he always did, and lady Catelyn didn't lose the chance to notice it. "You will refer to your king in the convenient way, Greyjoy. Do you want to break your oath not even ten hours after you took it?" she said. To your king. Theon opened his mouth to reply but, for one of the few times in his life, he found no words. He looked for Robb's eyes, hoping he would come in his defense, sure he would. Instead, he found in them just the same reproach that dripped from his mother's voice. So he had to apologize and bow, burning with humiliation. Later, in private, Robb tried to explain to Theon why he was requested to do so, and he was sorry and much more tactful. Theon accepted everything without further issues and Robb believed he had recomposed the fracture, but Theon could never put out of his mind those blaming eyes, cold has winter.
Since that day, Theon never failed to bow with great deference before the King in the North, but every time he knew the king recognized the mockery in that gesture.
"Theon. I hope you'll excuse me for disturbing you now. I've got an important issue to discuss with you. Please sit."
Theon sat near to the hearth, in the meantime looking around to be sure they were actually alone in the tent. Such formality didn't suit their private conversations, thus alarmed Theon.
"No disturb, your majesty, I'm here to serve you" he replied along the lines.
"And a service is just what I need from you" said Robb, sitting down in front of him. He looked at him for long, gravely, before talking again. In that moment, Theon thought, he was nothing but the King in the North. No sign of his beloved friend. It was scary, in a way. "The North needs the alliance of lord Balon Greyjoy. I want you to go bring him our offer" he said.
Theon went pale, and once again in such a short time he was speechless, even breathless.
"You've got nothing to say?" Robb asked, studying him with a vaguely apprehensive look.
"I... haven't seen my father for ten years" was the only obviousness Theon could state.
"I know. I do understand it must be hard, but who else can I send if not you?"
He couldn't send anyone else. It perfectly made sense. Theon should have foreseen it would happen, sooner or later. Maybe, in some dark corner of his mind he even knew, but he just didn't want to think about it.
He ran a hand through his hair, wishing he could untangle his convulse thoughts the same way. He tried to recall his father's face, his eyes, his voice. He was surprised to discover he couldn't, and he realized with dismay he haven't thought of his father since unmemorable time. Sure it occurred to him to think very often and in many ways about Balon Greyjoy lord of the Iron Islands, but about Balon Greyjoy his father...
Eddard Stark's face, that one he remembered very well.
But he also remembered Pyke's siege.
He felt a raging nausea all at once. How can you do this to me, Robb? How can you be so blind?
He forced himself to say something. "You're right. I'll go to Pyke". But his voice sounded horribly unsure. Roob looked upset.
"Theon... I thought you'd be happy. Lord Balon is your father."
"And I'm his heir" Theon dared say, in a whisper. Robb stared at him, wide-eyed. For a moment, Theon desperately hoped the King in the North would understand what he had to.
"I trust you" Robb finally said. His eyes had hardened, as if he was imperatively refusing some inner objection. "I trust you blindly".
"I would die for you, Robb" Theon finally said, and that phrase sounded strangely imploring. This is all wrong.
Theon stood up. The sorrow he felt had no name. He wanted to leave right away. He had to fight not to run away from the sight of his king, of his best friend. "When do you want me to leave, my lord?"
"As soon as possible. Tomorrow in the council I'll illustrate you the details and the conditions to offer your lord father."
"I can leave tomorrow night then".
"It would be perfect. We have no time to lose".
They remained in silence for a while. What do we have to lose, Robb?
"You can go, if you want" Robb said, with a vein of sadness.
"With your leave" Theon replied bowing and heading to the exit faster than he wanted to.
"Theon" Robb called him back when he was already on the threshold. Theon turned to look. "You... didn't tell me. Do you want to go to Pyke?"
The king almost seemed to fear the answer. Theon bit his lip and swallowed his breath. "I wish I knew the answer to this question, my lord". And he really did wish. "I guess I'll bring it to you when I come back, together with my father's one".
He tried to smile, which cost him an unspeakable pain. Robb nodded, and smiled back.
Theon felt something irretrievably breaking inside of him. He got out still smiling, and tears blurred his eyes as he smiled, because he knew, he knew that was the beginning of the end of all.