Chapter 18
Cuddy and House started going to Lamaze classes two weeks after the baby shower. It was a heated debate where House refused to go and breathe like he had asthma and Cuddy said he had to go and that was that. Finally, after Cuddy threatened to castrate him (this frightened House a bit), they were in the car off to Lamaze class. When they entered the room, about eight other couples sat there looking up at them.
"Idiots" House muttered disgustedly. Just then, a plump woman walked up to them looking like she had just won the lottery. She smiled a huge smile and welcomed them.
"Hi there folks! My name's Candyce and I'm the instructor here. What are your names?" She asked fluttering her eyelashes at House. She had an accent like she came from Tennessee and this bugged House to no end. Cuddy snickered and House glared at her.
"Hi, I'm Lisa Cuddy and this is Greg House" Cuddy replied with a big grin as she still fought to contain the laughter.
"Well it's good to meet you" Candyce continued. "What do you people do for a living?" she continued as she went in the back room to fetch a pillow for Cuddy to lie on.
"We're doctors" Cuddy answered.
"Really!" Candyce practically shouted as she returned with a big fluffy pillow. Handing it to Cuddy she said flirtatiously:
"And what do you specialize in doctor House??" her eyelashes fluttered again and House recoiled as if he had been slapped.
"Infectious diseases" House replied. Candyce turned around to show them where to sit as House replied: "And if I we're you I'd…" but as he was getting ready to shrug this woman off once in for all Cuddy elbowed him in the ribs and he answered instead:
"Ouch! I'd show us where to sit seeing as the class is about to begin."
Cuddy sat down and fluffed the pillow before laying on it like all the other women in the room. She was trying to be composed and not burst out laughing at House. This was going to be fun. The other couples were all watching House apprehensively having seen the hit in the ribs by Cuddy and noticed House's slip-up.
Candyce made her way up front completely oblivious to House's annoyed attitude, her hair bobbing with her animated movement as she explained to all the soon-to-be-parents why they were there and how beautiful child birth really was. Cuddy couldn't help but giggle as House whispered snarky comments in her ear every two minutes. Candyce got all the mothers to lay flat on their back. Cuddy lay down and took a deep breath. She only hoped House would be cooperative. Though if that Candyce kept flirting with him she would have to watch out because she could see House was kind of disgusted with the woman. She was everything he hated; cheerful, obese, and nosey. As nosey as House was, he didn't like other people pestering him.
"Ok, mommy's I want you to grab daddy's hand. Good!" Cuddy grabbed House's hand as he whispered;
"Stop the blood circulation and I'll smack you with my cane"
"I'll do what I damn well please, and if you smack me with your cane House I will personally see to it that BOTH your legs cease to function and that some other body parts of yours become savagely injured." At this House smirked and poked Cuddy in the side. She let out a ticklish squeal and all the couples turned to look at her. She stopped laughing embarrassed and worked on her breathing as Candyce showed them the 'proper technique' so she called it. The rest of the Lamaze classes (the two others lol) were very similar, Candyce flirting shamelessly with House every time and Cuddy snickering until House would say some comment or do something to embarrass her in repayment. The other couples often gave Cuddy angry looks and Cuddy began to grow tired of this. After three classes, she figured she had learned how to breathe enough and House was more than glad to be rid of Candyce who had slipped him her number on his way out of the last class. Needless to say it ended up brutally ripped and thrown away.