Bright lights.
Really bright lights. That's the first thing felt as she woke up.
She let her breath out between her tongue and her two front upper teeth in a hiss, they were going to give her a headache and they were seriously annoying her.
She didn't even open her eyes.
Rin was aware that she was in a uncomfortable bed, one that had paper that made a loud crinkling sound whenever she took a breath. Like the hospital.
Why the fuck is she in a hospital? She tried to remember, but the lights ...god her head hurt.
Then everything hit her and she snapped her eyes open, her body momentarily frozen in shock.
'I had a mental breakdown ..that demon ..that demon marked me and I went nuts...'
It had been the first time she cut herself in a while, but she never went as deep as she did then.
The demon she could tell was there with her. She could feel him, she sensed his presence.
She could usually sense when someone or something came in her room, when someone was coming towards her, when someone was about to walk out of their own room ..but she was so hyper aware of him. She didn't like it.
She could sense the tension radiating from him, rolling off in thick waves.
She wondered why he was so tense, this is his fault. If she died ..oh well, she was just a mere human after all ..he would certainly be glad to be rid of such a bothersome and weak mate.
She was shocked by how part of her recoiled from that train of that, how it hurt part of her to think about that.
But she also knew it was the truth. Truth hurts. Part of her got the sick, twisted, dark satisfaction of knowing he probably didn't give a rats ass about her, part of her hated him, it pleased her...she needed it. She could use that hatred to drive her not to give in to his dominance, not to let him walk all over her, not to let him break her spirit, not to let him make her a shell of who she is now ..even if she didn't know entirely who she was.
She'd take her own life first.
She figured he knew she was awake, so she sat up, keeping in mind to be careful about her bad arm and the IV no doubt in there.
When she looked his way, he was in a chair diagonally across from her.
Brown eyes met red and turquoise.
She froze.
He was sitting there, looking like he was a second away from losing his shit. She acknowledged more of his demon was in control than him right now. He was positioned on the balls of his feet, tense and coiled, like he was ready for a fight.
Or ready to pounce and attack.
She didn't know what the fuck to do, he was watching her every movement. She knew fucking around like she was she would eventually get into trouble ..but she thought trouble as in getting shot in a gang fight, not dying by her supposed mate mauling her.
He was her mate right?
'Funny I only acknowledge him as my mate in the face of him mauling me, shows how I wouldn't have had any loyalty whatsoever anyway.'
She actually didn't feel like she was in danger, demons were very careful not to harm their mates ..but anyone who tried to walk in that room would be dead.
The part of herself she hated, the part that accepted the monster who took away her life ..that part of her came out just a little bit more. She felt the instinct to calm him, to let him know she was alright, she was right here and mostly unharmed.
She knew if she did it right he would calm down and he wouldn't kill anyone for trying to get near her.
She refused to show signs of submission when she knew he wanted that, so instead she looked him in the eyes and started telling him soothing words in a calm, monotone voice.
She told him she was okay, she's not in danger, she feels fine, she told him she was safe and wouldn't be going anywhere.
'God, that last part was such a lie, if I ever get a chance to get rid of him, I will.'
After telling him those sweet white lies for a couple of minutes his demon eventually settled down, the red and blue receeding back and being replaced by gold.
When he was completely back in control of his demon he still didn't say anything, he just stared. So she stared back.
A pregnant silence fell as they both stared at each other. She analyzed his face, noticing a trace of emotion in those cold eyes, an inkling of vulrebility as he looked at her. It surprised her, but she didn't let it show on her face ..she just looked back impassively. It interested her, why look like that? Like he cared ..like he was worried. She got the feeling he didn't know he was looking at her like that, a person like him showed no emotion.
It disgusted her. In her eyes he is a monster. Yet part of her yearned to take that look off his face. She wished that part would crawl in a hole and slowing die off.
She was the one to look away, looking down at the IV in her arm, battling herself once again. Frustration hit her like a truck. What the fuck did she do to deserve this? Granted she wasn't the most innocent person, but damn she didn't deserve this. Thinking about it left a bitter taste in her mouth.
When she looked up at him all trace of emotion was gone, but she didn't doubt she saw it.
Sesshomaru was relived. For the first time in his life he felt relieved about something he wasn't sure about.
He thought about the scene he caused earlier.
Sesshomaru banged through the doors of the Emergency Care center of the hospital, eyes bleeding red in the whites with his demon beggining to take over.
The nurse and everyone waiting for their loved ones froze. Scared to move, scared to breathe.
'As they should be.' He thought.
"Get her seen, now." He all but growled at the small human women sitting in the small desk.
She took in the form of his mate bleeding and knocked out cold. He saw the shock on her face when she looked at her forearm where the skin was split and oozing blood.
"Now." He warned. His patience was beyond thin, he had no time to waste on this pitiful human, his mate needs to be seen.
He watched her trembling hand reach out for a button that would call for other humans to bring down a stretcher.
He pushed the stretcher to the room himself, not wanting the other humans to touch her. They told him the room to go into, and when they tried to come in and put her on the bed his demon nearly took over and ripped out their throats.
'Control, they need to care for her in order for her to get better.' He reminded both himself and his demon.
His demon didn't care, he wanted to care for their mate. They should be the only ones allowed to touch her, care for her, heal her.
He forced it back down while he stepped aside and let the humans care for her, keeping a careful eye on them the entire time to ensure absolutely no harm would come to his mate.
After they were done and left he locked the door and went to stand by his mates bedside.
He watched the rise and fall of her chest and she slept peacefully. Then he glanced at her bandaged arm.
Bandaged.
Bandaged from an injury.
Injury.
His mate injured herself.
The more he thought about it the more enraged he was.
His mate was in pain, pain because of an emotional breakdown.
A breakdown his marking her caused.
Her feelings were deeper and stronger than he thought. He thought she would get over her pitiful feelings and accept the fact the was his. He didn't take into account his mate might not be some mindless, submissive, foolish human.
He's angry with himself, he was selfish and he moved too fast and didn't give her the time ..he didn't give her a choice. He is the fool.
'She is mine. She doesn't need to have a choice. She doesn't need time, she needs to accept her fate.'
Since when did he care about others feelings? Since when did he care when he selfishly took things and had no regard for others feelings? Since when did he get angry with himself over something so trivial as taking what was rightfully his? Since when did he ever give anything or anyone a choice when it came to what he wanted?
'If my mate was a demon this wouldn't have happened. She would have healed instantly."
His demon growled at him for suggesting their mate was anything less than perfect.
His demon was angry with him for causing their mate to have an emotional breakdown, his demon would have given her everything she could ever want and need, time included.
Since when did his demon go against him? Since when did his own demon turn into anything other than the monster it was meant to be? Towards a mere human at that.
'Since I first caught her scent and first laid eyes on her. Since I met the other half of my soul.'
He shut all of those thoughts down and threw himself in a chair that sat across from his sleeping mate. He was still enraged, his vision bleeding blue and turquoise. His demon was taking over, and he couldn't stop it this time.
His demon took form into a crouch in the chair, tense, watching his mate but being aware of the door and anyone who might try to come in.
They would die if that door opened, his demon would be sure of it.
Both he and his demon watched as she started to stir. They both felt relieved. Relieved she was okay. They watched as her eyes snapped open, how she froze and seem to relax into the bed. They sensed her emotions, always at opposites with each other. Confusion, a dark sort of humor and satisfaction, and pain.
They watched as she brought her eyes to his and froze. He guessed she could asses that if anyone tried to walk in they would die.
He watched as she looked his demon straight in the eyes and told him calming words. He could feel his demon respond and calm down until he could take control of his body once more.
He looked at her as she looked at him. He realized then that he felt , she made him feel vulnerable.
It amazed him after all these years he could feel things. Instead of the negative emotions he would feel once in a while, and then when he didn't feel those he didn't feel anything. Just a void, an emptiness. Yet she ..she made him feel vulnerability, panic, relief, and fear.
He felt the disgust radiate from her. He disgusted her? She disgusted him. A mere human as his mate, was this some sort of joke from the fates? A human as the other half of his soul? The one person who would ever make him whole? A human.
It was then he realized too late that the vulnerability had shown on his face, and as she looked down he wiped it away. Why was his vulnerability present and not his disgust? As far as it was concerned to him it never happened.
But even if he rejected the thought, he knew his disgust didn't register on his face because it was hollow.
He nearly flinched when he felt frustration and bitterness shoot from her.
She hates him.
He hates her.
He stopped then, pausing his thoughts. Since when did he get so caught up in his emotions? He only felt negative emotions once in a blue moon and he never let those get to him. He had complete control. Always. He was never one to let his emotions run wild, he would deny he felt anything to anyone other than himself. But he showed her more than he's shown anyone, she's made him feel more than anyone.
He was enraged, she made him feel. She made him feel. He was enraged because he knew emotions brought complications. He was enraged because he liked feeling these things. He liked them because it's her making him feel this way.
She would be the death of him.