The Ocean Between Us

A/N: Thank you again for your continuing support, it's really great to know there are people out there reading this;)

Btw, for you to know where my head is at regarding the canon storyline, the last chapter followed 2x16 but from this chapter on, it's free-styling.

Disclaimer: I'm not making any money from this, nor do I own Red or Liz.

Chapter 3

"Good morning, Agent Keen. You're a real morning bird."

The friendly voice from the door made Liz jump in her seat. She had not been sleeping well the last couple of days and she started coming to the office at very early hours, figuring if she couldn't sleep she could at least catch up on the piles of paperwork that seemed to be a permanent landmark on her desk. She wasn't expecting anyone to be as early as her, especially her current visitor.

"Mr. Connolly," she said slowly with a slight crease in her brow, somewhat surprised to see the assistant attorney general in her office. "I'm afraid Director Cooper is not in yet."

"That's fine," he said with a laugh. "I'm not here for Harold. I'm here for you."

"Oh," Liz replied eloquently, trying to mask her surprised tone with a smile. "How can I help you, sir?"

"None of that," smiling, he waved a hand breezily at her as he seated himself comfortably across her desk. "I just came in to see how you're faring after that dreadful business with your husband."

"That's- very kind of you, sir. I didn't know you were following the case."

"I'm interested in anything that concerns the most valued member of Harold's team."

"I don't really think that's true, sir. All agents working here are very capable and-"

"Yes, of course," he interjected her. "Yet Raymond Reddington only talks to you, doesn't he?"

Liz opened and closed her mouth. She wasn't sure where this was going and she had no idea how much this man knew but there was an undertone in his voice that made her uneasy. Before she had time to reply, though, he gave her wide smile. "Just making small talk, Agent Keen. I don't want you to divulge any confidential information, after all. At least not yet," he added with a laugh although Liz did not think it was funny at all. She didn't think it was really a joke at all.

"Anyway, I've got to be running," he got up, looking at his watch. "I'm glad you're doing fine, Agent Keen," he added stopping in the door. "And if you need help, I'm in your corner. Remember Reddington may not always be there to protect you."

Liz swallowed, managing to muster a tight smile that disappeared as soon as she saw the man's back.

He may be the assistant attorney general and Cooper's friend but he definitely had his own agenda here that she imagined she would not like. She did not even want to think what his words about Red not being able to protect her meant but he obviously knew more than Liz was comfortable with. At thought of one Raymond Reddington, her lips involuntary drew into a think line. She was not going to think about that man. Not now, not ever. Not after the latest delightful tidbit of truth she had learned from him.

~o~O~o~

It was Liz's luck that the day seemed to end in as disturbing a manner as it had begun. When she came back to her motel late in the night after a relatively uneventful day at the post office, she found it warded off by yellow tape.

"What happened?" she asked noticing the receptionist standing close to the tape with some other staff members and guests.

"Rat infestation," the man announced. "The extermination will take a couple of days but you can come take your personal belongings from storage. This will of course not figure into your bill, Miss Keen."

Liz sighed, pushing her hands into her coat pockets. Her right hand felt something cold. Pulling it out, she found a single silvery key glinting at her invitingly. She pursed her lips and glared at it.

Liz took off her coat and sunk into the sofa, looking around the apartment. The first time she was here, it ended with a blowout she still hadn't gotten over. To learn that Red had interferred with yet another part of her life proved too much. She was so angry with him, also because every time she started to come to terms with what and who he was and see that better part of him, she found out about another unthinkable thing he had done. Another scheme. Another lie. Ever since she met him that was all her life seemed to be. She had always been so sure of who she was and what she wanted to be. But then he came in and opened the blinds, and as soon as her life was put in the light, it turned out it was all a lie. Her entire life – her parents, her stepfather, the fire, her husband – nothing but a big lie orchestrated by one man. A game played by mysterious players with Raymond Reddington dealing the cards.

And yet, when her initial fury had turned to a slow-burning sizzle and her thoughts had cleared, she realized it was not that simple. She realized Red knew she would react exactly like this and he did this on purpose. He used her own anger as a smokescreen. For what, she did not know but the longer she thought about it, the more she became sure of it.

With that came more fundamental doubts. Her past was still such a mystery to her that in fact she didn't know what was false and what was true. Could she really blame him for everything bad in her life? Yes, but was she really that sort of person? She knew very well who he was and held no illusions about him. He made no secret of it, either. But she had also seen a man who could care and love deeply, a man who would do anything for those he held dear. Maybe she was naive but she believed that any man capable of this sort of devotion and love could not be truly evil.

And then there was the way he looked at her – at least used to – like she was his second chance, his chance at redemption. She suddenly remembered him telling her the story of the fish that wasn't really about the fish at all. It had taken her a moment back then to realize that he actually meant her. That she was his light and his warmth. No one had ever said anything like that to her. Anything so beautiful. Knowing that, could she really go around pushing him, hurting him almost on a daily basis? If she kept this up, with or without the fulcrum, one of these days he would simply up and leave. Disappear from her life. She wouldn't admit it out loud but in her heart of hearts she had finally admitted that she did not want that and that her life would in fact be emptier without him in it. To her dismay, Red had known that even before he did but in the face of it all, she knew it would hardly stop him. What could have the power to stop him, though, would be the answer to a different question, namely why did she really want him around? Was it like it had been in the beginning, only to get answers about her past, or was it something else? That was when her thoughts became really contradictory and confusing.

Her musings were interrupted abruptly by a noise coming from the door. Grabbing her gun, she approached the door and carefully looked through the spyhole. She rolled her eyes and pulled the door handle.

Dembe looked up from the lock and straightened, his hand reaching for his gun but immediately falling to his side when he saw her. Close behind him was Red.

"You know, normally people knock first," she said to Dembe, studiously avoiding to look at the man standing behind him.

"The silent alarm went on," he explained simply, motioning at the small panel on the wall behind her.

"And you came to check in person?" she asked incredulously. "Are you my personal security now as well? Red keeping you that idle, Dembe?"

"Idle is not the right word," Red, who had been uncharacteristically quiet until now, said. "But this is a priority."

"And it didn't cross your mind it might be the actual owner?"

Red pursed his lips. "I believe you made your thoughts about owning or being in this apartment perfectly clear so no, it didn't," he pointed out. "Does this mean you've changed your mind?"

"No," she denied, not looking at him. "This is only for one night. Apparently there are rats in my motel and it's under pest control treatment," she added curtly and a certain thought dawned on her. She gave him a suspicious look. "Tell me it wasn't you orchestrating all this in the hope that I would come here."

Red let out a short laugh. "While I wouldn't put it past me, I've been far too busy this week to work out such an elaborate plan just to make you do something you so obviously did not want, Lizzie," he said. "Besides, I deal with a different sort of rats."

Liz wasn't fully convinced but considering how they had left things last time they saw each other and his absence this whole week, she doubted he would use such a convoluted way to get her here when she obviously didn't want to see him.

"Since I am already here," he smiled mildly at her, breezing into the kitchen, where he stopped in front of one of the cabinets. He took out a bottle with a big red ribbon wound around the neck, placing it in front of her.

"What's that?"

"I was planning to give it to you in two days but I think you might need it sooner. Happy birthday, Lizzie."

She blinked at him, realizing it was indeed her birthday in two days. How could she have forgotten?

Her hands a little shaky, she took the bottle in her hand. It seemed somehow familiar but she couldn't really put her finger on it. Then her eyes focused on the label and the handwriting that she would recognize anywhere. Her breath caught as she looked from the bottle up at him. "Is that-?" her voice caught in her throat as she looked at him for the first time this evening, her eyes glassy. "How did you-?"

He just smiled. "Share it with someone special," he advised and gave her a little nod. "Have a good night," he turned on his heel.

He was already at the doorstep when her voice reached him. "Wait," she said and he stopped, frowning at his incurable inability to simply walk away from her.

"Why did you hire Tom?" she asked the question he was dreading.

Not turning back, he lowered his head a little, biting his cheek. He did not want to have this conversation. Ever. Looking up, he met Dembe's pointed gaze from the corridor. His friend of course had a different opinion, one he had made abundantly clear to Red in the last couple of days.

"I'll be downstairs," he said now with a small satisfied smirk. Raymond shot him a glare but nodded.

"Why, Red?" Liz asked again, watching him close the door behind him and slowly turn to her. She realized her voice came out a little sharper than she wanted but she was so tired of this back and forth, up and down, this rollercoaster with him.

There was a twitch under his eye as he sat down at the kitchen table, taking his fedora off. He dropped his head, gathering his thoughts.

Starting all this a year and a half ago, he came to warn her, to save and protect her, knowing that, being who she is, she would hate him and think him a monster. That was what happened and he was prepared for that. What he wasn't prepared for, though, was his inability to shut her out. He was a businessman and dispassion was the businessman's best friend but with Liz that was not an option. Her confession that she cared about him made it painfully clear to him their arrangement was not a business deal anymore. Not for her and not for him. As she now sat opposite him, her face so pale and drawn, he realized that what he had tried to stop when they last saw each other in this very apartment had already happened a good while ago. The crack would not be covered. There was only one solution left for him. He had to go back to the shadows. But first he owed her some answers.

"Red?" she prompted and when he looked up, she was shocked to see his mask drop briefly, his voice flat as he started.

"The man you know as Tom Keen, I hired him to guard you and protect you. He was not supposed to interfere and he was certainly not supposed to enter your life," he said with a hint of anger behind his words. "But you fell in love with him and I thought he had fallen for you as well and that maybe, maybe this was better for you in the end. But then I found out that Berlin had hired him away from me."

Liz swallowed, trying to keep her face neutral and not show how much his words were affecting her. While ill-conceived and presumptuous, his intentions had been good, as she had known all along in her heart of hearts. It was all to protect her.

She fixed him with her gaze, waiting for more.

"I wanted to give you more time to get you settled into your new work and responsibilities but when I found out you were so close to adopting a child with that man, I couldn't stay in the shadows anymore. I had to act."

"So- you handed yourself over to the FBI and changed all your elaborate plans to protect me from having a child with Tom?" she asked softly.

Red simply nodded. "I'm not going to apologize for any of it, Lizzie," he said seriously. "I did what I thought necessary to protect you. I always will."

"Thank you," she whispered, her hand covering his. "I believe I should have thanked you a long time ago."

His eyes flickered to their hands before resting back on her face again. "No, Lizzie," he objected coarsely, shaking his head. "You will never have to thank me."

"Maybe I can do you one better," she said, feeling the beginnings of a small smile tug at the corners of her lips.

She stood up and after a quick reconnaissance found a bottle opener and two glasses. Red watched with growing surprise as she opened the bottle and poured the wine.

As she handed him the glass, she said, "To the special people."

He gave her a strained smile that felt very bitter. He both loved and hated her words because they signaled what he had repeatedly stopped himself from thinking about, let alone hoping for. That her interest in him would ever grow beyond her practical need for information. It was for the best. Simpler. Neater. It was much safer if all the emotions and feelings were contained within him. That way she would not become an obvious target.

Then, as if to prove his deepest fears, the unmistakable red dot of a laser sight slowly focused in the middle of Lizzie's forehead.

tbc.