Chapter 7
"Bedroom's through there. I'll take the couch," Callen said, once they were in his small apartment later that night.
"Look, you don't have to. I will be fine on the couch," Tash said. She moved over to it and placed the bag of clothes Hetty had given her beside it.
"You might be, but I don't like being on Hetty's bad side. You take the bed, give me a chance to stay on her good side," Callen replied. Unless you want me to join you, he added silently, though refrained from voicing it. That, he was sure would be pushing things a little too far, according to Nate's rules.
"G? Why am I here?" Tash asked, as she turned to face him.
"Hetty said to bring you back here," Callen replied. Because this is where you belong.
"Why? Why not Kensi's or Sam's or even Hetty's? Why you?" Tash asked.
"You don't know Kensi, it's not going to help with the memories," Callen said. He hoped that would be enough. He should have known better.
"So, Sam or Hetty?" Tash continued her probing. His reason for Kensi was valid, but what about the rest.
"No one's been to Hetty's place, and out of Sam and I, you and I have more history," Callen admitted.
"What kind of history?" Tash asked.
"All sorts. We worked together for two years Tash. There's a lot there," Callen said. Really, Nate should have known better than to say they couldn't tell her anything. He knew what she was like with asking questions and being determined to get them answered.
Tash looked at him but decided against further probing. He looked uncomfortable with the conversation and she didn't want that.
"So what's to eat?" she asked instead, and walked to the small kitchen.
"Menu's on the fridge," Callen said. "Pick what you feel like and I'll order."
"No food in the cupboard?" Tash asked as she flicked through the menus.
"Haven't been here long. Shopping's not high on the priority list," Callen said. Tash pulled out a menu and threw it at him.
"This will do, you pick. It's been a while since I've had pizza," Tash said. She was looking through the cupboards for a glass so she didn't notice Callen's look. He wondered if she had any idea that she had just picked the menu for the place they had ordered from the first night they had moved in together. He had menu's from at least three pizza places on the fridge. Callen picked up the phone and ordered.
"You be okay whilst I go get it?" Callen asked, once he was finished on the phone.
"I promise I won't throw any wild parties," Tash said as she turned to him and smiled.
"Don't answer the door, I've got my keys," Callen said as he picked them up and walked to the door.
"Stop worrying G. I'm sure I've done this before," Tash said. She was touched that he was so concerned.
Callen looked back at her, "Probably not for a while," he said.
"Go. You don't want to keep a girl waiting for food do you?" Tash asked.
"Not one with your appetite," Callen said as he walked out the door.
X
She heard a gun shot, followed by Sam's voice in her ear piece, "G's down!" She ran quickly, heading to where they were. Her heart racing, nothing at all to do with her running. She paused, just before the corner of the building and looked around to check. She saw where Sam and Callen were taking cover. There were two men firing at them.
"I'm fine, guys," she heard Callen's voice. At least he sounded all right.
"We're coming in from the other side. Tash, you ready?" came the voice of the other team.
"I'm set," she replied.
"Go," the other voice said.
She moved around the corner, weapon raised and aimed it at the first guy she saw going after her team. She took him down easily, one shot that would keep him down but not kill him, hard as that was not to do. There was fury running through her veins that they had hurt one of her own. The other team came in and took down the second and she ran again. Straight to Callen and Sam.
She looked them both over quickly, noting that neither looked like they were in serious danger of dying and then she focused on Callen.
"What happened?" she demanded, looking at him.
"It's just a graze" Callen said looking down at his stomach. She followed his gaze and saw the graze on his side, bleeding, but not too much. Sam was putting pressure on it.
"Eric, is there an ambulance on the way?" she asked.
"I don't need an ambulance," Callen protested.
"You gonna let me stitch you up?" she asked him, barely containing the fury she felt at him being hurt.
"Maybe. If you calm down," Callen said.
"Calm down! You've been shot Callen, what do you expect," she said, trying to figure out what she could do whilst they waited. She looked down at her shirt, she could rip off a bit of it. No, Hetty would kill her, it wasn't her shirt. She was still in the clothes from an earlier undercover op that she hadn't had the time to change from.
"Great, she's mad at me," Callen said, rolling his eyes.
"Why the hell didn't you have your vest on?" she asked, trying to stop herself from shaking. She'd had no idea what had happened when Sam had said those words and she was sure her heart had stopped for a moment. She knew she was over-reacting, but right now, she was having a lot of trouble with her emotions. She'd better figure out how to get a handle on them or she would be in trouble with Hetty.
"Because that would have given us away," Callen said. "Tash come on, it's just a graze."
"Ambulance is almost there guys," Eric said.
"I don't need one Eric, Tash can fix this just fine," Callen said looking at her.
Looking back at him, she shook her head.
"No, I can't. Eric send it," she said, standing up and starting to turn, as she fought to control the tears.
"Tash, I'm fine. Really. Come and look," Callen pleaded with her.
Reluctantly she turned back to him.
"Come on," Callen said softly.
She knelt down and looked carefully. She knew he was right, she could fix it, she'd fixed worse before. It wasn't the wound, but the man wounded, that was causing her the problem.
"Let the ambulance go for someone who really needs it," Callen said.
"What? You mean the bad guys lying over there?" she asked. "They get the best and leave you with a patch up job."
"You are the best Tash. They'd be too rough," Callen replied. "You know how I like a gentle touch."
"Flattery will get you nowhere Callen," she replied. She couldn't look at him, she was only just getting a handle on things and knew if she looked at his face she'd lose it again. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him.
"What about flowers? Will that stop you from being mad at me?" Callen asked.
"Depends on the flowers," she said.
"Mistletoe," Callen said with a smile.
"It's nowhere near Christmas G, don't even think about it," she replied, trying not to smile.
X
Callen arrived back to find her asleep on the couch. He was tempted to let her sleep, but he knew she was hungry and so was he.
"Tash," Callen said, gently shaking her awake again.
"Sorry. Guess I'm more tired than I thought," Tash said as she sat up. "Smells great."
They moved to the table and sat down to eat. About halfway through Tash looked at Callen thoughtfully.
"What's the deal with mistletoe?" Tash asked. Callen stopped eating and looked at her.
"Why? What did you remember?" Callen asked cautiously.
"You were trying to stop me being mad at you. Asked me if flowers would work. I asked you what kind, you said mistletoe," Tash said. It all seemed to make perfect sense in her memory, but not now.
"That would be the time you weren't happy that I'd been shot," Callen said, remembering how mad she had been. They'd only been dating about a month at that point.
"You called it a graze," Tash said.
"It was. You did a great job stitching me up," Callen said. He knew she'd get back to the mistletoe, but he'd needed some time to figure out how he was going to answer her. He didn't get much.
"So, mistletoe? You gonna tell me?" Tash asked, as she turned back at her food and started eating again.
"No, I can't," Callen said, reluctantly.
"Why not?" Tash asked as she looked at back him, frustrated.
"Because I'm not sure if you are ready to remember that," Callen said quietly.
Tash looked at him for a moment before she spoke. "I'm here. I've remembered something about it, why can't you just help me remember the rest?" she asked him.
"Because I don't want to scare you off," Callen said. That and Nate's rules.
"I've spent two years not knowing who I am. That was scary enough. I want to know," Tash said desperately.
"It'll come. It's already happening," Callen said. Tash didn't say anything more, just continued to eat in silence. When they'd finished she stood up and cleared their plates.
"I think I'll go to bed," Tash said, "Goodnight." She couldn't stay up, not knowing that he knew so much about her and wouldn't answer. She was frustrated enough, without hitting her head against a brick wall, trying to get answers out of him that wouldn't be forthcoming. If she was going to hit anything, it should be Nate for his stupid rules that they weren't allowed to tell her anything.
Callen looked over at her, "Night," he said, as he watched her walk away to the bedroom.
Callen put his head back on the couch and remembered the mistletoe incident, wishing he'd been able to share it with her, but he couldn't. Nate didn't want them giving her too much information, didn't want them telling her stories. He'd said she needed to remember on her own. The mistletoe story was big, because it had been the start of them finally getting together.
X (Callen's pov for this memory)
It was the week before Christmas and the Office Christmas party was well under way. He looked over at Tash and saw her standing by the Christmas tree, smiling, as she talked with someone. He really wasn't sure who because he was only interested in looking at her. Hetty came up beside him.
"You know Mr Callen, you could go and talk to her," Hetty said.
"Who?" he asked, playing dumb. At the look on Hetty's face he knew he shouldn't have bothered.
"Mr Callen, I have watched the two of you, for eighteen months, dance around each other, getting so close at times and pulling back at others. The dance has to stop," Hetty said.
"I know we can't Hetty," he said, wishing it wasn't the case.
"No Mr Callen, you can. As long as it doesn't affect your work. I didn't say you couldn't dance with her, just that this particular one has to stop. Make your choice Mr Callen. You either want her or you don't," Hetty said bluntly. She handed him two Santa hats, one red and one green.
"What's this for?" he asked frowning at her.
"One for you and one for Miss Farrow. I need some little helpers to fetch the Secret Santa presents from upstairs in the store room. Go, and take Miss Farrow with you," Hetty said. When he didn't move Hetty repeated her instructions.
"Go, and don't forget to put on the hats," Hetty said with a knowing smile as she pushed him in Tash's direction.
He walked over to Tash, who looked at him and smiled, as he approached.
"What's up G?" she said as she looked down at the hats. "Hetty got you playing Santa?"
"Both of us. You get to be the elf," he said handing her the green hat.
"At least Hetty isn't making us wear the full costumes this year," Tash said as she put it on.
"Where to Santa?" Tash asked, looking at him with another smile. He looked at her hat and held back a laugh. It wasn't that she didn't look great. It was what was on top. Hetty had placed some mistletoe on the top of it. He still found it hard to believe that Hetty had given him permission to pursue this. As he realised that the mistletoe on the hat basically meant she could be kissed by any guy in the room now, he quickly took her hand and walked away.
"Follow me, little elf," he said, pulling her over to the stairs and up.
He found the storeroom and walked in, turning on the light. He turned around and looked at her. She had stopped in the doorway, looking at him strangely.
"What are you up to G?" Tash asked him.
"Playing Santa, like Hetty asked," he replied, slightly confused by her look.
"Where are the presents?" Tash asked. Callen looked around and saw that there were no presents in there. He heard Tash laugh and turned around.
"Seriously G, you could have just asked you know," Tash said as she stepped forward into the room. "You didn't have to go to so much trouble for a kiss."
He saw her look up and followed her gaze. The roof was lined with mistletoe. He looked back at her.
"That's Hetty, not me," he replied, watching her reaction carefully.
"So Hetty wants to kiss someone," Tash said, followed by a giggle.
"Maybe," Callen said quietly. He liked the sparkle in her eyes that came when she was so happy and was having fun.
"What about you?" Tash asked, the sparkle still there, though she was slightly more serious now, as she watched him too.
"Definitely," Callen replied. Now he understood the look on Hetty's face. She'd set them up. He stepped closer to her, and watched as Tash swallowed nervously. "You?" he asked, his gaze locking with hers. When she didn't answer, he slipped his hands into her soft hair at the back of her neck; she'd left it loose. He gently held her head still as he moved closer, whilst he said softly and confidently, "You want this as much as I do."
"How do you know?" Tash whispered. Though with words, she had tried to deny it for so long, her body had told both of them a very different story.
"Because I know you," he said. She smiled at him.
"Yes, you do," Tash said, as she slipped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer and kissed him.
X
It took Tash a little while to settle down and go to sleep that night. She'd tried to remember what the deal was with mistletoe, but nothing would come. She felt a little guilty that Callen was on the couch, when this was his bed. She rolled over onto her stomach and buried her head in the pillow, smothering a groan. She had been patient for these past two years, not that she hadn't tried to remember, but that nothing had come, so she had nothing to go on. Now there were so many little things and she was surrounded by people who actually seemed to know her. As she took a deep breath, the smell of the pillow reminded her of something and she frowned. She took another breath and then it hit her. It was the same as the blanket at the office. She rolled over and thought about her memories so far. She smiled slightly. The smell hadn't been fabric softener, not unless he actually used it and she had a feeling he didn't. Callen had said they had history; a lot of it. She was sure that there was a personal side to it as well. She just couldn't remember exactly what, and until she did, she wouldn't say anything to him. If she was wrong, that would be too embarrassing. She closed her eyes, relaxing a little, almost as if solving that one little mystery was enough for now. And again, she dreamt.
X
"G, where's Sam?" she asked as soon as Callen answered his phone.
"Thought he was picking you up this morning?" Callen replied.
"He's late," she said. "Haven't known Sam to be late for anything unless he was with you."
"How late?" Callen asked.
"Five minutes," she replied, looking anxiously up and down the street.
"That's not long, Tash," Callen replied.
"G, please," she begged. Something was wrong, she could feel it.
"Hold on, I'll get Eric to check," Callen replied.
She waited.
"He's about five minutes away but the car's not moving. Not answering his phone either," Callen said.
"Send it to me, I'll meet you there," she said, before hanging up on him.
Sam, you'd better be all right, she thought, as she pulled her keys out and jumped in her car. Checking the GPS, she drove faster than the speed limit allowed, pulling rapidly to a stop, just behind a crowd of people. She could see smoke and flames just in front of them and hurried out of the car. Trying to push herself through the crowd, she gave up and stopped. She put her fingers to her lips and gave an incredibly loud whistle, quite pleased that it was probably the loudest one she had ever managed to do.
"Excuse me, Federal Agent. Please move out of the way," she said, holding up her badge and moving forward through the space that cleared for her. When she saw the car on fire, she started to run.
"SAM!" she screamed. Even on fire, she recognised the car as Sam's.
She tried to get close, but the flames were too hot. She looked around trying to find him, still screaming his name. She couldn't see him, no one answered her screams. At least not that she could hear with the sound of her blood pounding through her ears and the roar of the fire. She turned back to the car, trying to figure out what she could do. She felt the tears fall down her face. There was nothing she could do. "Sam," she whispered. She felt someone's arms slip around her and turn her around. It was Callen.
"Tash, he's fine. Come on," Callen said gently. He led her away from the flaming car and into a small shop where Sam was sitting, whilst someone checked over his cuts. She flew at him and hugged him hard. When she didn't let go, Sam said, "Hey, you know it would help if I could breathe."
She pulled away and hit him on the shoulder, perhaps a little harder than she had meant to.
"Don't you ever scare me like that again, Hanna," she said, tears still falling. She turned and walked away, finding a wall she could lean her head against, as she tried to calm herself down. It wasn't working though. She wasn't really mad at him, more at herself for her reaction. But she couldn't help it. The thought of Sam trapped in that car, burning, brought back too many painful memories.
Again, she felt Callen's arms slip around her and turn her around. She threw her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder. She knew he would understand. He knew what had happened to her father. He didn't say a word, just held her.
X
"Tash," Callen said trying to wake her. He'd heard her crying out for Sam in her sleep and had come into check. He hadn't been able to wake her up yet. Finally her eyes opened and she looked at him. She sat up and threw her arms around his neck and continued to cry.
"Sam," she sobbed against his neck, "Fire." He held her close and rubbed his hands up and down her back, the way he used to when she was upset.
"It's okay, Tash. He was fine. He was knocked out, but someone got him out the car, and away from it, before it exploded. His phone was still in the car and he'd only just come around when I got there," Callen said quietly, not quite sure where her dream had finished and wanting to reassure her.
"What about my father?" Tash asked, looking up at him.
Callen looked at her carefully before speaking. He saw the pain in her eyes. If there was one memory he didn't want her to have to relive, that would be the one.
"Another time, let's get you back to sleep," Callen said as he brushed her hair away from her face.
"No, I need to know. Please," Tash begged him. "Please G, help me."
Callen couldn't refuse. He'd never been able to when she looked at him like that. He thought for a moment about the best way to tell her.
"Your father was working on his car. Something happened and the car exploded. He died," Callen said, keeping it brief. She didn't need the full details right now, hopefully she never would.
"How old was I?" Tash asked.
"Eight," Callen said softly. He saw the tears fall again and pulled her back into his arms, whispering gently, "I'm sorry."