MY BFF, VALERIE HELPED ME WRITE THIS TOO! WERE AWESOME!
ENJOY OUR MINDS AT WORK!
Please forgive me if I maybe used someone's idea's or lines or anything that isn't mine, if I accidently wrote something that you read somewhere else. I didn't do it knowingly.
(Emmett was sitting in front of the TV, trying not to be bored. The TV wasn't on, which didn't help)
Emmett – IM BORED!
Rosalie – So? (Looks up from mirror)
Emmett – GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO!
Rosalie – Go talk to another inanimate object.
Emmett – Okay. (Walks off to talk to inanimate objects)
Seth – (sitting under the table and talks in deep voice) Emmett...
Emmett – (freezes) Table?
Seth – Yes... (Deep creepy voice)
Emmett – MASTER! (Falls to the ground in a bow)
Seth – Bring me a pie... (Deep creepy voice)
Emmett – Anything you want! (Runs out the door)
Rosalie – He's going to find out it's you some time.
Seth – Not until after I get my pie... (Deep creepy voice)
Rosalie – Stop talking like that.
Seth – I can never stop ones I've started... (Deep creepy voice)
Rosalie – Don't say that sentence in front of Jasper.
Emmett – (runs back into the room) Um...Magic Table?
Seth – Yes, slave? (Deep creepy voice)
Emmett – Where does a "pie" live and does it have sharp teeth?
Rosalie – A pie is human food, Emmett.
Emmett – (blank expression) You can hear him too? Wait, aren't tables supposed to eat table food?
Seth – (baby voice) I want my PIE!
Emmett – (looks under table) Seth?
Seth – Woof.
Emmett – Aw! Rosie! Can we keep him!
Rosalie – (smiling) Emmett, if you want to have a dog you're going to have to brush it and feed it and bathe it and take it for walks...
Seth – Ha ha
Emmett – O Rosie!
Rosalie – We'll Im not cleaning up after him.
Emmett – Are you housetrained? (To Seth)
Seth – Mostly.
Emmett – See Rosie! ...
Rosalie – Whatever
Emmett – I TAKE THAT AS A YES!
Seth – I STILL WANT MY PIE!
Rosalie – Take Seth to China or Japan or something, I hear they eat dogs there.
Seth – No, I want a PIE.
Emmett – Wolves are endangered Rosalie, I think people are banned from eating them. (as-a-matter-of-factly)
Rosalie – That won't stop me.
Seth – I—WANT—MY—PIE!
Emmett – (singing) There was a vampire who had a wolf and Sethi was his name-o! S—E—T—H—I!
Seth – (singing) S—E—T—H—I!
Emmett & Seth – (singing) S—E—T—H—I! AND SETHI WAS HIS NAME-O!
Rosalie – You people are idiots.
Seth – How's the extensive range of waterproof make-up going?
Rosalie – (out of the room in a flash)
Emmett – Nice (high 5's Seth)
Seth – It's a talent.
-(moment of silence)-
Seth – I still want my pie!
(Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella come through the door)
Alice – Who said something about a pie?
Seth – LEAVE MY PIE ALONE!
Alice – Okay, then . . .
-(akward silence)-
Emmett – Its Alice's fault that somewhere in the world a gay baby is being born.
Everyone – What?
Emmett – (clears throat) "Every awkward silence a gay baby is born"
-(awkward silence)-
Emmett – I'm naming this one "Edward".
-(moment of snickering)-
Emmett – IM BORED! . . . AGIAN!
Alice – Ooooh! I know what we could do! (excited)
-(moment of silence, everyone is stressed)-
Alice – It's in America!
Bella – Phew . . .
Alice – Were just going for a movie.
Bella – Phew . . .
Alice – In Seattle!
Bella – Ugh!
Alice – C'mon let's go!
Emmett – Let me get Rosalie!
Rosalie – No! Leave Rosalie alone! (from upstairs)
. . . After the movies, outside the theatre on the sidewalk...
Rosalie – Why didn't you just leave Rosalie alone?
Jasper – (smug smile) C'mon Rosie, you know you wanted to go . . .
Rosalie – Yeah! Your right! That was so much fun! (extremely happy)
Alice – Nice one, Jazz.
Emmett – Nah, I don't like jazz, rap music is more my thing. Yo dog!
Seth – I like tribal music.
Rosalie – Freak.
Seth – Hypocrite. Don't you remember tonight at the movies at all?
Flashback
Alice – Edward, when will you be telling Emmett about that guy who's staring at Rosalie?
Emmett – WHAT!
Edward – Clearly, you just did.
Rosalie – Along with that guy, and that one, oh and that one, and don't forget Mr Drool over there, that guy, this guy, that lesbian, myself with a mirror, oh and that tourist and that horse, and that guy, and that guy . . .
Emmett – I GET IT!
Rosalie – Well . . .
Emmett – (strands up and screams) WHY DONT YOU JUST TAKE A PICTURE IT'LL LAST LONGER!
Jasper – I doubt that, this one could get thousands of years old (whispers and points at Rosalie)
Guy # 3: Yeah, c'mon babe! Pose! (takes pictures)
Emmett – HOWS THIS FOR A PICTURE! (gives Guy # 3 the finger)
End of flashback
Seth – By the way, Emmett. Thanks for getting us kicked out of the cinema.
Emmett – Pleasure!
Alice – Hay guys, look at this. (points to the news)
News Anchor – There has been reports of a truck full of sheep being kidnapped by a large unknown man. The drivers of the vehicle describe him as "Big, extremely strong and handsome—"
Alice – What kind of idiot would steal a—
Emmett – AWESOME! The driver's thinks I'm handsome!
Jasper - That kind.
Alice – Oh no you didn't...
Emmett – Oh yes I did...
Alice – When will you ever learn?
Emmett – Tomorrow. At school.
Alice – No you won't! You and Rosie-Poise over here are too busy doing X-Rated things in the janitor's closet!
Emmett – (grinning stupidly)
Edward – Ow, ow. Descriptive thoughts... (Eye twitches)
Emmett – . . .
Edward – Why are you thinking of Bella in a bikini?
Emmett – To piss you off!
Jasper – Success!
Edward – (attacks Emmett)
People on the street - (staring really weirdly)
Jasper - (calms them down)
Edward – You better count the seconds of your last few minutes in this dimension.
Emmett - Oooh I'm so scared...
Edward- (leans in to attack and takes a quick step forward but stops just before reaching a extremely scared Emmett)
Emmett – NO! Pleaaaase don't kill me! I'm to beautiful to die!(Screaming like a little girl. But covering face and eyes and his man vegetables, so he doesn't see that Edward is indeed NOT going to kill him)
Jasper – Scared-y cat!
(An old lady at the cinema bends over to pick up something she dropped and her underpants show)
Emmett- I SEE LONDON! I SEE FRANCE! I SEE THOSE HUGE UNDERPANTS! (Points to the old lady's huge butt)
Lady - (Turns around and is very angry) YOU (cough) PERVERT! (Hits them with her bag)
Emmett - RUN!
Jasper – Oh yeah (sarcastic) Run from the old lady...
Emmett – Yeah! Your right! (Starts running in slow motion) Oooooh nooooo! Ooooooold laaaadyyyyyyy—OW OW OW! (Old lady hits him with bag) Jeez woman! You're fast!
Lady – You new age boys! (Cough) Looking at everything (cough) with the ability to pee!
Emmett – We are not young! I could be your grandfather!
Alice – Hay! Im older than you! (to Emmett)
Emmett – Oh should we really start the whole "age thing" again?
Alice – yes, LITTLE BROTHER!
Emmett – GRANDMA!
Bella – Please, can we just say Carlisle wins and get it over with?
Everyone – Agree
Emmett – Yeah, he's a freaking fossil! OW OW OW! DID EVERYONE FORGET ABOUT THE LUNATIC HITTING US WITH HER HANDBAG!
Rosalie – I don't even have a handbag here, idiot
Emmett – Oh, I'M the idiot (Sarcastic)
Alice – Not in this particular moment but yes, you are.
Emmett – Please can we run from the lunatic with the handbag full of very sharp items!
Everyone – Agree!
(Everyone runs away)
Lady – See you in Hell, bucko-roo!
Bella-(runs and falls and Edward and everyone stops except Emmett)
Emmett-forget her and save yourselves, she's not worth it! (Run's into the distance while shouting "Collateral damage!")
Bella – Go without me! (Dramatic)
Edward – Never! (Dramatically yells and picks Bella up into his arms and runs off into the distance after Emmett)
Alice – I forgot my purse! (dramatic)
Jasper – O please! (Drags Alice by the hand into the distance)
Rosalie – Running is for losers!
(A guy climbs into a fancy sports car and before he drives off, Rosalie hits him over the head and drives off with him still in it)
Carlisle's new nickname is "The Fossil"
Esme has searched the whole wide web for someone who does "Vampire Family Therapy"
Rosalie has dumped the guy and the car at the side of the road next to the house. Poor guy.
Emmett is still running.
Alice wants a new handbag but Jasper won't go shopping with her.
Jasper is making friends with the werewolves because he can "hide" from Alice when he's with them. Nobody wants to go shopping for purses.
Seth is somewhere... He disappeared somewhere in this story...
There is a picture of Rosalie posing for the camera in a theatre on the internet, and a picture of Emmett's finger.
Seth has been found by total strangers in a wood in the middle of nowhere. He has grown a beard, has become extremely dirty, forgot how to speak proper English, and insists that his name is Barney.
Seth has only been missing for 2 hours before being found.
Bella and Edward have joined the Forks High School Drama Club. It was NOT Bella's idea, neither Edwards. It's a mystery... like Emmett's brain.
Seth ran away to join all his woodland friends. No...not the werewolves... Mostly squirrels...
Emmett stopped running because he saw something shiny.
Emmett has joined Seth's Woodland Club.
Seth doesn't like Emmett eating his Woodland friends.
Alice has found Jasper...
Jasper is doomed. DOOMED! DOOOOOOOOMMEMEEDDDQQD!
Emmett insists "Hippo" is spelled "Huoqwollqqqqqqqo" It is in fact, not.
Emmett failed his English final. Why, really?
REVIEW PLEASE! It would make me and Valerie very very very happy!