This is the third chapter! WHOOP WHOOP!
This chapter is dedicated to my BFF Valerie (who I call Bella). She gave me the idea, helped me write it and laughed at the stuff that was funny, and ridiculed the stuff that weren't. THANKS!
She also helped me write it, I would write a few lines and then she would write a few lines. TEAMWORK!
ENJOY!
Emmett – (stands next to Bella where she's sleeping in her bed, at her house staring at her)
(Edward is at the Cullen's house changing clothes. So Emmett, Rosalie and Alice are at Bella's watching her sleep)
Emmett-She is so weird when she sleeps...weird (makes a weird face at Bella that's sleeping)
Alice – I dare you to get into that bed. There has to be something fun about it if Edward does it every night.
Emmett – (grinning as he climbs into bed, under the sheets)
Bella – Edward... (Mumbling half asleep and hugs Emmett because she thinks he's Edward)
Rosalie - This is not ever leaving this room... (death glare at Bella)
Alice – Jealous? (Takes a picture while Rosalie glares at her)
Emmett - shhh...Bella love, I'm here (does a great impersonation of Edward)
Bella – (smiles)
-(30 minutes later)-
Emmett – This is boring, why isn't she talking!
Bella-(wakes up) Edward?
Emmett-yyeessss
Bella-WHAT THE...EMMETT!
Emmett – No no no no! SLEEP AGIAN!
Bella – Then get out of this bed and stop screaming at me! And you two! (to Alice & Rosalie)
Emmett – No no no no! Please! I'll sing you a lullaby!
Bella – (Raises eyebrows)
Emmett – (hops up from bed and plays air guitar while singing really badly) LALA LALALA LALALALA! SLEEP BELLA SLEEP! DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DA DADAA!
Bella - what the hell is that?
Emmett - It's my lullaby ... don't you like it? (Sad face)
Bella – Well...
Emmett – I TRIED!
Bella – I'm calling Edward... (Calls Edward) Edward? Emmett slept with me while Rosalie and Alice watched!
Emmett & Alice & Rosalie – RUN!
Edward-(in front of Emmett & Rosalie & Alice in a sec) YOU DID WHAT!
Emmett-She made me do it! (Points to Alice)
Alice –Edward He didn't actually sleep with her!
Edward – GET OUT! (Shoves them out of the window)
Rosalie – That's nice of him... (Sarcastic)
Emmett – e ushed e ou nd i anded o y ace. (Face first in the mud)
Alice – Say what?
Emmett – (lifts face up) He pushed me out and I landed on my face.
Alice – Thanks for translating
Emmett – (face falls in mud again) 'up!
Edward - I'll kill you later!
Emmett – (puts thumb up, face still in mud)
Alice – (pulls him out of the mud and Emmett mouth and face is full of mud) You kiss that? (to Rosalie)
Rosalie-kiss who? (Acting like Emmett doesn't exist)
Alice – (rolls eyes)
(They all run back to their house and stop in the garden)
Rosalie – Its 5 o'clock. C'mon, time to get ready for school!
Alice – It's just you who needs 3 hours!
Rosalie - precisely, now C'mon!
Emmett - hey Rosebutt?
Rosalie - what!
Emmett - How do you drown a blond, that's you?
Rosalie - ugh!
Emmett - you put all her mirrors on the bottom of a pool.
Alice - And he did...
Rosalie - EMMETT! I can't drown!
Emmett – But I still threw them to the bottom of the pool... (Point's to the pool)
Rosalie – (Holds him up by his shirt at arm's-length) Emmett! How am I supposed to do my hair without a freaking mirror!
Emmett – That's YOUR problem...
Rosalie – And me giving you no action for a weekis YOUR problem!
Emmett – NOOOOOO!
Alice – Think on the bright side! Your mirrors are clean now.
Rosalie - Either way I'm not getting wet! In any way! So you get my mirrors NOW!
Emmett - yes ma'am (salutes)
Alice – Speaking of salutes... Where's Jasper!
Rosalie – WHO CARES! I WANT MY MIRRORS! (pushes Emmett in the pool)
Emmett – (Splashing around in very shallow water) NO! I'm gonna drown!
Rosalie – God, you're stupid!
Emmett – Firstly, God isn't stupid! Second, HELP ME IM DROWNING!
Rosalie – Firstly, you know that's not what I meant! Secondly, just stand up!
Emmett – Oh, right. (Realises he's in the shallow end and stands up and the water isn't higher than his knee)
Rosalie-GET MY MIRRORS!
Emmett-fine fine, chill Rose (in a bored way)
Alice – Well, you go deal with that problem while I go look for my true love!
Rosalie–You're closet?
Alice – Nooooo! Jasper!
Emmett – DUH ROSEBUTT!
Rosalie – Shut up and get my mirrors!
Emmett-yeah yeah, (mumbles to self) calls herself my wife, more like a control freak...
Rosalie-I heard that!
Emmett – (mumbles to himself) Of COURSE she heard that... (Goes underwater and throws out a mirror)
Rosalie – (mumbles to herself) Calls himself my husband, more like my child...
Emmett-(throw's out 2 more mirrors and they break)
Rosalie-YOU BROKE MY MIRRORS!
Emmett- At least this time it wasn't your face. (doesn't really care)
Rosalie-ugh! (runs into house and uses Alice mirror )
Alice-what are you doing in my room, hear the words MY ROOM!
Rosalie-Oh get over it!
Alice-Jasper! Ugh! I'm going to see if Edward know where he is.
-10 sec later-
Alice-Edward do you know where Jasper is?
Edward-he is out hunting...
Alice-o...okay... WHY!
Edward – When a vampire gets thirsty, they go hunting...
Bella – Are you thirsty (to Edward) If you say yes please don't hunt me (joking)
Alice – I—Want—MY—Jasper!
Edward – I—Want—Peace—and—QUIET!
Alice – THEN WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING!
Edward – Because your shouting!
Alice – AM NOT! Oh right... I'll go now.
Edward – Thanks.
Bella- Alice?
Alice- yes?
Bella-can you hurry, please?
Alice-ugh! People and their alone time... I want my alone time with Jasper! UGH!
Bella – Why aren't you gone yet?
Alice – Oh right... (Leaves and go sits all lonely and sad like on bed)
Rosalie – (from outside) IF YOU BREAK ANOTHER MIRROR, EMMETT! I WILL PERSONALLY CUT OFF YOUR "MAN JEWELS" WITH A BUTTER KNIFE AND THROW THEM IN A LAKE!
Emmett- (From outside) YES MOTHER!
Rosalie-(From outside) I'm not old enough to be your mother!
Emmett- (From outside) You're a little over aged to be MY mother!
Rosalie-(From outside) EMMETT!
Alice – (shouts through window at them) SHUT UP, WILL YOU! CANT YOU SEE IM SULKING!
Rosalie – (from outside) IM BUSY HERE! (Busy chasing Emmett around with a grinder and a butter knife)
Alice – WELL SCREAM QUIETER! AND IF YOU CUT OFF HIS "MANLY GUN" WOULD YOU MIND DISPOSING IT IN A LAKE FAR FAR AWAY FROM ME! SEEING IT ONCE IS ENOUGH!
Rosalie – WHEN IN THE HELL DID YOU SEE IT!
Alice – YOU TWO ARENT EXACTLY PRIVATE!
Rosalie – PISS OFF!
Esme – (from kitchen) BEHAVE!
Carlisle-I come home and this is what I come home to! A bunch of hormonal, sex deviant, irritating, in-need-of-excessive-therapy, teenage, wise ass, condescending, idiotic, egotistic, unreasonable vampires...well except Edward and Jasper. They weren't here so I can't pin this on them!
Emmett – I never expected this from you Carlisle... And why are Jasper and Edward always pin-less!
Carlisle-Because Edward is responsible and Jasper, well he's Jasper.
Alice-I heard that!
Emmett-hey! Jasper almost burned the school down once and he didn't get pinned!
Esme -Are you talking back to your father?
Emmett-yes! Obviuo-frikin-ly!
Alice-MORON! NO FREAKING RESPECT!
Emmett – But face it! Jasper & Edward aren't pinnable! Don't look at me like that, Carl—daddy, I know "pinnable" isn't a real word!
Alice – And yet...
Rosalie – No wonder Bella jumped off a cliff...
Alice – Hey, that was your fault!
Rosalie – You threw the stupid Birthday party where your "unpinnable" husband almost killed Bella!
Emmett – He still didn't get pinned for that! People don't usually get forgiven for attempted murder! But noooo... Jasper has a invisible force field which repels all know pins! Yet when I make up my own words I get fricking pinned in the butt!
Jasper-well your just bad luck, pinnable Emmett.
Alice-JAZZY!
Jasper-Howdy sweetie, by the way Emmett, I said sorry for that!
Emmett-(throwing Jasper with pins but the pins doesn't even pin Jasper, they just bounce off. Like throwing a rock) See? He's pinless!
Jasper – Was that really necessary!
Emmett – Just proving a point!
Alice – Which is pointless!
Emmett – A point is never pointless!
Everyone – (Stares at him like he's crazy, which he is)
Emmett – A point is always pointy! A point without a point is not a point! Its just a pointless thingy named McUnPointyWithoutAPointy! And why is Edward so feminine? Why does a chihuahau have such large ears? Point point point point... You get my point?
Carlisle-Now my point is proven. (sigh's)
Emmett-See you're pinning me!
Esme-Emmett stop talking, period.
Emmett-Is period a point? Cause you've put a point on the end? Can you say "Get to the period" instead of "get to the point"? What? I'm confuzzled... (very confused)
Edward- (Driving up the road to the house stop and he and Bella climbs out) Hi, weird family.
Emmett-SEE! He said your weird and he doesn't get pinned!
Edward- A normal person would say ''I don't wanna hear about it '' but not me.
Emmett-Stupid mind reader!
Rosalie – SHIT! We've got school in half an hour! Im still not ready and half of my mirrors are broken and the other half on the bottom of the pool! WTF!
Emmett-shit this! (climbs out pool and goes to get ready for school, not that there is much to work with.)
Rosalie-DON'T YOU WALK OUT ON ME!1
Emmett-I just did! (takes big steps shouting walking!)
Rosalie-(Mouth hanging open )
-20 min late-
Edward-C'mon we are going to be late!
Emmett-ROSEBUTT! C'MON!
Rosalie-not ready yet (busy doing her nails)
(Jasper, Alice, Bella and Edward are riding together in the Volvo which left a few minutes ago)
Emmett- C'mon Rose they already left!
Rosalie-SHUT UP! ITS YOUR FAULT!
Emmett-1...2...3...4...5...6...7... (starting the engine of Rosalie's car)
Rosalie-fine (already in car)
Emmett- to school! (Points finger in air inside the car, but, being an idiot and all, forgets how long his arms is and how low a sports cars roof is. So, idiotically like only Emmett can, makes a hole in the roof of the car with his finger) Oops
Rosalie-idiot! This is Forks! It rains! There's a friking hole in my roof!
Emmett – I just forgot! No need to be a bi—(gets cut off by Rosalie screaming)
Rosalie – DONT HIT THAT DEER!
-(to be continued at school)-
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