A/N - Thanks for the alerts, favouriting and reviews. I do try and respond personally to everyone but sometimes that's not always possible depending on whether you can receive messages or not.

To MRD - thanks for the review and the ideas. I'll look into it. I think I have a place in a few more chapters where I could do something like that. Wasn't sure if anyone would be interested in those kind of memories. Thanks for taking the time to review. It's really appreciated.

Disclaimer in Chapter 1

Chapter 12

Silently, Tash watched him go. She put her head back against the couch and closed her eyes. She wasn't sure what had just happened between them. She'd remembered so much today, but it still wasn't enough. Not enough to know who she was. It was like a bunch of pages from a book, but there were no page numbers. Tash stood up and walked out of the break room, looking for Hetty. She needed to get out, needed some air, but she wasn't sure if she would be allowed to do that alone.

"Miss Farrow, what can I do for you?" Hetty asked as she approached her desk.

"I need to … I need some space, to think," Tash said softly.

Hetty looked at Tash, concerned. "Is there anywhere in particular you were thinking?"

"No, not really. Maybe just a walk on the beach will do," Tash replied with the first place that came to mind. Hetty sensed that this had something to do with Callen, having seen him follow her to the break room and then leave shortly after, distracted.

"Sam can take you and pick you up when you are ready, but no more than an hour and you keep your phone on you at all times," Hetty directed, noting the strain in Tash's voice.

"Thanks Hetty."

o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Callen walked out of the break room and headed to his desk. He didn't even hear when Hetty called out to him. He sat down and turned in his seat to face the wall. He wasn't quite sure what he had done in the break room with Tash. The words were out of his mouth before they had even registered in his brain. He'd been so careful. It was hard not to tell her things, not to say things to let her know what she meant to him. Guess one slip up wasn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. He'd just have to be more careful, that or talk to Nate. He didn't relish that idea at all. Callen turned as he heard soft footsteps come closer. Tash stopped just in front of him.

"Where's Sam?" she asked him softly.

"Gone out." Callen looked at her, trying to figure her out. Something had changed between them when he'd talked to her earlier; when he'd slipped up. He'd felt it and he could see it in her eyes now.

"Oh." Tash turned to go.

"Can I help?" Callen called her back. She turned back to him slowly. She looked nervous, like she wasn't sure of what she was going to say.

"I was just going to get him to take me to the beach." Tash finally looked at him. "Time to think. I need to get out."

Callen knew she needed something, and if this was it, if this was what she needed right now, he could help.

"I can take you." Tash shook her head slightly and he frowned.

"I … I don't know. I need some space to think, away from everyone. Hetty said Sam could drop me off and pick me up." She didn't know if she would say something either of them might regret if she went with him. She just wished she knew exactly what it had been between them.

"You don't want me to take you?" Callen tried not to feel hurt by it. She would have a good reason. Tash would never hurt any of them deliberately. But it still hurt, just a little, that she wanted to get away from him. Tash took a deep breath and let it out slowly and, somewhat, shakily.

"I... You confuse me okay. I don't know what it was between us. I keep seeing things but they don't make sense," Tash admitted, a touch of desperation to her voice..

Callen looked at her closely again. He could see the confusion and the frustration in her eyes. He could also see pain and he wasn't sure why. Right now, he really hated Nate's rules.

"I'll take you and pick you up, just as if I were Sam. I won't even talk," Callen offered again.

Tash looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "Thank you," she said. She reached for her handbag and checked her phone was in there. He reached for his keys and they walked out silently together.

Callen dropped her off and, as promised, he hadn't said anything on the trip. Just, "See you in an hour," once they had arrived.

Tash smiled hesitantly at him as she slipped off her shoes and left them with him in the car. As she walked toward the beach, she stopped and looked at the bench seat. It seemed familiar, so she sat down for a moment and closed her eyes. For once, the memory wasn't that hard to find. Maybe things were getting easier.

X

Callen walked out of the office, ignoring her call. She turned and looked at Hetty.

"What was that about?"

"You. He likes it when you talk to him. As much as he wants to deny it," Hetty replied, knowingly.

"Great." She closed her eyes briefly, opening them again as she asked Hetty, "How long before you want him back?"

Hetty checked the time and looked back to her. "Two hours. Can you do it?"

"If I can find him, probably," she answered. Hetty nodded.

"Then find him. Eric can help if you need it."

She nodded and left. She was pretty sure she wouldn't need Eric's help. She hadn't. He was on the bench seat by the beach. She usually found him here when they'd had a rough case. She sat down next to him and he looked at her, frowning. She smiled slightly.

"If you hadn't wanted me to follow, you should have answered. You know how I like to get the last word in."

"One of the things about you that annoys me." She noticed him trying not to smile as he said that.

"I know. Why do you think I do it so often?" she replied. "So, why did you walk away?"

"Wanted some air," Callen replied.

She looked at him and shook her head slightly. "You heard me talking to Hetty didn't you?"

"Maybe," Callen admitted. She took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy. She could feel it.

"G, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I needed to talk to someone and I know you don't … You don't need me crying on your shoulder about my family not being around," she said.

His voice was soft as he responded, "You can if you want."

She smiled. She knew that.

"I know," she said, just as softly. "It's just easier for you if I don't."

Callen turned to face her before he spoke. "I don't remember mine, Tash. You do. Share if you want." She shook her head.

"You don't want me to share what's on my mind at the moment," her voice touched with sadness and pain that she knew he would hear. She turned away to look out at the waves, not wanting him to see the emotions she knew would be in her eyes.

"We're partners, that's what we do. Share. Good and bad," Callen said.

Tash stood up. "Yeah well, right now it's all bad, so how about we go for a swim instead."

"After you tell me the bad," Callen said. She looked at him, shaking her head again. He saw it and continued. "Please Tash. You've only ever told me the good. I can handle it."

She saw the tenderness in those blue eyes, found herself wanting to give in. She looked out at the water again and he waited. She sat back down before she started speaking.

"You know my parents died when I was eight and nine, right?" she asked.

"Yeah. You went and lived with your uncle after that," Callen replied.

"You know how they died?" She hoped for a yes, so she didn't have to say it.

"No. Hetty wouldn't let me see that on your file. Said it was up to you to share," Callen admitted. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"My father was working on a car in the garage. I was sitting on the bench watching and listening, whilst he told me about what he was doing. I adored him, wanted to be around him whenever he was home." She paused for a moment, preparing herself for what she had to say next. "I don't know what happened but, one moment he was talking and laughing with me, the next the car was on fire ... So was he." She stopped and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat before she finished. "My mother killed herself a year later. She never recovered."

"I'm sorry, Tash," Callen said gently. She blinked back the tears in her eyes and put on a, hopefully, bright smile.

"Okay, so lets go for that swim," she said as she stood up and turned to him. "I've still got almost two hours before I have to have you back." She held out her hand to him.

"What do you have planned?" Callen took her hand and she gave it a little tug to pull him up.

"Start with getting you wet and see what happens after." She grinned this time at the look on his face and started to pull him closer to the water. He resisted and she turned back to him with a mock frown.

"I don't have swimmers," Callen said.

"Not my problem," she said innocently, as she pulled her shirt off, revealing that she did. She smiled again, at the look on his face.

"Really G? Did you think you were going to get lucky?" She stepped out of her shorts. He didn't answer. "Oh dear. Actually letting me get the last word in. Whatever will I do to get the old G back?"

She threw her clothes and keys at him and pointed over his shoulder.

"My car's there. There are swimmers in there for you." She turned and walked towards the water warning him, "Don't make me come back and get you."

X

After the memory faded, Tash wiped away the tears that had fallen during it. Now she knew what had happened to her parents. She understood why Callen hadn't told her much. She stood up and moved down to the edge of the water, enjoying the feel of the cool water on her feet and the sound of the gentle waves. She tried not to think for a bit, just to clear her mind before she tried to get a handle on things. She felt the tension leave her body, slowly.

Tash found a quiet place to sit, away from the hustle and bustle of the normal beach crowd, whilst she watched the waves come in and out.

She was glad that she was remembering, but it was still too slow. She wanted to remember it all, get on with her life. Find out what it was between her and Callen. Find out whether it was still there or not. She thought it might be but she wasn't sure. Everything was just so confusing.

Callen had a reputation for being very good at being someone else. Maybe he was just pretending, trying to help her memories return. If she could read her file, that might help. It was unlikely that Hetty would let her do that. But maybe Nate. Maybe she could find her file in his office. She just didn't know how she would do it. But she needed to do something. She hoped breaking and entering was one of her unknown skills.

Tash focused back on the mesmerising sound of the water and just sat. She lost track of time.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o

Callen watched as Tash walked away. He saw her sit down on the seat and wondered if she was remembering all the times they had sat in that exact spot. In his mind it was their spot. They used to come here so often. That's why he had brought her here. Hoping it would help her remember them.

Callen saw her stand up and her hand went briefly to her face. She moved down closer to the water and he got out of the car and went to sit on the seat so he could keep an eye on her. She walked for a while and he just sat, patiently waiting until she stopped. He saw her sit down, so he went back to the car, driving down the road and finding a place to park, closer to her. He wasn't going to leave her alone. All he could do right now was watch over her and hope that she would remember and be happy again.

When it was finally time to pick her up, Callen walked down to meet her. Tash jumped when he sat down beside her. He didn't look at her, just out at the water as he said quietly, "We should be getting back, unless you want Hetty to worry."

"How did you find me?" Tasha asked. She didn't know how far she had walked but it was obviously she'd been gone an hour.

"Eric traced your phone," Callen lied smoothly.

"Oh. No wonder Hetty told me to keep it on." Tash stood up, so did Callen. "Sorry, I lost track of time."

"Understandable," Callen responded, as he turned and started walking away from the water. Tash walked beside him quietly. Neither of them saying anything.

Tash waited until Nate left for the day. Callen and Sam were so involved discussing a case she was sure neither of them would notice when she slipped away. She checked on Hetty who was the phone, so she walked the long way around to Nate's office. Tash slipped in quietly and closed the door. She was sure he kept paper files, he'd been writing in one today when she had been in here. She walked over to his filing cabinet and tried to open it. It was locked. She really hadn't expected otherwise.

Tash went to Nate's desk, carefully checking the drawers for the keys, but she couldn't find them. She felt in her hair for the pin that was holding some of it back. Pulling it out she started to work the lock, instinctively. She had a feeling she'd done this in the past. Before she could finish though, a hand moved over hers and stopped it.

"The files are locked for a reason Tash," Callen's quiet voice came from behind her. She turned around and looked at him, eyes wide. How had he crept in like that?

"I just wanted mine, not anyone else's."

"I know," Callen said, pulling her away from the filing cabinet.

Her tone was desperate as she spoke, "It's too slow G. I've got more than thirty years I can't remember. At this rate I'll have to live until I'm 300 to remember everything. I want my life back."

Callen pulled her into his arms. "I want that too." More than anything.

Tash shook her head slightly against his shoulder, this time her voice filled with pain. "It hurts not knowing. Not knowing what I am missing out on, who I'm missing out on."

"I know, but this isn't the way, Tash," Callen whispered against her hair. Tash pushed him away with what strength she had and looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Then what is the way? Find it and tell me," Tash demanded desperately, her voice breaking, before she fled.