A/N - Part 2 of Tash pre NCIS. Been over it so many times, I can't see straight so hope it's good.
Disclaimer in Chapter 1
Chapter 14
Callen turned as Tash walked into the ops centre. All thoughts of what they had just been discussing temporarily fled his mind as he saw the look on her face. Tash had been in with Nate and he knew she had been crying. Everyone in the room could see it. He frowned and stepped towards her.
"I'm sorry," Tash apologised. "I didn't know you were all in here." Tash backed away to the door as she spoke.
"Tash," Callen said. She stopped and looked back at him. "You okay?"
She started to shake her head but stopped.
"Umm, just … I'm okay. But I need to find some people. I need Eric's help," she replied.
Callen came close to her side, not quite sure what to do. He saw the pain on her face and wondered just what she had remembered with Nate.
"Who do you need to find?" Eric asked. Tash turned and looked at Eric. It was hard. Callen was so close and she just wanted to fall apart in his arms, like the previous times, knowing she would be safe there. She shook her head slightly and focused on Eric and what she needed to ask him.
"Some friends of my uncle. I don't have much to go on." She had first names and that was about it.
Eric smiled at her confidently. "Lucky you've go me then." Tash smiled at that.
"All right then. Mr Callen, Mr Hanna, you know what you need to do. Let's give Miss Farrow and Mr Beale the room." Hetty's voice pulled Callen away from Tash and, reluctantly, he left the room with Sam. Kensi and Hetty followed close behind. Hetty stopped in the doorway.
"Mr Beale."
"Yes Hetty?" Eric turned to look at her.
"Whatever it takes," she said and left.
Eric turned back to Tash. "Give me what you've got and let me work my magic."
"Don, Brian and Steven. They were friends of my uncle's for a really long time, but I don't have any other names." Tash had no idea if Eric could do anything with that, but she crossed her fingers, both mentally and physically, that he could.
"How old were they?" Eric asked as his fingers danced across his keyboard.
"Looked about the same age as my uncle," she replied.
"Leave it with me, Tash." Eric looked over at her and smiled. "Go, get something to eat or drink and come back in half an hour." Eric winked. "Should have something by then." Tash raised her eyebrows at him. He sounded so confident. She remembered Hetty's comment as she walked out the door and wondered just what Eric was going to do.
"All right. Just don't do anything you'll get in trouble for," Tash said as she moved to the door.
"Me? Trouble?" Eric questioned. Tash chuckled.
"You go well together Eric, but I don't want it to be because of me," she replied.
"Never stopped you before," Eric retorted. Tash's hand went to the door frame and she held on tight.
X
"Can you please stop getting me into trouble, Tash?" Eric asked, as they walked away after being reprimanded by Hetty.
She rolled her eyes. "I don't get you into trouble. You do that all on your own."
Eric made a disgusted sound and she turned to look at him.
"When did I get you in trouble?" she asked.
"Once last week, twice the week before, at least four times last month, New Years and of course there was Halloween and..."
"Stop. What? Are you keeping a file or something? Halloween was entirely your fault. You were supposed to put the candle inside the pumpkin, not the pumpkin over the candle. The burn mark on Hetty's desk was not my doing, thank you very much!" she exclaimed.
"What about last week?" Eric asked.
"Last week?" She frowned.
"Yes. You and Callen and ..." She quickly put a hand over his mouth to stop him. She felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
"You promised you wouldn't say a word about that."
"And I didn't. That would be why I got in trouble." She took her hand off his mouth. They walked into the ops centre and Eric sat down at his desk.
"Okay, so I'll give you that one," she admitted. Eric started to open his mouth but she shot him a look that had it close quickly. "Has G paid you back for that yet?"
Eric shook his head and picked up his drink, taking a sip.
"I guess I'd better get on him about it then."
Eric almost choked on his drink at her words and looked at her as she laughed.
X
"Tash?" Eric's voice came from right beside her. She looked up at him.
"Sorry. Guess I did get you in trouble a little," Tash apologised. Though, what he had covered for, she had no idea. She smiled. "Did I really do it that much?"
Eric smiled. "It wasn't really that bad. The trouble was mostly fun, but the punishment." He shook his head as he continued, "not always so. Especially if Hetty was the one inflicting it."
"See you in half an hour," Tash said as she walked away.
Half an hour later
"What have your magic fingers been able to find?" Tash asked as she walked through the door. Eric turned to her, smiled, then turned back to his computer. After a few key strokes, Eric pointed to the screen.
"Abracadabra!"
Tash turned to the screen and her breath caught. There they were. All three of them.
"Eric? How?" She turned back to him, shocked.
Eric shook his head. "Not telling."
She turned back and moved closer to the screen. "That's them. Where are they?"
Eric cleared his throat. "Steven died four years ago. Don is in a nursing home, still in San Diego and Brian is still living in the same house, a couple of blocks from where you used to live with your uncle."
Tash turned and walked over to Eric, giving him a great big hug. "Thank you," she whispered. She hadn't really believed he would be able to do anything with such limited information.
"Something you aren't telling us Eric?" came Sam's voice from the doorway. Tash jumped back and turned to Sam. Callen was there, too.
"Nope. Just using my magic fingers for Tash," Eric said as he sat down. Callen raised his eyebrows at the comment and Eric actually blushed, as he realised how that could have sounded.
Sam chuckled and looked up at the screen. "Who are the old guys?"
Tash turned to the screen. "Old friends. They were my uncle's poker buddies. Probably more. I grew up with them."
"You remember them?" Callen asked her. She turned to him, her smile was slightly sad as she nodded.
"A little. I need to see them. I need to talk to them about Uncle Mike." Callen saw the tears in her eyes. That must be what she'd remembered this morning with Nate that had made her upset. He stepped over to her.
"I'm sorry about your uncle, Tash. I'm sorry we couldn't tell you," he said gently. Tash shook her head and smiled at him.
"Wasn't much point in telling me until I remembered was there?"
Callen smiled back and shook his head. "Do you know where they are?" he asked. Tash nodded.
"San Diego. Brian is still where he used to be. Near where I used to be." Tash looked at him and he saw what she was wanting to ask.
"You want me to come with you?" Callen asked as he reached out and wiped away a tear. He was pleased she didn't pull away.
"Please," was her response. Callen nodded.
"I'll check with Hetty and see when we can go." He turned and started to walk away.
"G," Tash called out to him. Callen turned back. "Thank you." He smiled and left to find Hetty.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Hetty was able to give them the next day off. They left early in the morning, Tash falling asleep in the car on the way. It gave Callen time to think as he drove.
He wasn't sure what she would learn today, but he was glad that she wanted him with her. He didn't know what he would have been doing if she had wanted someone else. He was starting to worry about how fragile she was looking. He'd hoped that as she remembered more, she would be happier; more the old Tash. She was sometimes, but recently, she was sad and hurting more often than anything else. Maybe too many memories had been about loss lately. Nate told him she had remembered a small amount about her parents death yesterday, and that she didn't want to remember any more. He hoped that today, visiting these two men from her past, wouldn't bring that back.
He also wondered if she remembered what they were to each other but, although he had been tempted to ask her, he hadn't. She had seemed so exhausted last night, she'd barely eaten and went to bed early. She'd been through so much with the memories from the last couple of days. According to Nate, she was doing well. Whilst that might be the case with the memories returning, in general he disagreed. Nate didn't see her at night, or most of the day. He didn't see behind the mask Tash put on when everyone else was around. They all seemed to think she was coping quite well. Maybe not Hetty, but the rest. It looked like even if she didn't actually remember how to hide her feelings, she did know. He was just lucky that he was one of the few who could see the truth.
The biggest thing he could take from all of this at the moment, was that she seemed to trust him, seemed like she knew she was safe around him. He knew that no one else had seen her lose it like she had the other day. He needed to figure out what she needed, because at the moment, what they were doing really wasn't working.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Callen stopped at a coffee shop, not too far from where Brian lived and woke her up.
"Tash, we're almost there. Thought you might be hungry."
Tash looked at him and shrugged. She straightened up in her seat and looked around.
"Not sure. I think I'm nervous," she admitted.
Callen frowned. "Why?"
"What …" Tash closed her eyes and turned her head away from him. "What must they think? I didn't contact him for so long, didn't come to his funeral. They-" Callen cut her off before she could get too distressed.
"We don't know Tash. But we'll find out and we'll make sure they understand, as best we can." Callen knew they wouldn't be able to tell them everything, but he'd make sure that these two men from her life, who she obviously cared about, knew enough that they didn't think any less of Tash.
Tash looked back to him. "Can we just go? I really don't think I want to eat anything right now." She was absently fiddling with the hem of her shirt. He smiled slightly. Waiting always used to make her impatient.
"All right." Callen turned back in his seat and started the car again. As he pulled out of the car park, he glanced at her. She was still watching him. He smiled and she smiled back.
"Thank you, G. For coming with me."
"Anytime," he replied.
Callen pulled up at the address and watched as Tash looked at it. It was a two-storey, well maintained, white house. Nothing flash, but it was very welcoming. She turned to him, a frown on her face. "I don't remember the house."
"Let's go see if you remember the man." Callen got out of the car and walked around to her. He took her hand and, letting her set the pace, they walked to the front door. Tash closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She glanced over at him and he squeezed her hand to reassure her he was there.
Tash knocked.
The door opened and Brian was standing there. He looked at Callen first and then to Tash, recognition dawning quickly in his eyes. He smiled.
"Tash darling!" Brian stepped forward and hugged her. Tash responded and felt the tears in her eyes as she recognised this. She might not know him, but she knew the safety of being in these arms. Brian pulled back and looked at her.
"Tash?" he asked.
Tash tried to speak but she didn't know what to say. She glanced at Callen, silently begging him for help.
"Brian, I'm Callen, a friend of Tash's. Can we come in? We need to speak to you," Callen said.
Brian stepped back from Tash into the doorway and looked from Callen to Tash, a questioning looking on his face. Tash smiled and nodded.
"Please Brian, I need your help," Tash said softly.
"Come in then." Brian stepped back and ushered them through.
Callen and Tash followed him through to the sitting room. Tash looked around and a photo caught her eye. She moved over to it to take a closer look as Brian asked, "What can I do?"
Tash didn't answer, too lost in the photo she was holding, so Callen stepped in.
"What do you know about Tash's work?" he asked.
Brian shook his head. "Not much anymore. About four years ago she changed jobs and all she would tell us was that she was still catching bad guys, but she couldn't talk about it anymore."
Callen nodded. That would have been when Tash joined OSP. "Just over two years ago, someone tried to have Tash killed. She survived, but, she didn't remember who she was." Brian took in a shocked breath and looked at Tash, who had now turned around to face them.
"I didn't remember you until yesterday ... I didn't remember Uncle Mike until yesterday," Tash admitted.
"Two years ago?" Brian asked as he looked between Tash and Callen.
Tash nodded. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Brian frowned, "Sorry for what, Tash?" He moved over to Tash as she spoke.
"What did you think of me? What did he think of me for not visiting, not calling. Not coming to the funeral?" By the time she finished, she could barely see through the tears in her eyes and Brian put his hands gently on her shoulder.
"Oh my dear Tash, please don't think that." Tash looked up at him and frowned. "Someone phoned Mike, told him you were working on something big. But it would mean you wouldn't be able to be in contact with him for while, maybe even a year or two. He left us a number in case of an absolute emergency and when Mike died, we called it. He said they would get you the message as soon as it was safe, but to not expect you to be back soon."
"What was his name?" Callen asked.
Brian turned to look at him, though his hands still stayed reassuringly on Tash's shoulders. "Max Johnson. Said he was her handler."
Callen shook his head. "He wasn't."
Brian frowned and turned back to Tash.
"What happened?" he asked her.
"I don't really know. I was with someone I thought was Uncle Mike. At least that is what he told me. I didn't remember anything for so long. Only the last couple of weeks really," Tash answered.
Brian cupped her face. "Tash, Mike loved you so much. He was so proud of you, of what you were doing. Don't doubt that, ever."
X
She walked across the stage to accept her degree. She took it in one hand as she shook the professor's hand and then turned to face the crowd. She saw him, standing there clapping so hard and smiling so big. She smiled back and also noted the tears on his face. She knew he was proud of her. As were the other three men standing there next to him, though they weren't as enthusiastic as Uncle Mike. No one could be. A lump formed in her throat and she left the stage.
X
Tash looked up at Brian. "I won't," she whispered. Tash turned away and picked up the photo again. "Who is this?"
"Tash," Callen warned. He knew that tone, knew she was asking things she shouldn't be. She looked at him and shook her head.
"Please G, don't be like Nate," she begged him.
Brian turned to him and frowned.
"Our psychologist would prefer she remembered on her own. We are allowed to prompt her but nothing else," Callen explained.
"I don't work for you though. Different rules," Brian said. Callen smiled. Smart man. He glanced at Tash and gave in with a nod. It wasn't like he could order Brian not to say anything. Plus, the look in Tash's eyes when Callen had agreed just now, would be worth the reprimand from Nate. Yeah, but what about Hetty? a little voice inside his head whispered. He shook it off and listened as Brian spoke to Tash about the photo.
"It was your prom. That's David. He's my youngest son. The two of you were dating."
Tash looked up from the photo, "For how long?"
"Three years," Brian answered.
X
She was lying on the couch, her back against him, his arms gently around her. She knew what was going to happen, she felt it and she was sure he felt it too.
"This isn't working is it, Tash?" David asked before she had a chance.
She shook her head against him. "Not really."
"Tash." She turned to face him at the serious tone in his voice. "You know I love you, but..."
"I know. The distance is too much. We're a whole country apart," she finished. She was at Stanford, he was at Columbia. They'd tried but it wasn't working. Neither of them had much time to visit with their heavy workloads and, although the time difference wasn't that big, timing phone calls had been difficult.
"I haven't cheated on you Tash, I swear. I just … I miss being with someone. Going out together rather than on my own. I know this sounds selfish." She shook her head.
"It doesn't. We're still just kids really. We care about each other, but are we really ready to say that this is the real and final thing?" she asked him.
"No," David answered softly. She could see that he wished he could have given a different answer. So did she.
"Same here," she agreed.
David reached out and stroked her cheek. "So what do we do?"
"Put the boyfriend/girlfriend side on hold until we finish Uni. Then see if it's still there," she suggested.
"Keep the best friend thing going though, right?" David queried with that cheeky smile she loved.
"Of course. I love David. You are my best friend." She moved back into his arms and he held her.
"What do you say to dinner and a movie as best friends?" David asked her.
"As long as I get to choose the movie," she answered with a chuckle.
"Don't trust me?"
She poked her tongue out at him as she stood up. "Don't want to see 'Joe vs the Volcano'."
"So I have to sit through 'Pretty Woman' instead?"
"Yep." She smiled at him as he shrugged.
"Could be worth it to see you eating sushi." Her eyes went wide. He grinned.
"Italian it is," David said as he slipped his arm around her shoulder and they walked out.
X
Tash looked back at Brian once the memory faded. She smiled gently.
"Distance didn't work," she said. Brian smiled at her and shook his head in agreement.
As Tash glanced over at Callen, he pulled his expression into what he hoped was neutral and reassuring. The surge of jealousy at her being with someone else was so unexpected. It wasn't like he didn't know she'd been with others. Though if he thought back, he'd been jealous every time she'd had a date. But this was different. She'd been with this guy for a long time. What if... He stopped the thoughts there.
Tash frowned at the look on Callen's face that he had tried to hide. Was he jealous? She shook her head slightly. He couldn't be. Tash put the photo back on the shelf and moved to sit down. Callen came and sat close beside her. Brian took a seat across from them.
Tash took a deep breath before she asked her next question, looking at her hands as she spoke.
"How did he die?" Her voice was soft and filled with pain. She wasn't quite sure why since she didn't really remember her uncle. Callen moved slightly closer, so his arms was touching hers, hoping it would comfort her just a little.
"It was quick Tash. A heart attack. He didn't suffer or anything like that," Brian reassured her. "He left you everything." Tash looked up from her hands to Brian, her eyes wide with shock.
Brian smiled. "He knew you would come back. At least he hoped. If you didn't come back, everything was to go charity in ten years. The house is rented out at the moment. Everything is in storage. When you're ready, I'll take care of transferring everything to you." Brian stood up and walked over to the bookcase. He pulled out a book and took a letter from it then turned around.
"He left this letter for you. I don't know if you are ready to read it yet. But here it is." Brian walked over to her as he spoke and held out the letter to her. Tash just starred at it. She shook her head. "I can't," she whispered.
Brian stepped back and turned to Callen. He held out the letter to him, "For when she is ready." Callen frowned. Brian smiled at him. "She trusts you. So I trust you. When she's ready, give it to her," Brian continued.
Callen took the letter and wondered what Brian had seen to make him believe that.
"What about Don?" Tash finally asked.
Brian sat back down. "He is sick Tash, very sick. But he still remembers you." Brian looked her over carefully before continuing. "I'm not sure you are ready to see him though." Tash looked up and frowned.
"Why not?" she asked.
"You look like you're going through hell right now, Sweetheart. Seeing him will be very hard. There is time. You don't have to see him today."
He was right, Tash knew it. She really didn't think she was up to much more today. But there was one thing she needed to know, needed to do. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.
"Where is he buried?" she finally asked.
Brian smiled gently at her. "County Cemetery. Plot 455."
Tash stood up and stepped over to Brian. She put her arms around him, kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "Thank you. I will be back. I promise." She pulled back and Brian smiled at her.
"I know. I always knew you would be."
Tash turned to Callen and he stood. He knew what she wanted to do now.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Tash stopped as they got near the plot, not sure if she could do this. Callen turned her gently to face him and, seeing the distress and pain on her face, pulled her into his arms.
"You don't have to do this now Tash."
"I want to, I just don't know if I can," she answered.
Callen kissed the top of her head and held her quietly, giving her time to get herself ready. When she didn't let go after a few minutes, he tilted her head up to look at him. "You don't have to do this alone, I'm right here," he reassured her. Tash smiled and nodded as she pulled back. She took his hand, took a deep breath and nodded.
"On we go?" They turned and walked to the grave of her uncle together.
Tash looked down at it and felt the tears fall. The grave stone read 'Mike Lester, Ever loving Uncle to Tash. Died 5-03-2009'
Tash almost giggled as she read the date. Callen looked at her, she seemed a little happy and he wondered what had caused it. It was so unexpected. Tash looked up at him and explained.
"I remember Uncle Mike never liked admitting his age, especially when I came to live with him. He didn't want anyone to think he was too old to be looking after me."
Callen looked back down at the grave stone and, after reading it again, understood. There was no date of birth.
Tash turned back to the grave stone and let go of Callen's hand. He watched as she moved forward and knelt down, her fingers gently traced the words inscribed.
X
"Tash, what are you doing calling me? Aren't you supposed to be on your way to class?" Uncle Mike asked. Tash smiled.
"You know my schedule huh?"
"Of course. What's up, Sweetheart?" he asked again.
Unless it was from behind a hand of cards, she never could get anything past him.
"I'm just missing you a little," she admitted.
"Miss you too, though not on Poker nights," Uncle Mike chucked.
"Starting to make your money back now?" she asked him.
"Enough that I can start thinking about a holiday," he replied.
Her alarm went off and the smile on her face fell. She had to go.
"I have to go Uncle Mike. Thanks for the chat."
"Anytime. As long as you aren't in class," he said. It made her smile again.
X
She walked down the corridor to her dorm room and looked up. She stopped in her tracks. There he was. She smiled and ran the rest of the way.
"Uncle Mike!" she whispered as she flung her arms around him.
"Hey kiddo," he said, his arms going around her as he steadied them both.
"What are you doing here?" she asked when she pulled back.
"You missed me. Came for a visit," he replied.
She looked at her watch and frowned. "What did you do? Hijack a jet? I spoke to you less than four hours ago."
He shrugged. "Got to do what you got to do. So, you going to show me what you've done to your room or are we going to stand out in the corridor all afternoon?" She smiled, took his hand and they walked through her door.
X
Tash turned and looked up at Callen. He came and knelt down next to her.
"What did you remember?" he asked. She swallowed to try and get rid of the lump in her throat that seemed like it was there way too often at the moment.
"He made the trip from San Diego to Stanford in under four hours, just because I said I missed him," she replied.
Callen reached over and brushed the hair off her face. "He cared about you a lot," he said. Tash frowned. "How do you know that?"
"You told me," Callen answered. They stood up together.
The tears fell down her cheeks as she whispered, "Why does it hurt so bad when I don't remember much?"
Callen pulled her into his arms. "Maybe because it's not your mind remembering, but your heart. Uou loved him very much."
Tash cried as he held her. Callen hated that he couldn't do anything to make the pain go away. He hated that these emotions seemed normal for her lately, even though the memories weren't always painful. There had to be more they could do. There had to be.