I spent yesterday doing a bunch of work in the house, as well as saying goodbye to my island. Surfing, the Arizona, the gravestones – even the one I knew to be false; a sunrise run to the petroglyphs and a swim in the ocean this morning. A routine followed when I was 16, the weekend before my dad shipped me off to the mainland.

It'll be a few weekends, at least, before I actually leave O'ahu, but this is my weekend to say goodbye. I surfed and swam as if it would be the last time. In a way, it will be – at least in waters as warm and chlorine free as Hawaii. I'll be back eventually, I'm sure. I'll spend a few more years as a SEAL, until the new recruits started calling me Gramps, and eventually I'll make my way back here. If I live that long. Of course, it's entirely possible the Navy won't want me back full time, especially after my unauthorized jaunts to such wonderful vacation spots as North Korea and Afghanistan.

I'll be leaving anyway.

My entire body was screaming at me by the time I arrived at the Palace. I'm not quite sure when that was, or how long I've been sitting here, hunched over my desk, but now my back is starting to protest instead. I stretch, hear something pop, laugh at myself.

"Maybe I'm too old for be going back to the SEALs." But no, not quite yet. After all, I had another of those perfect vaults-over-a-moving-car the other day. I'm still good to go.

I save the form I've just completed, attach it to the email I've got started and scheduled to send tomorrow morning. A resignation letter, recommendation for Danny's promotion and one for him to take over Five-0. I've got a bunch of forms on the corner of my desk to fill out, too, that the lawyer faxed over a few hours ago. Instead, I turn to something much more important: honors recommendations for my team.

Or, should I say, Danny's team.

I've lost count of how many of these I've written up for the guys in my SEAL teams, but I've never written any for Five-0 and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. God knows they've all more than deserved recognition, almost since day one. So, you'd think this would be easier, but I think it's the hardest fucking thing I've ever done. How can I pick just one event deserving recognition when there are dozens and dozens of them, not including the classified ones? So I don't.

I just let it go.

I've heard interviews with authors who say their novels wrote themselves. I never really got that until now. The words just flow through my fingers to the keyboard. Everything I ever should have said to my team, but never did. They stop only when the memories take over; I let them wash over me and then continue on.

Just as I start the last one – Danny's – there's the sound of little feet pounding across the floor, drowning out the clacking of my keyboard.

Grace.

Gracie means Danno and so I flip off the monitor, hiding my work, and turn to her just in time to catch her as she jumps at my chair. I honestly didn't expect to ever see her again after Danny took her home Friday night. With everyone else around at the time, I hadn't let myself think about that, which was for the best because I really didn't want to break down in front of her. Like I can feel myself almost doing now.

I love this little girl like she's my own, even though I have no right to. I let her words wash over me as I try to reign in my emotions, but it's hard. I'd been here alone just a few minutes ago, basically reliving the worst moments of my life over the past five years. Not to mention that she's the key to the lockbox I use to keep my emotions in check. I think the only reason I'm able to hold it together and stick to my decision is because those memories I'd been reliving are most of the reasons I need to leave.

Another reason is sitting here in my lap, asking me to take her surfing. Then Danny's trying to get her out of my office. Once again, I know this is the last time I'll ever see her but unlike the other night, I let myself say goodbye to her. I hug her almost too tight, but not enough to hurt her. I say goodbye without words, to her, to Danny, even the rest of the team; I pour everything I feel for them into that hug. Her little arms squeeze around my shoulders.

It makes me wonder if she knows this is the last time we'll see each other.

As I release her, that lockbox slams shut once more. The key slides off my lap. And then she's gone.

"Steve?"

I lean back in my chair, trying to go for casual, knowing I'm failing. "Hey Danno, what brings you guys by?" He settles against the door, crossing his arms. That's never good.

"You, actually. Been trying to get a hold of you all weekend, babe. What's up?"

"Sorry, man. Got caught up with some things. And I'm actually going to be out some of tomorrow. I've got meetings and errands, so I thought I'd come by and get caught up on some paperwork." As expected, that earns me a raised eyebrow. The pacing and the hands start.

"You're volunteering to do paperwork – on a Sunday, no less – you're shifting somewhere between someone-tortured-my-puppy and BAMF-SEAL-mask, and you have, and I quote, 'meetings and errands' to run tomorrow. What's going on, Steve? You dying or something?" He stops in front of my chair and narrows his eyes at me. I've got a feeling Danny's only about twenty-five percent joking with that question.

"Nah, man. Just, you know, trying to be nice. You keep bitching at me that I don't do my share."

He looks over at Grace, in his office, who's stealing glances our way while pretending to mess around on her phone; looks down to me.

"I'll drop Grace off, come back and help you out."

I shake my head. No way I can deal with him for much longer. This afternoon has really fucked me up and I need the night to get it back together. I try to smirk at him. "How does that even make sense – you helping me do the paperwork you were upset I left for you in the first place? You get too much sun this weekend or something?"

Danny just looks at me, chews on the inside of his lip. He's studying me. That rarely leads to good things. Normally, if anyone's gonna study me, I'd want it to be him but... not today. He seems to have come to some kind of decision and crouches down in front of me. That means no rant. Shit.

"Thought we talked about this, babe, hmm? You know you can talk to me, right?"

I swallow hard, once again berating myself for getting lazy when I came back to Hawaii. I didn't keep my walls reinforced. Danny picked them apart. Now they're nothing more than cheap picket fences.

"Yeah, Danny, I know."

"So?" He reaches up, taps my jaw with an index finger. "This is a new face. I don't like this face." He pulls his hand away. "What's going on, Steve? Tell me."

"I will, Danno. Just... not today, alright?"

He hangs his head in defeat. Can't deny that I'm feeling a bit relieved that he's going to drop it, for now anyway, but the guilt twists my gut. He pats my knee and stands.

"Love you, buddy, you know that right?" My lips twitch into a bit of a smile at that.

"Love you, too, Danno." That's why I have to go.