179. Of Things Left Behind
"I just got finished talking to the Police Department's Lieutenant not too long ago…," Cyborg said.
Raven looked up across the Main Room.
It was middle afternoon.
The sky was overcast outside.
Everything cold and gray outside and inside.
"There's going to be a memorial for the victims…," Cyborg said. A pause. He swallowed and added: "All the victims."
Raven slowly nodded. "That will be….a long memorial."
"Perhaps…," the android Titan exhaled. "But then again….not too long. They're going to have a funeral on the same day."
"Hmmm?"
"Robin's."
A beat.
Raven slowly raised an eyebrow. "Robin's funeral?"
"It's the City's decision, not mine….," Cyborg ran his left skeletal hand up and rubbed his human head. "…though….I-I almost wished I thought of it first."
"………."
Cyborg cleared his throat. "Ahem….th-they want us there….for when they honor him—"
"Of course we'll be there," Raven said…a little too bluntly for even her own good. She gazed off and was silent.
A beat.
Cyborg stood up. Limping on half-titanium legs he walked across the room and looked out upon the gray world across the grayer Bay. The last plumes of smoke. The news and rescue helicopters swarming overhead. Cranes and lattices of workers attempting to piece together the last shreds of the scarred City.
"You know, Raven…..everyday, we've kinda been reminded about how much we actually do for this City. Sometimes when we cruised back and forth to talk to the Commissioner, people would wave and cheer at us. If we were having pizza out, the occasional gaggle of fans would run up and beg us for autographs and whatnot. And then there's all the t.v. news topics covering us. The documentaries. Toys and merchandise. Even a magazine…from what I hear. We've grown popular and revered throughout the entire world. And I've always taken it with a grain of salt. But now……Today…..when the City is practically dying, it still lends a breath to exclaim its desire….t-to honor us. And to honor one of the fallen. I didn't know until those people with the candles showed up here last night just how much we are truly….truly loved. And now Robin……………."
His voice lingered off.
Raven nodded.
A beat.
She stood up.
She gently, slowly walked over and stood by his side.
"All of us…the Titans…," she began with a soft drone. "We've done our fair share of crying. Starfire. Beast Boy. You. Even…..even m-myself……" She paused for a breath and then uttered: "I think it's time that the City takes up the mourning for us, though….not necessarily in our place."
He gently nodded.
Raven gazed out the window. "When did they say the funeral would be?"
"Two days from now."
Raven grasped his shoulder and shuffled off. "Follow me…"
Cyborg looked at her. "???"
She walked towards the elevator. "Now is the time that I show it to you."
He raised an eyebrow. "Show what to me?"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"Looks like Raven's healing touch has made it quite bearable at least….," Tempest uttered, a lone finger trailing across his thigh.
He sat on a rock bluff on the edge of the island. His left leg was in a heavy, opposable brace from the hip down. He had crutches resting besides him for easy access as he nonchalantly tossed a rock into the Bay. With a glowing hand of purple, he made a 'hand' of water rise up, snatch the rock, and toss it a little further out—skipping across the surface.
"………," I sat next to him. My hands on my knees. Silent.
Two dark-haired heroes looking out across the gray mist and waters….
"Though I don't think I hardly deserve it….," Tempest muttered, shifting where he sat a bit. "There are hundreds of other people inside that hospital who could have benefited from Raven's added procedures much more than I could."
I was mute. Always.
But….
If Raven tried to heal everyone in this City……
I gazed deadpan at him.
She would have died from the strain or would have opened the mindgate for her father to march on through.
Tempest chucked another rock.
SPLOOSH!!!
It sank in an instant.
He grunted: "Still….I won't be able to swim again…ever…."
"…………," I gazed down at his left leg.
"Dagger's blade dug deep…..very deep," Tempest sighed. "The lower legs are extremely important pieces of the Atlantean anatomy…but no more important is it than where he stabbed into the meat and muscle. How could a surface-dwelling despot like that possibly know how to maim my underwater days for life?"
Silence.
He threw another stone.
It also plunged.
He sighed. "I suppose you're mad at me……..for not being there……"
I leaned my head to the side.
"For not bearing witness to Robin's final breath….."
I exhaled.
My black eyes trailed off under my shades.
I'm not mad at anybody for anything anymore……
"It figures….," he clenched his teeth, swallowed, and then spoke: "I'm always the one to see the picture from the outside. The last time I saw Tula alive, I thought I could not feel anything more painfully intimate than the sigh of her last breath against me. And I was right. My Idyllist days before she died were always about trying to be the outsider. And now….no matter how much I try to stay intimate and in the center…….I am bound to be seeing things from the exterior of the bleeding shell. I was never close enough or dedicated enough to Robin to truly serve the Titan Leader in life. And in death…..instead of mourning for him, I'm sitting here and bitching about my useless leg."
"……………."
"And yet….there is something painfully good about being on the outside….," he rubbed the flesh above his gill slits and sighed. "….I look at the Titans now….and I can see it….I can see it as clear as the Gulf Stream during a midday current. The Titans are defeated."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Not necessarily in politics as they are in spirit," Tempest said. "Starfire has spent the last forty-eight hours sobbing in the shadows. Beast Boy walks around endlessly in the shadows of the Tower. Raven and Cyborg sit around together and say nothing like some elderly couple turning into stone. And you……." He hesitated. He looked at me. His dark eyes narrowed and there was a slight touch of somber amusement as he said: "You don't know how to cry, do you Noir?"
I bit my lip.
"At least….not today……," he said. He gazed off across the waters. "….you're too damn strong. You won't allow yourself." And he tossed another rock.
It skipped.
Then sank.
Tempest was silent, and in the small break in breathing I drifted off.
I know too well how to cry.
But……
I simply don't deserve to do it.
I stroked my metal wrist and knuckles.
The chill was graciously absent for the time being.
I exhaled.
Someone like me……the person that I am……the thing that was born into 'me'……
I don't deserve to cry.
I don't deserve that luxury.
I turned slowly.
I craned my neck.
I gazed up at the Tower.
Who would have thought?
This perfect Heaven would have turned into a perfect Hell.
I closed my black eyes.
It is……taunting me.
Everything.
The cold air.
The bloodstained streets.
The fallen bird.
It is all taunting me……
"Before Lindsay went home to her parents….," Tempest spoke. "….she mentioned something of a memorial. Ya know…for the fallen."
I nodded.
"…..and a funeral for Robin."
I looked at him.
Tempest was staring at the gray waters. "A funeral run by the City. The citizens of this dwelling place are coming together to honor our fallen leader." A beat. He looked at me. "He was….a legend, of sorts…..wasn't he?"
I scratched my neck.
I shrugged.
All the Robins were……
"In this 'Gotham City' I keep hearing about as well as here…," the Atlantean rambled with a gesturing hand. "He was….like a savior. Kinda puts the rest of us to shame."
"……," I glanced at him.
He glanced at me.
A beat.
He smirked.
I smirked.
Tempest chuckled.
I shook my head, exhaling.
A brief, upwards beat….
And the gray settled again.
And our gazes were floating towards opposite poles of the world.
And soon we returned again.
"……."
"At the risk of sounding like the party pooper of a holocaust…," Tempest shuddered and gazed up towards the overcast clouds. "But we six are pretty damn lucky…."
I cringed.
"Aren't we?" he asked.
I sighed.
I nodded.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
Schwissh!
The door to Raven's room opened.
The dark girl drifted through.
She walked in alone….and paused.
"…….."
She turned and looked around her shoulder.
Cyborg stood still in the doorway.
Hesitant.
Raven sighed with half a roll of her eyes. "Of course you can step in, Cyborg. I really don't care anymore, you know…."
He simpered.
Slowly, he stepped in…and took a pensive stride towards the center of the room. "You can never be too safe."
"Yeah you can," she turned and walked to the corner of the room.
Cyborg raised his human eyebrow.
Raven didn't notice.
The android Titan hung his half in-tact arms behind his back and gazed around as he 'waited'. And for the first time he noticed that the sorceress' dwelling place looked cheerier than the sunlit environment outside….
Creeeeak. The shutting of a wooden trunk.
Cyborg glanced over.
Raven shuffled back, a CD case in her hand. She opened the lid and revealed a DVD-R. In Robin's unmistakably clean marker writing was 'Omega Titan Address'.
Cyborg blinked. "What's…..Wh-What's this?"
"The last secret….," Raven whispered. "The last secret that Robin and I have kept from the rest of the team in founding the team."
Cyborg leaned his head to the side.
She held the disc out. "His last words…."
Cyborg swallowed. "You're……g-gonna share this secret with me, Rae?"
She slowly shook her head. She said: "With everyone."
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
Knock Knock Knock.
A pause.
Starfire's door opened.
The alien girl peered out.
Her eyes thin.
"Y-Yes….?"
Beast Boy simpered painfully. "Hey….Star…..it's B.B."
She blinked her green eyes. She smiled tiredly. "Beast Boy….it is glorious to see you………" A winded pause. She swallowed, leaned forward and murmured: "How is it that I can w-welcome you this evening, friend?"
Beast Boy bit his lip. He cleared his throat, chased any negative expressions away, and smiled gently. "Raven has….something to show us. All of us. I think you'll want to join us, Star."
"Oh? Is it a mission for us to accomplish? Does the recovering City need our aid so soon?"
"It's not that, Star. It's about……about…..," Beast Boy lingered. He scratched his head awkwardly, his eyes chasing the lines in the doorframe.
Starfire continued peering out. Beyond her in the faint shadows was a circular, pink bed with a twenty-four hour long impression in it. The faint gold scrap of a legend's cape could be seen in the distance.
Beast Boy blinked. He looked up at her. "Starfire?"
"Y-Yes, Beast Boy?"
"I……I just want to say………you probably feel so utterly….alone and stuff right now…."
She deflated a bit, as if pierced by his words. She shook and gazed downward.
Beast Boy quickly continued: "….but you don't have to be alone. Your friends are still here. And they…..," he ran a nervous hand across his bangs and breathed out heavily. "….they are sad too. We all were close to Robin. We all respected him. And though not all of us were….as….as close to him as you were….."
She shut her eyes.
He swallowed and said: "….it just….j-just doesn't work to be on your own throughout all of this, Starfire."
"I assure you that I am quite fine…," the alien girl said in a low, defeated voice. "…mourning on Tamaran undergoes as much solitude as it does mutual engagement—"
"Starfire…."
"In the event that my talents are needed to take on further evil, I shall gladly leave my room and—"
"Starfire, I want to thank you…."
She opened her eyes again. She blinked at him strangely. "Th-Thank me?"
"Yeah….," Beast Boy scratched the back of his head nervously. "Cuz of…well…..I know I've been a real stick in the mud about a lot of things. Well, maybe not a lot of things. Maybe just one thing." A beat. He cringed. "Okay, not a 'thing'….a person….."
Starfire stared at him. Her lips slightly parted.
"And…um…..I just want to let you know that…um….," Beast Boy turned away some and hugged his little self. "I'm….really…..r-really thankful. Cuz I've felt so alone in the past. And so angry and stuff….and you guys saw past all of that. And though….though sh-she never did get quite as close to you guys as she did to me…..you made me feel like I wasn't alone in the loss. And….a-and it felt so good….s-so warming. I could never just lie around in my room all day and sink in some hole of death and tears. I could actually go out and beat up crime again. I could make jokes. I…I-I could…"
Starfire pushed the door open.
She walked out briskly.
She tackled Beast Boy in a hug.
Beast Boy gasped…but then lowered his eyes as he hugged her back.
Starfire hiccupped and leaned her head over his shoulder. "I-I am so sorry, Beast Boy. It must be s-so hard for you right now. With Terra taken. Wh-Who am I to constantly mourn by myself when my friends so desperately need me…."
He sighed and spoke into her. "Don't ever be sorry, Star. Please…d-don't be sorry. We're all together in this. Don't let some…st-stinkin' guilt get in the way. We're all together, kay?"
"In-Indeed….," Starfire shuddered. Her eyes moist. "We are….together….."
Beast Boy had a shaking breath.
The two held each other for a spare, warm moment.
Then the hug parted.
Starfire rested her hands on Beast Boy's shoulders and managed a lukewarm smile into his eyes. "Now…remind me what it was you wanted to summon me for?"
He gulped. "It's a message….."
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
We all gathered in the Main Room.
Beast Boy sat cross-legged atop the back of the couch.
Next to him was Starfire, curled up, hugging a pillow to her chest.
Cyborg occupied an easy chair, his titanium and skeletal hands held together in thought.
Tempest sat in another chair…much closer to the center of a group meeting than he had ever been before. His crutches leaned on the arms of the chair to his left. He stretched his braced leg out and breathed gently.
I sat on a stool of the kitchen unit. Near the back. I shuffled playing cards in my metal hand. I had my black shades off.
Raven stood by the computer console. She pressed a button. With a mechanical whir, the main screen of the room lowered. She pulled out the DVD-R. She glanced at us.
We glanced at her.
She slipped the DVD in without any ceremony. With a swish of her blue robe, she floated over and sat on the sofa besides Starfire and Beast Boy….closest to Cyborg.
Everyone's eyes were on the screen as a blue backdrop blipped a few times.
And then…
His masked face…..
"My fellow Titans. If you are watching this now, then I am no longer with you. Through some circumstance or another, I have died. And there is no other way for me to give you a message right now then through this…"
Starfire hugged the pillow tighter. Her eyes were thin.
Beast Boy bit his lip.
Tempest and Cyborg leaned forward.
Raven and I were still.
The Boy Wonder's face…was smiling.
There was a haunting sense of peace about him.
And from beyond the digital glass he uttered:
"I can only hope that I passed on in the middle of doing the best for those who most needed my talents. I hope I died doing my best to eliminate evil or to put an end to some banal organization. It was always my life's duty and dream to fight for the rights of justice. I would find it more than flattering—I would find it fitting and even my destiny to perish in the act of doing that which I was inevitably born for."
His voice crackled out of the speakers and shuddered through the room like invisible ectoplasm.
"And with all inevitability comes the dark hand of fate. There was always a risk in this business of ours. And in choosing to fight alongside such powerfully gifted Titans as yourself, that risk was greatly amplified. All of you……my compatriots……you are super human. You are metaphysical. You are supernatural. It has been as much as a challenge as it has been an honor to fight evil alongside yours………especially when that evil was geared towards matching the combined immensity of your powers combined. It comes as no surprise to me that you are now watching this message. And certainly, it's no surprise of all of you to be sitting here and listening to me either. I am dead, Titans. I am dead, Titans……and I shall never return."
Starfire exhaled. Her eyes shut. Green tears gathering.
Beast Boy slid down so that he sat on the cushions next to her. He scooted over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder as she began to shake.
Tempest glanced down at the carpet.
Cyborg kept leaning forward.
Raven's eyes lowered, as if she had known this message. Perhaps she recorded it. Memorized it, even. She seemed to be meditating as Robin's gentle voice went on:
"Each and every one of you must learn to accept this fact. The challenge against evil is not something guaranteed of victory. Nor is it something without its sacrifices. But know this……I am not ashamed to have reached whatever end I have. I put my life—my mind, heart, and body—into this vigilantism. I knew the risks that were involved. I knew the limits of my mortality……of my strictly human talents. But that did not stop me. Sometimes, there are issues that go beyond the confines of life and death. The fact that I gave my life is of very little importance compared to what I did during my life to lead up to the End. And I am proud to assume that the rest of you shall carry on the legacy. That you will all keep fighting. For death is but part of the journey every hero must take. It is not something we should regret……nor feel remorse over."
I took a deep breath. I looked at the screen. My empty throat sore…
Robin's eyemask narrowed on the monitor.
"Death is something……that we must all grow beyond……"
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
November 8, 2004.
The City Cemetery.
Located on the green plains of the City's Western borders.
On the banks of the river which would eventually stretch out underneath the suspension bridge and flow out into the Bay in the East…..
The people gathered in the hundreds….the thousands….
Masses of quiet, clamoring people.
The sky was still overcast…..but not quite as gray and dreadful as the day before.
For there were splits in the clouds.
And golden streams of light wavered down, illuminating the tops of heads both bowed and straight.
And the masses formed two thick fields of warmth.
Through which, the white gravel walkway between headstone fields was left open.
And a procession of uniformed policemen, officers, and guards marched two-by-two down the space.
Straight and tall.
Ornate and proud.
Carrying bundled flags.
With badges.
And names.
And ranks.
'The fight does not end with death. If it did, the world would cease to spend. But the Universe is constantly flexing. An endless bend of good against evil and vice versa. And those of us who leave—by whatever tragic or heroic means—are merely handing the sword to the next one in line to defend the bulwarks of eternal principals."
Monuments were erected.
Clean and polished.
Ivory halos in a line.
Bearing the names of over sixty police officers who perished in the City's siege.
Officer stood.
Saluting.
Those carrying the flags lined up.
A high-ranking officer shouted an order.
Guards raised rifles to the air.
And at command, they fired.
The shots ringing loudly across the ghostly crowd.
'This of course doesn't mean that death without its pain. For those left behind, something is ripped away from them. I cannot even begin to apologize for this pain that you must be enduring, friends. But I trust that I can face death and I trust that you can endure the pain of it if you all simply understand and put to mind the fact that……there are far greater things to possibly be mournful over. And at the same time, there are even more, greater things to be passionate and thankful for. And it all centers on the fight that we keep taking part in. Even without its concrete victories, it holds the shadow of darkness back. And—as painful as it may be—it brings goodness back into this world.'
Flags were raised and lowered at half-mast.
A quartet of bagpipes accompanied the ceremony.
And in the ensuing moment of silence…..the deafening nothingness that went on for seemingly forever….
The drier half of the masses' eyes fell on Commissioner Decker's tombstone. A step larger than the others. Added ivory for the legacy of heroism.
The Lieutenant stood with a cane, attempting to stand as straight as he could. He was accompanied by Officers Abbey and Chapman. Fellow workers who survived the Department's bombing. And public officials like City Secretary Allen Bringham, Director of Civil Services Frederick Smith, and even the Mayor. Maggie Sawyer and Commissioner Gordon had come all the way over from Metropolis and Gotham City respectfully. Their heads were bowed and their faces were solid.
The Lieutenant took a shuddering breath, his eyes moist. Many an adult officer tried his or her best to remain still and strong. But like some of the buildings in the City's Downtown, it was a feeble effort that week.
'My death, dear Titans, it is the beginning of something. It is growth—I believe—and not shrinking back. I wish the best for each and every one of you. And I trust that you will have the strength and tenacity to not let my absence deter the spirit and the dream that is the Teen Titans. What this City needs is a willing and able team. Not a dead legend from Gotham City. And it will be up to you to show that to them……'
The names of the confirmed dead were read aloud. By the Mayor. By the Lieutenant. By the bodies of the County Offices.
All eight hundred and seventy-two of them.
Open sobs lit the air of the City cemetery.
A few family members even collapsed, their leftover loved ones trying to hold them up.
Lisa was there with her sister. Standing somberly near the middle of the crowd. Looking twice as dark as ever on that day.
Renee and Daniel stood besides the surviving Fillmores. Daniel had his arm in a loose cast. Renee had her arm wrapped around his. She was dabbing at her eyes. Mrs. Fillmore held her two daughters close. They all sighed as one.
Lindsay stood with Phil innocently bouncing against her shoulder. She had a somber face that matched the stone, dark gray of her gown as she stood besides her family members, Antoine, Lillian, Bonnie, Jack, Karen, and even Carman from the diner. There was something cold in the skin of Lindsay's face that hid the freckles…if but for a moment. She was silent the entire time while Phil gurgled.
Ashley and Greg Knight were there. But their father wasn't….
And the names went on….and on….and on….
Like the clouds…
'I am willing to trust that I have died as Robin. Much the same that I have first joined you, as Robin. I know it is difficult for most of you to understand. And you might even hate me that I have forever been the masked hero before you and not the human being. But I cannot even begin to tell you—even after death—how incredibly important my secret identity is. It risks the security of so many people and so many powers that uphold the pillars of good in this hemisphere that any little hint as to who I am could inevitably send everything crumbling down. This is not your fault, Titans. In essence……I'm inclined to believe that it is nobody's fault. It is but a device through which I achieve the practical mechanization of delivering good and heroism to the masses. And if I was to revealed……even to my closest allies……the sacrifices would be devastating.'
Suddenly, the entire crowd was moving.
Surging softly on shuffling feet through the ivory-speckled fields of green.
And we were part of the movement.
Raven in a jet black pantsuit.
Starfire in a modest dress of black.
Cyborg in a suit just for him.
Myself in a dark ensemble indicative of my funeral home days.
Beast Boy in a dark brown outfit.
And Tempest hobbling close behind the changeling in black with gray crutches.
Starfire's hair was in a bun…and not once did she hover on that day…..even to the point of lifting her feet a single inch from the ground. And she was amazingly dry the whole time, exhibiting an almost Terran determination in holding back her tears. For what reason….none of us could guess nor desired to guess.
While walking, Beast Boy looked over. Across the cemetery. At other surging crowds.
And….
His lips parted.
He elbowed Tempest behind him lightly and pointed. "Hey…dude….," whispered the changeling. "Look at that…."
"What??" Tempest hissed and glanced over. He blinked.
I looked as well. And in a cemetery under a gray sky, I saw the Justice League for the first time.
The Man of Steel—as ever I've seen printed, illustrated, and photographed at least half a million times each year—walked slowly ahead of the group. His dark eyes were ever compassionate and ever human, in spite of his obvious origins. He wore his trademark red, white, and blue…..and not a soul amidst the hundreds attending complained.
He was followed closely by the Green Lantern, who walked tall and foreboding in a dark suit befitting a funeral. His unmistakable face had a brow furrowed as if there was always a battle to be fought, even under the shuffling feet of a massive funeral procession.
Behind him was the familiar figure of Diana. Her Amazonian body modestly suited in a dark gown. Her strong face was femininely soft and compassionate, as if she was gazing at a wounded child beyond the lengths of golden light that randomly scattered down onto the floor.
A masked man walked behind her….masked in that he had his trademark red cowl and 'lightning bolts' covering his head from the neck up…where all else below was decent funeral attire. His lips did not seem used to being deadpan, and yet the effort to be solemn was evidently there.
And then Martian Manhunter took up the rear of the group, and all of us were only capable of guessing that his exotic garb was the alien representation of ceremonial mourning. He was as silent and straight as the tombstones as he shuffled behind the others. Like a granite bishop chesspiece.
But those five weren't the only ones of heroic ilk among us.
A familiar air followed Green Arrow as he walked along with the shuffling crowd in the distance. His fists were constantly clenched as if he wanted to wrestle death to the ground for one reason or another.
He was more or less accompanied by the strangely deadpan Black Canary, her normally splending golden hair appearing somewhat faded for the time being.
A mysteriously somber gentleman walked at the rear of the group. He was a well-suited man who had reddish-brown hair and a white streak running squarely down the middle.
So many faces……familiar and recognized……and yet……
"Batman….," Beast Boy murmured.
"Huh?" Tempest looked over.
"Batman isn't here…," Beast Boy said. And he was frowning. "Not even Nightwing. Or Batgirl. Not anyone from Gotham City except that Gordon guy. Shoot……you'd think someone in the Dark Knight family would friggin' care about Robin. Makes you get ideas as to why he came here to begin with—"
"Shhh!" Raven hissed.
Beast Boy bit his lip.
Tempest sighed.
"……..," I pressed on.
Beast Boy stared down at his shuffling feet….looking somewhere between betrayed and angry.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
'Beast Boy. I have seen you grow up so much since joining us. When you came to the Titans, you were an amateur. A spirited do-gooder……heheh……and on occasion, a total klutz. I can't count the hours I've spent hitting myself in the head at night, trying to understand why in the world I ever inducted you. But over time, I found out. You have bravery and compassion that challenges the very stars to fall, Beast Boy. When worse comes to worse and the Titans find themselves struggling with frustration and to overcome such terrible obstacles……it's your enthusiasm and your innocence that reminds us of the joy we should feel……for we are all fighting for a mighty, mighty purpose.'
Beast Boy shuffled into the crumbled interior of Phaser Labs.
Completely in uniform.
He looked around at the last of the day's salvagers attempting to clean the interior and remove special items for the demolition squad to move in during the coming weeks.
Slowly, the boy walked over to a barren pedestal.
He looked down.
One petal had survived the cleanup crew.
He knelt down.
He picked it up and looked it over in his hand.
He sighed with a gloved palm over his face and froze….
'If it wasn't for your faithful insistence, Beast Boy, we never would have given Terra a second chance. We never would have looked at the faults in ourselves and taken the time to realize that we all are really children deep down who are capable of making mistakes. And by your strength alone……we may indeed be able to bring Terra back after all.'
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
'Raven, my admiration and respect for you knows no boundaries. You have gone through so much more than you are capable of telling us, much less that which you are willing to. There is something in you which I find comparable to myself. An undying secret. A pain or an obsession which you keep close to heart. Only for you……the struggle must be unbearable at times. For every emotion and every inch of passion you give into the fight against evil is a vulnerability to evil itself. Your restraint and your maturity and your patience has matured the team far faster than any prep talk of mine could incite. And I shall forever feel thankful to you for that.'
Raven floated in the corner of her room.
Between corners of burning incense.
The curtains closed before a gray world outside…
And she had her fingers folded.
And she meditated.
And she chanted.
And yet….minutes into it….
Her violet eyes open.
And she suffered a terrible chill.
She hugged herself in spite of it all.
Visibly alone.
'I hope that the Titans continue to provide you with the security both you and I sought to acquire when we founded this team. Stick by your friends, Raven. Even if you may or may not become close to any single one of them. For in the end, you will find that your strength has quite firmly woven itself into their collective consciousness all the same that they have contributed to your well-being.'
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
The crowds were gathering at the end of the cemetery.
Besides a cliff that faced out against the rippling river in the west.
There was something tall and shrouded in white in the center of some gravel square erected far away from the other fields of headstones.
People sat in metal folding chairs like a gradually, falling blanket.
A podium rested besides the shrouded object. Facing the crowd.
I stared at it. My hands hanging by my side. Breathing.
"They say Superman is going to read his euology….," a young voice uttered.
"………"
"N-Noir?"
I glanced aside. My lips parted.
Sandy looked up at me. She simpered softly from behind her glasses. She wore a petite gown of black across her even more petite frame. "H-Hello….."
"……," I smiled painfully.
And in a single instant, we both hugged each other. Tightly.
Sandy clenched her eyes shut beneath her glasses. She sniffed, a few drops of salt water collecting.
We parted.
She swallowed painfully and hand-signed: 'We all feel the hurt.'
I nodded.
I hand-signed back: 'We all feel the life as well.'
Sandy shuddered into a weak smile at that.
A tall young woman stepped up beside her. Ms. Cartwright. She rested a hand on Sandy's shoulder and looked at me.
"I….'volunteered' to drive her all the way here."
I smiled somewhat.
She smiled somewhat back.
A beat.
She added breathily: "Of course…..I-I had to come myself. I just had to. The opera house…the Titans….where would……." Her voice lingered at the risk of sounding cliché. So instead she cleared her throat and said: "It's being renamed."
I leaned my head to the side. Curious.
"The opera house, in Westhaven," Ms. Cartwright said.
I slowly nodded, still curious.
And Sandy sniffed and blurted: "'Robin Theatre'."
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
'Tempest. If this is the recording that you are now viewing, then I know for certain that I have gotten very little a chance to truly get to know you and your talents. But there is nothing denying the strength and the maturity and the experience that I see in you. I know that adapting to the surface world is something full of such incredible challenges for you. And after the utter tragedy you experienced among your own people, I cannot begin to imagine where you summon the strength to motivate yourself further. But I know one thing. You are a Titan. And what all Titans have in common is that we are greater than the obstacles that try to bind us. I have faith and high hopes for your future with Atlantis. Your people will turn around. King Orin still loves you, and the people know that you are far more than some victim to Slizzath. You are an icon. An Idyllist. You live in a paradox that—regardless of all friction—supports the notion that Peace is at the end of the road for all who strive against the darkness. I am supremely proud……and honored……to have you on my team.'
Tempest stood waist-deep in the shores of the water surrounding Titans' Island.
He dipped his hands down, cupped a generous amount of ocean, and splashed it up into his face.
He shook his dark, wet threads…doing his wobbly best to remain upright.
And with his face moist and hidden, he stared out towards the distant beaches of the City's Southern District.
He could almost spot the clean splendor that was Bayside Plaza.
And a sense of warmth quivered across his left thigh.
Like the laying of hands.
And he lowered his gaze towards the forbidden waters.
And sighed.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
I sat, hunched over in the shower.
Warm water running down my naked shoulders and back.
Rivlets of liquid cascading down faded scars…including the fresh one on my cheek.
The flickering lanterlight from the dry side of the bathroom cast the moist interior with crimson.
Besides that, it was utterly dark.
As the steam rose to the ceiling and collected in a sheen.
I hugged my knees to my chest with my right arm while my left stub dipped down into the currents.
And I rocked back and forth….my pelted lungs shuddering.
'Noir, I do not know where to begin. I have been tested time and time again in my friendship with you. And every time I have come to the same conclusion—as have the rest of the Titans. I do not know anyone else in this world I could trust more than you. You are so selfless, so endearing, and yet so fiercely devoted to the common ideals of heroism that sometimes I feel put to shame. And all the time, you are honorable and subservient……not simply because I'm in charge, but almost as if I'm a better person than you. Which I know is not the case. But the fact that you live to such ideals inspires me……as I'm sure it inspires the rest of us. But most of all, it has been your sacrifice that ultimately won my heart. And everything I do—even unto my most recent death—has been but feeble attempts to live up to the precedents you humbly set in your mission to cleanse the world of pain and regret. We are so much alike……and yet we are so different. Keep on fighting, and never lose your motivation, Noir.'
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"So many people….," Starfire murmured.
Raven rested a hand on her shoulder where they sat amidst the somber masses. "Robin was loved the world over. It is something earned not by egotism…but by humility and sacrifice."
Cyborg leaned in with a smirk. "Which means that the little whipper-snapper didn't have such a big head after all."
"Cyborg!!" Raven breathily snapped.
But…
Starfire giggled.
Raven blinked.
Starfire hugged herself with a quivering lip. "I have just felt…..f-felt a happy thought…."
"…..," Raven stared down at the grass beneath the folding chairs. "I guess you should be proud…..or something."
Starfire sniffed. Her smile slowly melted into something wet as her eyes clenched shut. She leaned over and wrapped an arm around Raven's shoulder.
The dark girl gently returned with a squeeze of her own.
Both girls leaned against each other.
Cyborg had his arms folded. He gazed off towards the river water beyond the cliff and sighed.
Most everyone had been seated. I made way for Beast Boy and Tempest…who had to hobble to get to his spot.
I gave him a metal hand of support. I was about to sit down when I sensed a strong figure behind me.
I turned around.
Wonder Woman had her hands folded before her. "Kal-El is almost ready. I'm sorry you're all having to wait this long. Not even Superman expected a crowd this large to be here, as sad as that sounds. I suppose it is truly a testament."
"………" Slowly, I nodded.
Diana lowered her eyes. She breathed. "To think….I only met Robin that one time….that one time when I visited your impressive base of operations. Hehehe….he didn't trust me one bit, did he?"
I smiled. I gently shrugged.
She blinked and leaned her gorgeous head to the side. "There was something of his distrustful nature that was…..precious, even. Like a youthful shadow of his master…and yet, laced with the energy and shred of optimism that even Batman didn't have. Robin was just the right person for this City. He really was."
I nodded.
A beat.
Wonder Woman groaned and rubbed her temples. "Ohhh….listen to me. Kal-El is delivering the eulogy. Not me. I suppose I just….j-just wanted you to know…..in a way that writing couldn't tell you, Noir…..that I feel for you." A beat. "The whole Justice League feels for the Titans."
I bit my lip.
She walked forward.
I didn't fight the hug that she gave me.
The strong hug that we shared.
"Stay strong, Noir….," Diana whispered. "For Robin….for your friends…."
I gazed over her shoulder at the masses of people attending. Those saddened. Those honored. Those made human.
The hug parted. Wonder Woman waved and walked somberly back to the Justice League's part of the seating arrangement.
I sighed. I shuffled over and sat besides Beast Boy and Tempest.
Beast Boy leaned over, smirking, and whispered: "Can't stop flirting, huh Noir? Even for a funeral, you're—"
Tempest's good foot stomped on Beast Boy's toe.
"Owie!!" he hissed.
I looked at Tempest. I mouthed: 'Thank you'.
"Yeah, no problem."
Beast Boy sat straight.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
'Cyborg. The Titans are now in your capable hands. I know that you have the passion to lead them on against any adversity. But more than that, I know you have the experience and maturity to be the Team Leader from now on. The fact that they will be leaning on you and depending on you is of very little concern to me……for all along—whether or not I've been willing to admit it—I've been leaning and depending on you myself. I don't know where I would be……or where the whole team would be without you. And not just for the facilities such as the Tower and the T-Car, but most importantly for your inner joy. As much as for your inner rage. You have had so much ripped out from you, Cyborg……and yet you are the most human and the most natural among us. You relate to the lives that we protect, and for that you shall be such an incredible fulcrum for the Titans after my passing. I know you have what it takes for the job. And in a way……heheh……I am envious.'
Cyborg rummaged through his laboratory.
Throwing open cabinets.
Tossing equipment every which way.
Searching…..searching…..searching….
Chaotically.
"Ah-HA!!"
He whipped out blueprints.
He blew some dust off them.
He hobbled over on titanium and skeletal limbs to a table.
He stretched out the blueprints across the table.
Schematics for a sleeker, more high-tech vehicle.
'The T-Car Beta'
He smiled to himself.
But for a moment.
He gazed at the specs on it.
'Seven seats.'
"………….."
A beat.
He sighed.
He grabbed an eraser from the side of the table.
He rubbed it across the paper.
He whipped out a pencil.
He edited.
He gazed.
'Six seats.'
"……………"
A beat.
He snarled.
The android Titan scratched out the entire thing.
Then, with bad handwriting, he edited and produced:
'SEVEN seats.'
With a painfully proud smile he sighed and exhaled.
"Boo-ya….."
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
She hugged herself.
Red hair waving in a fan.
Wisps of gray mist floating majestically by.
And then.
The arm of a huge, golden sun.
Starfire's eyes widened.
She stretched her amber limbs out with a sigh.
She twirled.
She dove through the clouds.
She flew through the obscurity.
And…high above the rooftops of the wounded City below….she looped and barreled and spun through the mistiness.
Joyfully lost.
'Starfire. You are the best friend I have ever had. The most precious living thing I have ever had a chance to share oxygen with. Only here does the thought of being dead feel sad. I know that you are a strong advocate of life. And as much as I am surprised by your endless well of experience and maturity with each day of knowing you, I cannot help but think of how terribly you will take my going away. I wish that I could be there to comfort you and to support you like I have always enjoyed to do……willingly. But I know that you are strong, Starfire. I know that you have more than enough strength and passion and endurance to support not just my death or the memories of my life but the preciousness of over a thousand of my lives. The people of Terra Firma need so much support and so much hope. And your presence on this world is like a fiery beacon of love and trust, Star. If ever there was a Savior to descend onto this planet from a realm outside of our imagination, it's you. And I deeply hope to be there when your glorious dreams of Peace are realized……even if only in spirit. You captivate me, Star. I know that Life will only be far more livelier the longer and the happier you exist. So keep going. Keep fighting. And keep believing in yourself. It was believing in you that gave me the strength to go on many a time, Star. Maybe you've never known that until now……but now you do.'
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
"He was everybody's son. And everybody's brother. And to the young and growing souls of those among us….he was everybody's father as well."
The booming voice of Superman echoed over our heads and across the riverside cemetery.
We breathed deeply and listened in dark silence.
"He did far more than carry on the tradition and legacy of the Boy Wonder…," Superman uttered from the podium. "He became a man. And men are not defined by age or by stature as they are by the pieces of their heart that they willfully give away to those around them in hopes of a better tomorrow. And Robin—in death as much as in life—is still always giving away a piece of himself for tomorrow. Now this City….suffering as it has….is all the more living and breathing and thriving because of what he and his selfless team of heroes have done to protect everyone in the face of darkest adversity."
Starfire had finally given in. And she was quietly sobbing, the whole time.
Raven's face was tight. She lasted longer.
Beast Boy constantly wiped his cheeks with dark brown sleeves.
Cyborg took a few shuddering breaths.
Tempest watched still, his arms folded.
I rested my metal and flesh fingers together, shivering.
"We will never forget….," Superman slowly spoke "….for it is impossible to forget that we are alive. And this City is alive on behalf of Robin. On behalf of the Titans. On behalf of the saviors of Good."
Golden ribbons flapped in the wind, attached to almost every arm of those in attendance.
They matched the scant beams of light that scattered down to the cemetery below.
"This City will be rebuilt. This City will thrive. And the first stone recast….the first foundation laid….stands before us in honor of he who would best preserve the permanence of Life itself."
And that said, Superman stepped to the side and gestured to people in the shadows.
With a great ruffling sound, the shroud was lowered from the tall object before us.
There was no mutual gasp, for in a way everybody knew the symbolism of the effigy.
But those in the closest circle….
Starfire, Raven, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Tempest, and I….
Our lips parted.
And we gazed at Robin's image.
A fifteen foot statue.
The Boy Wonder with his granite cape waving in the wind.
Staring up into the sky…Eastward…and towards the thickness of the recovering City.
And the words on a golden plaque beneath the icon's boots read:
"'Robin…'," Superman waved. "'…Boy Wonder. Man Remembered. Founder of the Titans.'"
The tears.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
'My one wish. My one lasting wish for each and every one of you……is to live. And to live faithfully to living itself. Not just your lives. But the lives of everyone around you. I have seen you do that, and I trust that you shall continue to do that even without my insistence. The sorrow you feel may pass. It may even stay for a long time. Maybe even all of your lives. But you have all of your lives to seek the very opposite of sorrow……and see—once again—the reason to keep on fighting. I can only hope that my legacy supports that. And I can only hope that I am half the inspiration to all of you that you have been the inspiration to me. I leave you with good will, and friendly trust.'
-T-T-T-T-T-
The day grayed on.
The statue stood fresh and pale.
Even when the masses emptied from the cemetery…
And returned to their lives.
I stood for a good few hours.
Standing before Robin's effigy.
My hands in my pocket.
And….with a sigh….
I mutely turned around.
And walked East.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
'Good bye, Titans. Keep fighting. Keep fighting……'
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
When evening fell, the Titans scattered.
Tempest went off somewhere on his own.
Raven and Cyborg had sandwiches in the Main Room.
Starfire and Beast Boy sat on the rooftop, talking.
Everyone was still dressed in their dark dress clothes.
And in spite of all the gray…
A few smiles were shown.
And then night came.
-T-T-T-T-T-T-
I couldn't sleep.
After a good tossing and turning, I gave up and left the lantern-lit confines of my basement room.
I went outside with Myrkblade. Dressed in black. My dark eyes exposed to the gray waters against the moonlight.
The City glowed in random places from rescue workers' floodlamps.
And…
I danced with the sawgrass.
Striking invisible shadows with Myrkblade.
Posing and unposing.
Getting into meditative stances.
Breathing.
Panting.
Swishing back and forth.
To and fro.
Bobbing back to days of voices and green fields and cedar trees and white and black and red.
And in the delightful dizziness of the Spectrum…
I remembered.
The balance depended on a schism all the same.
And I was that schism.
I was blackness.
Balance.
The dark eyes of neutrality.
Someone who wielded Destruction for the sake of Construction so that the two would cancel out.
And….
Blackness reigned supreme.
The dichotomy was in fact one in the same.
There were no halves.
There were no sides.
Life and Death was all one giant spiraling circle eating itself from the outside in.
And at some point, I froze in the middle of my meditation.
Panting.
Sweating.
Staring out across the dark waters.
A chill ran up my metal limb but faded away into a veil of warmth.
For I remembered the sound.
I remembered the sound….
And in the echo of it all, I realized.
The contract……
I exhaled.
Cold vapor into the Autumn night of November.
The contract………
My black eyes blinked wide.
I gripped Myrkblade tight in my hand and fought fainting.
Robin never did get to finish his contract………
I gulped.
I glanced North at the City. The invisible skyline of Gotham that had to have rested beyond the mountains and fields.
And then I glanced West for some damnable reason.
And I clenched my jaw.
Terra……
Terra still needs to be found.