A/N - Thanks for the reviews and alerts, really appreciated.

Only a few chapters left, so let me know if I've missed out on explaining anything, or if there is anything you want to see/know.

Disclaimer in Chapter 1

Chapter 18

They were eating dinner that night, Tash just picking at her food. Again, her appetite not really there. She finally looked up at Callen and asked, "Did I ever find the right one?"

Callen frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I remembered some stuff today. Lousy track record with guys; you and Sam to the rescue." Tash looked away, embarrassed.

"Which time?"

She looked back at him quickly and briefly closed her eyes as she let out a slow breath.

"Guessed as much. Figured you two wouldn't be there if it was just a one off." Tash looked down at her food before continuing. "Redhead, when I thought about office dating."

X

She watched her date whisper in the ear of a tall redhead on the other side of the room. She'd gone to the bathroom and when she returned, he wasn't where she'd left him. She shook her head, not quite believing this was happening again. She was done. Time to go home. She checked her purse and realised she didn't have enough cash to cover the cab. She hadn't been expecting to be taken somewhere on the other side of the city. She'd left her credit cards at home too. It was just a first date and she usually avoided carrying anything that would identify her too much until she actually trusted whoever it was. Resigned, she pulled out her phone and called Callen.

"What's up Tash?" Callen answered.

"Come get me please," she asked softly.

"Bad date?"

"I really know how to pick them don't I?" she complained. "I'm at -"

"I know where you are." She turned around at the sound of his voice coming from behind her. She hung up and put her phone away as she tried not to smile.

"Stalking is against the law you know," she told him. She couldn't believe he was right here. She tried not show how happy she was to see him, though she doubted she was successful.

"Wasn't stalking. Just protecting," Callen replied as he put his phone away.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Callen slipped his arm around her and asked, "Want to dance before we go?" She shook her head as she listened to the fast paced music.

"Not really in the mood for a fast one," she said.

"No one said we have to dance fast." Callen pulled her gently onto the dance floor and into his arms. "You haven't danced yet tonight," he added softly.

She rested her head on his shoulder and they moved slowly to the music. Eventually, she looked up at him.

"How do I manage to have such lousy taste in men when I'm surrounded by such great ones at work?" she asked him, not really expecting an answer.

Callen grinned. "We're a hard bunch to live up to." She smiled back at him.

"I'm sure Nate would have a field day with that question. Hey, maybe I should ask Nate out," she suggested.

"Too tall," Callen replied.

"Eric?" She tilted her head as she continued to look at him. Callen shook his head.

"Unless it involves a pack of cards, you'd have a hard time getting him away from his computer. You're not his type," he answered.

"Renko?"

"No." She raised her eyebrows at the firmness to his answer but didn't question it. She knew that was her answer as well.

"And Sam's taken and you don't date cops. Well, there goes that theory." She rested her head back against his shoulder. "I should just forget it, not like I'd find someone who could understand this life anyway."

"You shouldn't give up," Callen encouraged her. She looked back up at him.

"Really G, even if the perfect guy was staring me in the face, what kind of chance do you think there is that he would understand? How many guys could let their girl do a job that involves them being shot at, making out with other guys, never knowing when they were coming home, or if, and all the other kind of pretending we do?" she asked sadly.

"Look at Sam, he's got someone," Callen replied. She shook her head.

"Yeah, but she came along a long time ago and they built up to this life. She already understood him, trusted him and knew who he was. If a guy came along now, he has to figure that out on the run, even before he has a chance to trust me" The music finished and she pulled back from him. "Thank you for the dance. Can we go please?"

Callen steered them away from the dance floor only to have Tash yanked away from him.

"Where do you think you are going? You came with me, you leave with me," her date said, speech slurred.

"You went to the redhead, take her home." She pulled her arm away. When he reached for her again, another hand stopped him. She looked up to see Sam standing there, a lump forming in her throat at the protective look on his face.

"The lady isn't interested," Sam almost growled, looking down on the guy.

"And who are you to say that?" the date asked. "She's not yours."

"Actually, she is," Callen and Sam both declared at the same time.

"Take me home please guys. I don't want to be here anymore," she begged and turned away from them before the tears could fall. She felt Sam fall into step on one side of her and Callen on the other. Callen slipped his arm around her and they all walked out of the club together. She felt loved and protected, and she could live with this. Even if she didn't have anyone to go home to, she knew she had them. Always.

X

"Last time then," Callen replied. There had been the only time she'd ever discussed office dating with him.

"So I did give up?" So maybe she'd been wrong about there being something between the two of them.

"You stopped dating for a while," Callen answered. Tash looked up, feeling a small amount of hope at his words.

"I started again?" Tash closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm guessing I didn't find him." She looked away from him, disappointed.

"Why?" Callen asked, not sure how to answer her. He knew what he wanted to tell her but couldn't. Not with Nate's rules. Perhaps he should talk to Nate about loosening them, just a little.

Her voice was soft as she spoke; soft and disheartened. "Where is he? Surely if I'd found the right one, he'd be here, helping me."

"How do you know he isn't?" Callen asked. Tash looked up at him, waiting for more.

"Is he?" Tash prompted when he didn't say anything more. She desperately hoped he would tell her yes and that it was him.

"You have to remember that," Callen said. He knew what she was asking but he couldn't answer it the way she wanted. He watched as Tash put down her fork, stood up and walked away, running her hands through her hair. A sure sign she was frustrated.

She wrapped her arms around herself, she felt like she was about to fall apart again.

"Tash?" Callen asked.

"I just want to remember. Why won't Nate let you tell me?" Tash asked as she spun around and looked at him. Callen could see the distress and pain in her eyes and stood up.

"Because you need to remember what happened, not what we tell you happened." Callen walked closer to her and continued. "Because we want you back." He slipped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, "We want you back, Tash." She put her arms around him and held on tight, wishing for the same thing. She wanted to know who she was, she wanted to be back. She had to find a way to remember. She needed to remember what it was between them. She needed to know and nothing else mattered right now.

Tash looked up at Callen, raised herself up on her toes and kissed him. She felt him tense and pull back slightly. She looked carefully at him to make sure he wasn't mad at her. He wasn't, so she kissed him again, moving her arms around his neck to hold him close. She ran her tongue gently over his lips, asking for more, and he responded, deepening the kiss. Again, this felt so familiar, so right. Eventually Callen pulled back.

Tash opened her eyes and looked at him. She could feel the tears pricking the backs of her eyes.

"Tash, please," Callen begged. He needed her to stop before this went further than a kiss, needed her to remember them first so she knew he wasn't taking advantage of her and the situation. Tash closed her eyes and moved away. She turned and almost ran to the bedroom, closed the door behind her and let the tears fall. She didn't bother getting changed, just curled up on the bed and cried silently. Cried for everything she had forgotten; everyone she had forgotten; everyone she had lost and everything they were missing out on. She didn't know when she would stop, she just knew that it hurt so much and somehow, this helped ease it a little. Eventually she fell asleep.

Callen let her go. He knew if he followed her he would give her anything she asked for. To hell with Nate's rules. But he didn't want to mess this up. He'd trusted that Nate knew best, though there was definitely a part of him that was beginning to doubt that. Instead, he headed for the shower. When he came out, he listened carefully at the door to the bedroom, but couldn't hear anything. He decided to wait a little longer before going in. When he did check on her, she was asleep. He covered her up with the blanket, noticed the tears on her cheeks and wished he'd been in here with her when they fell. He wanted to stay, to hold her in case they came again, but he couldn't. Not tonight. So he went out and tried to sleep on the couch.

Tash dreamt again that night; little memories, and bigger ones.

X

She found him at the beach, on the bench seat. She sat down beside him, quietly. It had been a rough case and they needed some peace. This was where they came for that. She didn't want to disturb him, so she just sat and waited.

"It shouldn't have happened that way," Callen finally said.

"I know," she replied.

"That kid ... shouldn't have been there."

She shook her head in agreement. "We didn't know until it was too late." Too late to save an innocent boy.

"What went wrong Tash? How did we miss that?" Callen asked, finally looking at her. She shook her head again.

"I don't know. I've been wondering the same thing. Wondering if I could done something different. Gotten to him, protected him somehow. If I had, maybe the bullet would have got me instead." She'd wondered that so many times in the last few hours.

"That would have just made it worse," Callen replied.

"No, I had the vest on G. I would have made it," she said sadly and slipped her hand into his. "At least we did get the bad guys," she added.

"That doesn't make it right." His voice held such anger, but she knew it wasn't at her.

She kept her voice soft as she spoke again, hoping it would help him too.

"I know, but it's the only thing that will keep me coming back to work after a day like today," she said. "Have to find something good in it all." She looked over at him again. "Care for a walk on the beach?"

Callen smiled. "Your usual walk the troubles away?" he asked. She smiled back. This was what they did. He sat brooding for a little bit then joined her for a walk. Then they'd go back to work and get on with it.

"Of course," she replied. She slipped her shoes off before standing up. He did the same and took her hand as they moved closer to the water. She felt the cool water wash over her feet and they walked, just at the edge where it moved in and out. Callen slipped his arm around her shoulder, she slipped hers around his waist. They didn't say anything, just walked slowly. After a while they stopped and she turned to him.

Callen looked down at her and she saw the pain in his eyes. The pain he would hide soon, before they got back to the office, before Nate could see it. He reached down and stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch and then she felt his lips touch hers, so softly. She slipped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss. It was gentle and caring, healing almost. They pulled back and looked at each other. He looked like he was about to say something but she put her fingers on his lips to stop him.

"We both needed this. Something good. That's all," she whispered, wishing things could be different, wishing this could be more. She slipped her arm around his waist and they turned and started to walk back the way they had come.

"So, that could have been with anyone?" Callen asked. She sensed some mischief in his voice and smiled.

"Nope." She shook her head. "Wouldn't have been the same with Renko."

"You never did tell me why it was easier to kiss him," Callen said.

"No I didn't," she agreed.

"Why was it easier?" Callen asked. She stopped and looked up at him.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes," Callen replied.

"Why?" she asked. She saw the look on his face and smiled as she shook her head slightly. "No. If that's the reason, just so you can have something to tease him about, not going to happen," she added.

"I won't tell him then," Callen offered. She tilted her head and frowned as she thought about that.

"Fine, I'll tell you on two conditions. You do not tell Renko, ever, and you don't say anything until we get back to the office. Not a word," she said.

"Deal," Callen promised. Her eyes widened in shock.

"You want to know that badly that you are willing to let me get the last word in?" she asked.

"Yep," Callen replied.

She slipped her arm back around him and they started walking again.

"With Renko I can still think." She glanced up at him and saw him open his mouth to say something and she shook her head. "Remember, not a word G."