Angel Beats! エンジェルビーツ!

Our Beats Incarnate

Book I: The Station

Chapter 4: Fingertips and Revelations

It took Yuzuru's tongue almost an hour to cool back down to a more survivable level after his failed attempt at tackling a full plate of mápó dòufu. For the first few minutes he'd seriously considered amputation as a viable solution to his burning tongue and mouth. Whether that particular form of amputation would entail cutting out his own tongue, or opting for a simple, clean-cut decapitation was another matter entirely.

It took Kanade the best part of the same hour to recover from the growing ache in her ribs. It wasn't often she laughed like that – it wasn't often that the opportunity presented itself – but Yuzuru's reaction had been truly comical. Even the waiter, professional as he was, had struggled to reign in his smirk of amusement at Yuzuru's animated corollary.

After that, he must have just about consumed his own bodyweight in water. Kanade had tried pointing out that water would only make matters worse, carrying the spicy oils further down his gullet and turning a potential decapitation into a definite disembowelling. Milk, as she had pointed out more than once already, would do the trick far more effectively. But Yuzuru wouldn't be told – and he'd near-drowned himself more than once as he desperately sought sanctuary at the bottom of a large water pitcher.

Salvation still seemed to be a long way off.

"Can you feel your tongue yet?" Kanade asked with a supressed chuckle as they slowly meandered around the pedestrianized zone, Yuzuru still occasionally supping at a half-empty bottle of water.

It took him a good moment of concentration just to flex the stressed muscle in his mouth, and to make sure it hadn't burned to a solid crisp under the spice-laden onslaught, "Sort of," he admitted ruefully, "I wasn't expecting it to be quite that bad."

A hand went to Kanade's lips to hide the nigh irresistible smirk that was fighting its way to the forefront, "It's really not something for beginners." She teased.

"I wouldn't force that monstrosity down the neck of my worst arch-nemesis, let alone recommend it to somebody I like!" Yuzuru emphasised his point by flipping the cap off his bottle and downing another good mouthful of water, "You must have a mouth lined with lead to not feel that level of burn."

"It's never affected me like that," she admitted earnestly, not sure whether she should feel pride or embarrassment at the fact, "I just think it's got a nice kick to it,"

"It would've burned less if I'd swallowed ignited napalm. Don't ever let me do that again."

Kanade finally let the chuckle escape from her lips unbidden, and even Yuzuru had to admit that he saw the funny side, his pain and suffering notwithstanding. Kanade's light-hearted laugh was like a soft welcome melody to his ears and his heart, and for a moment he knew that just about any pain would be a tolerable torture if it meant he got to hear that sound again.

"Anyway," Yuzuru broke softly into the silence that had descended between them as Kanade's laugh faded. He stepped out about a half pace ahead of the shorter girl, turning to face her and walking backwards with apparent ease, "now that I've got some use of my mouth back, let's pick up where we left off before that atomic meal."

She looked up at him in question, trying to think back, "What were we talking about?"

"Questions, unasked." He said simply.

Kanade nodded slowly as her memory was spurred. She did have questions for him, ones she'd held for quite some time now. Honestly, though, she'd never imagined that there would be somebody in a position to actually answer them. But now, walking here with Yuzuru and his eager conversation, there was a definite chance – however small that may truly be – that he could give her the answers she sought. Or, failing that, perhaps they'd be able to draw some conclusions together.

He seemed to almost pluck the very thought from her mind as he read the expressions crossing her face, when he urged softly, "Just ask. I'll do my best to answer."

"Well, it's just…" there was slight hesitation in her voice, but it didn't seem to be due to any bashfulness on her part. It had more to do with articulating the question itself, so Yuzuru opted to remain silent and give her the chance to think it through. He didn't want to place any undue pressure on her. When the firm resolve returned to her eyes, along with the sparkle of other emotions, he knew she'd worked out just what she wanted to ask, "Does it feel more like a memory than a dream to you?"

Yuzuru rubbed his chin in thought, "You mean-"

"How vivid it is." Kanade completed for him so he wouldn't have to guess.

Yuzuru couldn't help but nod. It was a thought that had occurred to him many times in the past, and a consideration which would often drive him to distraction, Falling back into pace beside her, he scratched the back of his head and gave off a thoughtful hum, "What do you think that means?"

"I don't know exactly," Kanade admitted, sighing slightly, her gaze dropping down to her feet, "Maybe it is more than a dream. Maybe we're actually remembering something?"

"Like what?"

"A past life?" It was all that she could suggest.

Yuzuru's frown spoke volumes, clearly sceptical as he was "A past life…"

"Is that any more ridiculous than a shared dream?" there was a slightly defensive colour in her tone. Yuzuru hadn't meant to offend her – it was the very last thing he ever wanted to do – so he acquiesced and took up the point himself.

"I guess not. I've just never really thought about it like that before." He'd never really been one for superstitions regarding an after-life and reincarnation, but then again who was he to deny any theory in all of this? There had to be a reason why they were both seeing the exact same thing. Their dream was identical, so there had to be some sort of singular origin to it – something that would mesh with the harder-to-explain supernatural aspects of the dream. Clearly somehow, somewhere, they had both known one-other. More to the point, they had been in love. It was the strongest of emotions, and Yuzuru had to admit honestly to himself that much of that sensation still lingered when he beheld Kanade. It was very, very difficult to shake, "Whatever it is, I wonder what it means?"

"I don't know exactly. Not without proof."

A contemplative silence descended on the pair as they continued walking down the street. They didn't have a particular destination in mind, and walking for walking's sake alone could be a very good way to clear and focus the mind. And there was certainly plenty for them to focus on – more than Yuzuru had initially suspected, as it was turning out. It seemed every time he explored the subject of the dream he came away with more that needed to be answered rather than any conclusions or revelations.

The silence that lingered seemed to press the topic into temporary hiatus. Perhaps the answer as to why they shared the dream would always be out of reach, and the questions that he really needed to be exploring with Kanade should have more to do with what; what it meant for them in the here and now; what it meant for the connection they both clearly felt between one-another; what it meant for the future.

Yuzuru felt, in spite of it all, like he'd known Kanade for far longer than the short week which had now stretched out behind them. Looking down on her beside him as she wandered through her own little world of thoughts, there was something there which continued to strike him as awfully familiar – not just in the way she looked (he knew beyond all doubt that she was the girl from – of – his dreams), but in the emotions that were stirred up just by being in her presence, there was a growing sensation of happiness; a latent contentment which rose up from deep within.

Kanade… a part of him - the lonely part which had always mourned the end of that tormenting dream – reached out for her still; that part of his soul which had instantly recognised her for who she really was when her softly hummed rendition of My Song had graced his ears; the part of his being which had always and would always continue to deny his attempts at applying logic and rationalising the vivid dream they both shared.

When she felt his eyes upon her, Kanade looked up at him from beneath her hat. Her smile, though small, imbued a soul-permeating warmth into Yuzuru, which spread unrestrained through every fibre of his being. That smile was framed perfectly by the softly swaying throngs of her flowing silver-white hair, their rhythm keeping pace as they walked.

The feelings within Yuzuru manifested themselves on his cheeks as a blush, and he couldn't help but look away.

It was only when he felt the delicate warmth of a small, subtle hand take hold of his own that he dared to look back. The blush didn't leave his cheeks, though he noticed that Kanade was no longer looking up at him, her face once again obscured beneath the lip of her hat. But there was just something about the way that she was carrying herself which told him that in spite of the boldness the gesture she'd just initiated between them, she was blushing too.

"I hope you don't mind." Her voice wavered, conversely soft yet unyielding in tone. She wasn't posing it as a question – a refusal wasn't something she'd seriously considered from him - but good manners were generally her way.

Yuzuru reassured her by letting his fingers entwine carefully with her own, affirming his approval in the most affectionately tactile way available to him.

He didn't mind in the slightest.

-o-O-o-

It was an unwritten rule that a gentleman should walk a lady home. Some would even consider it a universal truth in its own right. There would no doubt be some in the world who would consider such a gesture out-dated, antiquated, or perhaps even an affront to equal rights.

All of those people be damned.

As the day drew steadily to a close, the deepening oranges of the sky slowly yielding to deep and vibrant reds as twilight began to make itself known, a sedate meandering gait ensnared Yuzuru and Kanade as they made their way back towards the suburban sprawl. Still comfortably hand-in-hand, Yuzuru really couldn't have given a damn about the misapprehensions or misgivings of others.

It wasn't just his duty to walk Kanade home – having effectively hijacked her day, even if she had been hoping to run into him anyway – but rather it was his privilege to do so. And he was going to relish and delight in every moment of it that he could.

There was so much joy in that simple little gesture, so much unspoken expression. It was difficult to find any fault with it whatsoever.

And it seemed to set the two of them fully at ease. As they walked, as they talked, Yuzuru's confidence seemed to soar, and Kanade's usual reserved bashfulness seemed to fade away entirely, a mere façade to be discarded so long as he held her hand.

"Did you ever see anybody else besides me in the dream?" Yuzuru queried, drawing on his own memory of events, the subtle variations and differences he'd encountered over the years he'd been haunted. It seemed that dream would always be their euphemism of choice, even though they were both beginning to accept it as something far more significant, far more real.

There were a few moments in which Kanade seemed to do nothing more than draw one or two deep breaths, "I remember a few faces, a sense of people and emotions." She admitted, "But nothing as vivid as our moments together."

Yuzuru nodded knowingly, "I thought so. A few names come to mind, and only one face besides your own. My Song spurred it on," he thought back to the fleeting memory, "when I heard you humming it, and even then I think it was only because you were there."

He felt her fingers clasp more tightly around his own. He met her gaze, filled with warm affection, "Describe the person to me." She urged him. Kanade couldn't help but wonder if there was a chance it would help her remember a little bit more.

He nodded in reply, letting the thought settle in his mind's eye, "Let's see." Yuzuru's gaze rose up to the darkening-crimson glow of the near-cloudless sky above them, "I remember red hair, about shoulder-length. A black hairband holding it in check, and-"

"-And eyes the colour of emeralds?" Kanade finished the thought for him, the strangely familiar face taking form in her own memory as well. A name rose up from the deepest recesses to join it, conjuring up a much more vivid imagining this time, "Yuri."

Yuzuru's eyes widened in surprise, "You remember her name?"

Kanade nodded thoughtfully, "That's about all I remember about her." She paused, and then added as an afterthought, "I doubt that helps much."

"No, no." Yuzuru smiled reassuringly down at her, the copper of his gaze radiating warmth, "It helps a lot. I remember the name. I remember the face. I didn't really make the connection between the two before now."

"Oh…" As his smile became infectious, Yuzuru couldn't help but admire the way it lit up her eyes before it even managed to manifest itself on her lips, "Do you remember anything else?"

Yuzuru lost yet another moment to probing thought as he tried to recall anything else that could possibly prove pertinent. He was so immersed in his contemplations that Kanade caught him completely off-balance when she steered him down a smaller side-street. The smallest of chuckles escaped her as she waited for his feet to catch up with the new perpendicular direction his upper-body had taken. His riposte was a rather sheepish grin, fuelled by the mild embarrassment that inevitably accompanied a mistake made whilst deep in thought.

"Guess I should watch where I'm walking…" he put voice to his thoughts, "Anyway, there's not much I can remember besides what you've already mentioned. It does make you wonder, though."

That did pique Kanade's interests, "Wonder what?"

"If there's somebody out there called Yuri," Yuzuru elaborated, "if she remembers any of this herself. I mean, I always thought you were just a dream until we met. You must've thought the same about me."

"No," Kanade came to an inexplicable stop in the middle of the pavement, her hand in turn pulling Yuzuru to a stop barely half a pace ahead of her. The pair of them were standing before a waist-high garden gate. Kanade turned to face him, her serious yet gentle gaze drawing in and captivating his own. He was taken aback further still when she reached up with her free hand and delicately cupped his cheek, her fingertips subtle and graceful as they ran across his skin, conveying so much fond affection that it made her very heart ache, "I always knew you were real."

There were no words Yuzuru knew which could overcome his dumbfounded silence. So, when Kanade seized the initiative yet again, and rose up on her tiptoes to place the most delicate of chaste kisses on his cheek, his breath caught in his throat and all recourse was closed to his recoiling mind.

Without so much as a word she returned to the ground, a knowing smile of soul-warming satisfaction illuminating her features. There was a moment when their eyes simply connected, and they both managed to convey far more in that simple gesture than mere verbosity could ever have hoped to achieve.

She released his hand, and then finally removed her welcome fingertips from his jawline, a lingering tantalisation within him already mourning the loss.

"Goodnight, Yuzuru."

He could only watch as she turned to open the gate, entered the garden, and made her way into the house. Yuzuru hadn't even realised they'd made it to their destination. It took him precious moments more before his mind snapped back into gear and he registered exactly what had just happened.

He realised also that he hadn't actually said goodnight to her. But then, he wondered if it had even been necessary?

His thoughts returned to the recent memory, his hand rising to run careful fingers across the cheek Kanade had kissed, as if trying to ensure that it hadn't all been just another figment of his imagination. Was this all nothing more than a dream that he was just waiting to wake up from, once again lost in a cold and terrified sweat?

But he didn't wake up. It had been real. It had actually happened.

Yuzuru's attention was briefly focussed on the visible doorway into the house – his mind still couldn't find the words to express everything his was feeling. But his lips found one that could suffice.

"Wow."

-o-O-o-

Kanade had seen the whole thing from the living room window of her house, hidden from view by a carefully drawn and positioned curtain. She smiled with a sense of self-satisfaction, partially amazed at herself for plucking up the courage to do what she'd just done. It wasn't something she'd normally have the tenacity to try, but with Yuzuru… He was different.

In spite of the impossibilities their dream revealed; in spite of the common sense her level-headed, logically grounded mind kept trying to input into the situation; despite everything unfathomable and inscrutable about everything that was currently happening, her heart, her soul, and every fibre of her very being cried out in inexorable joy at just how right these feelings were.

The boy standing in awestruck silence on the pavement outside her home was the Yuzuru – her Yuzuru – from her dreams. He was the focal point of a long-growing feeling of love that Kanade full-well believed predated her very existence, perhaps even defined it.

The thought thrilled her, leaving both her heart and the pit of her stomach fluttering.

She watched an unwitting and oblivious Yuzuru as he turned and moved to leave. She didn't even allow herself to blink until he'd rounded the corner and moved out of sight, his final departure punctuated with a deep sigh she didn't realise she'd been holding in.

It was saddening to see him go. But the joys of a memorable day spent together overwhelmed the sensation readily enough. So, with a smile, she let the curtain fall once more across the window, blotting out the outside world until the morning.

Turning her back on the day, Kanade headed to bed.

-o-O-o-

With the last of his exams finally over and the end of the semester drawing inescapably closer, Yuzuru had precious little reason to make the daily journey to the station. Well, perhaps he did have one very precious reason, all in all.

Kanade.

Over the next fortnight, in spite of having no reason to do so, Yuzuru made the morning commute as far as the mass-transit terminus. And, each morning without fail, Kanade had been there in the spot where they'd originally met one another – or perhaps rediscovered each other was a more accurate way of putting it? Yuzuru felt as if he'd somehow known Kanade all of his life.

For the most part the pleasant weather had firmly entrenched itself into the season and showed little sign of letting up, and the pair had whiled away their time together simply roaming the town, maybe once or twice with a destination in mind depending on whether or not there was an errand to be run. But, for the most part, they simply walked, stopping only to eat and for respite. Conversation had flowed comfortably and easily between the duo, and it had only worked to cement the underlying sense of familiarity they had shared from the very beginning.

Getting to hold Kanade's hand all the while was something Yuzuru counted amongst one of the many blessings of sharing his days with her. The gentle, tender peck on the cheek which drew a line under each day and marked their parting of ways was something he counted as a miraculous gift, and something he hoped very much to get used to.

Not once had he managed to pluck up the courage to actually kiss her in return. It felt far too much like pushing his luck. Odd that of the two of them, he should be the one too shy to make the gesture.

Getting up early, leaving the house and meeting Kanade for breakfast at the start of another day together, though, was more than enough for him. For the time being.

It was on the third Sunday of their daily jaunts when Hatsune finally picked him up on it.

He was rarely ever up before her, all the way through school, college and now into med school, and the change in his habits hadn't gone unnoticed. Only special occasions seemed to draw him out, and that had been his pattern of behaviour for as long as she was able to remember. And this change, unprecedented as it was, certainly left her intrigued.

Every day, up not long after dawn. Every day, out of the house by eight o'clock. And every day, back just after the sun had set. After the first week Hatsune had begun to worry, so drastic was the change in her brother, and so obscure and noncommittal were his answers to her inquiries about his day, naturally her mind began to think the worst.

What was he hiding? Was he up to something illicit, something illegal? Or maybe it was something dangerous? Was he not telling simply because he didn't want to worry her?

But then, as she'd watched him more closely, she'd noticed something else on top of it all – he was so damned happy. Something about him was changing. He hadn't complained about losing sleep to that dream in close to a month now, and she found herself wondering if he'd finally found a way to avoid it.

And the more Hatsune thought about it, the more and more she was drawn towards a singular conclusion.

So, on the morning of the third Sunday, she made sure to be up early and in a position to intercept her brother before he could leave the house.

Yuzuru was completely oblivious to her presence as he reached to open the door. So much so that, when Hatsune began to speak just as his hand reached the door handle, he visibly flinched.

"So when are you going to bring her home to meet me?"

He turned around slowly to face Hatsune, noting the casual way she was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and a slight smirk plastered on her face. She was looking very, very smug.

"Who?" he feigned ignorance.

Hatsune wasn't falling for it, not in the slightest. There was something in his eye which just screamed out that he was putting on this show, "This girl you're seeing every day." She pressed, letting him know just how much she'd figured out.

The blush which deepened across Yuzuru's cheeks told her that she'd hit the nail squarely on the head with that one. A mixture of self-satisfaction and relief that nothing bad was going on were the first emotions to rise within here. Moments later, that turned to an amplified smugness that just couldn't keep itself from her expression.

Yuzuru couldn't hide the blush, but still he kept up the pretence, "What makes you think it's a girl?"

It was hard work for Hatsune to contain a chuckle, "You'd never get up early just to see Igarashi." And I doubt you'd be blushing quite so much, either… she added as a mental afterthought.

Watching her brother closely for his reaction she again felt gratification when he seemed to deflate slightly, closing his eyes and giving off a sigh.

"Alright, alright…" he held up his hands in mock surrender, a moment of irritation at having been so easily bested reinforcing his already vivid blush, "I'll bring her to meet you at some point. Just," when he looked up there was something not too removed from concern visible in his demeanour, "don't stress about it, okay!"

"I won't." she promised, eager now to meet this girl. Whoever it was that could drag her brother out of bed so early without the added bonus of his usual grumpiness definitely deserved her congratulations, "I know it'll just aggravate my condition."

"Good." Yuzuru nodded, turning back to the door, "I'll be back late again." He waved a goodbye without looking back.

Hatsune watched the door close behind him with a smile. It was nice to see Yuzuru happy.

-o-O-o-

Yuzuru sighed as he made his way along the familiar route to the station - or rather, towards the spot where Kanade was usually waiting for him just before the entrance into the concourse – his mind heavy with thoughts of the conversation he and Hatsune had just shared.

He knew he hadn't exactly been discreet about his early-morning departures, and he wasn't at all surprised by how much his younger sister had picked up on it. What worried him, or rather the part that amused him, was that she'd figured out that he was visiting some girl. Was he really that easy to read?

Has my behaviour really changed that much? He couldn't help but wonder as he shuffled along the footpath. He knew he felt a lot happier with Kanade in his life, and the conversations and revelations they shared together were something he held dear to his heart. She really was the girl from his dreams, just as he was the boy from hers, and this renewed connection was something they had both taken full advantage of.

Carpe diem. And put the past behind you.

The golden-eyed young woman had come to mean a lot to him over the weeks that now stretched out behind them, just as she had always meant so very much to him in his dreams prior to that. Yuzuru wasn't really one for believing in fate or miracles, but there was a tantalising temptation to describe his meeting Kanade as precisely that; a miracle of fate.

That thought alone was enough to draw a warm smile from deep inside his heart.

As he rounded the corner onto the familiar stretch of street which led up to the station he felt his heart lift and his spirits rise considerably.

That all came crashing down around him when he reached their usual meeting spot and found it empty, and the sensations manifested themselves on his face as a frown. It was wholly unlike her to be late – though he'd tried once or twice, he had never managed to get there first over the previous weeks.

Perhaps something had simply held her up?

Turning his back to the wall and leaning casually against it, Yuzuru decided that it would be best to wait. He couldn't help but look up at the blue sky, and close his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun. When the intensity seemed to fade he opened them again, and a small silvery cloud had somehow managed to work its way across the sun, leaving Yuzuru and the surrounding area shaded and cool.

It would soon pass.

But he couldn't ignore the distinct shiver which ran all the way up his spine.

-o-O-o-

Chapter 4: Fingertips and Revelations