180. We are the Titans part 1

"Slowly….over a period of four months…a very much alive Dagger organized with whatever henchmen he had left after the destruction of his old hideout a way to smuggle hundreds upon hundreds of kilos of Dragonflare into the City. This batch of Dragonflare was given extra special, hallucinogenic qualities that would give each individual exposed to it a bloodlust that would make him attack anybody with the distinct heat signature characteristic of not having Dragonflare…since Dragonflare lowered the body temperature by about a staggering four degrees Fahrenheit. Dragonflare was something easily distributed through the air. But even in its gaseous form, it was too weak to take effect. But when Dagger had his henchmen release a mysterious compound of helium, nitrogen, and carbon…it somehow had a reaction with Dragonflare that sparked the hallucinations within the neurological functions of the victims' brains. The bulk of the Dragonflare and catalyst gases were set off in the warehouses and factories of the industrial complexes to the North of the City….while some were also distributed in parts of the Eastern Shipyards. In the end, Dagger had well over three thousand and five hundred of this City's own citizens converted over into mindless killing machines. They used the equipment Dagger smuggled into to sites the Commissioner and the Titans couldn't spot. The men had uzzis, pistols, grenades, shotguns, military jeeps, and access to the Subway Rail System. And while the hypnotized men attacked us in bloody fury, Dagger slipped in under the confusion with both a huge missile trained towards the hospital and a specially armored Mi-24 HIND helicopter with his own men piloting it. The lethal combination was just what he needed to cause Hell to break loose throughout the entire urban domain. And while the Titans were scrambling to counter his attacks and save thousands of people, Dagger's technical specialists hacked into Phaser Labs, short-circuited the construct of Simon Stone, and caused a computer overload that gave juice back to the dormant, robotic parts of Rachel Mendez and Jean-Luc Blair. In Dagger's last attack, Reload and Slug were reborn…and they attacked us from the inside out. Phaser Labs was nearly destroyed, and it was just the chaos that Dagger needed to distract us so that his insidious forces could sneak in…..and steal Terra away."

Cyborg finished talking.

I stood beside him, silent, staring into the corner.

On the other side of the dark tent's lightly furnished interior, the Lieutenant sat with his bandaged leg stretched before him. He fiddled with a cane and took a deep breath. "It's all really that simple, huh?"

Cyborg nodded. "Dagger came. Dagger wounded. Dagger conquered," Cyborg gestured. "And yet…he didn't do that which seemed obvious from the beginning. He didn't do what we feared from the implications of his stockpiled weapons and hideouts and rumors of 'Triangular'. He didn't do half of what the Messenger hinted us. He didn't take the City."

"……….."

Cyborg shuddered. "Not yet, at least."

I bit my lip.

The Lieutenant shifted in his seat, wincing. "What about Robin? What did Dagger want him dead for?"

"Dagger wanted all of us dead," Cyborg gestured. He had new titanium limbs replacing the ones he had lost. But they seemed a brighter color than the rest of his silver and blue body. Like something that had to 'grow into' the rest of him. "The despot nearly killed Noir and Robin in hand-to-hand combat atop an apartment complex in the North. Then he tortured poor Flipper into rounding up Starfire, Robin, and Noir into a death trap. And finally, all the places the Titans headed towards in a desperate, last minute search for Terra were all rigged with terrible explosives. The Titans pulled out at the last second, avoiding a flaming death. But Robin—the perfect detective that he is—figured out that the Radioactive Depository must have been the last place where Terra could have been located. Dagger was also the perfect villain. He rigged the explosives there that would eventually consume Robin. It was sorta….his last stab into our hearts, or something. A way to tear a piece of us out forever, as if demolishing huge chunks of this City and killing off hundreds was not Dagger's way of doing that already. Viper showed up at the last second and made Robin's presence at the time of the explosion inevitable. None of us know why Viper was there. Raven, Beast Boy, and Noir here all recall seeing Viper hanging from one of the Depository's railings when they arrived. Robin must have killed him in battle somehow. But no sooner had the Titans arrived that an intense carbonite explosion went off. Much like the type at the prison's Omega Wing. Robin was incinerated in an instant. Whatever shreds of flesh of him that could be left would inevitably have been polluted by the exposed radioactive waists set ablaze by the eruption. The sarcophagus of the depository inevitably closed and—if but for a moment—the enclosed site became an oven holding in a flaming core that became hotter than the Sun. Even if I tried—and I have very much tried—to search for organic signatures of Robin's body through the concrete with my sensors….there would be nothing to find. Robin was evaporated. He died in but an instant….and Raven—who was there at the scene—testifies towards sensing his spirit being snuffed out. We have all lost someone twice as strong as the rest of us. If Dagger were to strike again at any moment now….I h-honestly do not know how well we would fair….without the Boy Wonder."

I ran a shaking hand across my bangs, faced the floor, and sighed.

The Lieutenant nodded. "I get the feeling—though—that you and the other Titans are half as alone as you ever possibly were to begin with."

Cyborg and I looked up.

"Huh??"

"You have an entire City behind you," the Lieutenant said with a hopeful smile. "I wonder if you kids have any idea just how many people are on your side and would fight by your side in the event of another November Fourth."

"That's very consoling….but….," Cyborg stood up on weak legs and smirked. "We're not kids anymore."

"Oh?"

"Most definitely not…," Cyborg said.

I walked over by his side.

The android Titan added: "We are the Titans. Never mind the 'Teen' part."

The Lieutenant leaned his head to the side. "Well…that takes some of the snazziness away."

"Perhaps," Cyborg shrugged. "But I think it's what Robin would have wanted. His last words bolstered it."

"'Titans'……," the Lieutenant nodded. "I think I'm going to like that."

Cyborg glanced out of the slit of the tent flap. "And everyone…seems to be following your command, sir."

"Yeah….fancy that….," the Lieutenant scratched his head. He sighed. "They'll replace me someday, of course. Someday soon."

"They're not going to promote you, sir?"

He shook his head. "This is hardly the job for me. I can feel it. In the way I shake and shiver in the morning and evening. I need to report to someone. I need to follow orders. The City is looking for a new Commissioner. Already, there's news of someone from overseas coming in. Someone who has withstood political and ethnic friction between India and Pakistan."

"A foreigner?"

"Not for long."

"Heh………..," Cyborg nodded. "Well….so long, and good luck."

"Aye…"

Cyborg turned to leave….but hesitated. A beat. He turned and gazed at the Lieutenant. "What's your name?"

"Excuse me?"

I blinked.

"Your name, sir….," Cyborg asked with his human eye thin. "I don't think we….e-ever truly memorized your name."

"……….," the Lieutenant stared. He blinked. He took a breath, scratched his chin, and uttered: "Smith."

"……………"

"……………"

He furrowed his brow curiously at our silent response and repeated: "Smith!"

Silence.

Cyborg's lips curved.

So did the Lieutenant's.

Cyborg began to chuckle.

Lieutenant Smith laughed.

I joined in if for but a moment.

"Heheheheheheh!!"

"Hahahahaha!!"

"………!!"

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Cyborg and I marched through the central base of the City's reconstruction operations. It was an elaborate matrix of large white tents built around and under the raised highway overpass besides the rubble of Phaser Labs. The high was closed for as long as it took to rebuild the raised structure. At the same time, large groups of volunteers and City workers rushed from post to post, gearing up for various assignments. Eventually, huge truckloads of people throttled off down the City streets with equipment and heavy breaths at their disposal.

The building fronts and sidewalks were cleared and sectioned off down most of Main Street. At specific times of the day, people who still worked around the busily reconstructed parts of the City were afforded specific avenues of carpooling. Two dozen city buses from Metropolis were 'donated' for free transit of workers to and fro during various revolutions throughout the day. Quite a bit of progress had been made, considering. Kobayashi Tower was open to all workers. JCN Broadcasting had recovered and—with new satellite dishes richly applied—normal news resumed across the airwaves. Marilyn Chen, other anchorpersons, and world-famous reporters covered the wounds of the City with rich detail. And in spite of the bleeding headlines of the prior week, things were being casted…..optimistically.

And no one argued.

The Subway system still wasn't working. The functioning staff of the transit's network was bloodily ripped asunder by Dagger's men infiltrating the underground facilities. It was to be a good few weeks at least before anything in the railway system of the City resumed to normal.

The City schools were closed indefinitely. First of all, there was still the risk of continued attacks by Dagger in everyone's heads. A warzone never disappears overnight, and the citizens kept that warily in mind. Children were not allowed to pass to and fro from the downtown campuses until a good deal of the reconstruction had taken place. And secondly….the danger to children was more than evident. The greatest proliferated tragedy of November Fourth was the loss of two school buses full of elementary schoolers. It was perhaps the deepest wound the City had to heal……if it could heal.

The heaviest blow the City took had to have been that inflicted upon the population of industrial workers. The Dragonflare had been proliferated amongst the greater half of the factories and warehouses in the City's Northern District. Many of them had died in the middle of the hallucinogenic bloodlust. If not at their own hands, then at either the hands of the counteracting police…or the Titans. It was enough for the psyche of the City to deal with the horror of having to battle its own citizens to the death. It was even more harrowing for the workers themselves to recover. Nearly forty percent of the previous working body of the City's industrial centers failed to report in soon enough following November Fourth. The body of labor had been drastically cut down the center, and it looked to be a long time before that gap could ever be finished. The damaging effects this had on various companies as well as the stock market was incalculably devastating, since the City itself had such an integral share of the Northeast's shipping and industry…something fitting to rival even that of Metropolis and Gotham City and New York. It was a painful lancing felt by the greater half of the continent, something that the economy would inevitably reel from.

"I've got business at Phaser Labs…," Cyborg muttered as we walked between the tents of the site. "Something that I shouldn't put my hopes up for too much….but I guess I can't help myself."

I raised my eyebrow above my shades and glanced at him.

"Never mind…," he shook his head and sighed. "Forget I said anything."

I shrugged.

We walked on.

"Nnngh…," Cyborg huddled some, getting used to his new titanium appendages. "My cybernetic parts are totally fried…and I mean TOTALLY fried from all the crap that happened to me."

I nodded dazedly, gazing at wandering bodies across the haphazard landscape.

"I've spent all of the last four and a half days that I could trying to reconstruct burnt pieces of my neural net," the android said. "It's kinda like performing brains surgery on yourself while you're doing a dozen other things."

I winced.

"Yeah…," he nodded. "Exactly." He exhaled through his nostrils and paused in his walking. He gazed off towards the wrecked, raised highway. "At this point, I can't even make my sonic cannon, much less fire it. I can't record stuff with my robot eye anymore. And it takes twice as long to recharge….which means I've got to be carrying twice as much battery fuel…which just slows me down and makes me liable to short-circuit."

I stood, staring at him.

"It sucks, man….," he bluntly said. Staring at me. "It sucks to be in charge of a team all of the sudden that you can't present yourself one hundred percent for."

My lips parted.

"In case you forgot…," he chuckled bitterly. "I'm it. Robin had me as next in line. And here I am." He gestured with a cold metal arm and looked towards the ground. "Cyborg, Titan leader."

I simpered. I tried a brave thumb's up.

He glanced at me sideways. "Which also means, Noir…..," he leaned forward and planted his hand on my shoulder while staring into my shades. "…you're number one."

I blinked.

"You're my second in command. Robin promoted you, remember? He promoted you, and I'm going to uphold that by all means. You've earned it all. Our trust. Our respect. And—I'm most sure—the obedient answers of everyone else in this Team."

I exhaled. Shaking a bit.

Oh yeah.

That's right.

Second in command………

"Things will go on the same as they always have…," Cyborg stepped back, removing his hand from my shoulder. "Only, instead of Robin bitching at you all the time, it'll be me."

I couldn't help it. I chuckled breathily.

"Heh heh heh heh heh…," Cyborg uttered.

A beat.

We both sighed.

"And it'll take some work….," Cyborg said. "But I'm sure the other Titans will adapt as well to answering to the both of us."

I nodded, gazing off.

But I exhaled gently….in thought…

The Titans……

Who exactly are 'we' still?

Starfire……Beast Boy……Raven……Tempest……

My metal fingers clenched, fighting a shiver.

Are we still……………?

I winced at a thought.

And, uncontrollably, I looked up. I hand-signed to Cyborg: 'What about Terra?'

The android's face grew long.

"???" I leaned my head to the side.

He sighed and rubbed the human part of his head. "Terra….Terra…..Terra….."

"……," I stared patiently at him.

He swallowed and said: "The more we try and find Terra, the more we put ourselves at risk."

My heart fell. My throat fell sore.

I frantically hand-signed: 'But Dagger has her. She could be in trouble.'

"Noir…," Cyborg sighed. "….there is no way we can conceivably trace where she went. And even if we could, Dagger has proven that he knows every move we would take to follow him. He nearly blew all of us up. Much less one of us. If we all go after Terra now, we could all be at risk of far worse than what has happened already. And I shudder to think of what that implicates."

'Finding Terra was Robin's contract.'

"It was his folly!" Cyborg said.

I winced.

Cyborg didn't look like he enjoyed saying it any more than I possibly enjoyed hearing it. He looked off towards the cold, gray sky of November. "Robin was so….so hotheaded. And I think it was all because of Dagger and what Dagger did. So much loss and so much death and so much….so m-much defeat in a single day finally flipped the Boy Wonder over. I'm not saying it wasn't a noble idea to chase after Terra. But it was all the wrong time and the wrong place. Robin gave his life to find Terra. And to what end?"

A beat.

Cyborg sighed. "I am not going to put us through any more violent risks, Noir. Not now. Not anytime soon. We've got this City…and this City has us. And this City needs us. I'm not about to turn my head on something so real and here."

I bit my lip.

He turned and looked firmly at me. "As my second-in-command, I'm going to need you to work with me, dawg. Even if it means putting Terra out of the picture for now."

"………."

"Do you understand me?"

"………..," I slowly nodded. I hand-signed: 'Yes, Cyborg.'

"I'll be needing you, Noir," he said. "I'll be needing your support and your allegiance badly." He flexed his titanium fingers. "Already…I can sense it. The Titans are weak."

I nodded.

"Beast Boy is terribly quiet and dead in spirit. Starfire mourns endlessly in the shadows. Raven is distancing herself from everything. And Tempest is being….well…his usual self, only more depressing." He looked up at me. "I'm utterly confused and mixed over what to do next. And you, Noir……I can't put my finger on it. But you seem almost no different before November Fourth than you do after Robin's death."

"…………"

"I'm not really trying to insinuate anything….it's just that……..," Cyborg fidgeted. "I sometimes worry. Cuz you seem so 'together'. I sometimes worry over what could ever have happened to you long before you joined the Titans to prepare you for the Hell we just went through."

"………..," I glanced aside.

He waved his hand. "Enough of my rambling. Here's my first order for Number One," he smiled weakly. "Go see how Raven and Tempest are holding up. I'm going to Phaser Labs….but I'd love for us to get together something this evening and discuss some things."

I nodded. I started to walk off.

"And Noir?"

I paused. I looked back at him.

"Until I address the topic…..t-try not and talk about Terra."

"……"

"With anyone."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Dear Diana,

How do you go on?

How do you keep fighting an invisible fight with one Titan missing by invisible means and another torn asunder by an invisible hand?

When I joined the Titans, I had little to no idea the immense wounds that my team was carrying. I'm no stranger to pain and sorrow and helplessness myself, but I was a stranger to the pains that would eventually make the Titans distrust me when Slade and Jinx ran amok in this City. Terra was something so huge for the Titans. Such a terribly conflicting, emotional issue. Her betrayal, her sacrifice, and her lingering existence on the precipice of oblivion and stone infinity.

But Robin……

Robin's legacy knows no boundaries. He was big before I joined the Titans and even bigger after I sweat and bled with them. His name was something I knew of since childhood, whether or not it was the same Robin. Working with him, I felt like I was allied to the axis of 'Good' itself. I felt lucky, honored, educated, and paled in my comparisons. I learned all over again from the start the lattice work of integrity from fighting under his wing. And I could almost grasp what it meant to possess righteous anger; the surprisingly simple reality that hatred and fury could be whittled down into the simple wielding of justice if carefully put in check during every second of the heated battle.

It would be rather two-dimensional to sit back and say that it was Robin's own fury and passion that created his undoing. For that is not the case. It was Evil that swallowed up Good. Maybe not ultimately for the world, but ultimately for Robin. And that's probably what I feel the most out of all that happened throughout November Fourth and Fifth. Although Dagger never did 'win back' the City, he took the lives of civilians, the life of Robin, and the body of Terra. And it certainly doesn't feel like it was a victory on Good's side. Evil swallowed up far too much to ever be discredited.

The Titans and I feel wronged. We feel stupid. We feel ignorant. We feel like something so intensely big swung so invisibly under our radar and ripped a huge piece of us out that we should have kept fastened from the get go. That is anything but a pleasant feeling. Yet, in all of its painful implications……it is a mature feeling. And Cyborg has been the first to insist—time and time over—the echoing words of Robin.

The teens have grown up.

We are the Titans.

And yet I cannot shake this feeling that Cyborg—now the team leader—is only barely noticing the rift forming day by day beneath our very feet. I can see it. I can hear it. And I can feel it. I suppose it's only natural for me. I've been the unwitting observer of the group for nearly eight months since I joined the Titans……as much as I've also been the partaker. And I can't help but notice everything that I could easily have predicted.

Cyborg has noticed it too, but I think he's afraid to deal with it. He's afraid to go any deeper than his own patched-up hands can reached. And now that I am Number One……Second in Command……I feel like I am so close to doing something about it, and yet so far from truly having authority.

And even if I was Robin's successor……what could I do? Robin is dead. Terra is gone. Things have already been set in motion. The Titans are falling apart.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Earlier that day, there was a knock on my cellar room floor.

I looked up from my laptop.

I shuffled off the bed in a t-shirt and shorts and headed the door.

Schwiish!

Beast Boy stood before me. Looking somewhat taller than normal. He wore a dark shirt and slacks as if he still hadn't stripped down from the funeral the day before.

"Hey dude….," he waved lethargically. "Uhm….h-have you seen Starfire?"

I blinked my naked black eyes.

"She sorta disappeared after last night. The Titan computer says she's still in the building and stuff….but….," he fidgeted. Looking nervous.

"……," I scratched my chin. I gazed out across the basement of the Tower. The metal catwalks. The open spaces. The storage compartments. The utter, gothic dimness of it all.

And…

I swore I saw a glow. A distant, faint glow of green that only my obsidian optics could have seen.

I held a hand up.

"???" Beast Boy craned his neck.

I motioned with my finger…and crept casually down the length of the basement corridors…

Beast Boy followed.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

The storage compartments of the Tower.

It was a place I hadn't been to since the Puppet King controlled the Island.

I remembered Control Freak enthusiastically rambling about the dusty, Tamaranian space pod that he saw lying in its compartment…untouched.

And there the space pod was today. Lit up. With an amber girl dressed still in her PJs, half-draped inside.

"Den'draat fermi latto s'iul thendryk maatan," she uttered gently into a speaker of sorts. Console lights bleeped and blipped while alien chimes echoed throughout the small chamber. Her fingers danced gracefully across a pad of sorts. A monitor flickered as she firmly added: "Finulvaat sekluna vran'm thiul dredsam."

"S-Star??" Beast Boy shrugged with wide eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Hmm?" she gazed over. She smiled drunkenly. "Oh, meno korvax—er…I mean good morning, friends."

"You aren't leaving us, are you??" Beast Boy gasped.

"Leaving??" she blinked. She gazed at the interior of the pod. "Negative. I am not departing. It has been such a long time since I checked on the celestial signals connecting my pod to my home planet. I feel utterly foolish for letting slip the condition of my people for so many weeks on end. My family must be worried sick about me."

"Oh…I see….," Beast Boy scratched the back of his neck. "Whew. I was worried for a second there!! When I came down and saw you sittin' inside this thing, I almost that that you were………well……..ya know……I mean…..after….."

Silence.

Beast Boy gazed at me.

I gazed at him.

He swallowed. He looked towards the floor below and sighed. "Never mind…."

There was a frigid pause between us. Three Titans dressed out of uniform. Stripped to something ghostly and aimless. Our eyes drifted around like unanchored ships in a melancholy sea until Starfire had the warmth to say:

"I will admit, it has been so long since I have seen Tamaran. It would be a shame for me to prolong such an absence from my native world indefinitely."

"What do you mean, Star?" Beast Boy looked up.

She wiggled a lock of hair around with her finger. It wasn't exactly 'toying'. "The green canopies. The steaming lakes. The emerald sunset. My Tamaranian mind has been full of the images of home lately. I cannot detach myself from them. It is almost….a longing…."

"Yeah……," Beast Boy nodded. "So….," he fidgeted. "You think….m-maybe…..you need a vacation?"

She chuckled a bit at that. A weak smile gracing the air. "A vacation…..am I not on vacation here on earth?"

I bit my lip.

"I suppose you are…," Beast Boy quietly admitted. "And….nobody would blame you….if you wanted to go home, Star."

She gazed at the bleeping computer lights. Her eyes were thin. "Nobody…..would blame me…."

"Yeah……"

More silence.

Swiftly, Starfire's button turned a lever.

Blip!

Zzhhhhhhhh…..

The pod powered down.

Beast Boy blinked.

Starfire bravely stood up and closed the hatch with a hiss. "That is something….for me to keep in mind…….and merely that."

"Star—"

"I think I shall travail upon going upstairs and thinking about it."

"Star, just a second. Wait…."

She floated away and was gone.

Beast Boy sighed.

"………," I looked at him. I looked at the pod. I walked over, grabbed the tarp, and covered the exposed metal and door up.

"???" Beast Boy looked at me curiously.

I gazed back at him. I folded my flesh and metal arms and uttered: 'Not today.'

He nodded. "Yeah…but someday…..," he glanced down the corridor. "Someday….she will leave. The way things are now. The way things are….."

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

I haven't given Starfire enough credit. I thought that she would be totally in a collapsed state after Robin died. And now that Robin has, she has faired much better than I anticipated. True, she has spent her time in excess mourning. But she is trying to move on. She is trying to smile again. Trying to be friendly again. But there is still a sense of distance in her now that was not there before.

It is only a matter of time before Starfire leaves the Titans. Everybody can feel it. Beast Boy moreso. I'm only half as enthusiastic when I try to assure him that Starfire will remain for the time being. But there's no lying to anyone about anything anymore. If the Titans are indeed breaking up, she will be the first to go. Even Beast Boy would last longer than her.

Because Beast Boy—more than anyone else now that Robin is gone—knows what it means to punish himself needlessly.

And no, Diana, I'm not counting myself.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"I'm changing it. Sometime soon. The quickest I can find another name, I'm changing it…," the green elf said. He gazed up from the kitchen unit of the Main Room. "It'll no longer be 'Beast Boy'."

I raised an eyebrow as I walked over. I had a glass of soy milk in one hand. I slid him another.

He took it and began sipping from it. In between swallows, he said: "Cuz I don't feel like a boy anymore. I was a Boy before I joined the Teen Titans. When I was with Doom Patrol. When I was some wyrd-ass child wannabe actor running around and changing into a circus every week. Well…now Cyborg is carrying Robin's dream of us no longer being the 'Teen Titans'. I guess that means we grow up, right? We grow up while the buildings of this City fall down."

I made a face at that, but decided to shrug it off. I sat down, sipping milk. I rested a stool or two away from Beast Boy and was quiet.

And he went on: "Lord knows what my new name will be…," he grumbled. "Heh…it can't be 'Super Garfield', now can it dude?"

I smirked.

He swirled his glass for the sake of swirling itself. "But it's not going to be Beast Boy. No Boy would ever kill a man."

I paused in sipping. I looked at him sideways.

His emerald eyes were dull as he gazed into his glass. "I was wrestling with one of those Dragonflare guys inside an apartment. He fought me. I fought him. A bunch of family members were at stake. So…I turned into a dinosaur, tossed the two of us out a window….and………well……." He sipped the last of his glass. "I stopped being a vegetarian."

"………..," I stared at him silently.

He gazed at something beyond the milk residue settling through the transparency. "So I did what Robin asked us to. I took lethal force. I spilled blood so that people could be safe and that I would survive." He glanced up at me with his green orbs. "I hear you and Robin were really natural at it. Like you had studied the art of killing all along. Tell me….when you have every license to kill someone….do you actually enjoy it, Noir?"

My fingers tightened around the glass.

I kept my face straight.

I cleared my throat and….hesitated.

And it was just as well. Beast Boy said: "When you know that so many people are on the line…do you enjoy teaching evil to go to Hell? Do you enjoy driving your blade in and ending the problem?"

"………"

He twirled the glass around in his hand. "If I had known…..ahead of time…..that Dagger was going to be after Terra……," he took a deep breath. His nostrils flared. "I would have started ripping throats out from the get go!!!"

SMASH!!!

He flung the glass against the floor.

Shards went scattering.

And as if he was broken himself, he started to shake and cringe into a sob. Green hands covered his elfin face and after a few sniffs he uttered muffledly: "What kind of a hero is that?? What kind of a hero is that, Noir?? I-I'm glad they took Terra…she wouldn't have to see me b-become twenty times m-m-more evil than she ever was with Slade…."

I bit my lip. I stood up and made to go over to his side.

But he shook and—with tears streaming—shoved me away. "Don't get near me, man!! J-Just don't get near me!" He hopped off as a rabbit and scampered out of the Main Room.

"………." I sighed. Slowly, I knelt down and started picking up the tiny shards of the glass one at a time.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

Something happened between Raven and Cyborg. I'm not entirely sure what. It has never been my business to know what goes on between the two. But this November Fourth. This tragedy. It has solidified something between them.

I suppose it is a good thing, Diana. Cyborg has always been there for Raven. And now—it would seem—Raven is there for him. There is a lot that I'm sure Cyborg feels responsible for following Robin's death. And there is a lot that Cyborg WILL have to be responsible for now that he is the leader of all of us. It is probably of little surprise that the support and emotional restraint Raven held for Robin shall now be transferred over to Cyborg in a much more………personal tone.

But I have been proven wrong about Raven before. In so many ways. And I would only be foolish to assume anything about her. Much less anything about her and Cyborg.

There is still one thing that I do know is certain about Raven. And that is that the girl cannot assume anything about herself either. At least……she is not willing to afford herself the luxury of assumption. Of ease of mind. Of an acceptance of the status quo.

She is ever changing. And yet, she is ever static. And I shudder to see how that precious psyche of hers will be affected by this most recent holocaust.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

"The Justice League sent us a plaque…," Cyborg muttered later that morning before we both set out. "Heh. We lose a team member to the enemies of our mortal coil and they send us a lousy plaque…"

Raven sat cross-legged in a chair across his laboratory. She had a book in her grasp. Reading, she replied aside: "If I recall correctly, we did not give them a single thing when Hawkgirl left their troupe."

"Hawkgirl betrayed the Justice League during the Thanagarian incident here on Earth….," Cyborg gestured. "Ain't the same thing."

"Oh…forgive me," Raven droned. "Guess I'm not a Justice League, fan."

"And what of Martian Manhunter?"

"My comment still stands."

"Whatever…," Cyborg sighed and switched from reading a letter from the Justice League to a lone blueprint of the T-Car 2. He started highlighting and sketching designs. "I'm glad that Superman delivered the eulogy. And at least Wonder Woman and all the other Justice League people were there to pay their respect. But not Batman? Not even Batgirl or Nightwing? Now that's downright cold."

"Not entirely…," Raven droned.

"Care to explain to me, then?"

"If Batman was to have died a month ago, would Robin have attended his funeral?"

"Pfft! Of course he would!"

"Truly? Think about it, Cyborg."

"………," the android Titan scanned the ceiling of his laboratory. He blinked. "………..damn."

"Exactly."

"What's with those people of Gotham?" Cyborg rubbed the human part of his head. "I wonder if they just LOVE making each other feel like unneeded limbs." A beat. "But then again…," he relented. "Robin never did truly treat any of us like that. Unless you count Star."

"………..," Raven was silent.

Cyborg gazed over his shoulder. "You saw it too, didn't you? The last night Robin was alive….he totally treated her like crap. I mean….yeah, he could have admitted that he couldn't return the same sort of feelings that Starfire was friggin' laying out right before ALL of us. Anything would have been better than the silent treatment, for God's sake!"

"It matters little…," Raven droned.

"…….." Cyborg blinked. He swiveled around and gestured: "What do you mean, Rae?"

"It would be better for there not to have been any attachment whatsoever…," she said coldly. "Robin died. Starfire had worked hard enough as it was to get close to him to truly be in pain right now. If Robin had started accepting her advances any more than he scantily did, then I do not know how Starfire would be withstanding the resulting sorrow."

Cyborg sighed. "Jeez…Raven….not again…."

Raven glared at him over her book. "Explain what that means."

"No, you explain yourself, girl!!" Cyborg pointed. "The other day you were all in tears and crap!! The first time I had ever seen you cry!! And suddenly you're back to your emotions-are-bad policy! Pick a side!!"

"There are no sides to be picked," Raven frowned. "What we went through a few days ago was beyond terrible. In terms of our own psyche much less that of the City's. I was obviously not prepared and meditative enough to weather the storm! I buckled…and praise be to Azar that such a loss in self-control did not let something truly evil slip!"

"Raven…you were pleading! Begging!! Imploring me that I let you cry!!!" Cyborg shrugged. "I wasn't hearing the words of some Azarathian pupil, then! I was hearing you! I was hearing my friend!"

"What you heard….," Raven stood up slowly, scowling, "….was weakness!!"

"And don't you think that some of us needs to just give in and accept the fact that we're weak at times, Rae?"

"Not me, Cyborg," Raven grumbled. "Starfire maybe. Even Robin. His foolish head of immortality ended him. But I…I cannot afford to be anything but invincible."

"Invincibility is an impossibility….," Cyborg moaned. "Raven, can't you see that?!?! You're punishing yourself!! All your life!! It's not some code of Azarath! It's not some blasted shields against your father's demonic takeover or what not…it's punishment!"

"After these years….," Raven shook her head. "You still know nothing—"

"I know a lot more than I ever thought I could, Raven," Cyborg stepped forward. "Because you've shown me! You've given me the opportunity to dig deeper into the mystery that is you and I see so much that needs compassion…"

"Cyborg—"

"…companionship, understanding—"

"Understand this!!" Raven slapped her book closed, marched up to him, and hissed: "Robin died because he lost control of his own devices!! Similarly, I can't lose control of what I hold dear!! I cannot…and will not….lose control of my emotions!!!!!"

Cyborg blinked. He pointed: "Raven…"

"What?!?!?!"

"You're angry."

"……………..," she blinked. Her face tightened. She shoved the book into Cyborg's chest.

THWUMP!!

His titanium frame actually stumbled back some.

Raven walked—not floated—out the laboratory in a huff. "You're pathetic, Cyborg. You know that? You don't know when to quit. You don't know when to lay off when I downright tell you to and—"

Cyborg breathed and calmly said: "I thought of you down in Phaser Labs, Raven."

Schwiish!!

The automatic doors to the hallway opened.

But Raven paused in the frame.

Her body frozen.

Her fists clenched.

She panted.

Cyborg took a moment and continued: "Buried underneath the rubble. Nearly burning alive. I thought of you, Rae. I thought selfish things. I thought that….if I were to die….you would be twice as alone than you ever were. Because after all these months….together we achieved something that has never happened before. You started to trust other people more than the ghosts in your head. And maybe you still feel tough and cold and bitter on the outside….but on the inside, both of us knew that you were relaxing, Raven. You were relaxing because—with or without the same old fears—you were no longer alone. And when you're not alone, there are some good consequences for letting your emotions slip. And I felt that…if I died down there….the one Hell I'd have to deal with is the absence of every newborn feeling coming out of you. And it'd be worse to realize that you would miss out on that too. Because you know that I don't give a crap how much you might beat me up for the things that I say or the way I prod. Because at least you'd be beating me up in some way or another. And I'd accept it. Because I accept you, Raven. I respect you. And I want to be with you. I want to be with you as long as I'm capable of doing so. As long as you're capable of doing so. Before wicked nightmares from the bleeding streets rise up to consume you, or me, or the both of us. Before what happened to Robin and Starfire rears its ugly head again…..but for a new round of victims"

Raven clenched her eyes shut. And even from far behind her back, the android Titan could swear he saw a hint of the moisture washing up her cheeks.

"Cy-Cyborg….," she choked on a breath. She refused to look at him. To look at anything. "I….I-I just can't right now. It's too much…..it's far too much."

"…….."

She took a shuddering breath. "I can't handle all these feelings right now. The horrific reality of it. It'll tear me apart. I….I don't know how the r-rest of you deal with it…."

"I don't know either, Raven….," Cyborg calmly say. "But each day, I'm willing to find out. But…if possible….not by myself. But with others. With you, Raven."

She took a deep breath.

"I…..n-need to be alone…..I need to be away….away f-from you….."

A beat.

She sniffed, swallowed, and regained the firmness in her droning voice. "I wish you could understand."

"I do."

"………," Raven quickly shuffled out of the room.

Schwiish!!

Cyborg was alone in the laboratory.

He sighed.

He looked at the book thrown into his arms.

And his human eye narrowed.

The pages were blank.

An empty journal.

-T-T-T-T-T-T-

I sat in the Atrium of the Tower, suited up, polishing Myrkblade.

Raven wandered into the room.

She stood in the corner, her arms folded.

She sighed.

I glanced at her.

Silently.

I went back to what I was doing.

A good two minutes later, Raven paced around and started at the sight of me…as if she didn't know I was there.

"Oh….Noir….."

I nodded my head somewhat.

"You are always in the shadows at times, aren't you?"

I shrugged.

I polished Myrkblade.

Silence.

"………," Raven paced around.

"………," I was only half aware.

A beat.

Raven sat down in a chair two spaces from me.

I paused.

I glanced at her sideways.

"………"

I continued polishing Myrkblade.

A few dead minutes into that….

"Cyborg…..," she muttered. "……I think he wants our friendship….to be something more….."

"……," I paused.

I looked her way with an eyebrow raised above my shades.

Uh………yeah.

And when were you born?

"How many times have I told him…..How many times have I told everyone…..," Raven exhaled, hugging herself on the chair. "I cannot afford to get close. It is a liability. A danger."

I stared at Myrkblade, exhaling.

I know……

"My father's demonic influence is not something that can be toyed with. Especially not when the lives of other people are concerned."

I slowly examined the curves in my wooden sword.

Almost all of the bloodstains were gone.

By covering and removing trails of murk, I was able to refine the weapon to its immaculate rigidity.

"What am I to tell him? What am I to say to Cyborg?"

"…….."

"……."

"……."

"…….Noir?"

I blinked.

I glanced at her.

She was looking at me.

Looking at me.

And my lips parted.

This girl.

She had walked into the Atrium.

She had walked around.

She was talking her thoughts aloud.

I felt like I hadn't seen Raven for ages.

The dark girl who meditated on the opposite side of the field that I did.

An ally to the shadows of night.

A demon's daughter.

A tragedy and a beauty all rolled into one.

I was seeing Raven's image on the face of the person sitting beside me.

The glossy violet eyes.

The smooth blue hair.

The stubborn strand of azure dancing over the pale brow with its chakra stone.

And I felt like I was being spoken to by the kaleidoscopic vomit of yesterday's omnipotent jester.

I honestly did not know who Raven was anymore.

And if I didn't, then I knew for a fact that she didn't know either.

It was a saddening sick feeling.

I wouldn't mind watching Robin die twice over suddenly.

I shuddered.

I looked away from her.

I returned to my sword.

"…….," Raven stared at me. She hugged herself tighter and gazed off through the floor. "I don't know what to do anymore….."

I took a weak breath. A sore feeling in my empty throat. I thought of some giant, blue statue falling through a boardwalk in the Virginia surf somewhere and crashing into a fountain of white oblivion. Like ivory droplets of Construction melting from an angel's tears. Ana falling apart from the sky like a collapsing comet. Dying words across the moonlit plains of Kansas. And now, a demon whose flames turned to ashes.

I don't know what to do anymore either, Raven.

Between us there was silence. The silence of two bodies. And it echoed something not even half as heartfelt as that of days lost.

And lives lost.

"Snkkkt—Noir. This is Cyborg. I'd like us to make a trip to meet up with the Lieutenant before the rest of the Titans start doing recovery work. Please concur. You and I are gonna have to start making these sort of executive trips from now on."

I nodded. I tapped a button on the communicator to give him my 'affirmative'.

Chiiiing!

I stood up.

Raven watched.

I looked at her. "………" I smiled weakly. I pointed out the door.

She nodded.

And I walked off. Sighing.

And Raven sat, sighing.

It was not something new.

It was never any different than it ever was.

We had always given each other the silent treatment.

Only this time….the very same silent treatment hurt.