I do not own any part of the Harry Potter franchise; all rights belong to J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros and Scholastic.
Hermione walked down the hallway at a moderate pace, Draco strolling along beside her. They had finally been allowed to leave the office, with the understanding that they would have regular meetings with the headmaster and their heads of house. If anyone asked, they could use the excuse of prefect business; and once the pregnancy was revealed, everyone would assume the meetings had been about their situation- correctly, of course. So there wasn't a problem to that aspect of things. The only problems Hermione really foresaw were how her friends, and specifically Harry, would take the news; and how she was going to manage Draco.
He seemed almost too eager to get to know her; to begin their faux relationship. She seriously questioned his motives…although it was nice to know that he was willing to do things properly and without complaining, no matter what his motives were. She glanced over at him again. His profile was rather handsome- she didn't think she had ever noticed before. And the way his eyes turned cloudy when he was thinking. She'd noticed that earlier in the office, when they were discussing their plan of attack. Many times it seemed as if he had gone off into his own world, although he had been right there with them, adding to the discussion, even.
He felt her watching him and again forced the smirk from his face. Instead, he turned his own head to look at her as well, raising an eyebrow. "Yes?" he murmured.
She flushed, but rather than look away, spoke to him. "Well, I was just wondering, if we're to start out with simple things like studying together, and maybe speaking outside of class, when you wanted to get started."
"Oh, as soon as possible," he replied, feigning surprise. "Don't you agree? People are never going to believe it if we only start showing signs of a relationship two months before the due date. We may attend school with several idiots, but the majority are at least of average intelligence."
"Oh, I agree," she responded quickly, facing forward again. He, too, turned forward once more, though he caught the blush along her cheeks.
They reached the doors to the great hall together and Hermione began to go inside to the breakfast table- not that she expected to eat. A sudden hand on her shoulder stopped her and she could feel all the eyes of the students before them turned towards her. She turned her head and Draco smiled at her.
"So I'll see you at seven tonight, in the library. Don't be late," he added threateningly, speaking in tones loud enough to be overheard by the students sitting near the door. Their heads snapped about to stare blatantly at the prefects and Draco grinned. "How's that for a start?" he asked, dropping his voice several decibels- practically whispering it in her ear. Then he did allow a smirk and sauntered off to the Slytherin table, leaving Hermione gaping after him.
The flush on her cheeks turned a brighter pink and she managed to collect herself and scurry off to her friends. Her stomach had begun fluttering and she frowned as she sat down amongst them and their questioning stares. It couldn't be- no, it had to be the morning sickness again. That was all. She shook her head free of the cobwebs and looked about herself. Harry's face was the first she saw and he looked disturbed. Well, considering the way he and Ron had been going on about Draco this year, that wasn't surprising.
"Yes, Harry?" she asked, self assured once more. Ron shot a dark look her way and she chose to ignore it.
"What did Malfoy have to say to you?"
"Um- well, promise you won't be upset, Harry. You know I can't stand it when you and Ron act like such idiots."
Harry bristled a little, but nodded. "So? What has he done this time?"
"It's just that, Dumbledore wanted us to study together- apparently Draco's grades have been slipping a little and-"
"What? No, no way."
"Oh, fine! Believe it or not, if you want. I don't care. But we're both prefects and can be pretty much ordered to do whatever he wants. Ron, tell Harry- you know we have to keep our grades up!"
Ron was still staring at her darkly and he mumbled his assent before letting Lavender tug his attention away. Harry looked from Ron to Hermione doubtfully, but finally nodded.
"Alright. But be careful, Hermione. You know I don't trust him."
"Yes, yes, whatever you say, Harry."
She rolled her eyes as he went back to his breakfast and looked over at Ginny, who smiled at her. Then she summoned some hot tea and pretended to eat. She did her best to ignore all the other stares and eventually, the breakfast hour was over and she could get up and leave for her first class of the day: Defence.
It was with some trepidation that Hermione took her seat in the classroom, knowing that Snape was teaching it this year and knowing she had just seen him for a very revealing and embarrassing reason. Or was the appropriate word humiliating? She really wasn't sure she wanted to know.
As she sat down, she felt another student brush past her and looked up to find Draco taking a seat directly in front of her. She frowned a little. Was he going to be this much of a pest, really? Then again, she didn't know what needed to be done to convince the rest of the world that he was the father…she had so little experience, aside from Viktor and now, Ron. She allowed the frown to dissolve and shook her head instead.
Draco turned around in his seat and watched as she turned her attention to her book. He saw Harry walk down the aisle and take the seat next to her. The black haired boy glared at him.
"Is there a reason you're staring at Hermione, Malfoy?" he asked.
Draco's eyes widened innocently. "Just going to ask her a question, Potter. Or am I not allowed to speak to my fellow prefect?"
"Your tutor, don't you mean, Malfoy?"
At that, Draco drew back and laughed. "Was that supposed to be insulting, Potter? As if I would ever allow myself to be tutored by the likes of her. Perhaps I'm the one doing the tutoring, did you consider that?"
Hermione tried to ignore the argument going on right over her head, but found it difficult. Although Draco had warned her that in order to make things believable, he couldn't change his behavior towards her over night, the smirks and off color remarks still hurt. She was just as good as he was- so was Ron, so was Harry. Yet because of bloodlines and power and money, she and almost all her friends were either dirt or as good as- she believed the popular term was blood traitors. Hermione sighed and finally flipped her book shut.
"Would you two just stop it? Class is going to start any minute," she huffed, looking Draco directly in the eye. He raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Alright, Granger. Sitting down, now. Please, oh, please, don't hit me again."
She rolled her eyes, but felt her mouth quirking into a smile of its own accord again. Harry looked from her to Draco and sat down, finally, shaking his head in either anger or wonder, he wasn't sure which. Had Hermione and Malfoy really just shared a…moment? How was that even possible? Perhaps, though, she had been right about leaving him alone. After all, she was spending more time with him as a prefect, and now with the study sessions, so she clearly knew him better than the rest of them did. He stared at his book as Snape started class, trying not to glare at the back of Malfoy's head. Whatever the reason for their cordiality, he still didn't trust the boy. He would leave Hermione's relationships up to her, however, because he did trust her, enough to know that if she truly shared his own distrust, she wouldn't be treating Malfoy the way she had just now. Almost as if she had been breaking up an argument between himself and Ron, or Seamus.
It was very odd, indeed, and only another reason for him to keep an extra eye on the young Malfoy.
The first two weeks of the charade brought them squarely to the middle of November and half a month's good work. Hermione's extra lessons had been going well, though they were keeping her very busy, and Draco had slowly begun increase the number of moments they spent together. The only downside to pretending to have a relationship with him was his idea of what constituted a secret affair. He would pull her out of her study sessions and prefect duties without any warning, only to drag her off to a broom closet or empty classroom- once even to the Slytherin common room on the pretence of a fight amongst First Years. It was doing the job, true, especially that time in the common room when they arrived to a half empty, quiet sitting room and Draco declared that the young scallywags must have escaped his wrath…then proceeded to force Hermione into a chair and wait with him to see if they came back.
It had all been very awkward and Hermione anticipated that it would only continue to be so, especially as she and Draco never did anything in the closets and classrooms except talk occasionally and spend the rest of the time looking at one another suspiciously. Well, she looked at him that way- he just eyed her like he was beginning to see why Ron had wanted to shag her. It was very disconcerting, and she put it down to his attempting to make some memories that would seem appropriate to their being lovers once they were questioned. The only problem with that idea was, well, they hadn't kissed or anything. The most that had happened was his grabbing her hand to drag her into the closets in the first place.
Not that she wanted to be kissing anyone right about now- she was still trying to get used to the idea of being pregnant and all, and kissing someone who wasn't the father of her teenage pregnancy seemed somehow inappropriate. So here she was, saddled with a baby that she wasn't even sure she wanted, but felt morally obligated to keep; an ex love interest who grew more jealous of her new, fake love interest everyday; and the fake love interest also happened to be her best friend's second worst enemy. It was like some ridiculous afternoon drama…on the Spanish language channel.
It was a Friday afternoon when she finally worked up the courage to talk to Madame Pomfrey about what was actually bothering her about the pregnancy. The woman was quick and could easily tell, almost as soon as Hermione started her private sessions, that the girl was bothered very much by something. At first she had assumed it was the father's identity and that something untoward had occurred to cause the pregnancy, but she dismissed that thought as soon as Hermione began speaking.
"I just don't…feel like a mother," Hermione said, eyes wide and troubled. "I know that the thing- the baby- inside of me is mine, that I'm sustaining it. For Merlin's sake, I've been reading about pregnancy and the life cycle since the fourth grade! I know how it all works, well enough. But…I just don't feel connected to it in any way. The whole situation still feels so unreal. I'm worried, Madame Pomfrey, that I'm not fit to be a mother- this sort of thing can't be normal, can it?"
The nurse, who had sat close by and listened carefully to everything Hermione said, now stood and placed a hand upon her young ward's shoulder.
"Oh, my dear, what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. More normal than you'd probably expect. All the nonsense they feed young women these days about how romantic being a mother is and how, 'you'll feel differently about having children once they're your own.'" She paused and scoffed a little. "It's ridiculous. Motherhood isn't romantic, not at first, anyway, and some women never feel the kind of deep attachment to their children that all the magazines and books say is normal. Just because you're carrying the child doesn't make it yours. Not all adoptions happen because the parents can't care for the child. Sometimes they happen because the mother doesn't want her child, period. I've even heard of cases where some women were never aware they were pregnant until they went into labor! Surely you're aware of situations like that one, yes?"
Hermione nodded and began to feel a little less panicked about the whole thing, though still overwhelmed. Madame Pomfrey continued. "And it isn't any wonder that you should be having such anxieties, now is it? After all, you only found out a few weeks ago that you are expecting. Never mind who the father is- you're probably worried about what will happen to the child, aren't you? I wouldn't be surprised, in fact, if in addition to you trying to come to terms with reality, you are subconsciously keeping yourself from growing attached to it."
The younger witch suddenly burst into tears and nodded again. "Yes, that's it-" she sniffed severely and kept wailing. "I just don't know what I'm to do! I've been reading and studying all I can, but there's only so much a book can tell you when it comes to bonding with the little thing inside yourself- I just feel so strange, all the time, and Ginny is wonderful and listens to me, but she doesn't know anything about babies; she's the youngest in her family! And Professor Mc-" sniiiiiiif, "Gonagall has never had children, so she doesn't know how to help, either…oh, Madame Pomfrey, I simply don't have any answers this time! I feel completely…" her eyes narrowed as she searched for a word, still raising a handkerchief to her now very runny nose. She finally looked to the nurse again, shrugging helplessly and finishing her sentence with what, to the healer witch, was an extremely discouraging word.
"Completely…lost."
At that word, Madame Pomfrey wrapped her arms about the dear, dear witch and heaved a great sigh. "What you need, my dear, is your own mother. Have you talked to your parents yet?"
When Hermione shook her head amidst stifled sobs, she felt herself grow angry. "Why, that won't do at all! Why on earth not? They should have been alerted right away!" She put Hermione from her and stared at her. "Well, my girl, we are going to do something about that right this instant. I will go speak to the headmaster on your behalf. I'm sure he'll see reason. In the meantime-" she let go and walked over to her small medical library and began scrounging around for a particular title. "Ah-ha," came her mutter finally and she returned to Hermione's side with the book and a fresh handkerchief. "Here you are. In the meantime, until we get it sorted out about your parents, this book will help. I didn't put it on your reading list because I wasn't aware we would need it, but I can see that I was mistaken. It has tips for young mothers on taking care of themselves and their unborn children's mental health; ways to bond with the child, etcetera. I think it will help you a great deal for now."
"How to bond with the child? Really? What does that entail?" Hermione asked, curious about this new skill set.
Pomfrey was bustling over at her desk and called over her shoulder. "Hmm? Oh, it's not much different from talking to a coma patient, I understand."
Hermione stifled a hysterical giggle and looked at the book in her hands. Well, she would try anything at this point to not feel like such a heel about the whole thing. Honestly, she was probably going to be the worst mother in the world! Not feeling like she was pregnant, not wondering about the child- what sex it would be, what to name it- she didn't care about any of those things right then. It was still too new. Give it time, Hermione, she told herself. Then she smirked. After all, you have seven and a half more months to work on it.