Title: Mentor
A/N- Heya, guys. I got a very interesting review that I'd like to address! Yay! To brolly501: I totally understand your statement about the constant sex scenes, and your disappointment about the lack of scenes taking place in the hospital. This was actually my plan for a while, because we've been watching Allison grow as a future medical student for a while, and seeing very little development in her relationship with House. Yes, they talked a lot, and there was some definite blooming on that front, but I hadn't reached my goal with them yet. For chapters that took place during the summer I chose to include that much sex merely as a sign that she was growing more as a person as well as a doctor. She was growing up. And the continuous amounts of sex (though in a large part for my own enjoyment) were to show her as she grew as a lover and not just as a future medical student.-Andi
Chapter Twenty-One: Cry, Baby, Cry
It was strange for Allison to get back into school after the eventful summer she'd had. Part of her felt bored with the mundane classwork, but she knew that she must do it if she wanted to reach her goals. Her time spent at the hospital had been interesting, though less eventful than she'd anticipated. Because of the restrictions she was forced to follow, the entire experience had been annoying than beneficial. True, she was lucky to have the privilege, and it would definitely help her when applying to medical school; but the fact still remained that it had been less educational than she'd hoped.
The truth was that she'd grown more as a person than as a doctor during her stay in New Jersey. She'd learned things about herself that she had never recognised before. Also, she'd made a couple of new friends during her time there, and that was at least something. Actually, the only real things she'd taken from the hospital was seeing how it actually functioned, as well as Wilson dreaded "Death Tour". However, she hadn't expected to put that revelation to use to soon after she'd experienced it. At least she had the scheduled phone calls from Lisa, James, and especially Greg, keeping her up to date with hospital life. Their stories of the day, and Lisa's gossip over recent hospital goings on, were the bright point of her day. It also helped distract Julia from her own woes.
Stories of her summer, her time spent at the hospital, and with House had been very entertaining. Julia's own little inserts had caused uproars of laughter to emerge from their mouths when they were feeling blue.
However, every day at five in the afternoon, the phone rang, and both girls froze before Julia would pick it up and get updates on their friend's status.
They visited Jeff every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Every time, though, Allison could feel Julia grow more and more nervous. They both knew that the day when his parents would be called was coming closer and closer. Most of the time, Jeff was asleep when they visited, or on so many pain medications that he didn't really notice that they were there. His delirium was unsettling, and Allison was surprised at how little sorrow she felt when she watched him. After two weeks of this continuous reminding of Jeff's failing health, and the seemingly silent count down of his remaining time; both Allison and Julia could feel the strain. It was only a matter of time before the world collapsed in a burning pile of smoldering rubble.
"Are you okay?" Julia asked carefully, placing a gentle hand on her roommate's shoulder. Having just come back from breakfast, Julia was surprised to find Allison already studying.
"Yeah." Allison replied hollowly, staring blankly at her textbook. With a sigh she snapped it shut, "No."
"What's wrong?"
"I haven't told Greg about Jeff."
"Why not?" Julia sat down on the girl's bed.
"I'm nervous about what he'll say."
"How do you mean." Julia was confused, she tossed the Psychology book to the floor and laid down next to Allison.
"Greg's a lot of things to me."
"I'll say!" Julia teased, trying to lighten the mood, but at Allison's look, she quickly amended, "So, you're afraid that he's going to treat this experience as some sort of teacher's simulation rather than one of your life events?"
Allison nodded, "While I was in New Jersey, Greg was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle the dark stuff that comes along with being a doctor. He was afraid that I'm too soft to cope with it." Now that she was dealing with it first hand, she was surprised how calm she felt. Part of her felt bad for not being upset, and that just made her feel worse.
"You were thinking the same thing not too long ago." Julia reminded her.
"I know, but, this is different. I'm friends with Jeff. I don't want to treat his death like it's nothing to me." Allison voice became slightly gruff.
"You and Jeff aren't that close."
"I know, but-"
"But what? You think tears of pity are gonna make Jeff happy?" Julia asked in disbelief.
"No-"
"Trying out for new role are ya? Saint Cameron, pities the dying she doesn't even know?"
"That's unfair." Allison snarled back, not enjoying having her complicated feelings turned into a quip about martydom. It was true though. Maybe she was being over sympathetic.
"But not untrue." Julia's voice hardened.
"Are you trying to piss me off?" Allison glared, not caring that she had been telling herself that this day had been coming for a while. She had felt this fight building, and now that it was ready to explode, Allison was entirely consumed with the need to fight it out.
"Maybe I am." Julia hissed, completely vacant of her usual self-control.
"No. You really are." Allison stood up, "You know... I may not be as close to him as you are, Julia, but it doesn't mean that I don't care that he's dying." Her foot hooked on her Psych book and she stumbled a bit, sending it sliding across the floor. "You're just mad at me for not coddling you. I think the real truth here, is that you're mad at me for feeling sorry for Jeff 'cause you don't!" Allison snapped.
"What!?" Julia stood up sharply, stubbing her toe on the Psychology book that had slid over.
"You're not sad for Jeff! You're sad that Joe's not paying attention to you as much anymore! You think you can hide behind this meek, little facade and that everyone will think that you're so compassionate. Really, you just loathe the idea that Jeff's getting all the attention from your boyfriend, and you need to play the sweet girlfriend that holds his hand so that he'll remember who you fucking are!"
"You, fuckin' bitch!" Julia lunged at her roommate, tackling her to the ground. The two women rolled on the floor, knocking over a bedside table and the lamp that rested on it. The lamp shattered, but the girls continued their brawl, uncaring that someone had begun to pound on their door.
"Admit it, you're just a shallow, little drama-queen, playing the role of the good girlfriend." Allison snarled as Julia yanked her hair, and her own hands balled into fists.
"At least I'm not the one sleeping my way into a good medical school!" Julia yelped as Allison flung her fist into her cheek. Retaliating, Julia wound up and punched her roommate in the eye.
"Fuckin' Drama-Queen!" Allison tilted her hips and got on top of Julia. However, they struggled for dominance in their wrestling, and ended up pulling and yanking hair, alternating between clawing and punching. It truly was a mixed battle. As more and more blows were transfered, the two women were soon red faced and Julia had a bloodied mouth.
Finally the door burst open and the dorm's RA entered, two other students behind him, "What is going on in here!?" He shouted as he and the two other students tried desperately to disentangle the two women.
"WHORE!" Julia screamed as the RA yanked her away and contained her as the boy and girl kept Allison from retaliating.
"FUCK YOU!" Allison gave a lunge, but when she was restrained by the two other students, she spit at Julia.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" The RA screamed, "What the hell happened in here!?" He demanded.
"Ask her!" Allison jerked her shoulders, shaking off the two students and began to pace.
"Go to Hell!" Julia managed to shake off her own restraints as well, "You said you weren't upset, you fuckin' liar!"
"Fuck you! At least I'm not pretending to be upset." Allison hollered back and all three mediators had to nearly tackle the two women to the ground to keep them away from one another.
"I'M NOT PRETENDING!" Julia screamed, but it wasn't one of anger anymore. Her voice was the sound of a soul shattering, and a heart breaking, "I admit it! Okay? I fucking admit it!" The RA released Julia as she fell to the ground in a ball of tears and shuddering sobs. "I just feel so fucking alone... I know it's selfish, I know it is, but it hurts so damn bad..." She was choking on her cries now, and Allison felt her own anger disintegrate as she crawled along the floor two wrap scratched and bloody arms around Julia's shaking form.
"Shh... Shh..." Allison cooed, her bloody cheek, caused by a nail's scratch, pressing against Julia's matted hair; she began placing gentle kisses despite the blood transfer. "I'm here for you." She promised.
The other three students who had broken up the fight all looked at each other and decided with silent glances that they should leave, but remain near the door in case war broke out once more.
"I really don't want him to die." Julia sniffled.
"I know, neither do I." Allison took in a shaky breath, "But, you know, not hurting..."
"Yeah, it hurts doesn't it?" Pulling away slightly, Julia looked skyward, trying to dissolve the onslaught of tears that were raining down her cheeks, "Why is it, that above all else, we want to feel nothing when someone dies..."
"But when someone we know dies and we feel nothing..."
"It hurts?" Julia shook her head. "What kinda fucking sense does that make?"
"You and I seem to suffer from over-developed guilt complexes." Allison tried to crack a joke, and it worked; Julia laughed, and managed to spray a bit of blood from her busted lip.
It was difficult to knowingly come to the conclusion that Jeff's death wasn't what had been tearing them apart. Instead, they discovered it was the atmosphere surrounding them, each playing up the distraught friend, and effectively creating anger towards one another. This unfortunate event had turned into a fight over who could act the most pitifully, and upon realizing that, they both felt the role of the guilty party.
"I'll clean your wounds if you clean mine?" Julia offered, trying to make amends over their fight.
"Deal." Allison stood up, though painfully. Julia had managed to get in a few vicious kicks, and now Allison's entire body felt bruised. "That lip is still bleeding."
"Your eye is already bruising." Julia grimaced.
Touching the tender flesh carefully, Allison concluded that she would have a black eye in a couple of hours. "Where, oh where, is the hydrogen peroxide?" Allison sighed. "You find it, I'll get some ice. That right hook of yours makes me feel like my eye is going to explode."
"Okay." Julia agreed and went about hunting down their personal First Aid kit.
Soon, the roommates were dabbing Bactine on multiple cuts and scrapes, and sticking bandades on anything that had continued bleeding after disinfection. Allison had a bright red scratch going vertically down her cheek to go with her black eye. Julia's entire left cheek and swelled up, along with her bloody, bottom lip. They were quite a pair.
"So... Do you feel better?" Julia asked, "'Cause, in a strange way, I do."
Allison laughed a bit, despite the pain it caused her, "Actually, yeah, I do feel a bit better." Allison thought for a moment, "I was so nervous for you, 'cause you're gonna be calling Jeff's parents soon, that I just kinda let the whole thing with Greg fester."
"And I was worried about why you've been so down lately, that I kept letting calling Jeff's parents slip into the background... And then I got mad at you for distracting me from him."
"I'm sorry I said that you didn't care about Jeff."
"I'm sorry I reduced your feelings for House into something as shitty as sleeping your way into a good medical school..." Julia licked her lip, and could still taste fresh blood. "You think this is gonna seal?" She licked the wound again.
"Stop licking it. It's like a kanker sore. Leave it alone... And don't smile." Of course, that statement made a silly grin cover Julia's face, and split the cut right back open. Allison rolled her eyes and pressed the ice-pack she'd retrieved over the darkening orbit.
"Maybe we should take up kickboxing or something. Next time it'll look a lot cooler when we brawl, instead of like a sissy fight." Julia teased.
"Believe me, I have brothers, there was nothing sissy about that." Allison groaned, "Anyway, if we actually learned how to fight properly, we might kill each other if there is a next time." She pointed out.
"True." Julia took up her own ice pack and held it over the left side of her face. "Are we good?"
"We're good. I think it's out of our system." Allison closed her visible eye and flopped her head back onto the bed. As she thought about this odd turn of events, Allison curled up on her side and considered everything that was bothering her. "I just..." With a deep breath, Allison managed to voice her frustrations, "I'm so mad about that program I did this summer." She confessed.
"Why!? You were so excited!" Julia squealed.
"Because, it wasn't everything I thought it would be." Allison frowned deeply, "I thought I'd be on the floor helping people, you know? Maybe even getting to help diagnose." With a shaky breath, Allison continued, "Instead, I got to play babysitter and watch other people have all the fun while I couldn't say anything or do anything or..." Tears slipped through her eyes. Reflecting, the summer probably would have been much more frustrating if it hadn't been for spending it with House.
"Well, you couldn't do those things. You haven't taken all the necessary classes to be diagnosing and stuff." Julia pointed out.
"I know, but I felt like such a shadow. I just got to stand there with my notebook and draw my own conclusions, but I couldn't do anything to find out if they were accurate. It was like taking a vow of silence." Allison's frown deepened. "But I couldn't tell them that, 'cause I knew what an opportunity I'd been given." She sighed and looked at Julia, "Does that sound like I'm being impatient?"
Julia laughed a bit, but tried not to smile, "Maybe a little impatient," she replied truthfully, "but not bad. I know you're anxious to dive right in, and that's not bad, but you have to be patient and go through the motions."
"Right." Allison turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling, "You're gonna hate me for saying this."
"Should I get the First Aid kit back out?" Julia joked.
"I'm kinda treating Jeff's death as a test for myself." Allison admitted.
Julia sat quietly, waiting for a longer explanation.
"I'm not sure if I can handle death. Part of me wants to think I can, but another part is nagging me saying that I'll crumble." Allison took a long, deep breath as she made her final statement towards the subject, "That's why I've been going with you to the hospital so much."
Julia looked like she was going to lunge at Allison once more that day, but instead, her clenching muscles shook with a sob, "I'm guilty of that too." She confessed and began to cry.
Allison got up from her bed quickly and wrapped her arms around Julia as she cried.
"I just feel so bad using him as a guinea pig for my own sick, self-experiment." She swiped at tears, "But I had to know if I could do it!" She shook with a heavy sob, "But I think I'm too close, Ally." She sniffled back, "I think I really am too close. I don't think I can talk to his parents."
Allison nudged her head against her friend's and let out a tired sigh, "You're not a bad person, Julia. You had to know, just like I did."
"But that's not why I can't call them!" She wailed, "I can't call them, 'cause I'm afraid if I say, or do something wrong, Joe will hate me for not being gentler."
"Oh, Jules," Allison hugged her tighter, "it's not your fault. We can't make ourselves feel something that's not there. We can't feel sorrow if we don't feel the loss."
"I know." Julia wiped away more tears, and tried to shake her guilt.
"Anything we can do to make this day any more memorable?" Allison joked lightly, trying to change the subject once and for all.
"Well, you could call House and finally tell him what's going on." Julia pointed out.
"We've had enough emotional turmoil." Allison moaned, "We don't need anymore today."
As if by some cosmic balance that decides to kick you when you're down, the phone chose to ring at that moment.
As the phone rang, making the women jump apart, Julia got off of the bed and answered it, "Hello?... Hi Joe-... What? Oh my, God... Okay, I'll be over in a bit." Julia hung up and turned to Allison, "They've found that the cancer has metastasized into his brain. The doctors are saying Jeff could go any time within the next couple of days."
"Do you want me to go with you to the hospital?" Allison stood up.
Julia nodded, and without another word, the two women grabbed their purses and walked out the door.
As they walked to Allison's car, both women were surprised to notice a note of happiness in their hearts despite the horrible event in the near future. It was comforting for them to come to the realization that despite how bad things got, or even if they fought, they knew they'd be there for each other. Even as they drove to the hospital to await the death of Jeff, there was a bitter comfort knowing that they could make it through anything as long as they were friends. TBC
A/N- Okay, as the author it is my duty to apologise for my mistakes :( . I know that Joe and Jeff have only been mentioned characters in this fic, and that Allison's relationship with them has been non-existant, purely my fault. Sorry, but I would like to express that they actually did all hang out together at some point, but I unfortunately omitted it from my story. Purely by accident, mind you, but it's still a bit of a plot hole that I take full responsibility for. Sorry.-Andi