CHAPTER 12
Embry POV:
I was standing at the bench, working on a part when Jake came in and said, "So, you still in a pissy mood?"
I threw down the wrench that was in my hand, turned and looked at him and said, "What do you think?"
I guess he could tell from the scowl on my face that I was. He smiled and sat down on the stool. "Have you talked to her yet?"
"No, and I don't plan on it right now."
"Man, I don't get you Embry. This girl throws herself at you and your pissed! You two, let's see how did you describe it? Oh yea, 'did the nasty.' You said it was awesome, right? So what's the deal?" Jake asked.
I just looked at him and shook my head. "What's the deal? Are you fucking kidding me? You're the one that went on and on about how it's so much better when you feel something for each other. Well, I love her, I can't help it. I'm not in this for a fucking good time. I want her to love me. Why is that so wrong?"
"It's not wrong. But, well, it's just . . . you're acting like the girl and she's acting like the guy. It's kind of weird, really," he said with a laugh.
I glared at him and picked up the wrench. "Ever wonder what it would be like to have a wrench shoved up your nose?" I threatened.
"Oh come on, Em! You're my best friend. You have to listen to me, here. You gotta know that Leah cares about you. I know she does. She just scared. She'll come around, but you gotta have some patience. In the meantime, relax, have a little fun, you know?"
"Yea, whatever. I gotta get back to this carburetor. At least it won't talk at me," I grumbled.
Leah POV:
A couple of days went by. It was killing me! He didn't call or come over. He was pissed. Or worse: hurt. I finally decided that I had to make this better. I ran over to Jake's to see if Embry was working with him in the garage. I walked into the garage and found Jake working on some part at his work bench. "Hey, Jake."
He looked up and said, "Leah? What's up?" He looked a little surprised to see me here. I wondered what Embry had told him.
"Um, is Embry here? I really need to talk to him."
He put down the tool he was using and wiped his hands on a rag. "Yea, he's in the house. He went to use the bathroom and get something to drink. He should be right back." He sat down on a stool and looked at me.
"I fucked up, Jake. Big time. He's pretty pissed at me, isn't he?" I said. He looked at me, but didn't say anything. "Look, I know he tells you everything."
He smiled and said, "Yea, he does. Man, Leah, you really messed him up! He doesn't know what to do."
I sat down on the stool beside him. "I know. I don't know what to do either. It's just . . . why does he have to love me? Why can't we just have some fun? I mean, I only ever dated one guy. One! He's been with 43 girls! I'm just not ready to do the whole relationship thing again. I don't want to be hurt like that, ever again."
"But Leah, why do you expect to be hurt? What if Embry is The One, you know? The one you're supposed to be with?"
Just then we heard Embry come back into the garage. He walked around the car that was sitting there and then he saw me. He stopped and looked at me. "What the hell are you doing here?" he said. He had two cans of pop in his hand.
Jake stood up and went to him and took one of the cans. "I'm going to take a break and let you two talk." He looked over his shoulder at me and walked out of the garage.
I stood up and said, "Embry, we need to talk. Now. I hate how things are between us. I miss you," I started.
He looked at me and shook his head then gave a harsh laugh. "You miss me. Sure," he said.
This was going to be harder than I thought. He wasn't just pissed. He was hurt. I stood up and walked toward him. He took a swig of his Mt. Dew. "Embry, what happened was . . . well, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. I lost control . . . I guess I feel like I used you and that was really wrong. I know you have feelings for me, and I took advantage of that."
He just stood there. I could see that he was fuming. I could almost see smoke come out of his ears, he was that hot.
"Really, Leah? Really? That's your apology?" He squeezed the can in his hand so hard it smashed and pop went squirting out all over. "Shit!" He dropped it and took a rag from his back pocket to wipe his hand. He shook his head and looked up at me. "You didn't rape me, Leah. I was an active party in the whole thing, OK? I wanted you just as much as you wanted me. But yea, I have feelings. And so do you, but you're too scared shitless to admit it. That's what pissed me off, OK? I know that there is something very strong physically between us. That is quite obvious. But there's something else, too. And until you realize that, this thing between us is over."
"What? Over? No! I don't want that!" I moved forward and put my hands on his chest. "Tell me what to do. How can I fix this?" I was begging. It was pathetic really.
"You know what you have to do, I just told you." He picked up my hands and dropped them and stepped back.
"What? I have to profess my undying love for you? Is that it? I can't be with you unless I love you? Embry, this is crazy! Aren't you the one who always backs off when a girl gets all emotional? What happened to that Embry? The one that likes to make out and have fun? Where did he go?"
He smiled meanly and said, "I guess he got what he deserved. He finally fell in love with a girl who only wants a good time. Pretty fucking ironic, isn't it?"
I just stood there. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I looked at him with a blank stare.
He said, "Look, Leah, I gotta get back to work, OK? See ya around." He walked over to the bench and picked up a tool and walked over to the car with the hood up and stuck his head under it. Yea, go ahead. Hide under there.
What else could I do? I turned and walked out.
Embry POV:
I worked late in the garage. What else did I have to do? I was so pissed at Leah, I didn't trust myself to go anywhere else. I was feeling really reckless. I thought about getting drunk and finding some girl to have hot sex with. Any girl, it didn't matter. Now that I have all this experience. Ha! Yea, I'm a real stud now. I knew, deep down, I would really regret it, so I stayed in the garage and worked.
Jake had left around six to have dinner at Bella's. She fixed dinner for him and their dads just about every night. They acted like they were married already! It was sickening to be around, really.
I decided to finally knock off and go home. It was after seven, and my stomach was growling. I couldn't even remember the last time I ate something. For once, I hadn't been very hungry lately. I put stuff away and locked up. I got into the truck and forced myself to drive home. I had this urge to drive to Leah's, but I didn't. I needed to stay strong on this. I knew if I saw her again, I'd lose all my resolve and take her in my arms. She was like a drug. I had her once, and now I just wanted more. It was killing me. Especially at night when I closed my eyes to sleep.
I parked the truck and got out and went inside. I found my mom sitting at the kitchen table. "Hey Mom," I said as I walked into the kitchen. I went to the fridge to find something to eat. As I was pulling out a box of leftover pizza, I heard my mom say, "Sit down, Embry. I need to talk to you."
"Sure," I said. I grabbed a slice of cold pizza and took a big bite. "What's up?" I plopped down at the table and looked at her.
She looked me in the eye and asked, "Why don't you tell me what the hell this is all about?" She brought her hand from her lap and held out the envelope that held the DNA test results.
"What the hell, Mom! Why were going through my drawers?" I was instantly hot. I threw the pizza down on the table.
"I thought I would be nice and put your laundry away for you and I found this in your sock drawer. When were you going to tell me about this? Never?" she asked me. She wasn't just angry, she was really hurt. I could tell by the redness around her eyes, she had been crying.
"Why should I? You were never going to tell me."
"No, I wasn't! I didn't want you to know. Didn't you get that? God, Embry. I have been trying for almost 18 years to get over this. I just didn't' want . . ."
"Want me to know what? I already know my father is Joshua Uley. Did he rape you, Mom? Is that it? Tell me, Mom! I have to know. PLEASE JUST TELL ME!" I screamed at her.
She closed her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks. "No, Embry, he didn't rape me. This is so hard . . ."
"Mom, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have screamed at you, but this is always going to be between us. Just tell me and get it over with, please?"
She opened her eyes and looked at me. She reached up and touched me on the cheek and nodded. "All I have to do is look at you and I see his eyes." She smiled and put her hand down. She took a deep breath and started, "I was so young. Barely 18. I was living with my aunt and uncle because both of my parents had died in a car accident when I was 10. It was OK, I guess. I loved my aunt, she was my mom's sister, but my uncle . . . well, he drank. He couldn't hold a job for long, so things weren't so easy, you know? But I had a boyfriend, Tom. He had asked me to marry him at Christmas that year, and we were planning on getting married after I graduated. I was so happy, planning the wedding. I was working at a little grocery store on the reservation, and one night at work, someone came in and told me they saw Tom hanging out with another girl. So during my break, I went to see him and we got into this huge fight. He told me it was nothing, but I was so insecure. I could never quite believe that he would want to marry ME. You know? I cried all the way back to work believing that Tom and I were done. Somehow I got through the rest of my shift. I closed that night, so it was late when I got out. I walked outside to go home and there was this man, outside the store at the payphone, looking through the phone book. He surprised me and I jumped and he apologized and told me he was trying to find a buddy of his that lived on the reservation.
He told me his buddy's name, I told him where he lived, and he smiled and said, "Thanks." That was it. But there was something about him. I couldn't stop staring at him. His eyes were so beautiful – they drew you in somehow. Before I knew what I was doing, I agreed to get a soda with him. We walked over to the bar next door and he ordered me a soda and himself a beer. We sat and talked. He told me his name was Josh and he was from LaPush, and he was on the reservation looking for work. He thought Bob, his buddy, could help somehow, I guess. We talked some more and then he asked me to dance. Someone was always putting money in the jukebox, and a slow song came on, so I danced with him. I knew it was a mistake, but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself. Maybe it was the stupid fight I just had with Tom. Maybe it was because I never felt good enough for Tom, you know? But when Josh held me in his arms . . . I can't describe how it felt. It was just like . . . I was home. I know that sounds so stupid, but that's how it was. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Let's get out of here."
"I found myself walking with him to his truck. We got in and he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was so . . . I don't know. So different than any of the kisses I had ever had with Tom. Josh was handsome, so handsome, and well, I couldn't resist. Maybe if Tom and I hadn't had that awful fight, well, maybe I wouldn't have let myself get so carried away. We made out for awhile and I told him I had better get home. He took me home and my uncle was drunk. You could hear him screaming at my aunt from outside the house. Josh looked at me and I apologized for my uncle. Then he said, "Honey, I'm not leaving you here. Come with me. We'll get out of here for a couple of days. What do you say?"
She looked at me and said quietly, "I know that I should have said no, but I didn't." She closed her eyes and said, "I know you probably think I'm a whore for getting in a truck with a man I just met and running off with him, but I don't think I could have stopped myself even if I had wanted to."
She opened her eyes and went on, "We drove down the coast and found a little motel along the ocean. We stayed there for 2 days. I won't go into detail, but I will say it was the best two days of my life. I loved him, Embry. I can't explain how it happened or why, but I loved him. On the third day, he told me that he as much as he hated to, he had to go and he was taking me back to the reservation. I was devastated! I told him I loved him and I begged him to take me with him. He said he loved me too, but he couldn't take me. He couldn't explain now, but he would call me sometime and tell me the whole story. We drove back to the reservation and he pulled up on the street over from my aunt's house so no one would see me get out of his truck. He held me and kissed me and told me thank you for loving him so. Then I got out and he drove away." A tear left her eye and rolled down her cheek.
She took a deep breath. "I felt so . . . alone, so empty, walking back to that house. I knew my aunt and uncle would be furious with me and I was terrified to go in. But I did, and I told my aunt some made up story about just needing to get away and figure things out since Tom and I had such a big fight. I told her I was so sorry to make her worry, and that it would never happen again. No one knew the real story but me and Josh. A week went by and he didn't call, then another. I already had the feeling I wasn't going to hear from him again."
"More time went by and eventually Tom and I made up. I told him I was sorry for the fight, and we went on like nothing ever happened. Until I realized that I was pregnant. I was so excited! I was really looking forward to getting married and having babies. Having a little house to take care of and a family had always been my dream. I couldn't wait to tell him! I was a little afraid, too, because I wasn't sure how he would take it. We had never really talked about having kids. So, we were parked in his car at this little spot we liked, and I told him. His face got really dark and he asked me how in the hell I could be pregnant. I was really surprised! I mean, we had been . . . well intimate, and he never used any . . . protection. I told him that and he then he told me it was because he had had an accident a few years before that had made him sterile. He couldn't have kids!"
She closed her eyes again and said so quietly I almost couldn't hear her, "He hit me, hard across the face a couple of times, and called me a whore." Tears ran down her face again. I reached out and held her hand.
"I couldn't argue with him. That's exactly what I was." She opened her eyes and said, "He called me a few more names and told me to get the hell out of his car. So I did, and he drove away and left me there. I remember sitting on the ground for quite awhile just crying and wondering what the hell I was going to do. It was a small reservation, and Tom was from one of the tribal families. I knew it would be impossible for me to stay there. So, I picked myself up and walked the three miles back home. I went to my room and packed up everything I owned into one big suitcase. The next morning, I took the engagement ring that Tom had given me and I sold it and bought an old beat up car. I took all of my money out of the bank that I had saved from working, which wasn't much, put the suitcase in the car and headed for LaPush. I figured since Josh was the father of this baby, he had a right to know."
"I got to LaPush and stopped at the store uptown and asked if anybody knew where Josh Uley lived. Quil's grandpa was in there and came over and asked me why I wanted to know. I told him that I was moving here and my mom had told me to look Josh up because he was some distant cousin or something. I didn't want to announce that I was pregnant with his kid! Quil's grandpa looked me up and down. I had a big bruise on my face where Tom had hit me. Then he told me that Josh had left his wife and little boy months ago and never came back."
"I almost passed out right there! The words, 'wife and little boy' kept ringing in my head. I remember turning around and getting back in my car and thinking 'Now what?' I drove to the housing office and asked if there was a small house for rent anywhere in LaPush. The guy showed me this house. I put down a deposit and stayed. Where else was I going to go? I figured if Josh ever did make his way back here again, I'd be waiting for him, with his son." The tears ran again.
I had tears running down my face, too. I had my head in my hands.
"Do you see why I couldn't tell you this when you were 11? Embry, I wanted to tell you, but I was too afraid. I didn't want to look into those beautiful eyes of yours and see you look at me, thinking I'm a whore. I couldn't take that."
I looked over at her and said, "God, Mom. I don't think that! I would never think that."
She smiled and said, "That's good to hear."
I reached over and pulled her into a hug. I held onto her as she cried. Then she pulled back and said, "And I know you can't possible think anything good about your dad. I really don't know what was going on with him. Those few days I spent with him, he had moments when he was very quiet. I knew that something was bothering him, but he never wanted to talk about it. I had no idea he was married, but I suppose I should have guessed. He never mentioned a wife, or little boy." She wiped her eyes and went on softly, "I would see Sam and his mom sometimes in the store, or at the beach. I remember her staring at you one time when you were about 4 or 5. You already looked a little like Sam, and I was worried she would figure it out. Maybe she did, but she never said anything. I always wondered if Josh did come back, if he would he go to her or me. I guess we'll never know." She looked over at me and for the first time I could see all the pain that was in her heart.
"I'm so sorry, Mom. I . . ."
She reached out and brushed my bangs off of my forehead. "Embry. I don't ever want you to feel like I didn't want you. You were not a mistake, OK? You were conceived in love, and I have always loved you. I know I haven't always been here for you. I mean, it's hard having to work and everything. I had to give up a lot of time with you, and I always hated it. I guess I can see why that makes you a little rebellious, staying out all night, and . . ."
"No, Mom, that's not why. I . . . " God! I wish I could just tell her about the werewolf thing. I hated that she didn't know. "Look, Mom. I can't explain right now, but just know that I'm not in trouble, OK?" I thought again about asking Sam about telling my mom about the wolf thing. "I love you, Mom. I'm sorry that things didn't turn out right for you . . . and me. But, thank you for telling me this. I did need to hear it."
I ran my hands through my hair. "Um, Mom, just so you know, I told Sam, that he's my brother. I needed for him to know."
"How did he take it?" she asked me with concern.
I smiled and said, "I couldn't believe it, Mom. He accepted me. Just like that. He told me that he always wanted a brother. He grew up with just a mom, too. He told me that I was his blood, and that makes me his family. And he always takes care of his family." I wiped the tears out of my eyes. "It's cool, Mom. It's very cool."
"I'm happy, honey, that he took it so well. I'm glad you have each other. I think Josh would be happy to know that both of his sons have each other."
"Hmph! I don't know about that. But, anyway, it's nice to have a big brother to talk to. And before too long, I'll be an uncle. Sam and Emily are having a baby! She's due in January or February, I think."
"Really? Are they married yet?"
"Not yet. The wedding is in a couple weeks or so. The, uh, baby wasn't planned," I said with a smile.
She smiled. "Yea, sometimes that happens." She reached out and hugged me. "I love you, Embry. So much!" She held me tight for a moment then let me go. "OK, enough of this. I need to get to bed. Work comes too early." She stood up and put her hand on my shoulder. "Goodnight, honey."
"Goodnight, Mom." Wow. What a story.
I picked up the piece of pizza that was laying on the table and threw it in the garbage. I knew I was too wired to sleep. I decided to go out for a run. I wanted to phase and run and just feel the freedom. I kicked off my shoes and threw my t-shirt on top of them. I opened and closed the door quietly then ran out to the door and headed for the woods.