Chapter 17

It had been six months since Reid had left and Luke felt the same. He still looked for Reid in the corridors at school and berated himself for getting his hopes up every single time. He was mourning their relationship, or fling as Reid had cruelly called it. He had fallen in love and to be wrenched out of such a deep infatuation like that was torture. He couldn't forgive Reid's words however hard he tried. They were harsh and concise; like Reid had been planning to break his heart from the very start.

Casey, Alison, Noah and Maddie had all tried to lift his spirits without knowing exactly what was going on. Luke told them it was trouble with his parents and, due to precedent circumstances; they took that as the truth. They didn't notice how Luke rarely smiled anymore and when he did it, it was a weak twitch of his lips. He never went to the movie nights they organised unless he knew for sure that it wasn't a romantic film. He detached himself from writing about love and relationships and found himself focussing on non-fiction, reading up on history and geography. He quit Biology because even the classroom reminded him of Reid.

Everything reminded him of Reid. He couldn't even eat sandwiches without his stomach squeezing and his heart plummeting. The bastard had taken bloody sandwiches.

Lily remained in denial over the entire situation. She had Damian to back her up if she ever found herself questioning her actions. Damian had decided to stay in the Lakeview until Luke got better. She constantly told herself that it was for the greater good. Why couldn't her son wait a few years until he was sure that he was gay? How did Luke know for sure? Dr Oliver may have confused Luke into thinking he was. Even if Luke had come out months before he had met Dr Oliver, perhaps it was Reid who made Luke feel so sure about how he felt about men.

Lucinda had noticed a stark change in her daughter's behaviour towards her eldest son. Lily seemed more attentive around Luke, always trying to find something to distract him from his misery. But a grandmother could always tell when something was going on behind the scenes. Lucinda needed to speak to Luke about what was going on. Maybe she could be the one he would feel comfortable confiding in.

Reid and Martin had spent the past months pouring over the case that had caused Reid's medical license to have been revoked. Reid was distracting himself from Luke and Martin could see the signs of pure exhaustion. He knew that Reid hadn't been sleeping; Reid's face could tell him that. But he also knew Reid was hurting. He had destroyed the man who he had fallen in love with and Martin could tell it was killing Reid inside.

'Reid!' Martin shouted for the third time.

'What?' Came a muffled reply from Reid's bedroom. He had managed to rent an apartment near Martin. Naturally, Martin had managed to get an extra key made just in case situations like these arose.

'Get up! We have to get to your old hospital to get the referral from your old Chief of Staff, remember?' He opened Reid's bedroom and kicked the end of Reid's bed, hoping to shake him awake.

'Oh shit. Overt your eyes.' Reid rubbed his eyes and got out of bed. He was only wearing boxers and Martin turned around to face the door.

'Just hurry up!' He called into the bathroom where Reid was already running water.

'Make me and sandwich and we'll be on our way!'

'I'm not your wife, Reid.'

'I know. You'd be even more sexually frustrated if that were true.' Reid stuck his head out of the bathroom.

'Just get in the shower and I'll make your bloody sandwich.'

Martin began picking up old plates and cups around the room until he saw the bin. It was overflowing with scrunched up pieces of paper. Martin checked behind him and made sure that Reid was still in the shower. He put the plates down on the nearby desk and unscrunched the top ball of paper.

Dear Luke,

I lied. I can't tell you why I had to say those things and run away, it would only hurt you more. I had to hurt you. I do love you and I don't think I'll ever stop. I know you can't forgive me but I need to have closure. You're everywhere I go. I close my eyes and all I can see is you. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. Please let me go.

I love you.

Martin managed to make out the words although the words were written in Reid's almost illegible scribble and they had been crossed out violently. Every single sheet had a similar sentiment. They all showed how much Reid ached for Luke but knew he could never send the letters.

Reid leant his head against the wet tiles in the shower. They were cool and they felt soothing against his boiling skin. He felt like he was crawling out of himself. He'd never felt like this before; this feeling of being constantly lost without another human. Martin was waiting for him to get out of the shower but Reid couldn't bring himself to detach from the wall. He remembered the first time Luke had slept in his apartment. They had showered afterwards for almost an hour. They concentrated on discovering each other's bodies. Reid sighed heavily and tried to loosen the knots that had been tight around his stomach since December.

It was cold outside, even if it was Dallas. The sweaty heat of summer replaced with a cool wind that chilled Reid's soul. Reid turned off the water and shook out his hair.

Martin noticed the water shutting off and he hastened to try and replicate how the bin looked before he had snooped. He picked up the plates and tried to leave the room without notifying Reid. He was obviously hurting enough; Martin didn't want Reid to know he knew how much.

He pondered whether he should tell Mia. Being siblings they had always been friends but they never got on very well. From what Martin could gather, Mia was always the more outgoing of the too. She was the one invited to parties; Reid was the studious of the two. Not that he was the brightest. In exams he excelled but in human interaction and knowing how people work, Mia was far superior. Reid could brag all he wanted but he would never know how the human heart worked as well as Mia.

Lucinda's house was a short walk for Luke. He had moved back into the farm with Holden having decided that he couldn't stand his mother's hovering and Damian's presence any longer. Holden was pleased but was immediately drawn to his son's change in behaviour. He wasn't moody or angry; Luke was simply not 'Luke' anymore. He was withdrawn and closed, like before he came out and this worried Holden. He didn't want Luke to start drinking again over something that he wasn't even aware of.

Luke walked slowly to his grandmother's house. She had invited him over for dinner without Lily for once. It appeared she had given up on trying to reconcile them. He walked up the grand road to the familiar large mansion at the end. He lifted the large bronze knocker on the door and stepped back. His feet rocking as he waited to enter.

'Luke! Come in darling!' Lucinda greeted when she saw Luke.

'Hello, grandmother.' Luke said in a tone that didn't express much excitement.

He was led into the main living room where he had spent some of his childhood running around and knocking over expensive ornaments. He sat down on the sofa and held a floral pillow to his chest. Lucinda sat opposite him and waited for him to beginning knowing that he was dying to tell someone what the problem was.

'Luke, I can tell something is the matter. I won't judge just tell me.' She said turning to him and resting her elbow against the back of the sofa.

'Nothing, grandmother. I'm fine.' He lied.

'Well either you tell me what is going on or I find out. And you know I can find out anything.' She waited for a beat to see if Luke would react. He looked into her eyes and smiled.

'I do know.'

'Darling, I can tell it's hurting you so why don't you just let it out?'

Luke sighed and he began.

'It's about a guy. I can't tell you his name but I fell in love with him. Real love, grandmother, and I thought he felt the same way but it turned out he was just using me.'

'Did you meet him at school?'

'Kind of. We had that immediate attraction, although he tried to deny it for a while.'

'Was he still in the closet?'

'No. I thought it was because of the situation we were in.'

'And you can't tell me about the situation.'

'No. But we were together for about four months.'

'A long time for young love.' Luke smiled at her.

'Yes.'

'Luke, did you sleep with him?' Luke looked down and blushed.

'Yes. Almost immediately after we got together.'

'Then what happened?'

'He texted me saying he needed to see me and he broke up with me. Said he only wanted sex and he never really loved me.'

'And you think he was lying?'

'I don't know what to think. When we were together he was so gentle and caring.' He blushed and avoided her eyes, 'To me it felt like we were making love.'

'Darling, how did he look while he was saying those horrible things?'

'Cold, distance and expressionless. As though he wasn't really participating with the conversation; like he didn't care.'

'I think you need to find this man and ask him why he used you and then told you in such a hurtful way.'

'He's left town, grandmother. I'll never see him again.'

'Then maybe you need to get over him, darling.'

'I can't. Before that afternoon he was the most amazing person I'd ever met. I can't stop loving him. I can't even stop thinking about him for more than a minute.'

'As a grandmother I have to say: stop hurting yourself, honey. I think you just need to forget about him and move on.'

'I think that's the only way I'm going to survive.' She patted his knee.

'Come on. Let's have dinner.'