Angel Beats! エンジェルビーツ!

Our Beats Incarnate

Book II: The Beachfront

Chapter 6: Memories and Futures

-o-O-o-

One Week Later…

-o-O-o-

Kanade dragged her heavy wheeled luggage through the door to her apartment and dumped it unceremoniously off to one side, not even bothering to take it all the way into her home before disregarding it completely and closing the door behind her.

She was running on almost complete autopilot as she passed from the confined hallway and into the main living room, numb to the world and acting purely out of habit. When she passed by her phone and answer machine she noticed that there were a few messages waiting for her, the small digital display blinking at her with its angry red light. She pressed the "Play Message" button without giving it so much as a second thought.

The first was from her mother, asking Kanade to give her a call once she was completely over the jetlag.

The second one was a mindless automated cold-call from some telemarketing company that had rung out long enough to just catch the answerphone. She didn't even wait until the message had ended before hitting the delete button.

The third and final message pulled Kanade completely out of her trance the moment the familiar voice began to speak.

"Hey, Kanade. Um, it's Yuzuru. I just… Well, I got your note. And now I'm calling you, obviously."

Kanade simply looked at the phone, barely even blinking.

"So, I guess I'm on a time limit here, right? Well, best make this prompt. I'm on the plane, barely away from you, and already I miss you like crazy. Really hope that doesn't sound too creepy…" there was an almost nervous pause, "Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't wait until I see you again. I really did fall in love with you, Kanade Tachibana. And I hope you grow to love me too. Until then, I guess I can dream."

Kanade felt her eyes begin to mist up and a lump grow in her throat. She was holding a hand over her mouth, trying in vain to hold back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her reserve.

"Well, guess I'd better go. The "Seatbelts On" sign just lit up. Seems we're expecting turbulence. See you soon, Kanade. I hope you're smiling when you get this. Just know I'm thinking about you. Bye."

At that moment, reality seemed to come crashing down all around Kanade, and her world simply fell apart. Tears overflowed, and her sorrow overwhelmed her.

I love you too, Yuzuru.

And she would never get to tell him.

-o-O-o-

Some weeks later…

-o-O-o-

Kanade stood nervously outside the door of a house she'd never actually visited before, hands anxiously toying with the cuffs of her blouse and the little pearlescent button there. Being there was undoubtedly the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, but her determination to simply attend had given her the courage to see it through.

But it still felt like an eternity between her ringing the doorbell and anybody coming to answer the door. It gave her far too much time to fall victim to her own doubts, and for a moment she wondered if her resolve would falter and crack.

When the door did eventually open, it revealed to Kanade vibrant orange hair and two deep cupreous eyes so startlingly familiar that it caused her to freeze for a moment, her breath catching in her throat. It was a girl. But she looked so much like…

"Hello?" the girl spoke up uncertainly, looking Kanade up and down as she simply stood there, "Can I help you?"

"Otonashi…" Kanade barely whispered.

"Yes. Otonashi residence. I'm Hatsune. And you are?"

It took Kanade a full moment to completely gather up her wits, struck as she was by the close resemblance Hatsune held to Yuzuru. But then, that obviously meant she was in the right place, "I… I'm Kanade…"

"Oh!" Hatsune's eyes lit up in recognition, "Kanade! We spoke over the phone the other day. Please," Hatsune stepped to one side, gesturing to Kanade welcomingly, "Come inside."

With a nod, the platinum-haired girl accepted the offer and stepped into the apartment, "I'm not too late, am I?"

"No." Hatsune placed an arm around her, reassuringly, "No, you're just in time. Everybody is here."

And she led her out of the hall, deeper into the house.

-o-O-o-

The room was filled almost to capacity with people, all seemingly hanging around in groups of three or four, conversing at a respectfully quiet murmur. Whatever function it usually served, it had obviously been cleared of furniture to make room for all the people in attendance. At one end there was a long narrow table, adorned with a small buffet almost fit for a party. At the opposite end, a shorter, broader table decorated with pictures of Yuzuru and his various friends – obviously fond memories – and several lit candles to illuminate the scene.

Hatsune introduced Kanade to a few of the people who had turned up. But names and faces blurred far too easily out of focus as her mind wandered. Yuri, Yui, Hinata. It was a lot to take in all at once, and she soon found herself alone and off to one side with her thoughts, casting the occasional glance across the room at that picture-filled table and the people who seemed to go up to it and say their piece.

It was a funeral of sorts, or perhaps something better described as a wake, since there had been no body found. Kanade tried to not think like that. It was grim, and she'd been there too many times as of late. So she forced herself to stay firmly entrenched in the present, watching the room, the people and the table. And simply biding her time.

When there was a brief gap in the visitors to the table, Kanade took her turn for a quiet moment alone with Yuzuru. She approached it silently, and simply looked across it, taking everything in. All the happy memories there made her wonder about all the things she hadn't known about him, and then again about all the things she had learned. But mostly, she thought about all of the memories that he wouldn't get to make in the future. All of the precious opportunities lost, for both Yuzuru and those closest to him in his life.

And of course, she thought of the memories that they could have made together.

The idle chatter of the room seemed to fade entirely into the background as Kanade's attention focussed solely on one photo in particular. It was just Yuzuru, smiling warmly, seemingly caught off-guard by whoever had been holding the camera. It was an easy grin, betraying sincere and genuine mirth in that one instance, the sort that can only be captured in such a spontaneous photo. Such moments existed fleetingly, and were often so very difficult to catch.

But this one was… Perfect.

"I wasn't entirely sure what I'd say to you today," Kanade admitted softly to that one picture, "But Hatsune told me about her plans for today over the phone; a chance to relive fond memories, and to say goodbye."

Of course, the picture didn't answer her. But it did a pretty good job of just listening. That helped.

"Honestly, Yuzuru, I don't want to say goodbye. I want to say hello to you. I wanted to wake up from this dream, find myself safe and warm in your arms, and never have to let go of you ever again. I wanted to tell you that…"

The growing lump in her throat threatened to choke her and deprive her of this moment, but she fought hard to control it. There were some things she wanted to say. Some things she needed to say.

"I brought you this." Reaching into her pocket, Kanade retrieved a small picture to add to the collection on the table. It was tiny, really. About the size of a passport photo, taken in a booth somewhere on that island where last they'd met, not long after they'd completed some activity or other. With a delicate hand, she placed it beside the image she was talking to, "It's funny. I can't actually remember what we did that day, or where we ended up. Just that one moment lingers…"

Kanade felt a hand suddenly appear at her shoulder. She turned her head to look. Hatsune had made her way over to the table as well, standing silently yet reassuringly at Kanade's side, encouraging her to continue. Kanade simply nodded before returning her gaze to the photo-laden table.

"I didn't really know you for long," Kanade admitted quietly, "But almost from the very beginning it felt as if I'd known you for a lifetime. Meeting at the resort, when you almost shot me with that arrow… It didn't feel like you were saying hello. It was more like, "We meet again", even amongst the apologies and the dinner offer."

There was a light chuckle from Kanade's other side. But she didn't pause to look.

"The next two weeks we spent together meant a lot to me, getting to know one-another so well. But I think… I think by the end of that first week, I knew I was in love with you. I just wish I could tell you that right now, so you'd know in the same way I do."

The reassuring squeeze Hatsune offered gave her the strength she needed.

"The days we spent together… You were like a beacon of light in my life, promising to make the future bright and glorious. I know… I know you're gone now. But you'll be with me for the rest of my life. You're in my heart now, Yuzuru."

She placed a tender kiss at the tip of her fingers, and lightly brushed it across the smiling picture of Yuzuru, imparting all the love and bittersweet sorrow she felt into a simple, single loving gesture.

"And you always will be."

-o-O-o-

Many years later…

-o-O-o-

Seasons came and seasons passed, their inexorable flow yielding in turn to the years that came and went in their wake. And time in its passing forgets nobody, and leaves no soul untouched.

Kanade had never felt herself an exception to this rule, and as the years of her life became the decades of memory and experience she could now only look upon with a sense of warm nostalgia, she still resigned herself to the fact that some facets of her being were immutable, remaining completely unchanged and unassailable by the whims of time's gentle temper.

Most of all, it was her feelings, carried with her for a lifetime even as mind and memory threatened to fade to the ages.

"Nana Kanade!" a young voice chirped merrily, pulling her out of her reverie. A small girl, not much older than half a decade, stood before her with cupreous eyes wide and filled with wonder, "Would you like any cake, Nana Kanade?"

Kanade managed a small but earnest smile to the generous young child, "No thank you, sweetheart. But thank you for asking."

The little girl beamed ear to ear, in a way that only the innocence of youth would ever allow, before turning and skipping away in the direction of her other family members.

"No cake, huh?" a much more time-wearied tone interrupted Kanade's most recent thoughts before they could begin. Turning to look, Hatsune stood with an odd smirk on her lips, framed by lengthy locks that seemed to have lost some of their vibrant hue in recent years, settling for a streaked colouration that was erring on the silvery side of raw umber. Her eyes were the same as always, however, if seemingly a little wiser.

She didn't wait for Kanade to invite her to sit, instead simply taking the seat beside her old friend, knowing that her presence was welcome regardless.

"Unlike you to refuse a fine dessert."

"It's more for your grandchildren to enjoy." Kanade hummed softly, taking in the familial scene around her with no small measure of contentment. All bore the unmistakable trademark features of the wider Otonashi clan, with a few close friends thrown in for the current celebrations. Three generations at least filled the room, and Hatsune had spent most of the event playing the role of wise old kindly matriarch to the congregation of younglings currently assembled.

She always had loved being around children, especially her own and their offspring.

"Hey, now." Hatsune chided, "They don't call you Nana Kanade for nothing."

It was true, Kanade smiled gently as her mind passed through the years of her memory. Through their time spent together in seasons passed, Kanade and Hatsune had forged a close friendship, to the point that they each regarded the other as more a kindred sister than a mere friend. And the result of that had been Kanade featuring so prominently in the lives of Hatsune's children and grandchildren that they regarded her as their adoptive aunt and grandmother by that right alone.

Kanade herself had never actually married and started a family of her own. She simply hadn't felt the need to. It wasn't some misguided sense of devotion to a long lost lover. It wasn't her refusing to move on from the tragedies of her past and get on with her own life, perhaps to fall in love again.

No. And although that love had remained there, bright and bold as she'd known it always would, it had simply taken on a different form, manifest in the affections she felt for those presently gathered in the room around her.

They were her family.

"No regrets?" Hatsune asked, as if reaching into Kanade's head and plucking out her thoughts as she meandered through them. But it was no trick or supernatural psychic vibe. Hatsune could simply read her dearest friend that well.

"You know," Kanade began, looking around at the joy that filled that room. Family engaging in conversation; young children playing games together, and enjoying the plentiful bounty of a party buffet, "I could die tomorrow, happy, and with only one regret."

Hatsune raised an eyebrow, "What would that be?"

"Never telling your brother that I loved him."

Hatsune chuckled, placing her hand on Kanade's knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze, "Well, don't deprive us of your company just yet, old lady." She teased before rising carefully to her feet, a few of her joints creaking in protest, "There are a few people here who still need you."

Kanade chuckled to herself, watching Hatsune make her way over to where her grandchildren were playing.

"I'm not going anywhere."

There were still memories to be made.

-o-O-o-

Chapter 6: Memories and Futures

Author's Note: Didn't make you wait long for this one, did I? A brief wrap up of things, really. The epilogue of this book will follow hopefully in the not too distant future.