Chapter 2

Bella's POV

The glowing red numbers of the alarm clock read 5:46am as I wrestled with my covers, finally throwing one leg over the top. Sleep never came easy for me and last night was no exception. I had laid awake, caught up in my own thoughts, trying to make sense of my life. Even now, my head weighed heavy on my pillow, filled with indecision after a long night of soul searching.

Hearing my dad's cruiser pull out of the drive, I leaned my upper body off the bed and ran my fingers through the dust bunnies underneath. I was in desperate need of the 'solace' contained inside of the small box for which I was searching, and couldn't stop the smile when my fingers were met by its cold tin.

I sat the box on my bed and lifted the top, while the unmistakable stink of skunk weed hit my nose. The aroma made me sigh as I packed my pipe and inhaled the thick smoke. The burning was almost intolerable, singeing my lungs, expanding them beyond their capacity. The numbness was welcomed as I closed my eyes, returning to my thoughts, holding back the tears that were inevitable.

I dreaded everyday that involved school and the pretentious group of social vampires I had to be around. I hated my life and all the false pretenses it was based on. I was a fraud. For months I had been pretending to be someone else, wearing a mask of contentment to hide my misery.

This distorted perception of me as the wholesome Ms. Perfect, hanging off the star football player's arm, was tiring. Little did they know that I was really just a teenage dirtbag that enjoyed weed and the guilty pleasures of thrasher metal and junk food. I ate like shit due to the fact that I was an emotional eater.

Surrounded by the thick numbing smoke left by my 'solace', I nodded my head in acceptance as I realized what I had to do. My high began to dissipate as the reality of what I was planning to do took its place. I needed absolution. I needed to surrender myself at the foot of the sacrificial altar to show my penance. But first things first, I needed to rid myself of the source of all my discontent. My boyfriend, Jacob, had to go.

I slowly began to doze off when the sobering buzz of the alarm clock jolted me back to consciousness.

This was it, the day of a reckoning. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as if it was the last breath I would get today.

"No more pretending," I whispered to myself, as if saying it out loud would reinforce it.

I went to the bathroom, stopping at the mirror to lightly rub the dark circles under my eyes. I had read somewhere that excessive stress makes women look more haggard and; therefore, makes them age prematurely.

In that case, I should easily be able to pass for retirement age. With that in mind, I hopped in the shower to finalize my plans.

The morning flew by, and before I could get one leg in my ripped jeans, I was being summoned by a horn blowing relentlessly in my driveway. Jacob wasn't known for his patience or generosity. There was no giving with him, and to expect a few more minutes to get ready was pointless.

I huffed and quickly threw on an old t-shirt and grabbed a poptart and Dr. Pepper from the fridge. Throwing my messenger bag on my shoulder, I tripped out the front door.

I swear I was the only person I knew who can trip over air.

As I fell in slow motion, I waited to be stopped by a pair of arms and instead was stopped by the cement porch. I landed on my hands and knees, not able to hold back the scream that ripped from my throat. After I had exhausted all reserved oxygen from my lungs, I inhaled deeply to try and muster the strength to pull myself up. That was when I heard the low chuckle coming from the driveway. There, resting against his IROC Z28, was Jacob being accompanied by his obnoxious cocky grin.

"Are you just going to just stand there laughing at me or are you going to help me up?" I yelled with all the pinned up rage I'd been holding in for too damn long.

He shook his head and slowly, ever so slowly, crossed over to me and held out his hand.

"Asshole," I scoffed, at his 'too little too late' show of valiance.

I wanted to smack that fucking grin right off his face, but instead smacked his hand away and pushed myself back up to my feet.

As usual, he didn't open the door for me or waste his breath with a salutation of any sort. This was the case on most mornings, the air thick and silent. This morning, thankfully, the silence gave me an opportunity to settle the breakup plan in my head before being side tracked by the harpies at school.

As we made our way down the highway, I looked down at his hand gripping my upper thigh possessively. God, how did I ever let things get to this point?

I had moved from Arizona, the summer before my senior year, to live here in Forks with my dad. Charlie was great, but worked a lot as one of the more dutiful police officers on the force. Not knowing anyone here, I mostly stayed to myself. This didn't bother me, but I guess, bothered my dad. He arranged for me to meet his friend's son, Jacob, and I skeptically agreed.

He was a tall, overly muscular guy with long dark hair and a sweet smile. At least, I thought it was a sweet smile. I later saw it for what it was, a counterfeit attribute that was used to get what he wanted.

We went out a few times, just the two of us, and he seemed nice enough. I quickly noticed a slight dismissive attitude when it came to me which caused me to questioned his feelings. This being my first relationship, I wasn't sure how it all worked. I knew chivalry was dead and remembered how my mom and dad acted towards each other when they were married. That in mind, I decided that this was how it was supposed to be. There wasn't an electrifying jolt that I had expected to feel when I met the person I was meant to be with, but dismissed the odd feeling as me reading too many classic novels. Seeing how happy it made my dad, I decided to concede to the notion of me and Jacob.

Once school started I began to see him in a different light. I had never noticed how shallow and conceited he was until I was around him and his friends. If they weren't talking about people outside their group, they were talking about each other behind their backs. I wanted to scream, "For the love of God people! Are we back in junior high?"

I had always had friends from every spectrum of the social scale, but not since I started dating Jacob. He was an obnoxious social climber. The only people he associated himself with were those on Forks High's A list, and this list only consisted of the athletically inclined and their cheer squad.

By the time we arrived at school, I had pinpointed the exact time and location the breakup would occur.

At lunch I would ask my friend, Alice, for a ride home after school. I assumed Jacob wouldn't want me in his car after what all I had to say to him. Also, I didn't want to do it in public, so I would ask him to meet me in the meadow that was nestled in the woods behind the building. This was his preferred location when scheduling a make-out session and would cause the least amount of suspicion on his part. Thinking about all the times I had to act like I enjoyed his hand under my shirt and his boner poking me in my hip made me vomit in my mouth. He was always trying to find the key to unlock my legs and apparently he thought it was in my bra.

I stood beside him, looking around the lot at the clusters of groups scattered here and there and wondered where I would fit in once I was no longer with Jacob. My eyes being pulled to the other end of the lot, settled on a tall figure standing with his hands in his pockets. He was the epitome of perfection, a god-like statue of a man. As my eyes ran their way up the length of his body, I was startled to see that he was returning my stare with a crooked smile spreading across his face.

Does he know me? I thought to myself.

My brain began running through its catalog of familiar faces. His chiseled features and perfectly unkept hair were something I would have remembered. I couldn't help but imagine running my fingers through the mess and forcefully pulling him to me, feeling his body against mine.

What the hell was that all about?

Just as I began to feel consumed by him, I was jolted from my silent reverie by Jacob's obnoxious voice saying my name jokingly. I turned to him just as he began telling everyone about my very ungraceful fall this morning, breaking into fits of laughter. I blushed with embarrassment and looked down at my feet hiding my face behind my hair.

Once he earned a few laughs at my expense, he threw his arm around me to anchor me at his side.

"My little Bella, she could trip over the lines on a basketball court," he snickered, his compassion being lost in translation.

The last bell rang, signaling the start of the school day and the end of his hurtful badgering. I marched myself past him and up to the front doors, needing to distance myself before I dumped his ass right then and there.

At that thought, a smile spread across my face as an image flashed in my head of me, pulling into school in my old beastly truck with the sound of Mindless Self Indulgence's 'Stupid Mother Fucker' rocking out of my busted speakers.

This is dedicated to you, Jacob, the spokesman for stupid mother fuckers everywhere.